Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2)

by Megan C. Smith

  “Oh, Jennifer…” Eleanor’s broken voice lilted. “…thank you so much for doing this for Bryant.”

  I stood there, mouth agape, as Eleanor pulled the attorney in for a familiar hug.

  Ms. Collins stepped back, straightening her dress back out to its former pristine condition. “Mrs. Matthews, of course, how could I not be here for Bryant when he needs me most?” The three of them walked through the sliding glass doors, leaving Jordan and me behind in their wake. I had officially become invisible.

  We walked into the large courtroom that was covered in wood paneling. Beyond the oak wall was where the judge would sit, but my eyes could only focus on the empty chair sitting at the table to the right of the room. Beside it, the woman who held Bryant’s life in her hands sat reviewing a file she had retrieved from her bag.

  The bailiff strode to the judge’s bench then stopped to face the court and stand tall in his pressed police uniform. I couldn’t help but think how friendly he looked with his rounded belly and graying hair, like a grandpa who dressed up like Santa at Christmas.

  “Please rise. The Honorable Richard Wilkerson presiding,” he bellowed, making me jump out of my skin before standing.

  Jordan supported me on my wobbly legs as a stern looking man strode in, his black robes billowing behind him.

  “Have a seat,” he ordered as he picked up his gavel and looked down at his files. “Bailiff, please bring in the inmate.”

  With a nod, the grandpa-look-alike walked over to another door and opened it to grant access to those on the other side.

  The jingling of chains rang in my ears as fluorescent orange came into view. My heart broke into a million tiny pieces as I looked over a defeated Bryant, shoulder slumped, a shadow of a beard on his face, dark circles beneath his eyes.

  “Oh, Jordan,” I choked out as the tears I’d tried so hard to fight back began streaming down my face.

  “Hey now, none of that,” he demanded forcefully. “He needs you to be strong enough for the both of you right now. Shoulders back. Sit up straight.”

  “Aye, sailor,” I said, giving him a mock salute and letting a small smirk appear on my face.

  Bryant never looked at me, didn’t even sneak a peek, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. I feared he was mad at me, that he blamed me for this mess.

  Once he took his seat, his attorney leaned in close, her plump crimson lips nearly brushing against his ear as she whispered to him.

  When Bryant leaned back, a faint smile lit up his face.

  The legal jargon began spewing back and forth, and I was lost, thinking they may as well have been speaking a different language, and for parts of it they did. Jordan tried his best to translate it for me as we went along.

  “Alright, this is it,” he whispered. “She’s done a great job. I don’t know who she is, but I can tell just by this hearing, she is good.”

  His words reassured me while the unease persisted in my stomach.

  “Mr. Matthews,” the judge began, commanding the attention of the courtroom. “I am inclined to release you on house arrest for the duration of your investigation and trial. I believe your attorney has presented several valid points as to why this is a case of self-defense. Does the prosecution have anything to add before I make my decision?”

  All eyes went to the table that sat the two prosecutors as they frantically scanned their notes for something before finally looking up and shaking their heads no.

  The sound of the gavel banging down after the judge ruled left my mind spinning. He was coming home. The case was finally taking an upward turn from the last few weeks’ woes. I jumped up and hugged Jordan tightly, breathing in his cologne as his arms held me close. The tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably as my body shook with overwhelming emotions.

  “See, Rose…” Eleanor’s confident voice had been restored. “…Jennifer will fix everything.” Brushing past me, they walked out to the lobby, I hoped to wait for word on what we had to do next.

  WE WERE TOLD TO go home, and so at home we sat, each of us on a taupe cushion of the couch, watching the wooden door for any movement. Our ears were alert and listening for the sound of a car engine pulling up or a door shutting. Suddenly the front door swung open, and Bryant walked in with an entourage behind him.

  The officer checked the ankle monitor fastened around his leg, while Jennifer came over and stood beside Bryant’s parents. I looked on at it all, trying to figure out how we’d gotten so lucky to score a defense attorney like her.

  Jordan had told me that she was the best money could buy. I knew Bryant’s parents were wealthy, but this had to be costing an exorbitant amount of money.

  I moved my gaze to Bryant, who was focused on the officer’s instructions, nodding in agreement to each rule being laid out for him. Finally, the officer left, closing the door behind him and escaping the inferno that was inevitably developing within.

  Bryant turned around to face the room, his honey eyes meeting first his father’s, then his mother’s, and lastly my own.

  “Bryant,” I sobbed, stepping toward his opened arms. Despite the chaos, our life had begun. In his embrace I felt safe.

  We stood like that for what felt like hours. I was being held so close our heartbeats had synchronized, and I could feel each thud of his heart echo in my own. I ran my fingers through his long hair, grasping the ends and clinging to him for dear life.

  “Shh,” he soothed as his hands caressed my body, seemingly desperate to feel me.

  A throat cleared behind us, and I was certain I would turn to find Eleanor barking at our heels. Resting my forehead against Bryant’s chest, I felt him lift his head to look at the perpetrator of our moment.

  “Bryant, honey…” The voice that was too young, too sultry to be his mother’s had me spinning around to rest my eyes on Ms. Collins, Jennifer, smiling up at my fiancé. “We need to discuss our next strategy. Where can we go to be alone?”

  Her mascaraed eyelashes batted at him as her lips turned up in a smile, revealing sparkling white teeth that seemed unnatural.

  Twisting my neck, I looked up to Bryant, feeling his body stiffen behind me muscle by muscle. Dread washed over his face as his eyes looked down at me. “Jennifer, I just got home and am finally able to hold my fiancée. Can I have some time?”

  Shaking her head, she clucked her tongue as she stepped closer to us. “Oh, Bryant, always such a romantic. If you want to be free from prison, you need me. Who’d have thought you would need me, you know, after everything.” Her ice-cold, blue eyes narrowed on me, apparently trying to tell me something.

  “Bryant?” I looked to him, waiting for an explanation, but his eyes were closed tightly as his face paled in color.

  “Rose, Jennifer is the ex-girlfriend my mother was mentioning the other day.” With that, my entire world fell out from under me because I knew instantly that there was more to the story of their past than I was told, and that ultimately, at this point in Bryant’s life, he obviously needed her more than he needed me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  A WEEK HAD PASSED OF LISTENING, well, technically, not listening to the high–pitched, annoying voice of Jennifer. The pattern was the same. Every. Single. Day.

  The first day she walked in, I was told I couldn’t be anywhere within hearing distance because of just being his girlfriend. After day one, she quit knocking on my home’s door, just opening it up and strutting on in like she owned the place — like she slept in the soft and cozy king-sized bed upstairs with my fiancé.

  The glass I was scouring made a squeaky noise as I continued scrubbing aimlessly away. At this point, I’d probably rubbed off a layer of enamel.

  A giggle sounded from behind the closed office door that made my skin crawl. She was invading our lives like a parasite, and I wanted to pull out the bug spray and douse her in it. Jennifer’s smarmy smile, outlined by red lipstick, her massacred eyelashes that relentlessly batted away, and her manicured nails that she’d tap against things as she
waited for me to vanish all grated on every last one of my nerves.

  But what killed me the most was watching Eleanor fawn over the daughter-in-law she wanted as they both ordered me around like the hired help. All while, Bryant and I just sat at the mercy of two manipulative women who’d taken over our lives. We were helpless and desperate for one’s financial help and the other’s legal prowess with the investigation and trial.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Bryant crooned from behind me, making me jump ten feet in the air out of fright. I had tuned out the laughter and talking for so long I hadn’t even heard him slip out of the office.

  “Bryant…” Jennifer whined from the office, her voice like nails on a chalkboard, making me want to hurl. “…hurry back. We have a lot to cover, and I’m thirsty.”

  Rolling my shoulders back, trying to shake off the hold she had on me, I inadvertently knocked Bryant’s hands off that were resting on me.

  “Yeah, Jenn, I’m coming,” he called back.

  Jenn! Really?

  The nausea grew within my stomach, stretching and churning my insides.

  “I’m leaving. Call me when she leaves,” I growled as I grabbed my jacket and headed to the door.

  “But…” He hesitated, no doubt knowing he had nothing to offer. He couldn’t promise me time. He couldn’t tell me she was leaving. Bryant apparently knew, in the end, he’d go back behind that closed door and sit in an eleven-by-ten room with her, laughing and giggling. He’d be with her while she enjoyed his company.

  I snatched my phone from my purse and went to the list of speed-dials. My thumb hovered between Leslie and Jordan. He was still in town, typically hanging out with Grant or visiting his parents, but accessible to me whenever I needed him. But this — this occasion called for girl time. I pressed Leslie’s name and, in seconds, had my best friend’s bubbling voice coming through my car speakers.

  “Are you fleeing again?”

  With a laugh, I replied, “Yes! Tell me I can come over or you can go out again.”

  “You’re going to turn me in to an alcoholic,” she joked, although I was worried that we were actually heading down that path with recent consumption rates.

  “Whatever. I’ll be there in ten,” I threw back as I pressed the pedal further in to the floorboard. As soon as I disconnected the call, music filled the car while the radio blared “Rock Star” loud enough to drown out every toxic thought passing through my mind.

  WHEN THE ALARM WENT off the next morning for work, I cursed it with every ounce of my being. Bryant had already been in bed when I’d gotten home, so I’d slipped in as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake him. His eyes had been so sunken in and dark lately, and he’d been going non-stop, stressed beyond comprehension, that I didn’t want to dump my unhappiness on top of it all. Leaning over, I placed a kiss on his shoulder blade near the tattoo he had in memory of Angelica.

  I hopped in the shower and let the hot water wash away the rest of my sleep-induced, and, possibly, partially beer-induced haze. Thoughts of Angelica and Bryant flashed through my head as I imagined what life could have been. I had Bryant, but he was slipping away, and I could help but wonder whether we would ever be happy together. Maybe that wasn’t in our cards, perhaps not our destiny.

  I dressed quickly for work, ready to get out of this house, away from the secrets that were dragging me into the abyss and suffocating me. Just as I grabbed my travel mug off the counter, I heard the front door unlock and open. I figured it was Bryant, looking for me to say goodbye, so I headed that way.

  “Good morning,” I chimed as I turned the corner, coming face to face with Jennifer, dressed in a pair of yoga pants, which were more akin to a second layer of skin, and a red camisole top.

  “Well, good morning,” she greeted in a fake tone as she shoved her sunglasses up on her head. As I looked out the door past her, I couldn’t help but notice the sun had just started to peek out from the horizon, and I wondered why on earth she was wearing sunglasses in the first place.

  “He is still asleep. He’s exhausted,” I said, shoving past before I strangled her and needed an attorney for myself. “There is coffee in the kitchen, and Eleanor is in the living room reading the paper.”

  “Well, have a great day at work.” Her voice seemed off, like she was concocting a plan that I wouldn’t agree with. “Don’t worry about Bryant. I’ll be sure he is well cared for.” Her malicious smile lit up her face before she shut the door.

  MY DAY AT WORK had been a much-needed relief. The kids had been so joyous and happy, no cares in the world. They’d run outside with wild abandon, and I hadn’t been able to help but wish for everything that I’d never had. I regretted wasting time, regretted bad choices, but most of all, right then, regretted the secrets that were now haunting the life I wanted — the life I’d dreamed of. As I pulled out of the school parking lot, I felt resolved in my decision. I wasn’t letting this rule me. I wouldn’t let this ruin what Bryant and I wanted. I had a plan, and it would end this all, or at least start us on the right path. I was done dreaming of tomorrow. I was ready to live today.

  I parked in the driveway, spotting Jennifer’s car still on our street, in our grass, crushing it. Giving my head a shake, I let it go; it wouldn’t drag me down any more. She wouldn’t have so much control any longer after I’d put her in her place.

  “Honey!” I called through the house as I walked in the front door.

  The silence was deafening, not a peep to be heard, or a sinister laugh, or an obnoxious giggle. It set me on edge and had me on guard. Dropping my keys on the granite countertop in the kitchen caused a jingle so loud it echoed through the room.

  I took the stairs one at a time, dread washing over me as neither Bryant nor Jennifer appeared. The office they typically worked in was undisturbed and, despite walking past it without stopping, the back of my mind kept that piece of information held tight within its grasp. Suddenly, I heard it, or, rather, heard her, the devil in disguise, although it was a terrible get up. I could see right through it. I knew who she was. I saw her for her true self, and I hated it. Hated her.

  The door to my bedroom was cracked, and a piece of me, a big piece, screamed to run away, begged and pleaded to not push that door open. But the other part, the masochistic part, reached out and let my fingers feel the wood grain and hear the creak of the door as I pushed it open. It was that part of me I now had to thank as I looked on at Bryant and Jennifer lying in our soft and cozy king-sized bed underneath our white duvet. Jennifer was wrapped around his body like a blanket, her hand resting gently on the tattoo that meant everything to me, on the man who was my world.

  I spun around in a flash and sprinted down the stairs, shoving past Eleanor and nearly knocking her down. “I-I—,” I stammered. “—I have to go.” The tears pushed past the dam and poured down my face. My car was in drive before I even realized what I was doing or where I was going. All I knew was once again, Bryant had broken my heart.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  DEVASTATION WASHED OVER ME IN WAVES as I sped down the road. I couldn’t believe that Bryant would fall prey to Jennifer. She was so conniving and manipulative, and I just couldn’t see how he would falter on his love for me. How he could throw away everything we’d wanted and worked so hard for. The car came to a screeching halt as I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road. The car behind me laid on its horn as it swerved around me.

  Wiping the tears away with my sleeve, I checked the mirrors before flipping the car around and gunning it back to my house, to my life. I pulled into the driveway, and the car jerked to a halt as I threw it into park. I slung the door open and leaped out just as my front door flew open.

  “Rose!” Bryant yelled, his whole body warring with itself as he fought he urge to break the invisible barrier.

  His mom’s face came into view over one shoulder just as Jennifer’s appeared on the other side. Terror was evident on both their faces. I could see the determination in his frame, shoulders back, a
s he took one step outside the house.

  In my mind, I knew he needed to stop. Knowing he’d just triggered the monitoring system and that they would be calling soon to see why he was showing as outside the house. I could hear Jennifer and Eleanor yelling at Bryant to come back inside, and both of their voices made me reconsider turning around. I focused on Bryant, the desperation and heartache in his eyes, as I stood frozen in place.

  “She was in our bed, with you. Her hand was on Angelica,” I cried.

  “I know,” he said resigned. “But not by my permission. I have literally been passed out all day. I woke when you peeled out and left me. You swore you’d never leave me again.”

  “You were in bed. Our bed. With another woman,” I defended.

  “Not by choice!” he roared, making all of us jump.

  “Bryant,” Jennifer called as the sound of the house phone rang in the air. “You have to answer this or you go back to jail.”

  “I’m not walking away,” he said, taking another few steps toward me.

  The phone rang again, and my brain screamed that our time was running out. That I had to make a decision. Closing the gap, I let Bryant wrap his arms around me, hold me close, and breathe in my perfume like a lifeline.

  “Let’s go. You need to get that. I can’t watch them take you away again.”

  Bryant scooped me up and carried me back in, pushing past the others and grabbing the phone as he walked up the stair. He paused just long enough to answer the phone and give them an excuse that they seemed to buy.

  Eleanor was hot on our heels, Jennifer following a safe distance behind us.

  As Bryant set me down on our bed, I cringed in disgust.

  “Shit! I’m sorry.” He quickly picked me back up and ripped the sheets and linens down off the bed, then set me back down.