Fire Down Below

by Andrea Simonne

  It’s obvious by the grin on his face that he knows he’s got me. “All right,” I sigh, “what time does this artistic monstrosity start?”

  “Half hour.”

  “Don’t you have work to do though?”

  He gets up from his chair, leaning over to shut off his laptop. “Hey, I’m the boss. I can leave whenever I want.”

  ***

  We get to Alice’s Attic with barely enough time to buy popcorn and soda. The place is a tiny art house movie theater that smells old and musty and seats about 25 people. It’s the farthest thing from a huge multi-screen theater that you can imagine. It’s more like you’re sitting in someone’s dank attic watching obscure home movies on their grandpa’s reel to reel projector. In other words, Declan and I love it.

  As we settle into our seats—we’re the only people in the theater—I ask Declan what the movie’s called.

  “Devil Woman Revenge.”

  “That sounds terrible.”

  “I know,” he grins at me and waggles his eyebrows. “It’s going to be good!”

  Watching the film it becomes clear that Declan was right. Not only is it arcane, but it’s also in Spanish and as far as either of us can tell, it has no plot whatsoever. To make matters worse, neither of us speaks Spanish, and the subtitles really are indecipherable. Whoever wrote them appears to have only a passing acquaintance with the English language.

  “What do you think “happesta” is supposed to mean?” I whisper to him.

  Declan chomps on some popcorn. “No clue whatsoever. I’m still trying to figure out why this woman is French kissing her brother.”

  “That’s not her brother! I’m pretty sure that’s her husband.”

  “Are you sure? I thought the guy with the red bandana was her husband.”

  “No, I think that’s the other devil woman’s husband.”

  “The one that breeds those poisonous snakes?”

  “Yeah, although I don’t see how they plan to rob a bank with just those snakes.” Declan looks confused. “Why do you think they’re robbing a bank?”

  “Because they keep showing that glass building with a flag out front. Isn’t that a bank?”

  “I thought that was the embassy.”

  “Why would they be going to an embassy?”

  “I have no bloody idea!”

  “This is like the worst film ever made,” I say laughing.

  “I know. It’s ingeniously bad, isn’t it?”

  We look at each other and grin.

  We spend the rest of the movie cracking jokes and coming up with alternate plot lines. By the time it’s finished we’ve completely re-written the film ourselves and have pretended to accept numerous awards and accolades for our script.

  “I couldn’t have done it without my trusty sidekick Kate Alexander,” Declan says in a pompous voice as if he were addressing a large audience.

  “Trusty Sidekick?” I elbow him in the chest. “You wish! I’m the brains, Baby. The creative force. Without me, you’d be nothing. Less than nothing!”

  “And as you can plainly see,” he continues, looking at me sideways, “she’s my inspiration, the one and only true devil woman.’”

  “Oh such flattery,” I say, fanning myself. “Stop before you make me swoon.”

  ***

  When we finally leave the theater and walk outside it’s dark and the streets are empty, so maybe that’s why Declan reaches down to take my hand. Maybe it’s a protective instinct. All I know is that as soon as his fingers touch mine it sends an erotic shock through my whole body. Our eyes meet and Declan must feel it too, because he immediately drops my hand. Neither of us says anything and there’s an awkward silence as we continue walking.

  It’s a cold, clear night and I can smell garlic wafting around us from one of the nearby restaurants. As the silence continues I feel acutely aware of Declan beside me. Not only his physicality, but his presence, that special something that makes him unique and it makes me want to hold his hand again, makes we want to do more than hold his hand. I’m engaged now, I remind myself. It’s wrong for me to be having these thoughts about Declan. I glance over at Declan and he’s wearing an expression like he’s deep in thought.

  “Do you think you’re doing the right thing marrying Ben?”

  At first I’m taken aback by his question. Even though it’s the same thing my mom asked me the other day, coming from Declan it gives me real pause.

  “I think so,” I finally say. “I’m tired of the whole dating scene and not having someone permanent in my life. I don’t want to wake up one day when it’s too late and wish I’d had a family. Plus I love Ben.”

  He nods slowly.

  We continue walking and I keep waiting for him to say something more, but he doesn’t. I want him to though. This wild notion comes into my head where I want him to fall to his knees and declare his undying love for me, to tell me he’s the only man I should ever be with. For a moment I want it with all my heart. But then reality comes crashing back and I realize it’s only a girlish daydream. Declan and I may be great friends, and we may even have a physical attraction for each other, but that’s all. Because the fact remains—he’s not declaring his undying love for me, is he?

  We climb into his SUV and I wait for him to drive back to where I’m parked, but instead he asks if I want to go have a beer.

  I agree, so we head down to Pioneer Square near one his favorite Irish pubs. The place isn’t crowded, probably because it’s a Monday night. Declan nods a hello to the bartender, holding up two fingers to order us a couple of pints of Guinness.

  A few minutes later he places one of those glasses of black brew right in front of me. I never used to like dark beer, but I’ve developed a taste for this stuff.

  Declan takes a long draw, before putting his glass back down. “That hits the spot.”

  “Is it as good as the ones you’re used to?”

  “No, but it’s not bad. Nothing compares to drinking a pint back home.” He takes another draw and then leans his head back and closes his eyes.

  “What’s wrong? You seem stressed.”

  “It’s been rough these past couple of weeks.”

  “Is it work?”

  He opens his eyes, but doesn’t respond right away. Instead his gaze wanders around the room finally settling on a couple of guys playing darts in the corner.

  “You seem on top of things,” I continue. “What’s there to be stressed about?”

  “I am on top of things, but there’s a lot of pressure. Since we’re a start-up we have to really perform. We can’t afford to make any mistakes. It wouldn’t take much to send us packing at this point. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to make it home to Dublin for Christmas this year.” Declan usually flies back and spends the holidays with his family every year.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure if we’ll have adequate coverage.”

  I take a sip from my beer and think about how brave he is. I don’t know if I’d have the guts to put everything on the line in the way he has.

  “Are you ever scared that you guys will go under?”

  He shakes his head. “I can’t afford to think like that. There’s risk involved. I know that. Sev and I would lose everything if this blew up in our faces.”

  “You’ll succeed. I can’t even imagine you failing at something. You’re always so thorough.”

  “Yeah, I’m glad you have faith in me.”

  “I do.”

  We talk for a bit more, slowly drinking our beers. There’s no discussion of Ben or Nina or anything to do with our romantic lives. Instead we talk about personal things. I tell Declan how I’m sick of my job and that I want to do something more creative, that I’m thinking about putting a portfolio together.

  “You should,” he agrees.

  “I’m scared though. What if I don’t make it again?”

  “Again? What do you mean?”

  I sigh. What I’ve never told anyone before
is that I didn’t come back to Seattle only because my dad had a heart attack. That was part of it, but I didn’t have to stay here. I stayed because I wasn’t able to cut it as an artist in Manhattan. It’s embarrassing to admit because I thought I was good enough, but it turns out I was wrong. What if I’m still wrong and I can’t make it as an artist out here either?

  Declan shakes his head after I tell him all this. “You’re good enough. I saw your stuff and it’s totally professional. You’re very talented.” He pauses and then meets my gaze. “I’d tell you the truth if I thought otherwise, you know that.”

  I nod. “It’s just so competitive. There are a lot of talented people. Talent doesn’t seem to be enough these days.”

  “That’s true. Talent isn’t enough. You have to be relentless. You can’t give up and if you fail or meet rejection, you can’t let it keep you down. You have to pick yourself up and try again.”

  “You guys aren’t having any failures or rejections though. It’s all happening so easily for you.”

  Declan smiles wryly. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had my own business.”

  “It’s not?”

  He slowly shakes his head. “No. A few years back, when I was still living in Boston I started a software company. I sunk nearly everything I owned into it.”

  “And it went under?’

  “It did.”

  “You never told me that. What did you do?”

  He puts his beer down. “I started over. Moved out here, built up my resources until I was ready to try again.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “It’s not amazing, Kate. It was hard when my company didn’t make it, but I learned a lot in the process. Do you know most successful business owners have at least a couple of failures before they succeed? If there’s something in life you really want—you have to go for it. Follow your dreams. Even if it’s hard and even if you’re scared.”

  “You sound like my mom.”

  “Well then your mom is a smart lady. Something tells me she hasn’t lived her life afraid to fail.”

  “No, she hasn’t.” I feel tears sting my eyes. “But she’s not afraid of anything. She’s one of those invincible women, the kind who if she’d been living back in the frontier days would have given birth and built her own log cabin all in the same day.”

  Declan chuckles. “I think you’re made of the same stuff.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I’ve never seen you back down from anything.”

  I sit back quietly and consider this. For the most part it’s true. It’s not in my nature to back down. Instead of thinking about work though, I think about Ben and how I’ve been sublimating myself to keep him happy, doing whatever he wants. Compromise is one thing, but this hasn’t been a compromise. It occurs to me that I can’t keep this up forever. We’ll be married, but I’ll be miserable. It’s a disquieting thought and I realize I’m going to have to talk to Ben.

  ***

  The next day Ben calls me at work to let me know he’s decided not to fly up from California for Thanksgiving, which is only two days away.

  I try to hide the disappointment in my voice. “I thought you had a plane ticket for tomorrow. We’re supposed to go over to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving.”

  “I know, but I changed it to Friday. I don’t want to deal with the airport and how crazy it’s going to be. Everybody knows that’s the worse day of the year to fly.”

  “But what will you do by yourself down there?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll figure something out. It’s not that big of a deal to me.”

  I’m silent. It’s not like Thanksgiving is some big deal to me either, but for some reason I still feel hurt. It’s like he can’t be bothered to brave a crowded airport to spend our first holiday as an engaged couple together.

  “I was sort of hoping we could talk,” I say.

  “About what?”

  I take a deep breath. How do I explain that I’m having doubts about our future happiness together? Plus I don’t want Ben to think I’m attacking him. “Forget it. It’s nothing. We can talk when you get back.”

  After we hang up my thoughts wander to Declan and I wonder what he’s doing for Thanksgiving. After hanging out together last night I find that he’s been on my mind all day. Would it be inappropriate for me to invite him over instead? Probably. He’s one of my best friends though and I don’t care. It would be great to spend the day with him. I call him from my cell. Declan answers almost immediately.

  “Well, if it isn’t the devil woman herself!”

  “Just calling to torment you.”

  “Hmm, sounds interesting.”

  I laugh. “You wish. Actually I’m calling to see if you’d like to come spend Thanksgiving with me at my folks’ house?”

  “Em...Nina invited me to spend it with her.”

  “Oh.” I feel deflated. I should have known he’d have plans, plans that would of course include Nina. They’re obviously an item now.

  “I didn’t tell her I’d spend it with her though. I told her I’d think about it. It seems too soon for us to be spending a holiday together.”

  “Yes, it is too soon. That’s why you should come spend it with me and my parents.”

  “Isn’t Ben going to be there? Something tells me he wouldn’t be happy if I showed up.”

  “Ben’s in California and isn’t coming back until Friday.”

  He’s quiet, mulling this over. “All right, I’d like to spend the day with you and your family.”

  Of course when I meet Suzy and Lauren for a quick dinner after work and tell them about this, they both look at me like I’m nuts.

  “You invited Declan to replace Ben?” Suzy puts her menu down.

  “Well, he’s not replacing him,” I say defensively. “I figure my mom was counting on a certain number of guests and now that won’t change.”

  “Are you going to tell Ben that Declan is coming over?” Laurens asks.

  “Sure. If he asks, I’ll tell him.”

  Suzy and Lauren exchange a glance.

  “Hey, I saw that. It’s not like I’m inviting Declan for a sleepover, it’s just Thanksgiving.”

  “Nina told me she invited him to our parent’s house,” Suzy says. “I guess he decided he’d rather spend it with you.”

  I feel a small thrill at her words—he chose me over Nina! “I think he felt it was too soon to meet them. How serious is this thing between him and Nina anyway?”

  “I’m not sure. Nina is being closed lipped about it. I can tell she likes him though.”

  Suzy asks Lauren if she’s heard from Paul, since he flew back a couple weeks ago, and Lauren says she talks to him every day. He’s planning to fly back out when he has his Christmas break from teaching.

  “I told him I usually go down to visit my parents in Los Angeles and he said he’d love to meet them! Isn’t this all so crazy? I have to tell you guys, I think he’s the one. “

  “Wow, really? How do you know?”

  “It’s just a feeling I have. It’s like I can really be myself when we’re together. I feel so relaxed. I’m sure it’s the same way that you know Ben is the one.”

  “Of course.” I nod.

  Later that night I find myself lying in bed unable to sleep and I keep thinking about Lauren’s words. How do I know Ben is the one? I do love him. He can be annoying at times, but I know he means well and he just wants to be helpful. Plus we have a shared history together. He’s good looking and we have great sexual chemistry. It would be nice if I could relax and be myself around Ben, but he’s always so uptight. Maybe I’m just having misgivings because I’ve never been engaged before. I’m sure everyone has doubts about their partner at one time or another.

  Chapter Twenty

  Having Declan for Thanksgiving dinner winds up being a lot of fun, and I can tell my parents really like him. He’s met them briefly a few other times over the years, but it’s nice for them to have a chance to get
to know him. He winds up being a great dinner guest and has everyone laughing with some of the stories about when he first moved here from Ireland.

  “I didn’t get the whole Thanksgiving holiday at all,” he tells everyone as we’re eating dinner. “It seemed odd to me, especially the way people kept calling it Turkey Day.”

  “I take it, there’s no equivalent holiday in Ireland?” my mom asks.

  “No, though we do eat turkey at Christmas. And then when someone told me it’s a day for giving thanks, I assumed you were supposed to go around thanking people. For my first Thanksgiving a friend of my sisters invited us over for dinner and I kept thanking everyone like crazy. I thanked the hostess for inviting me to dinner. I then thanked her for taking my coat and for getting me a glass of water. Whenever anyone passed food to me at the table I thanked them whole heartedly. ‘Thank you so much for the salt, thank you so much for the potatoes.’ I thought I was really getting into the spirit of the thing when I noticed that people were looking at me strangely.”

  I grin. “They must have thought you were nuts. Did someone finally enlighten you about the Indians helping the Pilgrims?”

  “Yes, and then I felt like a complete idjit. My sister’s friend said she thought I was just a geek and that’s why I was acting so weird!”

  Everyone laughs as Declan slowly shakes his head and smiles.

  Before dinner I had told my parents that Ben wasn’t going to be able to make it, but that I had invited Declan instead. They seemed a little surprised and my dad asked me if things were okay with Ben, but I assured him that everything was fine.

  Declan and my mom get along great. It’s easy to see how they would. Before dinner they talked about a book they had both just finished reading. What surprised me is how well Declan got along with my dad. My dad is easygoing, but he doesn’t usually warm to people. After dessert they disappear into the living room and when I go in there I find them discussing chess.

  I sit on the couch next to Declan and I’m surprised to hear him talking about some famous games. Later when we’re alone together, I ask him about it.