Equinox (Augarten Book 1)

by Charlie Godwyne

  His scoffed. "Stop teasing. Suck me off with that gorgeous mouth."

  My eyes flew wide, my heart hammering in my chest. I had never guessed Florian to be bossy in bed. I wrapped my lips around his crown and licked along his underside. I slid down his shaft slowly, all the way to the base. Pausing there, I sucked my cheeks against him and coaxed my gag reflex down.

  "Gods, yes, Gabriel. Take me, baby."

  Holy shit.

  I slid back off him and lapped his balls into my mouth, sucking softly to Florian mewls. His knees fell wide on the bed, and the sight before me of him sprawled out, offered up completely to me, was enough to nearly make me come right then and there. He arched his back again and his feet slid off the bed. I hooked under his knees and moved them to rest over my shoulders, hugging me in tight. Florian met my eyes then, a message of sweet affection passing between us.

  Then I blew him straight to the edge. Swallowing him all the way down, I fondled his balls and held him at his base while I pumped him with my mouth. Florian bucked and gasped as I drove him wild, egged on by his cock pulsing against my tongue. He threaded his fingers into my hair, urging me up and down, and I hummed with his every gasp, vibrating my lips around his shaft.

  Unable to hold back, I reached down and jerked myself off like a man possessed. I came in just seconds, whimpering around his cock in desperation.

  "Gabriel," Florian whispered. "I can't hold out—I'm going to come."

  I groaned in pleasure, giving him permission to come. One more pump, two, then Florian cried out and shot in my mouth, salty and sweet. I swallowed it all, pulling off when Florian flinched with sensitivity. After wiping us off with a hand towel, I crawled back up the bed and cradled him to me.

  He carded his hands through my hair. "Your turn."

  I blushed, still panting from my orgasm. "Oops. I jacked myself off while I was blowing you."

  His mouth fell open. "But now I can't reciprocate."

  "You take care of your customers in the shop all day…it makes me want to take care of you."

  "You're sweet," he said softly. "But a relationship goes both ways, Gabriel."

  My heart leapt into my throat. "So that means you want us to be together?"

  He reached out and tucked a strand of hair out of my face. "Now you're making me feel like I'm rushing things."

  I grabbed his hand and held it in both of mine. "No, Florian. I want to be with you. I know I barely know you, but it's not like I know myself, either. Can we date? We're both busy with work, but…"

  His half-smile was endearing. "Sure. Let's give it a try."

  Half an hour later, Florian stroked my hair as I came down from the heavens, words escaping from my lips unbidden. "How…how…"

  He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Practice."

  I fanned out on the bed, panting for all I was worth. "You're an Adonis. Please, please marry me."

  I'd hoped to draw a laugh out of him at that, but instead, my quiet lover's eyes turned sad. I found myself wanting to apologize, but I did not know what for. I shivered and curled against his side as my sweat evaporated. Florian yanked the sheet over us.

  I tried to change the subject and asked something I had wanted to know since I first saw him. "Have you ever been in love?"

  "I have," he answered neutrally.

  "Do you fall in love easily?"

  "I don't. I have only ever been in love one time."

  "I bet I've been in love, too. I just can't prove it."

  That got him to smile at me. "How can you be so sincere? What's the catch?"

  I climbed on top of him, propping myself up on my forearms so he could breathe. "I keep praying there isn't one. But I'm also not willing to wait for my brain to recover my memories, if it means delaying getting to be with you. It could be months, months I could have spent with you."

  Florian looked like my words gave him hope he was hesitant to let himself feel.

  "Be with me, Florian. I am already yours."

  He smirked. "You're mine? How did I not know about that?"

  "I snuck in the delivery, unnoticed."

  He cackled. "I knew something was wrong with the milk order this morning. A man as tall as my doorway was stacked in there with the crates."

  Leaning down, I kissed the side of his neck. Florian sighed, running his fingertips up and down my spine lazily.

  We showered off and Florian started dinner. That night, I slept wrapped around him, his body spooned up against me. In protecting him, I felt anchored and solid. In hearing him sleeping peacefully, his back to my chest, I too felt safe enough to abandon myself to sleep, without dreaming I was someone else with memories, living a somehow more fulfilling life, somewhere else.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The next day, I met Florian at his place once I got off work, and he wound me through the maze of side streets between his shop and the canal. I spotted a wooden sign in the shape of a sewing machine up ahead. I had asked Florian if he knew of a place to get cheap clothing and one professional suit, in case Mr. Buchinger took me on as an apprentice. Florian had explained he had friends from his school days who would give me a better price and quality than anyone else.

  Florian pressed the call button and we were buzzed in. We climbed the steps to the mezzanine, then buzzed through a second door. "I think you'll like them, Gabriel. I've known Anne and Sarah for ages."

  "Florian!"

  Just inside the door stood the most ornately dressed woman I had ever seen. She was perfectly coiffed and had everything in place, as if she had just stepped straight out of the Victorian era.

  "Anne!"

  Florian rushed forward and they kissed on each cheek. Then she fluttered over to me, air kisses and barely even touching, since she couldn't reach me anyway, and I was too flustered to react properly.

  "A pleasure to meet you, Gabriel. Florian has told us a bit about you. Come to the back and let's get your measurements."

  She hooked her arm through Florian's and led us to a small but tidy workroom, where an impeccably dressed man was setting up a stool in front of a full-length mirror. He too was dressed to the nines: high-waisted slacks and long-buttoned cuffs, a stiff collar and suspenders. A top hat and cane with a twin-tailed coat hung from hooks on the far wall. He smiled and shook my hand. "A pleasure to meet you, Gabriel. My name is Sarah."

  "Nice to meet you."

  Anne instructed me to take my shoes off and stand on the raised platform while Sarah and Florian hugged and caught up quickly. Then it was all business. Anne ran a measuring tape along one length of my body, said a number, and Sarah noted it down on a pad of paper. The two worked seamlessly, a clear division of duties that left no question as to their efficiency. Florian watched with a twinkle in his eyes while Anne moved me around as if I were an oversized doll.

  Sarah finished noting down the measurements. Anne disappeared in back and brought out different fabrics to try against my skin tone.

  Sarah paced around me thoughtfully. "Such a tall frame. I'll have to make new patterns, I think. Are you a vest man, Gabriel?"

  That startled me. "I defer to your opinion?"

  Sarah frowned and met my eyes. "Really? I've never met a man who didn't have a strong opinion about vests, one way or the other."

  Well, I didn't have opinions—or memories—about lots of things.

  Florian chimed in. "I think he would look handsome in a vest. Or something with a high collar—might as well play on his strength and make him the tallest and best-dressed man in Vienna."

  Anne smiled privately as she tried a couple different brass buttons against my chest, whereas Sarah openly beamed at the praise. "I'll see to it."

  I blushed under their scrutiny, but my financial worries took precedent. "Would you mind if I paid in monthly installments?"

  Sarah glanced at Florian, and I wondered whether they had already discussed this. "We're taking measurements today to give our intern Milly some idea of what to look for while she's out shopping. If a
ny used clothing store in Vienna has something your size, Milly will find it."

  I glanced at Florian. Shopping? I had no money. He winked.

  Sarah continued. "We'll have Milly find you a few outfits and any shoes, then we'll tack on her shopping fee to the price of the suit we're going to make for you. And we're happy to negotiate a lower monthly payment that will take longer, since Florian tells us you're new at your job."

  My gut clenched. "I appreciate that."

  Anne patted my arm. "We've known Florian since we were teenagers at Hauptschule. If you miss any of your payments, we'll just chase him down ourselves…and throw him in the canal. Let the power of the Danube serve as a warning."

  Florian looked terrified. I rushed to assure them I would always be on time.

  Florian took my hand after we said goodbye to Anne and Sarah. "They seemed to like you."

  I let out a breath. "You have great friends."

  He bumped shoulders with me. "And they're here in the second district, too. I have all my clothes made by them. Plus their prices are very reasonable, cheaper than most global clothing stores. Makes it easier to keep your prices down if you don't have to ship things from so far."

  "I just hope I can keep up with the payments." Though I hated to admit that out loud.

  Florian squeezed my hand. "Don't worry. I calculated the hours you have already worked for me, translated them to minimum wage, and gave it to them as a down payment. I hope you don't mind."

  That warmed me. I squeezed his hand. "Sounds good."

  He scanned me. "What's that smile for?"

  "I was just thinking that you like to take care of people."

  "And what about you?" he asked, his expression guarded.

  I thought about that. "I like to protect those close to me."

  The next morning, I rounded the corner to the Schöner Himmel and a stone dropped in my stomach. Confused at this sudden sense of foreboding, I then saw someone else inside with Florian, so I sped up. The feeling of unease increased. I broke into a run.

  As I covered the last stretch, a man stormed out of the shop and nearly bowled into me.

  I stepped out of his way and only managed to barely bump into him. "Excuse me."

  He glared at me, his face flushed, eyes flashing angrily. "Who are you looking at?"

  "Guten Morgen," I said firmly.

  He straightened and finished buttoning his vest, then stalked down the street. I watched him go, confirming he was gone for good. Maybe I wasn't much of a vest man, after all.

  Inside I found Florian with his face buried in his apron, his back against the counter. Hair disheveled, shirt pulled out of his belt and wrinkled. I made a solid guess as to why that man had needed to straighten his clothing.

  Schooling my breath, I turned the sign on the door back to Geschlossen. The keys weren't in the doorknob, but I clicked the deadbolt over.

  "Gabriel?" Florian intoned softly. His voice cracked. He had clearly been crying, yelling, or both.

  Closing my eyes, I took a moment to remind myself that my anger was not directed at Florian. If I took these feelings out on him, it would make me no better than the man who had caused them in the first place.

  I hung up my coat on the rack by the door and crossed the shop, wishing my clothes were as smart as that man's. Wishing, for once, I wasn't wearing my loose-fitting gardener's garb I usually wore for my morning espresso, so I could afford to get dirty if I ended up washing dishes in the kitchen. Florian smoothed out his clothes and watched me with wounded eyes, like an animal waiting to see if he would be kicked. I breathed slowly, inhaling as much forced calm as I could manage with such anger simmering beneath the surface.

  Stepping into the space behind the bar, I came to stand in front of him.

  He scanned me with red-rimmed eyes. "How much of that did you see?"

  Slowly, so agonizingly slowly, I brushed some of Florian's tousled hair off his forehead. I couldn't bear to stop touching him, sliding my hand down and cupping his cheek. Florian pressed into my palm and closed his eyes, giving me the weight of his head like he was falling asleep. Giving me his complete surrender, like when we had embraced each other and made love. I held him, yes, but while I did that, Florian actively pieced himself back together, picking up the shards and sweeping the dust away. I watched him collect himself right before my eyes.

  I leaned in and kissed him, hesitant, waiting for his consent, his confirmation that he wanted this.

  Florian gave a little gasp, then kissed me back. His lips were petal soft, his breath warm. The cold morning fell away.

  Then Florian broke the kiss. "You don't want a relationship with me, Gabriel. I'm a mess."

  "I do." I leaned forward again. "Who was that man?"

  He glanced to the side, not meeting my gaze. "…just an ex added to my already long list of troubled past relationships."

  I laid my hands on his shoulders and gently kneaded the tense muscles at the base of his neck.

  Florian stifled a groan. "I'm a dumpster fire. Don't come close, Gabriel."

  "I want to come close. Florian, I already care for you. Don't push me away. It'll be okay—I'm no stranger to things being complicated."

  After a long moment, he nodded. "I want to be with you, too. I'm sorry for freaking out. I don't actually want to break things off with you."

  I wanted to ask him not to see this man again, but I did not want to make demands while Florian was so distraught. "Why was he here?"

  Florian shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We've been over for a long time. I threatened to call the police. He won't come again."

  "Do you want to talk about it?"

  "No."

  Florian had his hands on my chest still. We kissed, slowly, exploring, taking our time, as if we had eternity.

  He let out a little whimper, and that turned my thoughts away from comforting him. My mind so easily supplied the images: that of turning Florian to face his counter, bending him over. Teasing him and making love to him, my chest pressed to his back, my hips to his, buried deep inside as I wrung the last vestiges of tension and pain from him, sweeping him away. Yes as much as I wanted to distract him from his worries, I did not know what that man had just done to my lover, and Florian clearly did not want to talk about it. So I held back, embracing him tenderly instead, even though my feelings of love for the beautiful man in my arms threatened to overtake me.

  Florian gasped away from our kiss. "Gabriel, I care for you too."

  I pulled him into a hug, trembling with the intensity of my desires. "Thank you."

  Florian's smile was so sweet, despite all of his sadness. Then the sweetness left, and only the sadness remained. "But I don't want to hurt you, and I am broken."

  "The broken man, and the guy who can't remember his own name. We'll make quite the pair."

  There was a knock on the door. A customer peeked through the glass.

  "Do you want me to stay? I can help you get set up quickly."

  "Please," Florian said, the moment gone. "Go unlock the door and let him in."

  After a long day of working in the garden, the next evening, Florian found me at Augarten after his prayers.

  I tugged on his sleeve. "Watch the sunset with me."

  He kicked at the sidewalk, scuffing his shoe for a long moment. "Okay. I'm weak to your boyish charms."

  I smiled. "Boyish. I'm thirty-five."

  He laughed. "Let's grab drinks first."

  We got off the tram one block early to visit a liquor store. With his work schedule, Florian never had much chance to go out drinking with friends, and he wanted to enjoy Sturm one more time before the very short season for it ended. I was all Sturmed-out, so I wandered the crowded aisles of the liquor store while Florian chatted with the shop owner about the vineyards at the edge of town.

  Turning the corner of an aisle, my eye caught a black beer bottle with some kind of stylized dragon on the logo. I reached out and took it, something niggling at me. I turned the bottle
over in my hands. I already know this beer is tasty, that I will like it. But I've never had it before, not since losing my memories.

  My angel didn't reply. I pressed on.

  Being with Florian relaxes me enough, it feels as if I could start to remember. This is good, isn't it?

  No, it isn't.

  I thought of asking why, but I feared the answer, and so held back. If Ian told me to stay away from Florian, I would not be able to heed his warning. Best to leave the question unasked. I bought the bottle.

  We opted to walk the rest of the distance home. Pink streaked the sky by the time we made it to Augarten. We picked a park bench in a corner facing the view, far enough away from the playground to not be disturbed by the last of the families clearing out.

  "We should go hiking at Grinzing sometime, before we get the first freeze and lose the fall leaves," Florian suggested.

  "I'm in." I took another swig of my beer. Indeed, it was very good.

  Florian slurped from his bottle of Sturm and sat back with a blissful sigh. "Gabriel, you'll have to carry me home if I relax any more than this."

  "You could stay at my place tonight," I offered.

  He stared straight at me, his hair framed by the orange twilight, those expressive hazel eyes hiding something, holding back, yet trying to search me for answers at the same time. Then he gave a shy smile, and it warmed me.

  "The decision is yours," I said, "but I loved sucking you off."

  Florian scoffed. "Isn't that decision something we should make together?"

  "Mine is made."

  That brought him up short. He whooshed a breath out, puffing his cheeks. "Twice in two days…I hadn't had sex in a long time."

  "As for me, I don't know how long it's been."

  He clinked his drink against mine, even though his plastic bottle just whacked against my glass. "Amen to that."

  We finished our drinks and watched the blazing pink fade to soothing purple behind the apartment Haus blocks. Florian folded his legs up against his chest, propping his heels on the edge of the park bench and leaning into my side. I leaned back, a gentle pressure.