Fire Down Below

by Andrea Simonne

  “Correction. I am a Popsicle. I made the transition a couple of minutes ago.”

  He takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll try to get this out before we both freeze to death. In fact, I’m going to keep it real simple.” He pulls my hand out of my pocket and before I know it he’s slid something onto my ring finger.

  When I stare down at my left hand I discover there’s an old fashioned cut diamond on it.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Will you marry me?”

  I look up at him, but don’t say anything at all. I’m in a daze. It’s like time has stopped and I’m still trying to catch up. In the back of my mind it dawns on me that it’s finally happened. I was right. Fate brought us together again for a reason.

  “Yes,” I say, feeling breathless. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  “Yeah?” he grins.

  I nod and grin with him. “Definitely.”

  He takes me into his arms and I hug him tight. I can’t believe this is really happening. I’m excited, but I have to admit I also feel strange. Surreal, like someone lost in a Varo painting. It occurs to me that marrying Ben means he’ll be the last man I kiss, the last man I ever touch, and that thought gives me a slight pause. Is this what I really want? Declan comes to mind and I remember the way his body felt against mine earlier. But then I push the thought away. I’m not going to let anything interfere with my happiness. Instead I think about all the things so many women have experienced that I haven’t. It’s finally my turn. And the truth is I can’t wait.

  ***

  The next morning I decide to call everyone I know and tell them I’m engaged. A bit extreme, but I don’t care. Now that I’m finally on the other side of the line I want people to know about it. Ben is in the kitchen watching me as I get out my address book.

  “You could wait, you know. We haven’t even set a date yet.”

  “Do you know how many weddings I’ve been to in the past fifteen years? How much time and money I’ve spent? How many hours I’ve listened to friends drone on about their wedding plans? These people owe me big time.”

  Ben laughs, digging a spoon into his coconut milk yogurt. “You’re crazy.”

  “We have to tell my parents in person,” I continue. “I was thinking we could go over there this afternoon, since it’s Sunday and they’re expecting me anyway.”

  He shrugs. “Sure.”

  The first phone calls I make are, of course, to Suzy and Lauren. Lauren answers her phone in a breathless voice and after her initial “Congratulations!” and “Oh my God!” when I tell her the good news, it becomes apparent that she’s not alone.

  “Do you have company?” I ask, glancing at the clock. It’s only a little bit before ten in the morning.

  “Paul’s here,” she whispers.

  “He is? How long has he been there?”

  “Let’s just say I broke my fourth date rule in a big way last night.”

  I laugh. “Now who’s on the hussy train?”

  “I know! Can you believe it? It was definitely worth it though.”

  “That good, huh?”

  “YES! And it’s been ages too, let me tell you. He’s so wonderful. Oops,” she lowers her voice, “he just walked back in. I should go. We’ll talk more later, okay? And again—congratulations—I guess Ben really is the guy for you after all!”

  I hang up the phone smiling. I’m glad that she and Paul have hit it off so well. Who knows, maybe there’ll be wedding bells in their future too. Next I call Suzy. She sounds off, but it turns out the morning sickness has finally kicked in.

  “Ugh,” she groans. “I was hoping I’d be one of the lucky ones that got to avoid it, but I’ve already thrown up twice today.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s good in a way though, isn’t it? I’ve always heard that it means the baby is healthy.”

  She sighs. “Yeah, I’ve heard that too, but throwing up sucks. So what’s up with you this morning? Don’t tell me Ben’s still mad about that necklace?”

  “No, not at all,” I pause, “I have some big news.” I tell her how Ben proposed to me.

  “Wow! And here I am going on about my morning sickness like a selfish cow. So I take it you had no idea the big question was coming?”

  “Not really.” I watch Ben as he throws his rinsed yogurt container in the recycle. He motions to me that he’s going to go take a shower and I nod that I understand. When he’s gone, I tell her about some of the comments he’s been making to me the past few weeks about “if we got married” this and “if we got married” that.

  “Well, then I’m happy for you. Maybe this thing between you and Ben really is fated.”

  “That’s what I’ve been thinking for a while.”

  “That’s great then. Congratulations!”

  “Thank you.”

  “I owe you an apology for all the grief I’ve been giving you about Declan.”

  “Oh,” I wave my hand, “don’t worry about it.”

  “I thought for sure there was something going on between you two, but with your new engagement and him leaving with Nina last night, obviously I was wrong. Sorry about that.”

  “No need to apolo—did you just say Declan left with Nina last night?” I sit up straight, feeling very awake suddenly.

  Suzy yawns loudly. “Yeah, they left not long after you guys. I haven’t talked to her yet, so I don’t know any of the details, but it’s easy enough to imagine. Nina doesn’t have a fourth date rule.”

  “But she’s blonde,” I say stupidly, “and Declan only dates brunettes.”

  “I guess he’s making an exception.”

  “Have you told your parents about you and Ben yet?”

  “No, we’re going over there this afternoon.”

  Suzy and I talk some more about what my parents will say and whether or not Ben and I want a big wedding or a small one, but I’m totally distracted. All I can think about is Declan with Nina. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. The thought of him sleeping with her is making me feel sick to my stomach.

  After I hang up with Suzy I’m tempted to call him, but what the heck would I say? I can tell him about my engagement, I decide. Then I can find out if he slept with Nina.

  I pick up the phone, ready to dial, when it occurs to me—what if Nina answers? I quickly put the receiver down. I don’t think I could handle listening to her smug voice after she’s spent the night in Declan’s bed.

  ***

  “Are you all right?” Ben asks me on the drive over to my parent’s house. “You seem distant. You’re not having second thoughts are you?”

  “No!” I put my hand on his leg. “There’s so much to think about, that’s all. My head is swirling.”

  He grins at me. “Mine too. What do you think your parents are going to say?”

  “Oh, I’m sure they’ll be happy for us.”

  “I hope your mom isn’t too weird about it. I get the feeling she’s still holding a grudge against me from years ago.”

  “No, don’t worry. She’ll be fine.”

  And they basically are. When we get to the house and announce that we’re engaged they both hug us and tell us what great news. My dad seems genuinely happy, though my mom is a little harder to read. My instincts tell me that she’s wary of this new development, but she’s hiding it well.

  “So when do you kids plan to tie the knot?” my dad asks.

  Ben and I look at each other. Truthfully, we haven’t discussed it yet. We didn’t do a whole lot of talking when we came home from the park last night.

  “When were you thinking?” I ask him, curious as to what his reply will be.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. Next summer?”

  “A summer wedding would be nice.” I imagine myself in a flowing white dress, something simple, but elegant. I’ll wear my hair down, but off my face with a few daisies woven in. Or is that too Age of Aquarius? I’ll have to ask Suzy and Lauren and see what they think. “If the weather is nice we could get married outdoors
.”

  “That would be great.”

  My dad grins at us. “There’s a lot of things for you two to think about isn’t there? Heck, we could have the wedding here if you like.”

  I consider this. It’s not a bad idea. My parents have a fantastic backyard and it would save a lot of money.

  “There’s a spot out near Deception Pass that might work too,” Ben says thoughtfully. “It has a nice view. There’s a small hike to get there, but it’s not bad.”

  I’ll have to go hiking on my wedding day? But then I stop myself from thinking like this. It’s Ben’s wedding day too.

  “You should show it to me,” I say.

  “I will,” he nods, warming to the idea. “It’s on a bluff overlooking Puget Sound. It would be perfect. There’s even a camping area nearby that has picnic tables and barbeque grills where we could hold the reception.”

  I smile politely. While getting married on a secluded bluff with a view of the water might work—that actually sounds romantic—there is no way on earth I’m having my wedding reception at a campground picnic area.

  “Or we could have the reception someplace else,” he says. “I doubt my parents would be too happy with a picnic reception, especially my mom.”

  Well, hallelujah, whoever thought that I’d be grateful to his mother for something?

  My own mom, who is usually full of ideas, is suspiciously quiet as we talk about all this. “What do you think?” I ask her.

  “Oh, I’m sure you two will figure everything out.”

  Hmm, now I know she’s holding back. Later she corners me in the kitchen while my dad and Ben are still out in the living room. My dad is showing Ben a map of the places they’ll be traveling to on their cruise next month.

  “Why are you doing this, Kate?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t have to marry him just because he’s the only guy that’s asked.”

  “Gee, thanks for reminding me of that.”

  “You know what I mean.” She sighs. “I don’t want you to feel pressured because you think no one else will come along.”

  “It’s not like that. I want to marry Ben and I think we’re meant to be together. I feel like I’m getting a second chance at something. Now I get to find out—what if I had said ‘yes’ all those years ago? You’re the one who told me it’s the things you wished you’d tried that will always haunt you.”

  She tilts her head. “So it’s the road untraveled then, is it?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  I don’t call Declan to tell him about my engagement for a couple of weeks. I’m not sure why I’m holding back, and as time passes I feel guilty about it. He’s one of my best friends and here I am ignoring him. Finally when Ben flies down to California for the week, I decide to drop in on Declan at work and tell him in person. I haven’t been to his new office since they were first setting up and the space was filled with boxes.

  I leave work early and head down there, checking myself out in the bathroom mirror at work beforehand. I have on a pair of fitted black wool slacks, a blue sweater—Declan once told me I look pretty in blue—and I’m wearing my Hermés scarf like a headband. The colors in the scarf are striking against my dark hair and tie in with the color of my sweater. I’m feeling quite glamorous as I slip on a pair of black sunglasses and dab my lips with some red gloss. It’s no accident that I’m so put together to drop in on Declan. I keep picturing Nina, and while I’ll never be as gorgeous as her, I know I don’t look half bad if I make an effort. Of course I’m wearing my Jane Moon necklace. In truth I wear it every day and take it off only to shower or when Ben is around.

  When I walk through the front door to Declan’s office I barely recognize the place. It’s not a rough space anymore and looks quite professional. There’s even a receptionist to greet me.

  “Hi,” I tell her. “I’m here to see Declan.”

  “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No...I’m just a friend dropping by.”

  “What’s your name?”

  I tell her and she nods. I watch as she types something into her computer and then picks up the phone to call him. Apparently no one is answering. “He’s in a meeting right now, but it should be finished in about ten minutes. Do you want to wait or leave a message for him?”

  “I’ll wait.”

  I sit down in one of the lobby chairs that, if I’m not mistaken, were purchased from IKEA. I can’t help feeling impressed at how well Declan and Sev are doing, considering they only started their business over the summer. I wonder if it was a mistake for me to have not taken a job here when Declan offered. I suppose I could still get hired. Despite the promotion that’s been dangling before me for months now, I’m bored with the work, and I think it’s time for me to consider other options. I keep remembering something Declan said to me a while ago, asking whether I’d ever looked at local artist jobs, and I wonder if it’s an avenue I should consider.

  I hear voices and find Declan walking out with a few other people. He doesn’t see me and I watch as he speaks to the small group. There’s some hand shaking and everyone laughs at something, though I can’t hear what they’re saying. Despite being a geek, Declan is very good socially and has a knack for putting people at ease.

  As I continue to watch him I feel a strange possessiveness. I wish everyone would go away so Declan and I could do whatever we wanted without any obligations to anyone. The truth is I miss him. We used to spend a lot of time together and now I hardly see him.

  As he says goodbye to the group and they start to leave, he notices me sitting in the lobby and walks over.

  “How long have you been waiting?”

  “Not long.”

  “I’m glad you came by. I’ve been meaning to call you, but things have been so hectic around here.” He runs a hand over his head. “Come on back.”

  We head towards his office and I notice that they’ve definitely hired a number of new people and appear to be working out the office arrangements. There are a few cubicles set up and what looks like a makeshift conference room. You get the impression that people are working hard, but it feels laid back too, with pizza boxes and coffee cups here and there.

  Declan’s office is pretty simple. There’s a whiteboard on one wall and a desk with two computers on it, one of them a laptop. A Kandinsky print hangs near his desk and I recognize it from his old office. Declan has a fondness for modern abstract painters and Kandinsky is one of his favorites. There are a lot of papers and sticky notes around his computer, as well as a large coffee mug that I also recognize with a picture of the FAI—Football Association of Ireland—emblem on it.

  “Wow, I can’t believe how much the place has changed. Business is doing well, huh?”

  “It is.” Declan sits down in his desk chair. “So...I understand congratulations are in order. I heard you and Ben are getting married.”

  “Yes, we are. Though we haven’t set a date or anything yet.”

  “I was surprised when I heard it. I didn’t realize things were quite that serious between you two.”

  I give an uncomfortable smile, not sure how to respond.

  “When did he propose?”

  “The night of my birthday.”

  “Ah.”

  “I’m sorry, I know I should have called and told you sooner, but I figured I’d tell you in person.”

  Declan is quiet for a few seconds and then shrugs. He can be hard to read sometimes. I can’t tell if he’s hurt or if he doesn’t think it’s any big deal.

  “How did you know I was getting married?”

  “Nina told me.”

  “Oh, that’s right.” I cross my legs, trying to appear casual even though I’m feeling anything but. “Suzy told me you guys left together after my party. So you and Nina are dating, huh?”

  He holds my eyes. “In a manner of speaking.”

  “She’s very accomplished,” I say, trying to hide my discomfort. “A
nd smart too. She graduated with top honors from Yale. Plus she’s beautiful. You know she used to model to support herself when she was in college? I get why you’d be attracted to her. A lot of guys are.” I finally stop myself, inwardly groaning at the way I’m blathering on like an idiot. I’m actually talking up Nina! As if she needs it!

  “Yes,” he agrees. “She is all of those things.”

  “So is it serious between you and her?”

  I know this is an absurd question and that I sound silly even asking it. It’s only been two weeks, so there’s no way it’s serious between them. But for some reason I still want the reassurance from Declan.

  To my dismay he doesn’t reassure me. He smiles enigmatically and says he’s never met anyone quite like Nina before.

  “Oh, really? Well, that’s nice,” I sputter. “That’s really...great...for you.” I suddenly wish I hadn’t come here. I should have called Declan and told him about my engagement over the telephone like everyone else. I should have known better. Of course he wouldn’t be immune to Nina’s charms. No guy in their right mind would be. When a woman like that throws herself at a man, he doesn’t say no.

  I reach down for my purse. “Well, I’d better get going. I just wanted to stop by for a few minutes.”

  “You’re already leaving? I thought we’d go do something together.”

  “No, I should go.”

  “I know,” he says, holding his hand up for me to wait. “I found the perfect movie for us when I was browsing through the film section of the paper this morning.” He picks up the newspaper from his desk and rustles through it. “Here it is. It’s playing at Alice’s Attic and it’s so arcane nobody wants to see it. Rumor has it the director himself didn’t even watch the final cut.”

  I sit back down. “No one wants to see it? We’ll be like the only two people in the world watching this movie?”

  “Basically.”

  I bite my lip. “It must be dreadful.”

  “I imagine so.”

  “Foreign film?”

  He nods. “With indecipherable English subtitles.”