Secret Regrets (Living For Today #2)

by Megan C. Smith

  “Bryant,” Eleanor’s soft voice called from behind us, her confidence wavering.

  “Don’t, Mom. Would you have even woken me? You made no effort to stop Rose. You were going to let the woman I love with all my heart, the mother of my daughter, walk out the door thinking the worst of me. Thinking I didn’t love her.”

  Eleanor’s tears tracked mascara down her cheeks as she stood speechless.

  “And you,” he began, turning to face Jennifer.

  “I’ve got this one.” My own voice surprised everyone, even me. It was cold and angry, and it propelled me forward to attack. “I want you to understand something. I’ll even speak slowly so that there is no confusion. Bryant doesn’t want you. He didn’t pick you. No matter how hard you try, how skimpy you show up to my house, no matter how much makeup you cake on your face, it does nothing to disguise the fact you are a cold-hearted, manipulative, bitch. The ugliness inside of you shines through. Climbing into my bed with my fiancé was not smart. As a matter of fact, it was the stupidest move you could have ever made.”

  “Oh, really,” Jennifer sneered.

  “Yes, really. Because before this, Bryant still wanted to be your friend. Wanted to trust you, and wanted you around. But you almost just cost him the most important thing in his life. Me.”

  My confidence wavered ever so slightly, wondering if I was taking a bit too much liberty with how Bryant felt, but when he firmly took my hand and squeezed it, I knew we were united.

  “You are his lawyer. You are a phenomenal lawyer, Jennifer, and I imagine Eleanor has paid you handsomely for your services. Those services were for your legal prowess, not for you to be a prostitute, although, I’m sure Eleanor had some ulterior motives as well. Bryant and I are forever. He is my other half, and there is no other option for either of us. We have a love that is timeless, endless. A love that we would kill for. You both need to leave.”

  My courage dissolving and my strength wavering, I turned back around into Bryant, and he pulled me close as the door clicked shut behind me.

  “Damn, that was hot,” he groaned in my ear.

  “Not now, Bryant,” I said, whacking him in the stomach. “Sit. We need to talk too.”

  “Is it pathetic I now want to run away?” he asked, fighting back a smile that wanted to taunt me.

  Once Bryant sat, I began in on him. “This separate-room shit has to end. I trust you, but not her. She wants you back, Bryant, and for you to not see it means you’re either choosing to be dense or you’re actually blind. Do you want Jennifer?”

  “What?” he asked in shock. “Rose, no. I want you, only you. You know that.”

  Relief washed over me. As much as I thought I knew, the reassurance was also helpful. “We are going to fight this, with Jennifer. She is our best bet at getting you off, and I am hoping she won’t back out or do a crappy job, but I am pretty sure her ego in the courtroom won’t let her lose. She knows she screwed up, and we could report her to the bar, so that is in our favor.”

  Bryant nodded obediently.

  “Now for the final part of my plan.” I continued with a smile lighting up my face. I prayed Bryant would be onboard, because this was the crowning jewel to my grand plan. This was my all-chips-in, card-on-the-table bet. I wasn’t sure if I’d come up with it out of desperation or passion, but love was funny that way. It made us do crazy things. Love broke barriers, fought wars, and could lift us up to the heavens. As I spelled it out, Bryant’s face was stoic, his emotions guarded as I sat on pins and needles, waiting for him to respond.

  After what seemed like hours, Bryant shook his head no as a mischievous smile lit up his face, and then he did what any gambler would. He turned the tables.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  SMILING BRIGHTLY AS I LET IN a nicely dressed woman, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, we were making the best possible decision. Knuckles against wood had me turning around to open it again, my smile growing even more as Leslie and Grant came in.

  “Are you sure?” Leslie asked, taking both my hands into her own and squeezing them tightly.

  “Leslie, you’ve asked me this several times. Yes,” I said, pulling her in for a hug.

  “I uh, hate to break this up, but where is Bryant?” Grant asked from behind Leslie, making me laugh.

  I tilted my head toward the stairs, and Grant took off in that direction, a six pack of beers clinking and clanging as the bottles bumped into one another.

  “Alright, well, if you are sure, let’s go,” Leslie led the way to the guest room where my belongings were, a sad look on her face. She helped me dress quickly and watched in the mirror as I applied my makeup. I had an eerie feeling that she was waiting for me to waver, to misstep and break down, but not today. Today I would smile and be strong, because while this wasn’t what I had dreamed for my future, it was what I needed to do.

  “I’m ready,” I concluded, setting the make-up brush down on the vanity. After tossing my stuff back into the bag and zipping it up, I placed it by the door. This was it, I thought as butterflies took flight in my stomach. I was instantly grateful I had applied waterproof mascara as I felt the moisture collect.

  Music played through the house softly, a collection of love songs Bryant had on repeat lately to attempt to show me how much he cared. He’d felt so bad about the Jennifer-issue, realizing he had not helped the situation. We had spent the night talking and had even phoned Jennifer to get her side of things.

  Apparently, Bryant literally had slept all day after taking a sleeping pill, exhausted and spent with everything going on. Jennifer had showed up and talked with Eleanor for a while, catching up until Eleanor left to run some errands that afternoon. The conniving woman decided that was her opportunity to see Bryant and slipped into our room, feigning legal work with him in case he woke up. When he didn’t, she nestled down and snuggled up close, hoping he would wake up overjoyed that she was in our bed. What a reality check she got!

  But despite the explanations and excuses, my heart still ached. My trust had still been tested, and I hated that. More than that, though, I hated that we still needed her. She was making great strides with the self-defense plea, and I knew we’d be fools to get rid of her.

  I stood in the living room staring at Bryant and Grant talking and laughing, so relaxed in their khaki slacks and button-ups. When Bryant spotted me, he set his beer bottle down, smirking at me with his crooked smile that I loved so much. His eyes looked at me with a silent question contained inside, I nodded back, letting him know this was real. This was happening.

  “I hate this,” Leslie grumbled behind me, forcing me to turn and face her.

  “Hey, none of that. I need my best friend today more than ever. It’s not what I’d envisioned, but sometimes life gives you lemons.”

  “Lemons?” she asked appalled. “Seriously, this is way beyond lemons.”

  Giggling, I shook my head and took her hand. We walked over to where the guys had moved to stand by the woman.

  She made eye contact with both of us, waiting for an acknowledgment to begin, before finally opening her book and starting. “We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”

  The smile beaming across my face couldn’t be dimmed or held back. I was finally marrying Bryant, and I was ecstatic. Before I knew it, we were saying our vows, and the tears in my eyes began to drip out slowly.

  “Rose…” A lone tear trailed down Bryant’s cheek. “…from the day I met you, my heart begged to be closer. You are the most inspiring woman I know, so strong and faithful. When I am with you, I feel complete. And when you are away, my heart aches. I will be your rock, your confidant, your husband. Through the good and bad…” He rolled his eyes, making me laugh. “…I promise I will love you for every single second of my life, always, forever, each day more than the last.”

  It was my turn now, and I could feel the emotion balling up in my throat. Trying to find the words to express how I felt was so difficult because, how did
I label our love? But as I unfolded the creased paper that I had written and edited a million times, I knew that he would know.

  “Bryant, love, God has blessed me — beyond belief. He gave me the greatest gift I could ever have hoped for when he gave me you. In your hands, you hold my heart, not just a piece or a sliver, the entire thing. I promise to be true to you, to love you with all that I am. Our love is what fairy tales are made of, and, while it isn’t perfect, it is real. It is what people dream of having, because when I look into your eyes, I know you are my forever. My soul mate.”

  We each turned to our witnesses and took the rings I had bought. As the minister we had found online continued through the ceremony, I held tightly to the gold band in my palm until he instructed us to place the rings on each other’s fingers. I let my eyes wander as I stood in my living room, a small bouquet in hand, in my simple white dress I had picked up. I had always dreamed of a big church wedding, but I’d also dreamed of marrying Bryant, and of the two, he’d won — every time, hands down.

  “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. You may now kiss your bride,” the minister announced with a heartfelt smile.

  With a huge grin, Bryant tugged me into him and dipped me backward, kissing my lips three times soundly and sealing our vows with our tradition.

  Grant cued the music, and Bryant began dancing with me right there in our loving room as our three guests backed away.

  “I can’t believe we just got married in our living room,” Bryant groaned.

  “Me either, but I am so happy that we did. It was perfect, Bryant, truly.”

  Shaking his head in disagreement, I put my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at me.

  “When you suggested it, I knew I couldn’t say no. Granted, I wouldn’t have allowed us to go to the courthouse without even our best friends, but I just hope… I hope this was enough.” Bryant’s eyes filled with tears as he looked to me and waited for my encouragement that this would do.

  Bryant had insisted on the ceremony of sorts, had even found the minister and spoken with her for an hour, explaining our situation. He had tried his best to make this the best possible wedding day for me, which only proved what an amazing man I was now married to.

  The minister left, wishing us all the best; followed shortly by Grant and Leslie. Leslie had hated this idea almost as much as Bryant had, disappointed that she was cheated out of maid-of-honor duties. It wasn’t until Bryant assured her I would get my big wedding that she helped him pull it together. Deep down though, I thought this was perfect and was sure I didn’t want to do it again. The intimacy and smallness of this ceremony had felt so special. While we had to keep it quiet for now, I figured we’d do some sort of reception for our family and friends who hadn’t been invited to attend.

  “Come on, wife,” Bryant’s husky voice crooned in my neck as he scooped me up and carried me to bed.

  THE NEXT DAY I scrubbed and cleaned, ready to put the final piece into play. When a knock on the door pulled me from my cleaning, I stood confused for a moment as Bryant padded over to the door.

  “Hello, Mother,” he spoke, his voice detached and distant. Bryant had been so angry that his mom had let me walk out without even stopping me or getting him, he had forced her and his father to move in to a hotel.

  His mom stepped in the house with a forlorn face, and just as he went to shut the door, a petite hand blocked it, making him open it for a second time. “Jennifer,” he grumbled in the most unwelcoming voice possible.

  I wiped my hands off on the kitchen towel and made my way to the living room where he had asked them both to sit. My nerves were kicking in with each step I took. As I sat beside Bryant, he wrapped his arm around me and held me close as we both faced our demons.

  “Rose and I have called you here to discuss what happened last week.”

  “Bryant…” Jennifer twisted her fingers in her lap. “…I am sorry. I just — I don’t know what I was thinking. This time with you has brought back so many memories of the great times we shared. You left me behind, after everything, and I needed you then. I loved you… I still love you.”

  Bryant’s body tensed with each word that came from her mouth, pulling me in even closer to him. The muscle in his jaw ticked as he gritted his teeth.

  “Jennifer, I get that. But that was your choice, and you made it without me, all because I wouldn’t go be an Ivy League graduate and fall into a rich profession. Don’t you think that your decisions hurt me? I was a boy who thought he was in love, but I see now how blind I was, now that I see true love with Rose.”

  Jennifer’s body shook as tears slid down her cheeks.

  “And, Mother, you will cut this crap out. You can choose to have me in your life — or not. I am who I am, though, and I’m not changing because you deem me an embarrassment to your social order. Rose is here to stay, and you will either treat her with respect or go. But if you choose to go, know this. You will not be welcomed back.”

  Eleanor nodded, acknowledging there was no compromise. Bryant had officially reached his breaking point and was taking no prisoners.

  Jennifer straightened up, putting the mask back on her face of professionalism and superiority. “Well, if you are done here, we really need to get down to things. We have a court date for next Friday and have wasted a week. Come on, let’s go into the office.” Jennifer stood up and turned, waiting for Bryant to follow. Same old Jennifer back in place.

  “Actually, Jennifer, we can stay here,” Bryant chimed up, a smirk on his face. When she glared at me, disdain in her eyes, his smirk grew to a full-fledged smile. “Oh, don’t worry about Rose. We got married yesterday, and so whatever you need to discuss with me can be said in front of my wife.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “YOU DID WHAT!” JENNIFER AND MY mom screeched in unison.

  “We got married,” I replied as a smirk reappeared on the handsome face of my husband.

  My husband. Holy crap.

  Excitement and nerves took hold of me as I let that realization roll around in my head some more. It’d barely been twenty-four hours, and I really hadn’t had time to process it all.

  “You said she would be subpoenaed by the courts as my fiancée, so we changed it. We were getting married anyway, so we just made it sooner. So speak.”

  Bryant’s snide remark had Jennifer trembling as she tried to regain her composure.

  “Bryant, I am your mother. You have taken so much from me already by not going to an Ivy League school that I cannot believe you would take this experience from me as well. Don’t you think I would want to be at your wedding?”

  If I hadn’t watch her mouth move as the whining spewed out, I would have missed the quiver in her lip. Eleanor was actually hurt that she hadn’t been there?

  “I’m sorry, Mother. I don’t know why it didn’t cross my mind to have you celebrate my marriage to the woman I love. I mean, after all, you have been so nice to Rose since you arrived.” Bryant threw it all right back in her face, ignoring the tear that trickled down her rosy-hued cheek.

  “Right!” Her voice escalated to a screeching sound as she tossed her arms up into the air. “I should have liked the woman who now has you fighting a murder charge. The woman who had you a wreck for five years. The woman who sent you into the bottom of a bottle after killing your baby.”

  I heard the smack, I felt the sting, but even then, it didn’t click. Looking down at my hand, the fair pink color of the palm of my hand was turning red as the blood rushed to the area. I redirected my glare to Eleanor’s shocked expression, her jaw dangling in the air as the room filled with silence. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke, frozen in time and space in one moment, then fast-forwarding by in a blur as everyone reacted to the physical assault on my new mother-in-law. Guess I wouldn’t be welcomed into the family any time soon.

  “You slapped me!” Eleanor screeched.

  “Get out!” Bryant roared. “That’s it. You’re done. Don’t come back, Eleanor.”r />
  Eleanor snatched up her bag and stomped to the door, slinging it open as she looked back at the three of us still standing in the living room. “Bryant, when you see the light, call me.” Striding out, she swung the door shut behind her with a thud.

  As the sound of the door closing hit my ears, my body relaxed instantaneously. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders at finally being free of that atrocious woman and all of her malicious meddling.

  “So…” Jennifer’s sing-song voice cut through the tension of the moment.

  All my worry and stress came flooding back as I remembered Eleanor was the money behind Bryant’s lawyer, and we may have just made several decisions that would alter Bryant’s freedom. Could I survive being married to a man in prison? Giving my head a shake to clear my wayward thoughts, I looked at Jennifer, waiting for the other shoe to drop. My stomach knotted up and readied to purge.

  “Jennifer, please. Everything we went through, don’t tell me you are with my mother. You know how suffocating she was.”

  My head spun around to look at Bryant, hoping he’d say more, curious at what all had they been through, but not sure I actually wanted to know.

  “Oh no, Bryant. You have to know me better than that. That was deplorable! Rose, don’t get me wrong. You are now married to the man I love — have loved my entire life, I feel like — but that was just uncalled for.” Shaking her head, she had disgust written all over her face. “She signed a contract. I’ll send her a bill, and she’ll pay. You are fine. Now, can we please work on your defense?” A huff slipped out her lips at the exasperation of it all, the moment of humanity she’d let us glimpse tucked away and replaced with her chic confident façade.

  “Are you okay?” Bryant’s concerned voice reached my ears just as his fingers danced along my arm.

  A tingle slid through my body, desperate to just rewind to last night and be within Bryant’s warm embrace once more.

  “I’m fine, Bryant.” I replied, unsure why he was so worried about me. We’d almost just lost our best chance at his freedom, and we needed to focus on that.