Chaos

by Barbara Huffert

  “Wow. I didn’t think grownups were ever scared of anything.”

  “We may not always admit it but, trust me, everyone is afraid at some point. I’m not ashamed to let you know that I’m intimidated by what we’re doing here. I’d be a fool to think that we’re not going to hit snags before we’re all settled in.”

  “One day at a time, then?”

  “Yep, one day at a time. Today, let’s shoot for getting you comfortable in your room. Mom and I did our best to make it less of a guestroom but you’ll need to add to it to make it yours. I’m sure they’ll insist on you visiting so we’ll set it up so it’s ready whenever you get here. Then we’ll work on convincing Mom that she cooked more than enough for the next week. Wait until you see all the stuff she made.”

  “She was telling me about it yesterday.”

  “Well, I hope you’re hungry because she thought of more things you might like.” Shane struggled to his feet. “You up for some steps? Just take it slow. Dad could carry you if you’re not up to it.”

  “I can do it. You need to be carried more than me.”

  “I can do it too.” Shane grinned as Flynn waited for him to get his balance. “Ready?” He pushed open the door.

  “Not really but what the hell.”

  “I heard that, young man,” Rose called from somewhere in the house.

  “Oops, I forgot to warn you about that. Mom has this thing about language.”

  “Yeah, she already mentioned it.” Flynn looked sheepish as Shane winked.

  “Just try to watch it around her.”

  “Like you do?”

  “Yeah.” Shane had to admire this boy. He certainly was wise beyond his years. Maybe he’d let Shane show him how to be a kid. It didn’t seem as if he ever had much of an opportunity to be that and everyone deserved a childhood without fear.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Hiya gorgeous,” Shane whispered seductively when Alyssa answered.

  “Oh. Shane. Hi.” She sounded as if she both dreaded and longed for his calls.

  Still distant. Not a good sign. “How’s the weather?”

  “Unstable. I never thought I’d ever complain about sunshine but this is ridiculous. This is the first spring in decades that has been so pleasant. Sunny days and nice, steady showers. No thunderstorms in sight. It’s getting on my nerves.”

  “Even you, holding your camera, are bound to run out of patience at some point. As I recall, waiting isn’t really your thing.”

  “I used to think I’d be able to stand anything as long as I ended up with my shot but I’m starting to wonder.”

  “That’s only because you haven’t got it yet. When you do, it’ll be worth it. Even the time you’re missing with me. You could be here, nursing me back to health.”

  “I’m sure your mom is taking very good care of you.”

  “Not quite the same thing, Campini. She just doesn’t have the same appeal that you do.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m sure she’s doing a much better job than I would. I’ve never had any desire to be anybody’s nurse.”

  “I don’t really need a nurse. I need you. And I know you desire me in other ways so I think I’d be fine in your hands.”

  “McKade,” she sighed.

  “Pix, why won’t you talk to me anymore? Why are you hiding from me?”

  “I’m not. I do talk to you,” she protested weakly.

  “Not like you did. What happened? Okay, I was injured but I’m well on the way to being fine.”

  “Nothing happened! Why are you always pushing me? Damn, I knew this was going to happen. Have a little fun in the sack with a guy and he starts to think it’s more than it is.” Alyssa fought the tears that threatened. She had to get him to leave her alone before she lost what little remained of her heart. She refused to be in love with Shane McKade, even if he was an incredible man. Love was for Kiley, not her. Families and homes were Kiley’s thing. She was never going down that road. Not her. Alyssa Campini needed no one other than Alyssa Campini. Why couldn’t she make her heart remember that? And why were the things he insisted on telling her every time he called starting to sound so good?

  “You still there?” Shane could hear her breathing. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you. I know we agreed to have fun for as long as it lasted. We are fun together, Pix. But it changed. I know we could have more than fun together if you’d let us.”

  “McKade, stop! Maybe you shouldn’t call me anymore.”

  Shane’s heart froze. “Wait, I’m sorry. Again. I shouldn’t have said that. I know you don’t want to hear that. I’ll stop telling you how I feel. Please, don’t shut me out completely.”

  Alyssa hated the thought of not speaking with him even more than she hated the things he was making her think about. “Fine,” she agreed. “Don’t make me have to get a new phone.”

  “I’ll behave.” She would cut him off to if she had to in order to deny what was between them. He’d have to rethink his plan to tell her his feelings often enough to make her comfortable with them. That would have to wait until she was home. “Tell me what Murray has been up to. I haven’t heard one of his stories in a week.”

  A safe topic. Alyssa related her latest Murray tale, enjoying his laughter when it started. Why couldn’t they stick to this? Casual friendship. She could do that. When she finished a silence followed. “McKade? You still quitting?”

  “Absolutely. I’m going into the city tomorrow. I have a meeting set up with my captain and my letter’s already written. I’m out. I can’t do it anymore.”

  “So what’s next?”

  “I haven’t really decided that yet. I rented a house just down the street from Brett’s for the next three months. He offered to let me stay with him, since he’ll be back and forth most of that time but I wanted my own space.”

  “What about the gatehouse?” Alyssa knew that Kiley had asked him to stay with them.

  “Too much commotion. I think it’s always in use and I don’t want to interfere with their friends. Have you talked to Kiley this week? Did she tell you about Dee and Will moving to town too?”

  “Yes, she did and I’m not surprised. Dee always did say they wanted to live in the country. It may not be exactly country but I’m sure they’ll be happy there. With the way Will’s business took off, I knew they’d get out of the city soon. She also mentioned that Dee’s looking at that little diner on the edge of town. Do you think she’ll do it? It seems like so much work.”

  “I don’t think either of them minds hard work. Jordan said she was thinking of starting with breakfast and lunch first. That won’t be as bad as full days. He said Dee is thinking of finding a partner so they both have a chance for time off.”

  “I guess I’m going to be the only one left in the city soon,” Alyssa commented before she thought.

  “Your choice, Pix. You’re always welcome with me. In fact…”

  “Oh, sure. I’m sure your career woman would love having me turn up on your doorstep.” She hated the way that sounded.

  “For someone who doesn’t want to talk about this, you don’t help keeping the conversation away from it. I guess that means you want to hear me say it again.”

  “Say what?” She had to learn to keep her big mouth shut!

  “That you are the only career woman I want. That, unless you turn up on my doorstep, there won’t be a woman with me. That I love you and want you with me always. That I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you to accept that you want me too.”

  “I can’t take this, McKade. You’ve turned us into something we’re not, well something I’m not. I don’t want the life you do. I like the city. I like the murkier parts of it. It’s what I seek out when I go looking for things to capture on film. Don’t you get it? You’re living in a fantasy that will never be more than that. You’re setting yourself up and I’m going to take the blame for it.”

  “Maybe I am putting my heart at risk. That’s my choice, Campini. You’re not forcin
g me to do anything. I think you’re wrong though. I think you do want this and you’re just too afraid to let yourself go for it. I don’t think you understand yourself very well.”

  “And I suppose you do?”

  “Of course. I know you better than you do. I think you’re so afraid of losing me that you’d rather kick me out of your life than let yourself be vulnerable. I just need to figure out a way to show you that the benefits of sharing your life with me and m… ah, me, far outweigh the risks.”

  “What were you about to say there?”

  “Nothing. I almost brought my family into it but they’re much too much for you right now.”

  “Your family?”

  “Sure, my family. You know, Jordan and Kiley, Brett, Mom and Dad. They all come with me. I know Kiley is your cousin but she’s also my brother’s wife and if we’re talking more than friendship, you can bet she’ll have some advice for you. Advice that is more in line with being part of my family than the cousin you keep at a distance.”

  “This is a ridiculous conversation and I don’t know why we’re even bothering with it. I’m not afraid of anything. Why can’t you get it through your head that I’m just not interested? You seem to be determined to make me regret that I ever let you take me home in the first place.”

  “You don’t mean that. No matter what else you think even you can’t deny that we’re hot together.”

  “We are but that’s just good sex, McKade. It’s not something to base a life on.”

  “It was more than good sex and you know it. I’m done pushing for now though. You need time to let yourself stop fighting the idea of us being together with our clothes on. You’ll get there eventually.”

  “You’re nuts! Don’t come crying to me when this dream of yours shatters down around you. And don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.”

  “I am not nuts and you are frightened but I’ll help you through it. Trust me, Campini. I’ll be easier than you think.”

  “You’re impossible. Night, McKade.”

  “Night, Pixie Queen. I love you. Sweet dreams.”

  * * * * *

  “Still busting on you?” Flynn asked when Shane wandered into his room. By the look on his face, he knew Shane had been talking to Alyssa.

  “Always,” Shane flopped on the bed next to him. “Let me give you some advice. When you fall in love, try to find a woman who isn’t so stubborn.”

  “I didn’t think you got to pick that sort of stuff.”

  “How old are you again? You’re entirely too wise for a kid.”

  “Nah, I just pay attention to what’s going on around me. I could see that you were hooked back when you used to yell at each other on the street all the time. Do you know that I used to hide out and wait for you to show up, just to hear her scream at you?”

  “Gee, I’m so glad I entertained you,” Shane said mildly. “I probably should have talked to you instead.”

  “I wouldn’t have stayed if you had. I didn’t trust you then. Not like I do now.”

  “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?” Shane held his breath.

  “As if,” Flynn rolled his eyes. “I’m not like that.”

  “No, you’re not. Thank you, by the way. That means a lot to me.”

  “Yeah, well, I thought I should tell you. You’re pretty cool. Especially the way you snuck me into that town so I could check out the house with you.”

  “You’re pretty cool yourself.” They rested companionably. “You okay with me leaving tomorrow?”

  “You coming back like you said?”

  “As soon as I can.”

  “Then I’m cool. I gotta go with those people anyway.”

  “Those people are being extremely kind, agreeing to help you get caught up like they have. They’re giving up part of their summer to make sure you’re ready for school in the fall.”

  “Christ, Dad, I’m not an idiot. I know they’re going out of their way for me. I promised I’d try, and I will. I don’t go back on my word either.”

  “What did you just say?” Shane was stunned.

  “Which part?” Flynn blushed, clearly knowing what Shane meant.

  “You just called me Dad.”

  “I thought I’d try it out, see how it sounded. You’re not going to spaz out on me?”

  “Flynn,” Shane was actually shaking as he sat to face him, “are you saying that you’re considering it?”

  “I guess,” he shrugged, watching Shane from the corner of his eye. “I thought it might be cool to know you can’t ditch me without a lot of hassle.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Shane’s face broke out in a huge smile. “Damn, I don’t believe it!”

  “Quit it, will ya? It’s not such a big deal.”

  “The hell it’s not! Do you have any idea how hearing you call me Dad makes me feel? No, I can see you don’t. It’s better than all the Christmases and birthdays I ever had, all combined.”

  “Not something I know about,” Flynn said quietly, having already learned he really could say what he was thinking. “My idea of a good holiday was to make it through without many bruises on my face.”

  “That sure sucks,” Shane was continually amazed at how far they’d come in such a short time. “Not anymore. From now on you’ll know how holidays should be.”

  “I know,” he hesitated, finally looking at Shane. “So what about it? Do you really want me to be your kid?”

  “More than anything.”

  “More than you want Alyssa to marry you?”

  “As much as I want Alyssa to marry me. I love both of you, Flynn. I want you for my son, with or without her.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” Shane needed him to actually say it.

  “Okay, then I guess I could be your kid. You’ve been straight about the rest. I figure you’re not playing about that part of it. Besides, Flynn McKade sounds cooler than Flynn Roberts. It’ll be bad enough going back to school. I may as well have a decent name when I have to do it.”

  “Flynn McKade,” Shane repeated. “Son of a bitch!”

  “What’s all this commotion up here? Your mother heard you swearing from all the way down in the basement. Everything all right up here?” Danny noticed the way they were both grinning like idiots.

  “I thought I explained to you two,” Rose began as she charged into the room.

  “Mom, Dad,” Shane interrupted, “I’d like you to meet your grandson, Flynn McKade.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Rose cried as she wrapped Flynn in a hug.

  “Mom!” Shane pretended to be shocked.

  “You’re smothering him, Rose. Let him go before you kill him. I don’t want him suffocated before this is all legal.” Danny pulled him into his arms as soon as Rose released him. “Proud to have you, son.”

  “Thanks,” Flynn managed as he gasped for air.

  “Dad, let him go,” Shane chuckled at the expression on Flynn’s face. His parents had controlled themselves the past two weeks but this was too big to let pass without the spontaneous affectionate hugs Shane was used to.

  “We need to celebrate,” Rose announced. “Where do you want to go tonight, Flynn?”

  “Well, I, um,” he stuttered.

  “Mom,” Shane tried.

  “What? This is a very special occasion. We always celebrate when something good happens. You two get around well enough so there’s no reason not to go out.”

  “I’ve never been out for dinner,” Flynn rushed to spit out before he lost his nerve.

  “And your point is?” Rose asked steadily. “I’ve been eating with you for weeks and you seem capable of handling your utensils.”

  “That’s not it.” How could he make them understand that he didn’t know how to do a family celebration? He wasn’t sure what they expected from him. Maybe he’d been too hasty telling Shane he wanted him to adopt him.

  “Mom, Dad, can you give us a minute?” Shane urged them from the room. When they finally left, with
a promise not to be kept waiting long, Shane turned to Flynn. “They can be a little overwhelming when they get excited about something but don’t let them rattle you.”

  “I don’t know what to do. At a family celebration.” Flynn looked as young as he was.

  “You don’t have to do anything. Just be there and go with the flow. Growing up, whenever Jordan or I did something that they were particularly proud of we always went somewhere special. The one who caused it got to choose the restaurant. It didn’t matter that we went out other times for no particular reason. It’s just the idea of the dinner being declared special that made it different.”

  “Where do I pick?”

  “It’s up to you but I always liked to go to The Mill. It really was an old grist mill and the waterwheel is still there. They have it turning and the water is running, so it was always fun watch. Even though I knew it was controlled, I always half expected it to go haywire and splash the people closest to it. They cook the steaks over an open fire so they taste really good. There’s also a more relaxed place that makes great burgers. Or, if you want to go fancy, there’s a place not too far out of town. They make stuff with lots of sauces and always have a huge selection of fish. Or you could do what Jordan did once and take us to the bakery for cake and hot chocolate.”

  “I think the first place,” Flynn decided uncertainly.

  “We don’t have to go anywhere if you’d rather not. We could run out for sandwiches and have a picnic on the deck if that would make you more comfortable.”

  “It’s okay. I just didn’t expect this. I guess there’s more to this family stuff than I’ve seen so far.”

  “Oh, Flynn, you don’t have any idea what it can be like yet. My family, our family, is truly the best. Good things are celebrated. Problems are discussed when you want them to be. Moral support is offered whether you think you need it or not. Being part of this bunch means you never have to be alone if you don’t want to be. If you want to talk about nothing, they’re here. If you’re sad, they’re here. If you call in the middle of the night, asking for help with a kid who is in a gang and was told to kill you, they help. If someone makes you happier than you ever have been in your life, they’ll be happy with you. And if the woman you want with you always breaks your heart beyond repair, they’ll be here to help pick up the pieces. No matter what, Flynn, this family will be here to share everything with you. You’ll get the hang of it.”