Fire Down Below

by Andrea Simonne

  “You’re a serious chess player? I can’t believe I didn’t know that.”

  He nods. “Guess it’s never come up. I gather you also play?”

  “I have a regular game with my dad, plus I was on a chess team in high school.” This is not something I usually admit to people since it makes me sound like the biggest nerd in the world, but since Declan didn’t grow up in the states he’s not going to know how un-cool it is to play chess in high school.

  He laughs. “You played on a chess team in high school? I never knew you were such a nerd.”

  So much for assumptions. “Oh, it’s different in the states,” I tell him. “It was totally cool to play chess. Only the hippest kids were on chess team at my school.”

  “Is that right?”

  “We even had special tryouts,” I say, warming to my topic. “They had to perform all sorts of endurance tests, both mental and physical. Some of the kids were so desperate they resorted to bribery and blackmail. It was like trying to join the mafia. We even had a special code we lived by.”

  “And what was that—the Nerd Manifesto?”

  I swallow a laugh and then sink into the couch cushions. “All right, you got me. I was a dweeb in high school.”

  “I’ll bet you were a pretty dweeb though. So are you any good? Being that you were in the chess mafia and all.”

  “I guess you’ll have to find that out for yourself, won’t you?”

  “We should have a game sometime.”

  “We should. Though I hope you’re not the kind of guy who has a problem when a woman comes out on top.”

  Declan gets a funny little smile on his face. “With you Kate, I know I’d enjoy it.”

  ***

  The next day I pick up Ben from the airport on time, so there’s nothing for him to be upset about. He’s still quiet on the drive home. He doesn’t like to fly, so I figure that’s all it is. We talk about the work he’s doing in California and I tell him how things have been up here. I keep wondering whether I should tell him about Declan coming over for Thanksgiving. I don’t want him to think I was trying to keep it a secret.

  When we get to my house we fall on the bed and have sex, though it’s not as passionate as usual, and I can’t help feeling that there’s something perfunctory about it.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask afterward.

  “I think the food at the airport is disagreeing with me. I shouldn’t have eaten it, but I didn’t have a chance to pick up something decent.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “A glass of water.”

  I grab my robe and pad barefoot into the kitchen. When I spot his travel bag on the floor I decide to bring him his arsenal of vitamins and other remedies that he brings with everywhere. I hunt through his bag, which is of course neatly organized, everything as tidy as can be. Finally I find the small zippered toiletry case that he uses to cart all his herbs and potions around. As I’m putting everything back in order I notice a piece of paper with Ben’s handwriting on it sticking out from one of the side pockets. I’m not sure what makes me pull it out, but I do. On it I find the word Heather, along with a phone number that’s local.

  I stare at it, not quite sure what to make of this. There’s something about it that is tickling my memory, but I can’t remember why. Is it another woman? I feel a jolt of paranoia, but then dismiss the idea because I trust Ben. I decide it must be some work contact. He’s probably mentioned her name to me and that’s why it sounds familiar.

  When I bring the water and all the other stuff into the bedroom Ben thanks me, and asks me how Thanksgiving went.

  “It was fine.”

  “I hope you told your parents I was sorry I couldn’t make it.”

  “They understood.”

  I watch him as he puts a tablet of something in the water. There’s a slight fizzing sound and I can smell that it’s lemon-lime. He swirls the glass a little and looks around my bedroom as he waits for the tablet to dissolve. I figure this would be a good time to tell him about Declan, but he doesn’t give me a chance.

  “Jesus Kate, this room is a pigsty. I don’t know how you can stand it. You need to clean in here more often.”

  I glance around. Admittedly it could be neater. There are clothes and books lying around, so it is kind of messy, but it certainly isn’t a pigsty. My temper flares and I’m tempted to give him a piece of my mind. He hasn’t seen me in days and all he can do is complain that I’m a slob?

  “I invited Declan over for Thanksgiving.”

  Ben stares at me for a long moment and then looks down at his glass. “Is that right?”

  He drinks while I wait for some reaction. He doesn’t seem upset at all. If anything he seems resigned, like he was expecting it or something. I open my mouth to explain why I invited Declan, but then stop. I don’t need to explain anything and I’m not sure what I’d say anyway.

  Ben puts his glass on the nightstand and tells me he’s going to go home now, that he needs to unpack his stuff.

  “You don’t have to leave. Just unpack your stuff here.”

  “No, that’s all right. I want to unwind a little. It’s been a long week.”

  Our eyes meet and I know I should say something that would make everything all right, but I don’t know what that something is. And the truth is I’m relieved he’s going home.

  ***

  Though I’ve never been engaged before I’ve always had this vision of what it would be like. I imagined it would be romantic, that my fiancé and I would dream about our lives together and have lots of fun doing it.

  What I’m finding though is that it’s nothing like that. There’s one word to describe the way things are between me and Ben. Tense. I finally decided to stop giving in to everything and start standing up for myself. The first thing I told him was that I didn’t want to drink those yucky smoothies in the morning anymore. I said that while I appreciate him making them, I prefer my smoothies without the green stuff added.

  “But it’s good for you,” Ben insists, opening the brown jar of spirulina.

  “Probably. But it tastes terrible.”

  He doesn’t respond. I know he’s insulted, but I figure come on, get over it. It’s just a stupid smoothie. Besides I don’t want to spend the rest of my life drinking those things. When I break the news that I don’t want to work out at the YMCA with him and the Three Stooges anymore this gets a bigger reaction. I explain that I prefer going back to my old gym downtown.

  “But it’s more expensive,” Ben says, “and once we’re married we can get a YMCA family membership at a discount.”

  I sigh. “I don’t want to work out with Linda, Juliet, and Rochelle anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I like to exercise while listening to music on my iPod.”

  “I didn’t realize it meant so much to you. You can listen to music. I only wanted to include you.” Ben gets that familiar I’ve-been-wronged expression on his face.

  “It’s more than that. I’m tired of those women treating me like I’m the enemy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I stare at him. Is he really this dense? “I think you know exactly what I mean. It’s obvious Rochelle has a ‘thing’ for you and that they wish you were with her instead of me.”

  Ben meets my eyes for a couple beats then looks away.

  “Why don’t you just tell her you’re not interested?”

  “I have. Believe me.”

  “And?”

  “She won’t give up.”

  I don’t say anything. Frankly it’s his problem. He’s the one that keeps going there meeting with them. In a way it’s like he’s encouraging it.

  “You could always join my gym,” I say, trying to coax a smile out of him. “It’s really fun.”

  “Maybe.”

  So things are tense. Ben isn’t the most flexible person, and I can be stubborn too. Plus we both tend to hold grudges which obviously doesn’t help the situation. And all this
tension is affecting our sex life. Obviously we’ve never had any issues in that department, but things feel different between us lately. I want to say it’s all Ben, but I have to admit I’m not feeling that passionate either.

  When I meet Suzy and Lauren at a new restaurant downtown that Lauren wanted to try, I decide to ask the two of them if I’m overreacting.

  “You’re doing the right thing,” Lauren says. “It’s best to get all the stuff out in the open now. I’m sure Ben will relax once you’re married.”

  “I can’t believe he’s holding a grudge because of a smoothie,” Suzy says. “That’s really childish.”

  I sigh. “I know. That’s not how Ben views it though. He believes he knows the best way something should be done and it doesn’t make sense to him when I don’t go along with it. In his mind he thinks I’m the one being difficult.”

  “Maybe you guys should go in for marriage counseling,” Lauren suggests.

  “But we’re not even married yet!”

  “I know, but that’s when people are doing it nowadays. It’s called pre-marriage counseling and it’s all the rage.”

  “Really?”

  “I don’t know,” Suzy says. “I think if you need marriage counseling before you’re even married then something is seriously wrong.”

  I pick up my menu. “I don’t think it’s gotten to that point or anything. We’re just having a few disagreements. I’m sure it will all work out.” Staring at the menu I realize that Ben would really like this place. It’s mostly health food, but prepared more gourmet then you’re average granola and sprouts kind of place. I’ll have to bring him here sometime. I asked him if he wanted to join the three of us for dinner tonight, but he said he couldn’t make it, since he’s going snowboarding this weekend and needed to pick up new chains for his jeep in case the roads are bad. “How did you find this place?” I ask Lauren.

  “My yoga instructor recommended it. She said the food is delicious.”

  I glance around the restaurant. “It’s really crowded. That’s always a good sign.”

  “I wonder if I should try prenatal yoga,” Suzy muses. “I was reading something about it the other day. People say it can help with the delivery and I know I’ll need all the help I can get.”

  “Oh, you should!” Lauren puts her menu down. “They even have classes for it at the studio that I go to. I’ll definitely do it if I ever get pregnant.”

  “So the yoga’s really working out, huh?”

  Lauren nods. “It is. It might sound weird, but I feel like meeting Paul has come about partly because of my practicing yoga.”

  I take a sip from my glass of water. “What do you mean?”

  “I feel so much more centered in my life. I was ready for this relationship and I don’t think I would have been a few months ago. It’s like I had decided to stop looking for a man and just concentrate on myself and lo and behold this amazing guy comes along.”

  This all sounds a little too woo-woo for me, but I decide it’s best not to say anything. After all, who am I to judge? Besides I think it’s awesome that Lauren has found the man of her dreams.

  The waiter comes over. I decide to try a nut burger along with a bottle of organic beer. Suzy and Lauren give their orders and then Suzy excuses herself to use the bathroom.

  “So, have you and Ben set a date yet?”

  “No. I can’t pin him down. Whenever I bring up any wedding stuff, Ben never wants to talk about it. He always says we have plenty of time.”

  “Men,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “I’m sure he has no idea how much planning is involved in putting together even a small ceremony. Maybe you should talk to his mom.”

  I shudder, but then think maybe that isn’t such a bad idea. She is going to be my future mother-in-law so I should be trying to get along with her. I ask her if Paul has gotten his ticket to come out here yet.

  “He has,” she says, smiling as the waiter places our organic beers in front of us. “He’s flying out the week before Christmas and then we’ll fly to LA together. I can’t wait to see him. I’m so excited!”

  “That sounds awesome. What does his family think about all this?”

  “Hasn’t Declan told you? Apparently there’s been quite a buzz. I even talked to his parents on the phone the other day. They all want me to come and visit. It looks like I’ll be going out there in March.”

  “Wow, I had no idea...you don’t think this is all moving too fast? You guys only spent three days together.”

  “I know, but I just can’t explain it Kate. I feel like I’ve met my soul mate. We both realize it’s happening fast, but it feels right—you know? There’s no point in taking it slow if that feels wrong.”

  “I guess I understand.”

  Suzy comes back to the table at the same time our waiter is bringing all our food. She sits down as he puts each of our plates in front of us. When I glance at her I notice that she has an odd expression as if she isn’t feeling well.

  “Are you all right? Is something wrong with your order?”

  “No, its fine.”

  “Are you sick?” Lauren asks.

  Suzy shakes her head and then takes a breath. “Ben is here. I saw him when I was coming back from the bathroom.”

  “He is? I should ask him to join us.”

  “That might not be such a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  Suzy looks at me uneasily. “He’s with another woman.”

  My mouth drops open. “What?”

  “Well, it’s probably just a friend,” Lauren says quickly. “Doesn’t Ben have all those women friends that he works out with?”

  “That’s true,” I say, feeling uncertain. He never mentioned that he was meeting anyone for dinner tonight. “What does she look like? Are you sure it was him?”

  “I didn’t see her face. All I could tell was that she has blonde hair.”

  The only person I can think of who fits that description is Rochelle. “Okay, I think I know who it is. It’s this woman he works out with. Her name’s Rochelle—remember I told you guys about her? She’s a total floozy, but Ben is still friends with her.”

  “I don’t know Kate. The way they were sitting it looked like they were more than friends,” Suzy says quietly. She takes my hand from across the table. “What do you want us to do? We’re here for you whatever you decide. You know that.”

  I remain still, trying to absorb this information. Is it really possible that Ben is cheating on me with Rochelle? Why would he do that? It doesn’t make sense.

  “You must have misinterpreted it,” I say. “I’m going to go talk to him. Where’s he sitting?”

  “They’re at the bar.” Suzy motions to her right.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  ***

  I walk in the general direction that Suzy pointed until I see the long bar that runs across the length of the room where people are sitting on stools. There’s quite a crowd and I scan through it searching for Ben. I don’t see him and I find myself hoping that Suzy was wrong. Maybe she only saw someone she thought was Ben.

  But then I spot him.

  He’s sitting right near the end. It jolts me to see him here. He looks handsome and relaxed. I notice that he’s definitely with someone. I can see him bending nearer to talk to her and they appear quite cozy. Immediately I see that it isn’t Rochelle. This woman has straight chin length blonde hair and is wearing a black hoodie.

  Before I know it I’m walking towards them, running plausible theories through my head. Maybe he knows her from work or maybe she’s a friend of Stacey’s. When I’m about four feet away from them, Ben suddenly sees me. And it’s in that moment I realize Suzy is right. Something is very off here. The look on his face says it all. He’s shocked.

  “Kate?” He stares at me and then glances down at the woman he’s with.

  I stare at her too as she turns in her chair. To my surprise she looks familiar, though I can’t place her.

  “What are you doin
g here?” I ask. “I thought you were out buying new chains for your jeep.”

  “Uh, I’m going to pick them up later. I’m just meeting a friend for dinner. Are you here with Suzy and Lauren?”

  “I am.” I turn to the woman he’s with. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Kate, Ben’s fiancé. What’s your name?”

  She gives me a smug grin and I feel like slapping it right off her face. “Yes, I know who you are. I’m Heather.”

  “Heather,” I repeat, thinking of that note I saw in Ben’s bag. And then it comes to me. I remember another note from months ago, back when Ben and I first started dating again. It came from that waitress at Bella Luna’s, the one who looked like a Pomeranian dog. I remember she gave Ben her phone number and email. I understand now why this girl in front of me looks so familiar. Because it’s her—little Miss Best-In-Show—but how? I’m confused because I distinctly remember tearing up that piece of paper with all her information on it.

  I study Ben’s guilty face, trying to figure this out. How did he contact her?

  Then I understand and I feel like the biggest fool in the world. He must have given her his email and phone number. It didn’t matter that I tore up that paper. She could still contact him. The whole thing was a farce. A charade. When I think about how he carried on, telling me I’m the only woman he’s interested in, and how he spent the rest of the night making passionate love to me my blood boils.

  “You bastard!” And before I can stop myself I pick up a glass of water from the bar and throw it in his face.

  “Jesus, Kate!”

  I hear the restaurant around us quiet down as all eyes turn our way. Good, I think. Let them look. I know how much Ben hates a scene. He won’t even hold my hand in public. I hope he’s embarrassed to death.

  He picks up a napkin and wipes his face. “What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?”

  “No, I haven’t, but apparently you have, because you’ve been lying to me. Obviously you’ve been in contact with this little tramp the whole time we’ve been together.”