Maybe This Life

by Grider, J. P.

  "Yes, Mother," Angelina answered, but thought, proper ladies do not beat the living daylights out of their daughters. Angelina did not want to go inside. Content to sit out on the steps and watch Richard set the pop out on the curb, Angelina took her time going upstairs. It made her happy to watch Richard take the pop cases off the hand truck and stack them out on the sidewalk. On lucky days, Angelina's mother would get so drunk, she would have no clue what Angelina was up to. She'd sit outside until dusk just to get a glimpse of Richard putting the unsold cases back on the hand truck to bring in before his father closed up shop.

  "Angelina," came another bellow from her mother, today not being one of those fortunate nights for Angelina. Tonight her mother was just drunk enough to be wicked. Angelina caught Richard looking back at her as she reluctantly stood to go inside. She knew what Richard was thinking; he knew what was about to happen. Everyone knew what happened in the Mancini home, yet no one did anything to stop it. The whole town turned a blind eye to crazy drunken Agnes.

  Angelina, one slow step at a time, ascended the stairs to her apartment. An inebriated Agnes stood at the top, a wooden ruler in her hand.

  "Mama, please, I am so sorry. I just wanted to finish the chapter I was reading?" Angelina pleaded – in vain, she knew, but attempted to stop her mother anyway.

  "Who are you fooling, Angelina? You were gawking at that delivery boy. Whores do that. You are turning into a whore, child."

  "No, Mama, no, I am not." Holding back her tears felt like glass crumbling in her throat.

  But it was too late. Angelina knew Agnes' mind was set. She held the ruler sideways and started slicing her daughter's arm with it.

  "Mama," Angelina winced, no longer able to hold back the tears. "Please."

  Agnes whipped her with the ruler again. Though Angelina attempted to run, Agnes caught her and wrapped her again, this time slashing the back of her daughter's neck. Going at her again, Agnes struck her daughter's cheekbone, slicing the corner of Angelina's eye and leaving a bleeding gash across her face. "Now get in your room and do not come out." Agnes staggered away, leaving Angelina to care for her own wounds.

  The next day, Angelina escaped for school before her mother woke up. Already outside arranging the soda pop cases, Richard called out to Angelina, "Hey, Angie," he yelled from across the street.

  Embarrassed by her appearance, Lena only waved, leaving her head down. Her face even worse this morning than last night, she couldn't bear for Richard to see her, so she kept walking, hoping to dissuade him from coming over. It hadn't helped.

  "Angelina?" Crossing the street to greet her, his voice held concern.

  Her gaze remained downward while she fussed with her bonnet, in another attempt to thwart conversation. "Umm...I am running late this morning, I have to go." She picked up her walking pace, hating every minute of deceiving the boy she loved. The tug on her sleeve slowed her down.

  "Agnes hit you again," Richard remarked. "I will kill her." Gently touching his hand to her marred face, he positioned himself in front of her.

  "She was drinking again," Angelina whispered, her head still down. "She did not mean it."

  "You are always defending her, Angelina. She should not be hurting you like this." The back of his fingers caressed her wounds.

  "I know, but it really is not that bad."

  "Yes, Angie, it is that bad."

  "Really, Richard, I can handle her. Please, do not spend any more time worrying about this...please." But Angelina knew he would not stop until he could put an end to the beatings. Which she knew was an impossible feat.

  "Well, I will worry. We need to get married, Angelina. I can take you away from her," Richard said with conviction.

  Angelina scoffed, "She will never allow it, I'm only thirteen, Richard."

  "So, we will do it without her consent. I am sure my father knows someone who would marry us."

  "Again, I am only thirteen, Richard. Thirteen."

  "No matter. We love each other. What does your age have to do with it?"

  But age had everything to do with it. Lena knew this, because, before waking fully from her dream, she had caught a different glimpse. Their goodbye... on the front steps. Richard was old enough to be drafted into the war, not long after his proposal of marriage. He left. And Angelina, unmarried yet, would never see him again.

  "Hey, sleepyhead," Lena heard upon waking.

  "Sorry I fell asleep," she murmured, sitting upright, trying to shake herself out of her sleepy stupor.

  "Oh, don't apologize, you needed it." Rick stroked the back of Lena's hair.

  "What time is it?"

  "After two."

  "In the morning? Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. And you have to go to work tomorrow...today..." Lena stood, figuring Rick would want to leave. He just sat there, elbow on the sidearm, chin resting on his knuckles. "Don't you need to leave?" she wondered.

  "Would you like me to leave?"

  "Umm." No, she did not want him to leave. It was comfortable with him near. "I...guess not." She furrowed her brow, surprised she just told a man she really hadn't known long, that she'd like him to stay...the night. "But what about work?"

  "I'll go in late. I'm the manager, it'll be fine. What about you? Are you missing again?"

  "Yeah, I called out for the week. I know it's bad. I haven't even had the job long, I'm sure it doesn't look good. I just...there's just too much going on." Lena sat back down on the couch, the opposite end from Rick, and put her feet up, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Everything is so messed up, Rick." Trying her best to suppress her tears again, she couldn't help it. A stray tear tickled her cheek.

  "What's messed up, Lena? You're pregnant. Obviously...you want to keep it." Lena heard the question in his voice, even though he seemed to try to keep it a statement.

  The pull in her chest reminded her that she was not one-hundred percent sure about her decision to keep the baby. "I...I think so. It's just...this is not where I wanted to be. I wanted so much more," she cried.

  "Like what, sweetheart?" Rick still sat at his end of the couch, cool and collected, while Lena sat frazzled, admiring his self-possession. She'd seen his temper just that once with Vince, yet he otherwise always seemed contained. Lena admired that.

  As her foot rhythmically tapped on the couch, she thought about Rick's question. Not that she didn't know the answer. She knew it well. Lena had just not said it out loud to anyone. Not since before she'd turned down her first production job. "I...just...I wanted so badly to work in television...not here...in P.R...I could have started y'know. If I only put my foot down and stood up to Vince. Now…with a baby...a child to raise...now I'll never get there." Lena looked at Rick, who'd been watching her. Listening to her. He seemed so interested in what she had to say that she continued her rambling. "I know this seems so selfish, but I'm only twenty-five. I'm not ready to be a mother. I wanted to...I don't know, make music videos, movies, television shows...something...like that." Lena trailed off, tired of complaining.

  For about a whole sixty-seconds, Lena and Rick sat silent, staring at each other. She, on one end of the couch, he, with one foot on the floor, one leg bent on the seat cushion, sitting on the other end. Lena figured Rick was waiting to see if she was done talking, before he responded to her rambling pity-party.

  "Well," he finally started. "You can't go back and do it over, we all wish we could. But you're only twenty-five. A baby doesn't have to be the end. Take one day at a time, Lena. First things first. If being in television is what you want, you'll get there…if you make it happen. Right now though, let's get you through this ordeal. Decisions do not have to be made overnight."

  Lena shook her head. "You make it seem so simple."

  "No I don't. I just want you to face what's in front of you without boggling your mind with what could've been. When...it still can be."

  Lena took a moment to respond, "Were you always this smart?"

  Rick laughed. "I am not smart. I'm just able to
see your life objectively...sort of,...which you can't. That's all...look, it's getting late. Why don't you get me a pillow and a blanket? I'll sleep on your couch, and you can go to bed and get some sleep."

  Lena just then remembered her nightmare and did not want to go to sleep. "Oh, um, sure, I'll get you a pillow and...Rick? Can I ask you something?"

  "Sure," a smiling Rick answered.

  "Was your name...um...Richard?"

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Rick stilled.

  She remembered.

  He had to be careful, so not to frighten her away. He'd longed for this day. The moment he would share his memories of the woman who had taken hold of his soul so many years ago.

  "As in, was my name Richard in...my past life?" he asked, cautious and slow, afraid of the direction the conversation could take.

  Two nods. "Yes." Her answer, as uncertain as his question, informed him that she was equally as nervous.

  "Yes. My name was Richard."

  Her breaths appeared more labored as her chest began a rapid rise and fall. The sudden remoteness of her eyes frightened Rick, but he soon realized she was seeing something. Something not here... but in another time. Lena's expression mimicked what Rick had felt when he'd been traveling somewhere in another time. He'd read online that some would call it Astral Travel, but he knew it to be his own memory of his other life. Now…he watched Lena disappear into that world.

  ************

  Angelina watched from across the street as the two men handed Richard's mother the letter. She didn't need to see the letter to know what it said. Neither did Richard's mother, who fell to her knees as she screamed a piercing, blood-curdling scream. The pain heard in the woman's cry, as well as the horror on her face, equaled Angelina's own heartache, now that she knew. Richard was gone; he'd never return.

  Lena roused with a jolt. "You left Angelina," she declared with a grim voice full of grief.

  "I did. I'm sorry."

  Surprised that Rick admitted this so quickly, Lena could only stare at him.

  "What do you remember, Lena?"

  "No. I don't remember anything. I saw you with her, it was just...a dream or something. My great-great grandmother...and you?"

  "Your great-great grand...no, Lena...you were Angelina."

  "No. I don't believe it. Why? How would I anyway...how would I come back as my own...no, it just doesn't make sense. That just doesn't happen," Lena said, frightened.

  "Who says it doesn't happen?" Rick sounded a trifle annoyed. "From what I've read, souls tend to travel together. So people you've spent time with in one life, tend to find you... in the next."

  Lena stood, still unable to grasp the concept of reincarnation. Her headache was coming back. "No, I don't believe any of this." She stormed over to the recliner and sat.

  "Why is it that you can believe I was Richard, but not that you were Angelina?" Agitated, Rick stood and paced the room.

  Lena mocked a chuckle. "That's another thing, people who are born again come back with the same names? That's crazy." She felt bad though, because Rick looked hurt.

  "No, Lena. My name is Patrick. When I slowly began to remember who I was, I started calling myself Rick. It suited me better. And helped me get through...my revelation. I chose my new name. As for you, it's normal to be named after one of your ancestors."

  This was just all too much. Now she wanted Rick to leave and forget they ever had this conversation. Why it bothered her to think she could have been Angelina, she had no clue, but it bothered her nonetheless. Her sudden anger toward Rick was irrational too, yet here she was, mad as hell.

  "Look, Rick, I'm tired now. I ...just...let yourself out, stay on the couch, I really don't care." She raced to her room and slammed the door, unable to understand what got her so upset. She couldn't deal with it now, not when she had this unwanted pregnancy to deal with.

  As soon as her head hit her pillow, she cried. It wasn't like her to get this emotional and the last person she wanted to hurt was Rick. He just made her...furious...and helpless against the circumstances in her life. Though her hostility had come from situations with Vince, she took the easy route and directed it toward Rick. He didn't scare her in the way that Vince did, so it felt safe to do so.

  Exhausted and defeated, Lena's tears helped lull her to sleep. However, sometime during the night, she saw Angelina being beaten by that Agnes woman. When Angelina writhed in pain, Lena's own screaming startled her awake. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes? Rick...seated on her bed, already positioned to take her in his arms.

  "Shh," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. "It's okay, you're awake now. It was only a dream."

  It took Lena a moment to compose herself. "Rick." He hadn't left. "Why are you still here?" She asked between breaths, still tugging for air after her nightmare.

  "Lena, nevermind that. Are you all right? What did you see?"

  The tender tone of his voice turned her tumultuous temper to mush.

  "Lena, tell me about your dream." His voice, soft and reassuring, made it hard to still be mad at him.

  Bringing her knees up to her chest in her ever-favorite seated position, she shook her head. "I saw her again," Lena whispered, her voice so low, she barely heard it herself.

  "Angelina?"

  "Yes."

  Rick's eyes focused on Lena's, but he didn't say a word. Instead, he appeared to be trying to speak to her on a deeper level. Oddly enough, Lena thought she could hear him, if hearing silent words made any sense. She could feel his words. Their eyes continued to dive into each other's, until an electric collision of their souls transported them both back to 1917. A surreal moment, where Lena, apart from her current physical self, was standing next to her great-great grandmother, as a young girl. And with the young Angelina, was the boy who broke her heart by going off to war. It was the day they'd said their goodbyes. Lena remembered it from her dream. The one where they'd exchanged the broken locket so each would have a photo of the other. It played out exactly like her dream, only this time, Rick was in the picture, standing next to Richard.

  As if lightning had struck, Lena was thrown back into her own time, back into her room. Her heart pounding, breaths quick, she jumped off the bed and panicked, pacing the floor in quick strides. "Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod."

  "Lena," Rick stopped her mid-stride, placing his hands on her shoulders.

  "Ohmigod, ohmigod..."

  "Lena, stop," he yelled. "It's okay."

  "Oh my...what just happened?" Her breaths even more rapid, Lena needed to scream and escape herself for the moment. The urge to run took over, and so, she did. Tearing out of the room, down the stairs, and out her front door, she ran out into the dark six a.m. dawn, to who knows where. She felt his steps behind her, but she didn't care. Her feet picked up speed trying to run from her own thoughts...trying to outrun the craziness that had become her life.

  His footsteps were still behind her, but he hadn't called out to her. Hadn't tried to stop her. She continued on until she could no longer run at all. Lena dropped to the ground outside the old brick public school she attended in her youth.

  "Lena, get up," Rick quietly commanded, while pulling her up by her hands. "It's not good for you to sit when you're so out of breath. C'mon, let's walk it off." Draping his arm around her shoulders, he led them behind the school. Once Lena's breathing returned to normal, Rick brought her to a set of bleachers that overlooked the baseball field.

  Lena sat there listening to the sound of her chest expanding and compressing with each breath. Several minutes ticked by before either one of them spoke, but Lena was surprised, and impressed, that Rick would let her vent off steam like that without adding comment or judgment. She'd have to remember that the next time she started to build irrational hostility toward him.

  "Thank you," she finally blurted.

  "For what?" His genuine uncertainty surprised her.

  "For being here, for staying...for not stopping me."

&
nbsp; "Now why would I do that? It was scary...what we...experienced... in your bedroom. I was frightened the first time it happened to me, too."

  "The first time? You mean...that's happened to you before?"

  His quiet titter melted more of the ice that had recently formed over her heart.

  "Yes, it's happened to me before; the first time, when I was twelve."

  "Twelve? What did you do?" Run off like a fool, like her?

  "I didn't do anything...at first. Eventually, though, I thought I was going crazy. My mom wanted to put me in a hospital at one point...that's when I ran away."

  "You ran away from home?"

  "Not for long. I actually met up with someone who proved I wasn't crazy."

  "Who?"

  "Andrew." Rick paused. "He was my younger brother...back then."

  "Andrew can remember his past life, too?" She said, amazed.

  Again, Rick's nervous laughter created a warm sensation beneath her chest.

  "No. Andrew was Andrew in my past life. He is still in the same...life...though, I expect, not for long…" He trailed off.

  Lena took a moment to think about that. "So, Andrew, as Andrew, was Richard's younger brother?"

  "Yes."

  "How do you know for sure?"

  "Well for one, he owns the building we used to live in. Plus, his memories of Richard matched mine. He was only four when Richard left, but there were things...he remembered. And...he had some actual material things from my past."

  "Really? Like what?" Impressed, Lena felt her eyes bug out of her head as she leaned forward to find out what one could actually keep from another lifetime.

  "Well, pictures, my, well, Richard's mother's China and some of her jewelry that I can remember her wearing. Other things...anyway, even though there's this tremendous age difference now, he kind of became my...brother...all over again. We've gotten close over the years. I'm going to miss him." Tears pooled over Rick's eyes, but he blinked them away.