After the Pain

by Gia Riley

  “Okay.” Not sure where else I would go, but I’ll listen since he obviously has something else to surprise me with tonight. Dinner and my swing were enough, but I’ll let him do his thing. When he comes back outside, I notice him adjusting the collar on his polo. He takes a deep breath and exhales.

  “I have one more thing to show you.”

  “There’s more? What’s the occasion?”

  “I don’t need a reason to love you.”

  His response warms my heart like I’ve never experienced. I watch him bend down and pick up an electrical cord, plugging it into the socket. When the two forces meet, I can’t believe I didn’t notice before. In the far corner of the yard sits a beautiful lemon tree, lit up with more twinkle lights in the darkness.

  “You got me a new tree!” To know he understood how much the swing and lemon tree meant to me, enough so to bring them to this house for me, blows my mind.

  “I wanted all of your favorite things here tonight. We had to work quickly, but for you babe, I’d make anything happen.”

  I clap like a teenager and waddle over to give him the biggest hug I can manage. My belly prevents me from getting as close as I’d like, but we can take care of that later. “I want to go check it out.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  I don’t know what he means by that, but I have a new tree and it looks like it has a birdhouse or something hanging from a branch. I waddle again as fast as I can to take a look. When I get there, I see it is an adorable bird house that is painted to match our house. I peek inside and see something red. Lifting the tiny roof off the frame, I reach in and pull out a cherry ring pop.

  Smiling I look at Sean and say, “You seriously thought of everything. All my favorites.” I start to tear open the package when Sean stops me.

  “Here let me,” he says. He takes the candy pop from my hand and opens the plastic wrapper. He pulls it out slowly, taking my right hand in his, placing it as far as it will go on my swollen ring finger.

  “We talked a long time ago about putting a ring on your finger one day, Hallie.”

  “Yes we did, that was a fun sticky night,” I say as I take a lick of the cherry goodness. I’m going to have such a sugar rush between the candy and the pie. While I’m busy thinking about sugar, he’s fidgeting from one foot to the other.

  “The thing is, baby, I also wanted to give you one of these.” Sean pulls out a black box from his pants pocket and I freeze mid lick.

  “What is that?” I quickly ask. He doesn’t answer me, but gets down on one knee next to the tree.

  “Hallie, from the moment I saw you at the hospital, I knew I wanted to get to know you. From the moment we shared our first kiss, I knew you were mine. From the moment we broke up, I knew I had to get you back and from the moment I found out you were pregnant; I knew you were my forever. You and I have had one crazy ride together, but I never want to be without you. I’ve told you before, you’re it for me. You’ve already made me your boyfriend and you’ve made me a father, now please let me be your husband. Marry me, Hallie. Let me show you and the baby the world — forever.”

  Holy shit. This is really happening right now. I’m so caught off guard I can’t even focus on the diamond ring he’s holding in front of me. I keep looking from the ring to his face waiting for my brain to allow the words to flow freely from my mouth. My heart is hammering in my chest — my pulse out of control making me feel dizzy. Once my mind and body finally get on the same page, I say “I need to sit down.”

  Sean looks at me with concern but helps me sit down next to the tree. “Are you okay, babe? What’s wrong? If you aren’t ready we can wait. Maybe this is too much with the baby coming.”

  “It’s not too much and I feel dizzy, but I’m amazing. We’re getting married!” I lie back on the damp ground and make a grass angel as if I was playing in the snow. When I get it all out of my system, I open my eyes and stare at the stars above. I hold my arm up with my left ring finger sticking up in the air. “Put a ring on it!”

  Sean laughs at me and slides the ring on my finger. “There ya go, Beyonce”

  I stare at the ring for the first time, taking in every sparkling diamond. The ring is exactly what I would pick out for myself. The princess cut diamond is surrounded by tiny round diamonds in a perfect platinum square. The band is also encrusted with diamonds the entire way around my finger. Thank goodness he got it big enough so I can wear it before the baby comes. Reality sets in and I realize I’m about to have a baby and I’m getting married.

  I finally feel my heart settle down enough to have Sean help me up off the ground. My butt feels wet from the ground where they watered the tree. “I got my scrubs all wet. Let’s go get naked so I can change.” Sean takes my hand and helps me up the deck stairs and back into the house.

  “Are you going to be this horny after the baby comes? I need to know so I can prepare myself. You’re wearing me out, woman.”

  Before I can answer Sean, I feel something trickling down my leg. My pants are already damp from the ground outside where I was sitting, or so I think.

  “Shit!”

  “What? I’m more than okay with the sex, Hallie, don’t get worked up. I just like giving you a hard time.”

  “No. It’s not that. I think I just peed myself.” I’m in a state of shock at the thought of not being able to control my own bladder. I swear if it’s not coming out one end, it’s coming out the other. Sean rushes me into the bathroom and helps me get my disgustingly gross pants off. He must love me to deal with me pissing my pants. I’m beyond humiliated.

  “Baby, it’s okay. Stop freaking out. You have a baby pressing on your bladder all damn day. Shit happens.”

  “Oh my God, what if I shit myself too. I’ve heard that can happen when you push. You can’t see me do that, Sean!” I bury my face in my hands as I sit half naked on the toilet and start to cry a little. Lately, I’m all over the place emotionally. I don’t know how Sean can stand me considering I can hardly stand myself.

  “I’ll still love you, Hallie.”

  “Even if I pee my pants for the next four weeks?”

  “Even then. I’m going to get you some new panties. Stay put.”

  When he gets back, he hands me a pair of white cotton, high waist, maternity briefs. They’re the most unattractive underwear I’ve ever owned. “You brought me the granny ones!”

  “Hallie, I just grabbed a pair. Who cares what they look like?”

  “I do! We just got engaged and I peed myself. Now I’m putting on underwear my Grandma would wear. We’re supposed to be having celebration sex right now. Clothes should be flying off, not going on!” My wacky emotions get the best of me as I stand up and slip on my awful underwear. Crying all the way to the bedroom, I lie down and cover up with the blanket. I feel Sean slide in behind me and wrap me in his arms.

  “You know you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Look at me babe.”

  I roll over and face him. He dries my tears and kisses my forehead. “Thank you for loving me and my granny panties, Sean.”

  “I’ll love you no matter what fashion choices you make,” he assures me. We cuddle for the next half hour talking about the perfect time to tell our families about the engagement. He also lets me know his feelings about me going back to work. Before I can argue I have the urge to pee again.

  “I can’t believe this. I really am like a ninety year old woman.” Sean helps me out of bed and when I stand up; I feel another small rush of fluid. “Not again!”

  We repeat the same process again, but this time, Sean asks me the number for my OBGYN’s office while I change and take care of myself. I rattle it off without a second thought. “What do you need that for though?” I ask.

  “Please don’t flip out, but I think your water broke. I’m not a doctor so I could be wrong. I think we should check in with your doctor before we go to bed though. It would make me feel better.”

  “Sean! It’s too early. The b
aby still has four weeks to cook! I think I would know if my water broke.”

  “To cook?” he laughs.

  “Yeah, my bun in the oven. It’s still baking.”

  “You’re cute, but I’m still calling. I know you’re a nurse but you’ve also never been pregnant before. Like you tell me all the time, the textbooks only teach so much. Go rest in the bedroom.”

  My mind starts racing as I get back into bed. I don’t have any pain, my water couldn’t have broken. I’m suddenly really anxious about the possibility of my baby being born a month early. I should have listened to Sean and worked less. If something happens to him or her, I won’t be able to live with myself. I’m crying softly when Sean walks back into the bedroom a few minutes later. He sits next to me and pushes the hair out of my eyes. “Please don’t cry, baby. Do you have your bag packed for the hospital?”

  “It’s over by the closet. Why? What did the doctor say?”

  “It’s time to go meet our baby.”

  I’d like to say I’ve handled the news like a mature adult, but I’d be lying. I’m upset the entire drive to the hospital that both Sean and I know entirely too well, only this time we’re headed for the maternity wing instead of the ER. Insisting on walking myself up to the check-in desk, Sean isn’t too pleased with me when I refuse the wheelchair.

  “Babe, go sit down. I’ll check us in.” I listen to him for once and pick a chair near the TV. I fiddle around with the strap on my purse as I sit patiently wondering why women flip out about labor. All I’m feeling is a cramp similar to when I have my menstrual cycle. It’s nagging, but nothing to warrant the intense scenes I’ve seen in some of my favorite movies where women are panting like animals. Maybe my pain tolerance is high and I won’t even need the drugs. A girl can dream.

  While I’m sitting on the edge of the waiting room chair feeling very pleased with myself thus far, a pain shoots from my back to my belly and briefly knocks the wind out of me. In an attempt to ease the pain, I slide off the edge of my seat and kneel on the floor. Both of my hands are clenching my stomach that feels so tight it might burst. Clearly I spoke too soon. Holy mother fucking shit!

  Sean still has his back to me while he’s at the desk taking care of some paperwork. The pain lessens enough for me to ease myself back into my chair. Sweating, I find a hair tie in my purse and put my hair up in a high ponytail. My vision of looking cute in post-delivery pictures is quickly flying right out the window along with my hopes of an epidural free birth as another intense pain consumes my insides. I’d describe this one as the worst menstrual cramp I’ve ever felt - hopped up on steroids. The Incredible Hulk is squeezing the shit out of my insides.

  I wipe more sweat off my forehead and yell to my clueless fiancé, “Sean!” I never imagined the first time I’d refer to him as my fiancé would be while my uterus is trying to kill me. Either way, I manage to smile for the briefest of moments when I see my sparkling engagement ring on my finger. This is one hell of an engagement night.

  Sean shoves the papers at the receptionist and runs to me, the hospital bag hanging from his shoulder resembling a man purse. “Baby, are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asks in a panic.

  “Just for the record, everything I say from here on out I get a free pass for. I’m sorry in advance because if this is just the beginning, I’m never going to fucking make it,” I say as I pant like a dog trying to breathe through the pain.

  Sean kneels down in front of me. “Jesus, what happened? You were fine five minutes ago!”

  “In case you don’t know how this works, all of this wants out.” I say as I wave my hands around my protruding stomach which now feels hard as a rock.

  “Calm down, Hallie. Just breathe.”

  “This fucking hurts, Sean. I can’t calm down.” As soon as I finish my sentence, a nurse comes to get me with a wheelchair that I will now gladly accept. Briefly I feel bad for cursing like a sailor in a public place, until another contraction hits me. Then, I feel no remorse and let another string of colorful words fly from my mouth. Sean actually has the balls to laugh at me as he exchanges humored glances with the nurse.

  “It’s not funny, Sean!”

  “I’m sorry, baby. You can say whatever you want.” He’s still smiling and isn’t sorry in the slightest. I’ll make him pay for that later.

  I only last two more hours when the pain decides to intensify even more, and I am begging for the drugs. Sean asks me about ten times if I’m positive. At this point, I’m tossing my perfect birth plan in the garbage. I’m sweating profusely, in agony, the breathing exercises are shit and just make me pissed off when they do nothing to help my pain, and I feel nauseous. I wait another twenty minutes for the anesthesiologist to get his ass in my room with the drugs. Of course it’s a man because another woman would never make me wait this long.

  As much as I want the epidural, I’m not a fan of needles and once chickened out of getting a tattoo, but right now, I could care less. The procedure itself doesn’t bother me at all. The hardest part is staying still though the contractions that won’t ease up long enough for me to get any relief. Suddenly, I feel a twinge down my right side and he tells me it’s over. Within a few minutes, everything becomes manageable. I’m no longer a crazed woman. Sean cautiously sits next to me again and kisses me.

  “I’m sorry,” he says.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “I did this to you and I can’t take away your pain. It kills me to know you’re hurting.” He wipes my forehead with a towel and in my drugged up relief, I start to cry.

  “Don’t cry, Hallie. Are you still in pain?”

  “We’re getting married and having a baby.” I’m crying and smiling at the same time. My emotions are all over the place and I can’t decide if I feel happy or sad. Obviously this is a happy occasion, yet I can’t get myself in check. “Ohmigod! Sean, you have to call my parents!”

  “Alex already called everyone. They’re on their way and will be here before the baby comes. Just rest while you can.” I nod my head and close my eyes.

  My rest is short as I’m woken up by the nurse telling me she needs to check my progress. Briefly I panic when I realize I fell asleep and don’t see Sean next to me anymore. “Sean? Sean!”

  He rushes to my bedside. “I’m here, Hallie.”

  “I didn’t see you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. You’re doing amazing. I’m so proud of you.” He leans over me and places a sweet kiss on my lips. It amazes me how he can make me feel beautiful in this situation, but he blows me away every time he tells me he loves me.

  The nurse examines me quickly and lets me know it’s time to push. My baby is ready to see the world. She also informs us the baby will be considered premature at only 36 weeks. Thankfully this isn’t uncommon and the chances of anything being seriously wrong are slim. By protocol I know they have to warn me the baby may need to go to the NICU.

  I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that our baby is born healthy. There’s no turning back, so all I can do is try my hardest to get this over with as quickly as possible. Just as I finish saying my prayers, Alex comes barreling through the door to my room yapping a mile a minute to someone on his cell. He hangs up and tosses his belongings on one of the bedside chairs.

  “Thank God I made it in time. Your parents are on their way, Sean’s too. Everyone has been informed and they have my number if they need anything. Now when’s my baby getting here?”

  The nurse looks between Sean and Alex suddenly curious about who the father really is. Leave it to Alex to cause drama in the delivery room. I’d expect nothing less from him.

  “As soon as I push this sucker out, you’ll be an uncle.” Hopefully that cleared up my nurses questions.

  “Then let’s get busy! I’m ready.”

  “What a relief, Alex,” I say sarcastically. Sean is laughing as I prepare to push for the first time. The nurse explains how she wants me to push, breathe, and asks who will be counting. I nominate Alex
for the job. He likes to hear himself talk and Sean will be too preoccupied with me to count fast enough.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Sean asks Alex.

  “I’m holding her leg, what does it look like?”

  “There is no way in hell you’re seeing her naked crotch.”

  “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Alex says with a shrug of his shoulders.

  “Hallie has he seen you naked before?”

  “Yeah.” I can’t believe we’re really arguing about this right now. The nurse patiently waits for everyone to get on the same page as her eyes bounce back and forth between the three of us.

  “Are you shitting me! I don’t care if he’s gay or not. He’s still a man.” Sean is running his hands through his hair, fuming, and getting on my damn nerves. This is not the time for his caveman tendencies to rear their ugly head.

  “What’s the big deal? She’s my best friend. I’ve helped her out when she needed me. Nothing sexual,” Alex pleads. “I’d be more interested in what you have than her, trust me.”

  Oh, dear lord, please make them stop.

  “Oh I bet you’ve helped her out all right. Get your hand off her leg and go sit down,” Sean says as he continues to lose his shit. “And don’t even think about my junk, dude.”

  I need to get back the little bit of control I had before this gets ugly. “Will you two shut the hell up and grab a leg. Sean, Alex is my best friend. He’s seen my bits and pieces. So what! He has no sexual feelings for me or any personal connection to my vagina! Alex, don’t antagonize him. In case you both forgot, I’m trying to give birth!”

  They both stare at me, slightly shocked by my outburst. You don’t mess with a pregnant woman, ever. My hormones will personally bitch slap you. They nod their heads and each grab one of my legs. I see Sean watching where Alex’s eyes are looking, knowing he hasn’t let it go yet.

  As the minutes pass, I see Sean thaw and concentrate only on me and our child. He’s supportive, loving, and everything I need him to be in this moment.

  An hour later, I’m holding a beautiful little girl in my arms, just like Sean predicted. Weighing just under six pounds, she’s a little peanut but absolutely perfect. She’s taken from me quickly to get checked out by a pediatrician. Sean follows her over to the warming table where they’re making her very angry with their assessment. He comes back a few minutes later and walks past me to his chair. I watch him sit down and close his eyes. I’m not sure what’s going through his head right now, but I know he’s battling with something. He stands up when my baby girl is placed into my arms, swaddled perfectly in her receiving blanket like a little baby burrito.