Zamani

by Angelic Rodgers

  Once the service started Alex zoned out. She hadn’t been particularly religious, and she couldn’t process what was going on. There was an urn on the altar; she assumed that Jane Doe’s ashes were inside. Lucy sat next to her, fiddling with her phone unobtrusively. Alex thought how odd it was that even something so normal and simple—having a phone—seemed impossible for her. She felt a pang of jealousy that Lucy knew people, that she had a life and a phone with numbers in it. She needed to put a new phone on her list. Undoubtedly, it would be a burner phone that she’d put under her new name, Sasha West, and pay by the month at Radio Shack or Wal-Mart. Lucy had already schooled her in the ways of pre-paid Visa cards and other impermanent and virtually untraceable things.

  Alex would have rather been a drug dealer or in the mafia than being newly undead, but no one asked her or gave her those or any other options. Thinking about how vamps and crime bosses apparently had so much in common almost made her giggle. She turned it into a tiny cough and shifted in her seat. Lucy looked up with one eyebrow raised, checking to make sure Alex was ok. They’d agreed ahead of time that if Alex had to bug out that she would simply walk out and to a nearby bar. Lucy had agreed to stay until the end of the memorial, even if Alex left. They’d then meet up and call the car service and make the trek back home.

  She didn’t leave, though; once the priest she’d never met before finished his introductory remarks, her father stood up and spoke.

  “First off, I want to say thank you for coming today. I don’t know most of you, but it doesn’t surprise me that my baby girl touched so many people.”

  Lila stood behind him, which made the anger in Alex rise up, and she pushed it down. She never could understand what it was that her father really saw in Lila; she was nothing special, but her father seemed to find comfort in knowing she was at home while he was out on the rig. Lila embodied a certain type of southern woman; she never left the house without her face on and unless she was shrouded in a cloud of White Shoulders. Alex could swear she could smell her from the back of the church.

  Thankfully, Lila didn’t speak.

  “Alexandria reminded me so much of her mother, who we also lost way too soon.” As he said this, Lila looked down toward her shoes. Alex could feel her irritation radiating off of her. Lila couldn’t stand to be reminded that Robert had been married before her.

  He choked up and she saw him reach back to Lila for her hand. As their fingers intertwined, Lila took a deep breath and Alex could see that her cheeks were wet from crying. Alex realized that instead of being irritated by Lila, she should be grateful her father had her in his life. Better to have her than to be alone, she guessed.

  Next to speak was John Kirby, Alex’s longtime friend. Alex was glad that no matter what happened Kirby would watch out for Liz. Kirby brought the two of them together years ago. As he talked, Alex replayed in her mind how he had set out to get her completely plastered so she couldn’t refuse to stay when his friend and housemate Liz just happened to show up to join them for a drink. He’d tried for weeks to pull off the match making process, but Alex had sworn off relationships after she and Wren split up, and Liz had been resistant to blind dates. Kirby knew what he was doing, though, when he brought the two of them together that night. They’d been virtually inseparable since then.

  Until Wren had started chasing her again. Until Wren caught her and killed her.

  Alex was pulled out of her anger spiral as Liz finally stood at the front of the church. She looked more fragile than Alex had ever seen her. Alex grabbed on to Lucy’s hand, squeezing it hard and held on to the seat of the pew they sat in with her other hand, fighting the urge to run up to the front, to reveal she wasn’t the pile of ashes in the urn, so put an end to all of the madness. Lucy squeezed back.

  “I am so glad to have had Alex in my life. I have never known anyone so beautiful and loving, and I fear I never will. Her wishes were for her ashes to be released as part of the St. Ann Parade on Mardi Gras day. I hope that you’ll come with us then to say our final goodbye.”

  Liz paused. Her hands gripped the sides of the podium, knuckles white from gripping it so hard. “Alex was one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. Because we want to honor her love of literature, we’ve set up a scholarship fund in her name with the English Department at UNO; I encourage you all to give what you can so someone like Alex can pursue their dreams.” She paused and looked out over the seated mourners. Alex could swear that she looked her straight in the eye as she said, “I love you, Alex; I always will.” Robert stood up and hugged Liz, both of them crying.

  As the service ended, they played slide show of pictures showing Alex from birth until a few days before her death when Kirby had taken a bunch of pictures with his phone. Alex sat in silence as she watched images of her life literally flash in front of her as people hugged Liz and Robert and gave what condolences they could.

  Alex and Lucy were still sitting in their pew after the other attendees all filtered out.

  “It was a lovely service, Alex. It’s clear that you were well-loved.” Lucy stared at Alex’s profile, looking for some sign of emotion or any reaction. Her face revealed nothing about what was going on inside her head, though. She just stared at the screen where the video was looping and starting over again.

  Alex sat for a few more moments in silence before she stood and quietly said, “Please, call me Sasha. Alex is dead.” She rose and slowly walked out of the church, Lucy trailing behind her.

  Ch

  apter Nine

  Even though it was clear Lucy had money beyond what her salary could possibly account for, Sasha hadn’t asked Lucy where her money came from. As old as Lucy was, she’d certainly saved many relics that people today would pay top dollar for. Her house alone had to be worth close to half a million, not counting the antiques inside. Sasha didn’t know how much coroner’s techs made, but she knew it wasn’t enough to pay that mortgage. Lucy also lived a pretty high-end life on the other side of the river. She chose to live in Algiers Point as it allowed her some distance between her identities. Her bohemian VW-driving alter ego was quite different from the Lucy of Algiers. She’d explained to Sasha that the van was also handy not only for transporting newly awakened vampires across the river but also as a discreet spot for donations. “I’m not above a little romance on the run now and then, either,” Lucy joked.

  Sasha asked the car service to simply drop them at the ferry, as she wanted some air. As they rode the ferry home after the memorial service, Sasha turned to Lucy and asked, “So how does a coroner’s tech manage a house at Algiers Point? I suppose I should also ask how it is I’m supposed to manage financially as a vampire. I can’t go on sponging off of you forever.”

  Lucy looked across the water. “As a donor, my vampire family contributes a lot to my upkeep. I suspect someday you, too, will repay my kindness in various ways.” She lit two cigarettes and handed Sasha one. “I’ve arranged for your mentor to start working with you on Sunday. That will give you today and Saturday to process the memorial service. I’ve taken off work, as well; it’s not hard for me to get coverage. As you noted, coroner’s techs aren’t usually well off, so extra shifts are usually welcome.”

  She looked at Sasha. “Now that you’ve had a funeral, we’re going to have a birthday party for Sasha. I invited a few friends--donors--who are looking forward to meeting you.”

  Sasha sighed as she stared at the water and St. Louis Cathedral receding in the distance. She was happy to be putting the Mississippi between herself and Liz. All she’d wanted to do after the service was run to the house they’d shared just a few days ago and reveal she was still here, an undead among the living.

  As they walked up to the house, she could see that Lucy’s friends had been quite busy in their absence. Someone was cooking, and she could smell the spice of the low country boil as she entered the courtyard to change in the carriage house. She smiled as she passed the early arrivals to the party, relieved that there was something fe
stive to focus on and new people to meet.

  As she changed clothes and looked around she realized that everything in her space was either Lucy’s or was something she’d acquired since coming from the morgue. They’d even thrown out the shoes she was wearing at the time of her murder. Her biggest regret was that she didn’t have anything of her own from her past life, nothing of her relationship with Liz to hold on to. Lucy was a wonderful hostess, and Sasha realized that even though she might not have all she had before, what she did have she owed to Lucy.

  She thought to herself that it was probably for the best; she couldn’t be Alex anymore, so why hold on to those things that were Alex’s? The task before her—to completely invent Sasha West—suddenly seemed overwhelming. She realized the charade of preparing herself for the memorial had kept her going. Now she would have to continue reinventing herself. Death seemed easy by comparison.

  She pulled on some jeans, irritated that she didn’t have any well-worn ones yet. She pulled on a t-shirt and checked herself in the mirror. She tucked in the t-shirt and pulled on a wide brown leather belt. She’d always been slender for her height, but since her awakening, her body seemed far more efficient in its processes. Where she had been slender before she was lean now with fine curves that followed her muscles when she moved. The tiny pooch on her abdomen had smoothed out, and she could see some muscle definition on her stomach when she lifted her shirt. She wondered if this was all part of the process of transition. There was so much she didn’t know about her new existence. Until today she’d had little interest. Ever since the morgue she’d been numb and detached. The memorial service made clear to her that it was time to embrace her new identity. Doing so would be the only thing that would allow her to survive.

  She ran her hands through her short, white-blonde hair and pulled out an eyeliner pencil, drawing thin lines around her eyes. She pulled out some red lip stain as well. She’d never really cared about make up before, but it helped her feel more confident that she wouldn’t resemble her old self. No one that she knew would imagine that Alex would paint her lips. The effect of the make up made her skin even more porcelain white.

  Back in the courtyard, she took a beer from one of the guests prepping ingredients to go in the shrimp pot. He looked her up and down as he popped the top off the bottle. “Happy birthday, Sasha. My name is Caleb.” His fingers brushed hers as he handed her the beer, and she was keenly aware of the stark contrast between the cold glass and his warm skin. She took a pull off of the bottle and thanked him. She was surprised by her reaction to him; she’d never been sexually interested in men, but she’d felt a stirring when their skin made contact.

  “Good to meet you, Caleb. Thanks for the beer.” She decided to find Lucy. “I’m going to seek out our hostess, but I’ll see you around, ok?”

  Entering the house, she passed a few new arrivals. They all smiled at her and seemed to know who she was immediately. The whole donor network idea fascinated her, but she felt unmoored and like an outsider. She decided she wanted some ground rules from Lucy. Sasha found her hostess in the kitchen, setting up a bar area and cutting up limes and lemons.

  “Hey, birthday girl. I would have come and got you, but I thought you might want a minute or two to yourself. I see you’ve found the beer cooler outside.”

  Lucy’s presence comforted Sasha. “I did! Can I help with anything?”

  Lucy shook her head. “Oh, no. This is all about you. I want you to just have a good time; you’ve had enough work to do already and today was a rough day.” She scooped the lime wedges she’d just cut into a bowl and sat the bowl on the counter, wiping her hands off on a towel before picking up her gin and tonic and raising her glass. Sasha brought her bottle up, clinking it against Lucy’s glass, and took another long drink off of it.

  “You can make me one of what you’re having if you get a chance. While beer is good, I prefer something a bit stronger.” Sasha drained the bottle and tossed it into the recycle bin.

  While Lucy worked on making a gin and tonic for Sasha, she also pointed out guests as they came in, making a few quick introductions. Sasha noticed an attraction similar to the one she felt when her hand brushed Caleb’s whenever she touched another donor. The sensation wasn’t exactly the same for each person, but she felt a bit relieved to realize that it wasn’t just Caleb that she felt an affinity for.

  When the kitchen finally cleared out a bit, she asked Lucy, “So, I’m not really sure what to ask or how to ask it when it comes to my role at the party. It’s a bit overwhelming.”

  Lucy smiled and put her arm around Sasha’s shoulders. As the only donor Sasha had fed from so far, Lucy was like a sister or an old friend. As they’d worked together to turn Alex into Sasha, they’d grown to like each other. From the start, Lucy made it clear that while she was a willing donor, she was definitely straight in orientation, so there would be no romance, no matter how close Sasha felt to her.

  “Just go with it. Everyone here knows you’re new and they are here to celebrate your joining the fold. There are a few things to keep in mind; it is best to let any romantic impulses come from the donors. One of the ways this works is that as you feed from someone you’ll feel things they are feeling. So, you’ll be able to tell if someone is interested or not. Also, I should warn you that you’ll also feel things more strongly than the donor does—it’s like the volume gets turned up really loud for you, according to what I’ve been told by vamps in the past. So, if you feed from someone who is pretty drunk, expect that drunkenness to hit you pretty hard.” She pointed to Sasha’s drink. “If you want to get drunk, you’ll find that feeding from a drunken donor is more effective than trying to get drunk from your own drinks. I suspect it has something to do with your new metabolism.”

  This new piece of information was interesting. She decided to try it out.

  It was her birthday, after all.

  She took her drink back to the courtyard area and noticed Caleb watching her. He’d finished his prep work and grabbed another beer before heading over to where she was standing. She smiled at him, feeling self-conscious. “Looks like you found a better drink.”

  “Thanks. The beer was a good starter. Lucy’s got the bar set up in the kitchen now, if you want something else.” She tried not to look at him directly, as she was still uncomfortable with the attraction she felt. He made it harder for her to ignore it, though, as he put his hand on her shoulder. She could feel his attraction to her as clearly as if he had pulled her close and kissed her on the mouth. She closed her eyes and considered giving in to the attraction.

  He helped her out. “Lucy tells me you’re not typically into the fellas. If you’re ever interested, though, I think I could be a good donor for you. I’m happy to be your wingman, though.” He smiled and moved his hand from her shoulder. She could look at him now that he wasn’t touching her, as the stirring she’d felt when they first touched seemed to emanate from him, rather than being something truly internal for her. Now that she allowed herself to look at him squarely, she saw that he was handsome. His eyes were friendly and his smile was quick. Caleb seemed to genuinely be interested in being friends rather than seeing her as a sexual conquest.

  “Thanks, Caleb. I might take you up on the donor offer before the night is over, but Lucy’s right. I’ve never really been interested in male companionship romantically.” She sipped from her drink and waited for his response. “And I’m sure she’s told you that I’m a reluctant vampire. I have to say though that being surrounded by donors seems to be weakening my resolve to not feed any more than I have to.”

  He nodded. “That’s pretty standard. Lucy’s good at what she does. Part of the purpose of this party is to help you realize that donors are willing participants. We know what we’re doing and things are pretty civilized among our network.”

  “So, who is that?” She nodded toward the woman just stepping into the courtyard. She looked a lot like Liz in terms of build, curvy but not heavy. Sasha could imagine her han
ds in the woman’s coppery hair, her mouth on the curve of her neck.

  “Her? That’s Steph. She plays for your team.” He finished his beer and used it as an excuse to walk over to Steph who was near the cooler. Sasha saw the two of them talking. Steph held a drink in her hand, and Sasha saw she was drinking gin and tonic too. She drained her own glass and went to the kitchen, refilling her glass and making a drink for Steph before going back out to the courtyard and joining Caleb.

  “Damn, woman. You don’t need a wingman.” Caleb opened a fresh beer and left them alone.

  Steph grinned at Sasha before setting down her glass and reaching for the fresh drink Sasha brought her. “Thanks. I have a feeling I’ll be getting pretty drunk tonight. I’m recovering from a recent break up, so I’m looking for a little diversion.” As Sasha handed her the drink, their hands barely touched. The attraction she felt for Steph was so powerful it made Sasha take a step back.

  It took her a minute to speak, and when she did, Sasha’s voice seemed lower and huskier than normal. “I’d love to distract you for awhile.” Steph took a sip from her drink and took Sasha’s free hand in her own. “That sounds like a wonderful plan to me. And you make a hell of a gin and tonic.”

  They stayed at the party for a couple of hours, mingling with others while Caleb and Steph introduced Sasha to different donors. At some point in the evening, Sasha realized that Lucy and Caleb were actually a bit of an item, which made her feel more secure in her ability to ignore the feelings of desire from him. She could tell by the way he and Lucy looked at each other that there was a strong bond there, and she made a note to ask Lucy how they navigated the whole entanglement with vamps as a couple.