Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

  "Look, Ariel, I don't want you to be pissed but there was no way I could let you change your mind after I heard you sing. You're incredible so I already talked to Joe – I needed him on my side if you did decide to change your mind after all. I don't want fear to get in your way."

  So he thinks I'm weak. Fury rose and spread throughout my body. My temperature spiked by the second and not in a good way.

  Damon had no right—

  "Shit. I don't mean you were scared or…. This isn't coming out right." Damon rubbed the stubble on his jaw in frustration. "I saw how happy you were on stage, and I even hear you singing around the bar when you think no one is listening. I know how much this means to you."

  "You're kidding, right?" I let out an intense laugh, so I wouldn't cry. That had to be some kind of joke.

  "I knew you were nervous, I didn't want… you're mad." He blew out a long deep breath and a few mumbled curse words.

  I was trying to keep my cool. I really was.

  One…Two…Thr—

  I lost it!

  "It wasn't your place," I screamed at him. "Why would you think you could do this, is it because of a few kisses and heart-to-heart that you think you all of a sudden know what's best for me? That you just take over my life, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

  "I know but…"

  Big Joe looked seconds away from fleeing.

  "No buts." I pointed my finger at Damon. "A small part of me understands why you did what you did but it doesn't change the fact that you should have stayed out of it." My hands shook.

  Damon went to speak but stopped and worked the muscles of his jaw. He couldn't be that oblivious to the fact it wasn't his concern.

  "Just because I told you— Ya know what? It doesn't matter because I'm not singing with you."

  I locked eyes with Damon. Devastation swirled in their depths. I'd done that. I had put that look on his face, and I didn't feel bad about it. I knew I probably would later once I cooled off but I was so pissed off I didn't care.

  "I'm not going to argue about it, what's done is done. So since y'all are talking about me behind my back and you think you're in control of my life all of a sudden please tell me what have the two of you decided, FOR ME?"

  "Maybe we should talk about it some other time, Ariel," Big Joe said.

  "How about we talk about it now?" I snapped at him.

  They were both quiet. Big Joe crossed his huge arms and leaned back into his chair. I was positive he only allowed a few people to talk to him like that.

  "Fine, leave the poor guy alone. He was looking out for you."

  Big Joe uncrossed his arms and leaned over the desk toward us. Although he was being serious, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.

  "You're mad enough at him, so I'll tell you. We talked it over and I agree with Damon. We think it's best if you sing with him. People will love seeing the two of you."

  "What the hell, Damon?" I glared at him. That was all him, I didn't blame Big Joe. Much.

  "I'm glad you guys talked it over and both of you have my best interest in mind. I'm ecstatic that you two think you can make decisions for me. You've got to be kidding me. How can y'all sit here and discuss this and make decisions without even asking me what I want? Even if I wanted to sing with him, I—I would make that decision."

  I had to get the hell out of there before I said something I'd regret even more. I didn't even wait for the answer. Every time I'd ever gotten upset, pissed, or frustrated, I felt the walls start closing in around me. I hated it.

  As I stood up I faced Damon and tried to give him the most hateful eat-shit glare I could possibly give. "I'm not singing with you," I growled.

  "Ariel, wait."

  "No, you listen! This right here," I pointed from him to Big Joe, "is beyond effed up.

  "Why the hell do you want me to sing with you anyway? You're awesome alone. I'll just find somewhere else, easy fix." I repeated his words from last night back to him. I had my hand on the doorknob ready to twist as I suddenly had a thought that he was trying to save me, fix me somehow. It was a weird feeling that came over me, I might have been wrong. Maybe I was having a huge crazy moment, but a part of me knew his intentions were nothing but pure. It still didn't change the fact that he overstepped all kinds of boundaries, and that went for Big Joe as well. I turned back toward Damon and saw they were both watching me.

  "I don't need saving." I looked each one of them in the eyes.

  Big Joe raised his eyebrows, and he seemed sad. I risked one more glance at Damon before I opened the door. He couldn't even make eye contact, his eyes were cast down, and his chest was hunched over. Pity, an emotion I never wanted from him… or anyone. I slammed the door to the office. I shouldn't have treated Big Joe like that but he was used to my temper tantrums. I went to the break room so I could get calmed down before my shift started. I only had a few minutes so I had to get it together fast. My body still shook. I had a right to be pissed, I hated when my guilty conscious kicked in. Maybe I overreacted.

  I sat on the bench in front of the lockers and tried to relax. I took several deep breaths and tried to clear my head. A few minutes had passed before I heard the door shut closed. I knew it was Damon, I could sense him. I kept my eyes closed.

  "I'm sorry." He touched the back of my neck then caressed slowly back and forth with his thumb. "I just…"

  "No, Damon. I think you've done enough, don't you?"

  "Please, just listen to me. I know I didn't respect your privacy, and that was screwed up, but shit, Ariel, you have me so messed up."

  My brain automatically sent me back to how I acted, trying to set him up with that girl. I totally understood doing something irrational and stupid.

  "I had to try and get Joe to see my side and why I thought we would be better together than separate. I thought if he agreed, you would be more willing. I know it wasn't right, okay? But my intentions were good, that's all I can say."

  Damon sat cross ways on the bench facing me, almost touching.

  "Ariel." He tilted my face up toward him. I had a bad habit of not letting people see my face when I wasn't in control of my emotions.

  "The girl I saw on the stage, I want to see her again. You're amazing, Ariel, and breathtakingly beautiful and the way you play and sing is like something I've never seen before. I like you just the way you are, trust me I do but when you were on that stage you let me see a part of you that no when else gets to see. It was real and I don't want to let that go."

  The more Damon talked, the closer he got.

  "I'll do whatever you want, I will, with no complaints but I won't walk away from you so please don't ask me to." Damon didn't wait for permission but took my mouth like he owned it. That's how he kissed me. I kissed him back with everything I had because it was true, I belonged to him even though I hadn't admitted it out loud yet.

  My heart knew it.

  My body knew it.

  I meant… who wouldn't? I was still pissed but his kisses were absolutely amazing.

  "Please don't tell me I messed this up," he whispered against my lips.

  "It won't work… me and you."

  "The hell it won't." Damon backed away.

  "Damon, don't be stupid… you're far from innocent, and you have a different woman hanging off your arm every weekend. If you have learned anything at all about me in the time we have known each other it's that I'm not that type of girl. I don't know what you want from me, what you're really asking for," I said.

  "Haven't you noticed I keep pushing away any girl that's not you?"

  Damon leaned in and peppered kisses against my lips between each word he spoke. "All—I—want—is—you. All I think about is you, Ariel," Damon whispered against my lips.

  "I don't know what this is and where it may go but what I know without a doubt in my mind, heart and soul is I want you. The thought of anyone else touching you, kissing you, taking you, being with you in any kind of way kills me. That's what I know." He shrugged his shoulders in surren
der.

  I'd waited a long time to have words like that whispered to me and I hoped with every fiber in my being that what he said was true. Taking the lead for the very first time I placed my lips against his.

  Damon wasted no time taking over as he controlled our movements. The kiss was rawer than before. It was hard, fast and deep. Damon could sense my need. I tried to get closer. He jerked my legs over him so I could straddle his waist. My hands were in his hair, I tugged roughly. My body couldn't get enough of him. His hands were squeezing my hips and I could feel how excited he was against me. There was a chance I would regret it later, but as of right then, with him was exactly where I wanted to be.

  Take a risk—he's the perfect risk. I slowly broke the kiss, and Damon laid his forehead against mine while he tried to catch his breath. I pulled his head back so I could look him dead in his eyes.

  Damon stood up quickly and my legs wrapped around his waist. His hands grasped under my thighs and held me up as he pushed me against the lockers.

  He tightened his grip. I felt the sting in my back but it faded fast, everything else felt way too good to notice the pain. His lips moved against my neck. His strong hands moved up on my legs and were holding me by my ass and when he squeezed and rotated his hips perfectly against me, I almost lost it. The moan that escaped me was loud and raw. Damon consumed me, I still wanted more.

  "Ariel," he whispered into my neck.

  I suddenly realized where we were.

  "Shit, Damon, stop!"

  "Hmmm."

  "Break room." Were the only words my brain could manage at the moment.

  I thought Damon was going to let go of me so I could stand up. I mean, damn, how strong was he? He'd been holding me up for what felt like forever, but he didn't let go. Damon slowly sat back down on the bench and my legs were still wrapped around him tightly. I tried to move off, he pulled me back.

  "Not yet."

  "Damon what if someone walks in and sees?"

  "I don't care that they see. Besides I'm not ready to let you go."

  "Come on, I'm at work." I laughed.

  "Fine." He reluctantly released his hold and I started to slide off but he pulled me back and tasted my lips once more.

  "DAMON." I gasped.

  "What?" He gave me his sweet, innocent smile that melted me to the core. I was positive that smile had gotten him out of loads of trouble in the past.

  "I couldn't help myself," he said with his famous sexy-ass smirk.

  I busted out laughing even though I was still somewhat pissed at him. I quickly took notice of the clock, I had five minutes left.

  "Just because I'm laughing doesn't mean I'm not upset at you. What you did was still wrong."

  "I know. You do see what you keep doing to me right? I need a cold shower before walking out there." Damon laughed.

  "At least you don't have to be in wet panties all night." I blew him a kiss as he jumped up and started to walk toward me. I ran out the door before he could reach me. I heard him screaming my name.

  "ARIEL MONTGOMERY!"

  The look on his face was priceless. I couldn't believe I'd said that to him, and I sure as hell couldn't believe I acted that way. I had absolutely no control over my hormones when Damon was around.

  I liked it.

  Within five minutes I had two tables ordering their first rounds of drinks. I glanced toward the break room, I hadn't noticed if Damon came out. The thought of him trying to get himself in check made me giggle. I headed over to Trish and waited for some beers. I felt someone press up against me from behind.

  "That was cruel, Ariel. You knew that would just make me harder. I can't wait to see, feel, and taste how wet you can actually get for me, baby," he whispered across the bare skin of my neck.

  My body completely forgot how to work and I spilled the dude's beer all over my hand. Damon didn't bother to help, just laughed.

  "Payback's a bitch isn't it?" His lips brushed against my ear; my knees actually got a little weak. Damon backed away and walked off.

  "He's so dayuum hawt," Trish said while fanning herself.

  I jerked the magazine away from her and fanned myself while we both watched him walk off. Trish was staring at me like she couldn't believe what her eyes clearly saw. She may not have heard him, but she saw everything.

  "Close your mouth sweetheart," Trish said.

  "Don't start." I groaned.

  "No girl, hell no, you telling me everything — I've waited long enough — I have perfect eye vision and I can see something is definitely going on between you two."

  "Urgh, okay, soon. Just not right now."

  "Very soon," she said as I walked off.

  Damon kept surprising me. I knew I deserved it, but still.

  It just made me want to get him back in return and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to win this game.

  THE NEXT DAY, I was running late for work. I despised being late. Apparently, I forgot to turn on my alarm. I dried off as fast as I could from my shower and threw on the first pair of jeans I saw, which happened to be my least favorite. It pissed me off that I was running behind and it pissed me off even more that I didn't take a minute to find a pair of jeans that were comfortable.

  My phone kept alerting me of text messages on the drive to work. What can be so damn important? It appeared they were all from Xavier. He wasn't on the schedule for tonight so I wouldn't be seeing him. It wasn't a normal thing for me to receive texts from him.

  I read the first one "Did you ever finish your Facebook account?" and turned my volume down on my cell phone as I shut my truck door with my hip. He could wait, I needed to get inside.

  Trish was the first person I saw once I opened the doors. It was early so the dinner crowd hadn't come in yet, plus the guys weren't singing, so it should be smooth sailing for the rest of the night.

  "Sorry I'm late."

  "You're never late," Trish said.

  "I know, I took a quick nap and forgot to set the alarm."

  "That's not all you forgot." Trish wore a mischievous smile.

  "What?"

  "Your mascara would look better on both eyes." She giggled.

  "Shit, I didn't bring it."

  "Have no fear…Trish is here." She reached under the counter for a small cosmetic bag and handed it to me.

  "Stop laughing at me." I couldn't help but giggle as I tried to apply the mascara which just slowed the process down.

  "That boy has you all messed up."

  "Whatever. Seriously, thank you!" I closed her cosmetic bag, and my phone vibrated for the second time since I walked in. "Someone's popular today."

  "It's Xavier."

  "Lover boy number two."

  "You know it's not like that."

  "Don't tell him that, you'll break his heart. What does he want?"

  "Hold up, I'm not sure." He sent me a screenshot.

  I zoomed in and it looked like it was a comment on Sweet Misery's Facebook page. Some girl named Monica. Damon, last night was fun! I can't wait for round two. You are wonderful on stage and off. Call me sometime.

  "Ariel, what is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."

  My hand shook as I slid my phone over toward her. I was at a complete loss for words.

  "These girls say stupid shit like this all of the time. They're just sad girls with a ton of Daddy issues seeking attention. It doesn't mean anything."

  "I can't do this. I wanted to be with him, I really did Trish, but it's hard. I mean he's freaking Damon Black. Sexy, beautiful girls will always want his attention. I don't think I can deal with it."

  "That may be true, but he only wants you."

  "You can't know that," I said.

  "Honey, I do know that. Everyone around here can clearly see he only has eyes for you."

  "Don't hand me that crap, you just read that. He was with someone else last night after he left here. I don't do drama."

  "All right, if I'm not completely honest with you then I can't call myself your friend
so I'm just going to ask. Do you really believe he would hurt you or are you just looking for another easy way out?"

  "How dare you… you know what, I guess we'll find out. If he has her number in his phone then we know the truth."

  "Ariel." Trish shook her head as I turned away. I slammed all of my stuff inside my locker with enough force to shake the others and then kicked the door shut. I felt the tears as they burned my eyelids. I would hold them back if it was the last thing I ever did. I would not cry. I willed myself to be stronger. I forgot to read the other messages from Xavier, not that it mattered much. As fast as I could, I browsed through them.

  "I'm sorry, Ariel. I hope you're not upset with me."

  "It might be nothing, but I just wanted to make you aware."

  "Call me later, okay?"

  I didn't bother to respond. I would later when I had more time. I silently hoped and prayed her number wasn't in his phone. Even if it wasn't programmed doesn't mean nothing at all happened. They could have still hooked up but I would never have proof of what did or didn't go down. If he has her number then obviously they did or he wants to.

  I was proud of myself for not getting so emotional when all I wanted to do was track his ass down and find out right this instant. The only thing that got me through most of the night was that I would find out soon enough. A few times Trish tried talking about Damon. I just shook my head no. I wasn't trying to be short with her, but I barely had control over my emotions at the moment. The last thing I wanted was any more discussion on the subject.

  I was at the bar waiting on Trish to make me two Amaretto Sours. My focus was the pool tables in the back where I had a young couple waiting for me.

  "He's here," Trish whispered.

  Shit. "How am I supposed to act?" I suddenly felt panicked.

  "Oh now you wanna talk?"

  I silently pleaded for her help. I was completely out of my element.

  "Fine, act like you do not know anything until after your shift, then you guys can talk."

  Damon walked closer, and once he spotted me a huge charming smile took over his entire face. I broke eye contact long enough to see many sets of eyes follow him. He wore his usual dark jeans with a simple white tee shirt that fit perfectly. His hat was pulled down low on his face. Damon even walked powerful — sexy.