The Mending

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  Malinda agreed, but merely nodded. Should she confide in her mamm? Becky didn’t say not to tell anyone. She didn’t make her promise to keep any secrets. Besides, if Becky took a notion to set out right away, everyone would know.

  “Was ist letz, Dochder?”

  Malinda shrugged. “I’m all right, Mamm. I’ll get to the laundry.” She took two steps, her black sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor.

  “Malinda Stauffer, you wait one minute! I know when something is wrong with you.”

  Slowly Malinda turned around to face her mamm. Why did she have to have one of those faces that mirrored her every thought? Why did her mamm have the capability of reading her like a book? Maybe that was a skill that came with motherhood. She supposed if she had five sons like Mamm did, she’d learn a thing or two about the working of her kinners’ minds, too. And she and Mamm had always been close, so Mamm would naturally pick up on her moods.

  Malinda sighed for about the millionth time this morning. “Nothing is wrong with me, Mamm.”

  “But?”

  “Mamm, I don’t know what to do about Becky.” The words flew from her mouth.

  “Why do you have to do anything at all about Becky? I think she needs her parents or the ministers or Bishop Menno to straighten her out.”

  “I don’t think any of them know her plans.”

  “And you do?”

  “I know what she just told me.”

  “What was that?”

  Malinda hesitated for a moment. “Well, she didn’t make me promise not to tell, and somebody has to do something!” Malinda dragged in a deep breath and repeated the gist of Becky’s tale. “What should I do, Mamm? Something bad could happen to her, running around all alone.”

  “It’s a wonder you’re concerned about her after the way she treated you—stealing your beau the minute you left town.”

  “That was just as much Isaac’s fault, ain’t so? I don’t think Isaac and I were right for each other, anyway. It’s best the way things worked out.”

  Saloma raised an eyebrow in question but didn’t pursue that subject. “Do you think Isaac will go with Becky?”

  “He’s a church member now.”

  “He wouldn’t be the first to change his mind and jump the fence.”

  “Surely he wouldn’t do that, Mamm.”

  “After you finish hanging out that last load of laundry and I finish my dinner preparations, maybe we’ll take a little drive over to the Zooks’ house. We might have to make a little visit to the Hostetlers, too. We can leave it up to their parents then.”

  “Okay, Mamm. Danki.”

  * * *

  During the entire ride to the Zooks’ farm, Malinda sat on her hands to keep from picking at her fingernails. Mamm must have sensed her trepidation. Every now and again she would cast a sideways glance at Malinda.

  “It’s all right, dear.” Saloma reached over to pat Malinda’s knee. “You didn’t betray any confidences. I would certainly want to know if one of my kinner planned to go off on some wild goose chase.”

  Malinda nodded. She knew her parents would do everything in their power to dissuade one of them from traipsing off into the unknown. “Maybe Becky will be there working alongside her mamm, and we could just go home.”

  “That would be nice, but that Becky Zook is a pretty headstrong girl. She may have her parents wrapped around her little finger like she has most of the fellows at one time or another. I’m thankful Sam and Atlee never fell prey to her charms.”

  Or Timothy, Malinda almost added. “Do you think Sam and Emma will get married this fall?” Malinda desperately needed to divert her attention.

  “Of course, I wouldn’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if they did.”

  “I like Emma.”

  “She’s a nice girl. I think she’ll make a fine fraa for Sam. It’s about time for Atlee to think of settling down, too.”

  “That’s hard to imagine.” Malinda smiled. Atlee always liked to laugh and joke. The thought of all her bruders moving out and leaving her alone with their parents was a hard pill to swallow. She didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. She would have to figure out a way to earn money to pay for her medication and doctor appointments.

  Malinda pushed the image of Timothy’s bluer than blue eyes and his caring expression out of her mind. She was glad he’d never gotten together with Becky Zook, but she couldn’t lead him on, either. The Lord Gott hadn’t seen fit to remove her thorn despite her desperate pleas, so she needed to resign herself to spending her life alone. She’d worry about that later. Right now, she had to figure out what to say to Becky if she was at home, or worse yet, to Becky’s parents if she was gone.

  She heard muffled sniffling sounds the instant she and Saloma stepped inside the back door of the Zooks’ house. She elbowed her mamm. “Someone’s crying.”

  Saloma grabbed Malinda’s hand and pulled her along as she hurried into the house. “Sylvia! It’s Saloma and Malinda.” Louder sniffles came in reply. Saloma sped through the kitchen to the living room, still tugging Malinda along with her. She dropped Malinda’s hand and rushed to where Sylvia Zook was rocking in a big oak chair with an embroidered pillow clutched to her chest. Tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped off her chin. Malinda tiptoed closer, but remained in the background, happy to let Saloma handle this situation.

  “What is it, Sylvia?”

  “My b-boppli.” Sylvia sniffed again.

  Mamms referred to all their kinner as bopplin, but Malinda was pretty sure which of her seven Sylvia meant.

  “What happened?” Saloma asked.

  “Sh-she’s gone. Sh-she said she wanted to see other things, visit new places. Sh-she just up and left.”

  “All alone?”

  “She called an Englisch driver, not one of our usual ones. She didn’t give up her cell phone when she started baptismal classes.”

  “Do you know where she wanted to go? Maybe we can see if relatives or acquaintances can look out for her.”

  “She mentioned Philadelphia, New York, and I don’t remember where else. I-I tried to talk her out of leaving. I told her we could arrange for her to visit family in Ohio or Indiana or even Florida. She said she didn’t want to visit any Amish communities.” At this, Sylvia broke down and sobbed.

  Saloma knelt beside the rocking chair and gathered the grieving woman in her arms. In between sobs, Sylvia sputtered, “Why couldn’t she join the church like the others?”

  “Some take a little longer to make the decision.” Saloma patted the heaving back of the woman she was holding. “We’ll pray for her.”

  “Amos headed over to the bishop’s place as soon as Becky left. He doted on our dochder, you know.”

  “I’m sorry Becky left.” Malinda spoke softly.

  “Did you know about this?” Sylvia raised her tear-streaked face to look into Malinda’s eyes.

  “Becky showed up at our house a little while ago.” Malinda relayed to Sylvia what had transpired between the two young women. “I tried to get her to change her mind.”

  “We hoped we’d get here before Becky took off,” Saloma added.

  Sylvia drew in a shaky breath. “She stormed in, blurted out her announcement, and grabbed a few belongings. By that time, a car was blowing its horn in the driveway.” Fresh tears filled her eyes. “D-Do you think Isaac went with her?”

  “She told me she would go alone now that Isaac joined the church,” Malinda answered.

  “At least she won’t be under the ban, Sylvia,” Saloma said soothingly. “She’ll be free to return at any time. Lots of young folks do crazy things during their rumspringa.”

  “Not many run off. At least not many here,” Sylvia replied.

  “We’ll pray she kumms to her senses soon.”

  By the time they left Sylvia, Malinda felt like she’d been dragged by a horse. Exhaustion, jangled nerves, and an aching stomach plagued her. She prayed she wasn’t heading for another flare-up. She slumped ont
o the buggy seat beside Saloma.

  “Are you all right, Malinda?” Saloma raised the back of her hand to Malinda’s forehead.

  “Just tired.” Malinda smiled at her mamm’s automatic reaction. Any time any of her offspring looked the tiniest bit peaked, Saloma pressed a hand to their foreheads.

  “It has been a stressful day.” Saloma clucked to the horse to get the buggy rolling. “You can close your eyes and rest a bit.”

  “I’ll be fine.” Malinda forced a confidence she didn’t feel into her words. “Do you think Sylvia will be okay?”

  “Ach! How does a parent deal with such a thing? I’m thankful mine have joined the church. Of course, I’ve got three more to worry about.” Malinda couldn’t imagine her bruders running off, but one never knew what the future held.

  A gray buggy approached from the opposite direction. The horse plodded along as if in no hurry. Malinda strained to see the lone occupant. “It’s Isaac. I thought that looked like his horse.”

  “It’s a relief to know he didn’t go traipsing off into the unknown with Becky. One set of grieving parents is more than enough.”

  “Jah,” Malinda mumbled.

  Saloma nodded to Isaac as the buggies passed each other and then cut her eyes over to Malinda.

  “Don’t worry, Mamm. I’m not pining away over Isaac. I hope he finds the right girl when he gets over Becky. I know that girl isn’t me.”

  “What about you, dear? Aren’t you looking for the right person, too?”

  Malinda shrugged. “I’m too much trouble for anyone.” She closed her eyes. She didn’t want to hash this out with her mamm again. “Maybe I will rest for a minute. That way I’ll be ready to get the laundry in when we get home.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  It might not be Saturday, but Timothy couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to see Malinda. He needed to see Malinda. Sam had mentioned in passing that Malinda didn’t feel well the other day. He prayed she wouldn’t end up in the hospital again. Sam didn’t seem worried, so maybe she’d just had a headache or something.

  Since news of Becky Zook’s escapades had spread throughout the community like fire in a haystack, Tim harbored an icy fear that Malinda would get back with Isaac. No matter what she had told him before, Tim couldn’t seem to stop the crop of insecurities that had rooted and spread in his mind. A quick visit with Malinda would ease his worries.

  Timothy glanced down to give himself a once-over. He had rushed home from Swarey’s Furniture Shop to clean up and change clothes. His blue shirt, which had been crisp when he left home, had wilted a bit in the waning heat of the day, but he looked decent enough. Early September days had been plenty warm, but at least they cooled off more quickly as sunset approached, unlike July and August, where one day melted into the next.

  Tim found himself talking to the horse as they trotted along. It could be he was actually talking to himself, but it didn’t seem as pathetic if he believed he was talking to the horse. His respirations became quick and shallow as he turned the buggy onto the Stauffers’ gravel driveway. Why should he be nervous?

  Maybe he should have waited until Saturday evening, but he’d never gotten the chance to talk with Malinda after church, and he hadn’t seen her out and about anywhere. Maybe she didn’t want to see him but was too kind to say so. “Stop it!” He spoke louder than he’d intended. The horse paused and threw his head back to look at Timothy. “Not you, boy. Keep going.” Great! Even his horse thought he was crazy. He needed to relax. If Malinda decided not to see him, he could pretend he had come to visit Sam.

  Timothy had decided not to wait for the cover of darkness to visit Malinda, in case she was sick and needed to sleep. Now the whole family would witness his approach. Since the supper hour had passed, some of them may even be milling about outside. He hoped he would spot Sam first, unless by some stroke of grace Malinda was rocking on the porch swing.

  “Hey, Malinda!” a male voice shouted. “I think you have company.”

  Atlee. Why did it have to be Atlee? Tim liked Atlee. It was just that Atlee could be such a huge tease. He raised a hand in greeting as Atlee burst from the house and trotted down the steps. In a few long strides, he reached Tim’s horse.

  “Hey, Tim. What brings you by this fine evening? Let me think.” Atlee’s forehead wrinkled and he tapped his chin as if in deep thought. “Maybe you came to chase lightning bugs with Aden, or maybe some urgent furniture-making issue can’t wait until you see Sam at work tomorrow. Or maybe . . .”

  Timothy jumped from the buggy and punched Atlee’s upper arm. “Maybe I just happened to be in the neighborhood and stopped by.”

  “Gut one, Tim.” Atlee glanced at the front porch. “Maybe the real reason just stepped out onto the porch.”

  Timothy’s eyes flew to the porch. Heat crawled up his neck. “Maybe you’re right.”

  “Well, don’t mind me, then. I’ll water your horse and just mosey around.”

  Anything else Atlee may have said was lost on Timothy. Once his eyes locked on Malinda, all other thoughts vanished. She still looked fresh and lovely at the end of the day in her dark purple dress. She had probably been cooking or cleaning or working outside all day, but she was just as pleasing to his eyes as ever. An almost-shy smile tugged at her lips as she captured a tendril of dark hair and poked it beneath her kapp.

  “Hi, Tim.”

  “Hi, Malinda. How are you?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Sam mentioned the other day you hadn’t been feeling well.” Bad choice of topic, Tim. Now she’ll believe you think she’s sickly.

  To Tim’s surprise, Malinda didn’t take offense. “It was nothing serious. I’m fine.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” Tim twisted the straw hat he’d swiped off his head and was holding in his hands. “Would you like to go for a ride?” At her hesitation, he amended the offer. “We don’t have to be gone long.” Why did she hesitate? Had he done or said something to offend her? Maybe it was the stupid comment about how she was, after all. Why did he never know the right thing to say?

  Malinda walked toward Timothy and his buggy, but her steps did not seem light, and her face was devoid of enthusiasm. “Would you rather go for a walk instead?” he asked.

  “A ride will be fine.”

  Tim offered a hand to help Malinda into the buggy, though she’d made it perfectly clear on a previous occasion that she was entirely capable of climbing in all on her own. He was glad she chose a ride over a walk so they could be away from her family’s watchful eyes and listening ears. Even though the Stauffers had been like a second family to him while growing up, he preferred they didn’t witness his bumbling efforts to court Malinda, if she allowed that.

  Timothy suppressed a sigh. He thought he and Malinda had gotten far enough in their relationship that he wouldn’t still feel this awkwardness and confusion. Confusion about Malinda’s feelings, not his own. His feelings had remained constant for more years than he could remember. He settled himself and picked up the reins. “Ready?” When Malinda nodded, he shook the reins to get them moving. “It’s gut to see you.”

  “You too.” Malinda plucked imaginary lint from her dress.

  “Is anything wrong?”

  “Nee. Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. You don’t seem too happy. Did I do something wrong?”

  “Ach, Timothy! It’s me. I’m feeling a little, um, jittery, I guess.”

  “To be with me? We’ve known each other forever.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “You aren’t having doubts about . . .” Timothy wanted to say “us” but opted instead for, “. . . joining the church, are you?”

  “Never.”

  He gnawed the inside of his cheek to keep from asking if she had doubts about him. Maybe he should be brave and ask. “That’s gut.”

  “I’ve never wanted anything else except to join our church.”

  “That’s gut.” Timo
thy ran his tongue over the now-sore spot in his mouth. The metallic taste of blood surprised him. He’d better control his teeth before they chewed a hole clear through his cheek. He forced his muscles to relax. He’d never been so tongue-tied in his life. This was Malinda, for Pete’s sake. His Malinda. Or was she? That he had to find out. He cleared his throat, causing Malinda to jump. “Um, Malinda?”

  “Jah?”

  “Are—do—have you seen Isaac?”

  “Nee. Why do you ask?”

  “I, um, I guess I’m feeling insecure.”

  “Insecure about what?”

  “About us.”

  “Us?”

  “There is an ‘us,’ isn’t there, Malinda?” Timothy felt sure his heart would crumble if Malinda answered negatively. He held his breath and gripped the reins so tightly he expected them to saw into the flesh of his palms. He turned his head so he could look into Malinda’s chocolate eyes. He had to see what her face told him in case her words said something different. The pause stretched into eternity. Tim had to jump in and say something, or else the wait for her response would kill him. “You do want there to be an ‘us,’ ain’t so?”

  “Tim, um, you are a very nice person . . .”

  He gripped the reins even tighter, if that was humanly possible. There was a “but” on the tip of her tongue. He just knew it. It had only to fall off and drag words he didn’t want to hear behind it. He forced himself to wait. He leaned a little closer so he wouldn’t miss a single syllable she uttered. He glanced at the road to make sure the horse wasn’t veering off into a ditch and then looked back at Malinda. Maybe they should have walked instead so he could concentrate solely on Malinda.

  At last she spoke again. “It wouldn’t be fair to saddle you with my problems.”

  “What problems do you refer to?”

  “My health problems. You know I have Crohn’s disease and take medications. Expensive medications.”

  “I’m not worried about money. And if you have days you don’t feel well, I’ll help you.”

  “You’d soon get tired of that.”

  “That’s not the way it works, Malinda. If two people, um, take vows, it’s for all time—in sickness and in health.”