Tired Of Surviving

by Naomi Amanda

  “Remember last night?” I asked her. “Remember how you said you know when your best friend is falling for someone?”

  “What are you saying?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “What I’m saying is, Laura,” I started, glancing at Dayle. “I know you still like Dayle. I know you said yes to K.J. because you wanted to make him jealous and I know that you don’t talk to me about these things because you don’t want to burden me. But I can see that you still like him and he still likes you.”

  “Laura.” Dayle stepped forward and she looked at him, her eyebrows knit together. “I didn’t give you the attention you deserved and you deserve a lot. I know I was stupid, okay? But I really want to be with you. I’ve liked you since freshmen year and when I finally got you, I messed up. But if you can give me a second chance to make this right-”

  “Why didn’t you say these things before?” she asked him, raising an eyebrow. “You had weeks.”

  “I was scared, okay?” He groaned. “I didn’t know what to say. I needed time to think about what to do and then K.J. asked you to the dance and – and I guess I just needed a little push.”

  He looked at me and I nodded in approval.

  “Chey.” She looked at me and I couldn’t tell whether she was mad at me or whether she was going to break and just admit to liking him back.

  “Laur,” I countered. “You’ll regret it later if you don’t at least try. Give him another chance.”

  I felt Logan’s presence beside me and I turned to find him beside me, holding two cups of punch. I looked back at Laura and she sighed.

  “I’ll try if you try,” she told me and I felt a surge of courage.

  I knew Dayle was an idiot sometimes but I could also see that he really liked her. He had treated her well and the truth was, Laura just wanted more attention from him. And if he was ready to give her that, it was worth it. Laura had only ever loved one guy before and I knew Dayle could change that. I had already seen signs of it. I had just been too wrapped up in my problems to help her with it earlier.

  She looked at me and then looked at Logan. I knew what she was implying and I knew she meant it. If I didn’t try to be with Logan, she really wouldn’t accept Dayle. And when I looked at Dayle, I knew he expected me to do as she said.

  So I grabbed the cup of punch from Logan and swallowed it in two gulps, the liquid burning down my throat because, of course, someone had gone and spiked the punch.

  “Don’t drink that,” I told him, making a face and Laura burst out laughing.

  “It’s spiked, isn’t it?” she asked and I nodded solemnly.

  She swiped the second cup from Logan’s grasp and gulped it down, the rest of us staring at her. Then she kept the cup aside and raised an eyebrow at me, asking whether I was going to do as she said or not.

  So I sighed and entwined my fingers in his, ignoring the rush of warmth I felt course through my body. He looked at me and then down at our hands. Laura watched, a smile on her lips.

  “Let’s dance,” she told Dayle, taking his hand and I sighed in relief.

  “What the hell did I miss?” Logan asked, confused. “Where’s K.J.?”

  “Probably reading the bro code manual,” I joked. “Dance with me.”

  I felt my sudden courage mix with fear. We had come as a group but it was obvious that Logan was my date. And if it hadn’t been before, it would be once I slow danced with him. And it would only be a matter of time before Susan got a whiff of it but I had to give it a shot. For Laura. And for myself.

  He grinned, pulling me close and placed his other hand on my waist. I felt his hand run up my back, the tingly feeling passing through my body and settling in my stomach.

  “I was waiting for this the whole night.” He pulled me closer and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Chey, there are things I need to talk to you about but-”

  “I really like you, Logan,” I murmured, the words rolling off my tongue without second thought even though my heart was slamming against my ribcage.

  I felt him stiffen at the sound of my words and my stomach knotted up. Had I just ruined the moment by saying that? I stopped dancing, preparing myself for him to pull away until I felt his hand slip higher and stopping at the nape of my neck.

  “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” he whispered in my ear and I felt my knees turn to jelly. “I thought I’d have to confess my undying for you and honestly, I was ready to piss myself.”

  I let out a short laugh in his ear and felt him stiffen as my breath touched his neck.

  “I love your laugh,” he whispered into my hair. “It’s so rare and beautiful.”

  “Logan,” I tried hard not to smile.

  “I’m getting too cheesy, aren’t I?” He chuckled. “Sorry. I really like you, too, Cheyenne. Honestly, I always have, ever since we were kids.”

  “Don’t tell me you longed for me even after you moved away,” I joked and I felt him pull me closer.

  “I kind of did for a while,” he admitted. “I tried to date other girls but none of them were you. You don’t know how happy I was when my parents told me that we were moving back. I kept praying that you’d still be here and as soon as we came back, I heard people talking about you. You were so popular in town and I tried so hard not to appear at your doorstep.”

  “Chey,” Laura interrupted, making us jump apart. “Okay, you guys are awkward.”

  “What is it?” I asked, my cheeks turning hundred shades of red when I noticed that Ava and Marika were with her, too.

  “Let’s bail,” she said simply. “This place is bo-ring.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. She finally looked happy – like actually happy – not a fake smile she plastered on for her parents or for the pictures.

  “Do you guys want to come over to my place?” Logan asked suddenly. “My parents are out of town. We can chill out at my house.”

  “There’s an after party, too,” Laura said with an evil glint in her eyes.

  “We’re not getting drunk and going back to your house.” I shook my head no. “Your parents have been so nice to let me stay over all week. I don’t want to disappoint them.”

  “If you don’t come, you’ll disappoint me.” Laura’s smile disappeared and I frowned at her. “It’ll be fun.”

  “The last time you said that, I had to hold your hair back while you threw up in some random guy’s bathroom.” I rolled my eyes at her.

  “Stop rolling your eyes so much.” Marika laughed. “They’ll pop out of your sockets one of these days.”

  “How about this?” Logan suggested. “We go check out the after-party and then head to my house instead. Tell your parents it’s a sleepover.”

  “That’s actually a good idea.” Laura grinned. “I’ll go ask them now.”

  She turned to head outside, Dayle trailing behind but I turned my stone cold glare on Logan.

  “Are you crazy?” I asked him. “She’s going to get piss drunk and throw up.”

  “We’ll handle her.” Marika threw a hand around my shoulder. “Live a little, Chey. Come on, let’s go have some fun!”

  Marika led me out of the gym, Ava and Logan in tow. We found Laura and Dayle in the parking lot, a smile spread across her lips. No one needed to ask what her parents had said because it was obvious they had given her permission to do whatever she wanted for one night.

  “The after party is at Jay’s house,” Dayle told us. “Kendall, do you know the way?”

  Logan nodded, putting an arm around my shoulder.

  “Let’s go. Marika and Ava can ride with us this time.”

  Ava and Marika piled into the backseat of Logan’s car while I slipped into the passengers’ side. Logan closed the door for me and then made his way around to the drivers’ side and started the car. Dayle had already backed out of his parking space and was driving toward the gate when Logan backed out to follow him.

  “I’ve never been to a house party,” Ava
admitted. “Should I be nervous?”

  “Not when you’re with us.” I laughed. “Just stay close and don’t drink anything anyone offers you unless you see them pour the drink.”

  “Are you saying there are drugs involved at the parties?” Ava asked, sounding terrified.

  “I’m sure the parties in New York were crazier,” I told her and she shook her head violently.

  “I never attended any.”

  “Don’t scare her!” Marika scolded and Logan laughed.

  “She should know what she’s getting into,” he defended me. “And I think it’s only Laura we have to worry about.”

  “She has Dayle to control her,” Marika pointed out. “And by the way, you guys have some explaining to do.”

  It took four songs and three of us girls singing our heads off before we neared Jay’s house. And the party looked like it was already at its peak. The music was booming so loud, we could hear it from two houses away and when we actually caught a glimpse of the house, there were students pouring outside because it was too full inside.

  “You’re not claustrophobic, are you?” Logan asked me jokingly and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Kidding. Just hold my hand, okay?”

  I caught a glance of Marika grinning from the backseat as we got out of the car and into the cool air outside. I smiled back when I noticed that she was holding Ava’s hand. Things were starting to look up.

  Chapter 15

  Claustrophobic was an understatement. It was impossible to breathe inside. Everyone was stuck together, dancing, sweaty and drunk when we tried to make our way inside to find Laura and Dayle.

  It felt like a miracle when we reached the kitchen and found the two of them – Laura on the kitchen counter with Dayle between her legs, the two of them making out.

  “Get a room,” Marika called out jokingly, making them pull away.

  I laughed, shaking my head as I walked around the counter to find a cooler of drinks.

  “Beer?” I asked my friends and they nodded.

  I handed each of them a bottle of beer before popping one open for myself. I had barely ever drank alcohol before. One – because I didn’t particularly like the taste of, well, anything and two – because I never really got to go out much. Therefore, my capacity was – how do you say it – close to zero.

  So two strong beers later, I was pretty tipsy. Well, tipsy enough that I had lost count of how much Laura had drunk and had possibly lost her in the crowd.

  “I think it’s time to go.” Logan laughed in my ear, completely sober because all he had drunk was one beer. After all, he had to drive us back to his house.

  “Why?” I whined. “But we’re having so much fun!”

  I stumbled, bumping into someone who sent me a dirty look. I felt Logan’s arm go around my waist, pulling me closer to his body while I tried to dance like a crazy person.

  “Because you’re drunk and if Laura-” He nodded toward my best friend who I spotted at the beer keg, doing a handstand and chugging the beer straight from the spray. “-drinks anymore, I think we’re going to have a problem.”

  “Okay, I think it’s time to go.” Ava appeared next to us, grabbing my hand. “I can’t handle her anymore.”

  I turned to look in the direction Ava was pointing to and found Marika standing on a table top, dancing crazily. She started shimmying and twerking and I had to close my eyes, feeling embarrassed for her.

  “I’ll go get Marika,” I told Logan. “You go drag Laura away from the alcohol and we’ll meet at your car outside.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked, letting me go gingerly and I nodded, trying to act more sober than I was.

  He watched me until I disappeared in the crowd to help Ava get Marika off the table. Ava held onto my arm as we weaved our way through the crowd and eventually we were standing in front of Marika.

  “Babe, get down,” I told her. “It’s time to go.”

  “Go where?” she asked but didn’t stop dancing. “I want to dance.”

  “You can dance where we’re going, too,” I lied. “Don’t make me come up there.”

  “Will you come up and dance with me?” she asked with a hoot. “Who wants to see Cheyenne dance?” she screamed into the crowd, receiving multiple whistles and hoots.

  “Marika Torrez!” I yelled. “What the hell are you doing? Get off the table!”

  But by then, some moron had started chanting my name and then everyone was in on it. Jay – the tall, muscular, blonde haired host of the party – appeared beside me.

  “Better give the people what they want,” he told me and I could smell the alcohol in his breath. “Here, drink this and give the people what they’re asking for.”

  He grabbed me by the chin, titled my head back and poured a burning liquid down my throat. I tried to fight back but it had already made its way down my throat. I spluttered the gross tasting alcohol. It tasted like nothing I had ever drunk before – bitter and disgusting – and I instantly felt a buzz in my head.

  “Come dance with me.” Marika had gotten off the table just to drag me back up with her.

  Before I could even try to think straight, I was on the table, dancing with Marika as the crowd cheered our names. About one and a half songs later, I noticed that Ava was gone and Logan stood in her place.

  “Chey, we were supposed to get her off the table,” he scolded. “Not get on the table and dance with her.”

  “Logan!” I cooed and bent down, my thoughts fuzzy and my head dizzy. “I think I lo-”

  I felt my ankle twist slightly, sending me off the table and into Logan’s arms. He caught me, stumbling back, my face in the crook of his neck as he tried to hold me up.

  “That’s it.” He sighed. “It’s time to go. Marika, if you don’t get off that table, we’re leaving without you.”

  “No!” I heard Marika exclaim as she scrambled off the table.

  I tried to talk myself into walking straight and acting sober but I couldn’t even manage to take a wobbly step. Logan kept an arm around me but couldn’t manage to help me walk.

  “Did she have something else to drink?” I heard Logan ask Marika as my eyes closed involuntarily.

  I felt extremely sleepy, like I was about to pass out any second.

  “Yeah, Jay forced something down her throat,” Marika told him. “I didn’t see what it was.”

  “Jay?!” Logan demanded, his voice loud in my ear, making me groan. “Absinthe. He’s been going around with it. Chey, what am I going to do with you?”

  I felt lighter as Logan slipped an arm under my knees, picking me off the floor, weaving his way through the crowd with me in his arms. In my head, I kept trying to tell myself that I was okay and that I shouldn’t pass out.

  The cold breeze made me shiver as Logan carried me out of the house and onto the street to his car.

  “What the heck?” I heard Dayle ask. “What’s wrong with her? She only drank two beers.”

  “Jay forced absinthe down her throat,” Marika informed them.

  “What?!” I heard Laura demand at the same time Ava asked whether I was okay.

  “Chey, don’t fall asleep,” Logan whispered in my ear. “We need to sober you down or you’re going to have a horrible hang over.”

  “I’ll drive,” Dayle said quickly. “You keep her awake.”

  I heard the rattling of keys as Logan threw his car keys to Dayle and then I felt him carefully lower me into the car seat. I heard four doors slam and then we were moving.

  “Chey, open your eyes,” I heard Laura speak into my ear. “Seriously? And you guys were worried about me.”

  “I didn’t have time to stop him,” Marika yelled in her defense. “And she couldn’t do anything. He literally held her by the chin and poured it down her throat.”

  “I’m going to kill him on Monday.” Laura groaned. “Chey, open your eyes. Logan, do something!”

  “What should I do?” he asked and I tried to peel my eyes open. “Chey, come on,”

 
I felt him shift next to me, his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his warmth. He was just making me more comfortable which was making me sleepier.

  “Should I scare her sober?” Laura suggested. “Like tell her that Susan’s here?”

  I felt a rumble in my throat as I groaned, burying my face in Logan’s shirt.

  “Shut up, Laur,” Logan snapped from beside me. “Dayle, take left and then a right and go up the hill.”

  I think I zonked out for a while because the next thing I knew, I was being laid on something soft and comfortable. I felt someone slip my heels off.

  “I’ll go get some water,” I heard Ava say.

  “Logan, do you have something I can change her into?” Laura sounded like she was standing close to me.

  “Yeah, here,” he said and then I heard a door close.

  “Come on,” Laura grunted as she tried to make me sit up. “You’ve seriously got to learn to fight back, Chey.”

  She unzipped my dress and started to slip it off me, pulling a soft textured article of clothing over my head and pulling it down to cover my legs.

  “I can’t put these pants on you.” She sighed, making me lay down again.

  I felt her pull a soft comforter over my body and she stroked my hair, moving it to one side.

  “Are you done?” I heard someone ask from outside then the door opened. “I brought her some water.”

  “I’ll take care of her,” I heard Logan say. “I kept some clothes for all of you to change into so go freshen up. The last two rooms down the hall are guest rooms.”

  “I think Marika already passed out in one of them,” Ava said. “I think I’ll change and pass out, too. Laura, Dayle’s asking for you.”

  “Are you sure you can handle her?” Laura asked him one last time.

  “Yeah, you guys go rest,” he told them and I heard a door shut. “Chey, can you drink some of this?”

  I felt him support my head up and he pressed something cold to my lips. I tried my hardest to sip what he was feeding me but I wasn’t sure whether I was actually swallowing. I tried to peel my eyes open, only to stare into the darkness of the room.