Longing for Love

by Vicki Green

  “Earth to Kane. Earth to Kane.”

  My vision focuses and Taren is suddenly in front of me. “Oh, yeah. Hi. Just my usual, please.” Placing my elbow on the counter, I pop a peanut in my mouth. I wonder what Bria will wear on Saturday. She’s stunning in everything she wears but I’d bet in a fancy dress for a wedding she’ll be more than stunning. I’ll have a hard on the entire time. Damn, how am I gonna get through that?

  “Uh, Kane?”

  I look up and see Taren still standing there and look down. No beer. Huh. “Something wrong?” I grab another handful of peanuts as a smile overtakes her face and she leans her arms on the counter in front of me, coming closer. Well, as close as her swollen stomach will let her.

  “God! The look on your face. I know that look.”

  What in the hell is she talking about?

  “Kane. You’re in love with Bria.”

  My eyes widen. I drop the rest of the peanuts on the counter and raise my hands in surrender. “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” I lean closer to her and whisper-shout, “I am not! Don’t say that! That’s not true!” I shift my eyes around then look back at her. “You know how rumors start.” I sit back down but she’s still leaning and smiling. “What? I….” My voice grew so loud people are turning their heads and staring at me. “I am not,” I whisper-shout again.

  She stands and gives me a wink. I watch her walk over to the beer bin, underneath the counter, and twist off the cap of a bottle as she walks back. But she doesn’t stop in front of me. My eyes follow her around the counter and as she sits down on the stool beside me. Brock’s stool. She’s still smiling and just sitting there holding the bottle. I grab it from her hand and watch her continue to smile as I take a huge gulp. “Would you stop?” She places her hand on my leg and lets out a small laugh.

  “What? It’s cute.”

  Cute? Nothing I do is cute. Strong, maybe. Masculine, definitely. But not cute.

  “I’m just excited you finally found the woman. I’m just happy for you both.”

  What the fuck?

  I lean in and she follows me until we touch shoulders. “I’m not in love.”

  Sitting back quickly she smiles again. “Yes, you are.”

  She’s arguing with me?

  “Taren. I’m not. I think I’d know if I was. Maybe your hormones are whacked from your pregnancy.” Her brows raise but her smile is still there. “Maybe it’s because you’re getting married in two days.” Her face softens and she now looks like she’s dreamy. “Maybe it’s all of those things but I. Am. Not. In. Love.”

  “Yes you are.”

  I roll my eyes at Irish’s voice. She walks over carrying a plate heaped with food and sets it down in front of me.

  “No. I’m not,” I growl.

  She laughs.

  Laughs!

  “Fine. Whatever you say, dreamboat.” Now my brows raise. “I see the way you look at her,” she says setting her elbows down on the counter and placing her chin on top of her folded hands.

  “And….” My head swivels to Taren. “You brought her home? Oh, my God! Your mom even broke a plate she was so surprised.” She giggles when I roll my eyes again. I look at both of them simultaneously, feeling a headache coming on.

  “So I look at her. She’s beautiful,” I tell Irish. “And so I took her home. I’m allowed. They’re my parents and my family’s house,” I all but shout at Taren. I lean down and grab the burger, picking up the bun and grab the ketchup bottle. I pour a bunch on the burger then squirt a ton on the plate. Placing the bun on top, I pick up the mammoth sandwich and shove it into my mouth, taking a huge bite.

  Laughter.

  “Wha?” My mouth is around the burger, my eyes shifting back and forth between them.

  “He’s in denial,” Irish says to Taren, shaking her head.

  “I’m sure it’s a shock after having so many women and thinking he would never settle down,” Taren replies to Irish.

  What the fuck?

  Without taking a bite, I set the burger back on the plate, grabbing my napkin and wipe my mouth. “Uh, I’m right here.” They both keep talking. Something about they never thought they’d see the day and they’re so happy for us. What? “Ladies.” They’re both talking a mile a minute. How can either of them get in a word? “LADIES!” Their heads snap my way. I give them a smile. “Don’t get so excited.” I let out a big sigh. “Okay, yes – I kind of like her.” Irish scowls at me and Taren giggles. “But I’m not sure exactly where it will go if anywhere so just get your panties unbunched and quit talking about it. Sheesh.” I turn back and pick up some fries, dunking them into the ketchup and shoving them in my mouth.

  “Psh! Whatever, Kane.” My eyes move up to Irish, who has her hand on her hip and giving me her know-it-all look. “You’ve never – ever brought home a girl before. Okay, maybe it’s not love, my friend, but you are smitten. And bad.”

  I roll my eyes and pick up the burger and take a hefty bite.

  I watch Taren struggle off the stool and walk around the counter. She walks up to Irish and they start walking off towards the kitchen. “And she’ll be there on Saturday. We’ll have to chat and see how she feels.” Taren giggles.

  “You’re getting married! I’ll do it,” replies Irish.

  Fuck. Me.

  I thought I’d never get the burger down and get out of there fast enough. While driving home I’m thinking about how I thought women were supposed to be smart. Don’t they know I’m having a hard enough time with all this without them egging me on? Gossiping like teenagers. Giggling and all that shit. It’s enough to make me not want to go to the bar for a while, just to avoid them. Once I’m at my apartment and get inside, I kick the door shut with my foot and pull my phone out of my pocket as I throw my keys on the breakfast bar. I pull up her number, hit send, and hold the phone to my ear, eager to hear her voice.

  “Hello?”

  She sounds groggy. Shit! I woke her. I look at my watch. Only eight thirty.

  “Sorry. I woke you.” Now, I feel bad.

  “Oh, Kane! Sorry. I guess I feel asleep.” Her voice still sounds a little hoarse but better.

  “Uh, well. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. How are you feeling? Any better?” Shit! You’re an idiot! First, you wake her up, and now you want to talk, keeping her awake when she should be sleeping. What an asshole. Sounds of movement on her end and then I smile when I hear Smoky meow. I walk over to get a bottled water from the fridge when more rustling noises sound from her end.

  “No! That’s fine. I’m actually glad you called,” she replies sounding breathless. My mind goes directly to the gutter, envisioning her beneath me, gasping for air as I push my hard cock inside her. “I needed to get up and take some of that cold medicine you brought me. This stuff is almost gone but I wanted to take some more before I go to sleep.” Her voice breaks through my daydream as I walk over to the breakfast bar and sit down on the closest stool.

  “Good. Good.” That’s just perfect. You can’t even think of something to say.

  “Hold on. I’m working my way back to my bedroom.” I swallow. Hard. “Okay. Sorry. Just wanted to get comfortable in bed.” Damn, I’m hard as a rock just thinking about her laying out on that bed, her long black hair splayed out around her. Fuck, I’m horny. “I wish you were here,” she whispers in a very low, raspy voice. Shit, that sounded even more seductive with the hoarseness from her cold. “I got kind of used to you being here. Even though I’ve been sick, I’ve really enjoyed your company.”

  She’s killing me.

  “Yeah, uh….” Now my voice sounds strange. I clear my throat. “Me too. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, even though you slept most of the time I was there.” I chuckle. Her laugh is sweet, low from her cold but sweet. “I wanted to check on you before I went to bed.” I can hear her move. Maybe she’s getting more comfortable. I wonder what she’s wearing. Fuck, I’m a pervert!

  “Aww, that’s so sweet of you. Actually, I feel better. After you left,
I checked my emails and then didn’t do any more work. I took a nice long hot bubble bath and then took a nap.” Now my thoughts are seeing her laying in a bathtub. The bubbles are covering her but end right at the swell of her breasts. Her skin is flawless, a touch of light pink from the heat of the water. I bet her nipples are…. “What did you do?”

  Shit!

  I stand, adjust my aching hard on, and start turning off the lights as I walk to the door, locking it, and then head towards my bedroom. “I went to the bar, had dinner. Irish and Taren were there. They think that we’re together. Well, not together but really….” I can’t even talk about it without getting flustered. “Well, you know. I mean….” Fuck, what do I mean?

  Silence.

  Breathing.

  I scared her.

  Say something.

  Anything.

  No, maybe that’s not a good idea.

  “I kind of like the thought of us together,” she whispers so softly I can barely hear her. Almost. Suddenly, my heart begins to race. She wants to be together.

  “I kind of like that too.”

  I feel like a fucking teenager. Shy. Happy. Scared. It’s weird but the thought of being exclusive would normally make me nervous but with her, it makes me excited.

  “Well. I probably should go to bed. To sleep.” She stutters. Cute. “I need to get up early.” She’s seems a bit awkward. I like it.

  I clear my throat. “Yes. I need to do that as well. Sleep and get up early.” I smack my forehead. “Just make sure you feel okay in the morning. Don’t want you to get worse.”

  “Okay. Well, goodnight.” Her voice crackles but is sweet. “Kane?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you for taking care of me.” Silence. I open my mouth to speak. “No one has ever wanted to do that before. Well, other than Charles. Thank you for that.”

  My heart races, sadness overtakes me. This girl. This woman. How can anyone not want to take care of her? Love her.

  Love.

  There’s that word again.

  I clear my voice, knowing emotions are choking me. “Goodnight, Kitten. Sweet dreams.” I know I’ll have some.

  The call ends and I’m flustered. Just talking to her makes my cock so hard. This could be a major issue at the wedding. Is it wrong that after removing my clothes and stepping into the shower, I grab my hard length and think of her as I close my eyes and begin to stroke? Hard. Maybe but God, I had to. Just hearing her sweet voice, the sadness in it, seeing her beautiful face in my mind. Those lips. Eyes. I couldn’t stop myself.

  “Fuck!”

  It took but a second for the wetness to seep from the tip. I stroke harder, faster, the water beating down over my head, my back. She’s in my thoughts, filling my head. I imagine her small hand wrapping around my aching length, not completely able to fold around it, but her touch alone has my balls tightening, hurting. I slap my hand against the tile, my head bowing as I drive myself to the brink. She’s driving me there. “God!” I let out a moan, my hand pumping harder. Faster. I can almost feel her touch. I begin to shiver and my balls tingle and then bursts of light hit behind my eyelids, my legs almost buckling when my orgasm hits. I stand there, trying to regain myself. “How can just imagining her touch, her body, give me the best orgasm I’ve ever had?” I wash myself, confused with my thoughts, my feelings. I’ve only kissed her and she’s become so deep in my skin.

  After brushing my teeth then putting on a clean pair of boxers, I climb into bed. I’ve only kissed her and not how I really wanted to but yet she’s all I can see. All I can think about. What’s happening to me? I’ve never wanted to sleep with a woman all night, hold her in my arms, spoon her or just have her snuggled into me. Brock said this could happen. So did Caylan. I thought they were crazy. Insane. It’s almost like a disease, filtering through my mind, my body. She’s like an illness that doesn’t have a cure. I lay on my back, my arm underneath my head, staring up at the ceiling. What has she done to me? It’s like she’s bewitched me. For once, I’m letting a woman take control, not of a situation but of my mind, my body. I’m so fucked yet I think I like it.

  I think I slept a total of two hours last night. Bria even plagued my dreams. I woke with a start, thinking I’d come all over myself but I hadn’t. Damn, what she’s doing to me. I just about had a wet dream. Haven’t had one of those since I was a teenager. I took a quick shower, the need to go work out at the gym overwhelming me. I need to work off some of this before I do something stupid and attack her. I’ve never wanted someone so badly. I push it back, trying to rid her from my thoughts, as I drive over to Ma’s. I walk into their kitchen, feeling Bria trying to creep in, and head straight for the table. Pop is the only one sitting there reading the newspaper, as always.

  “Kane?”

  I look up as Ma sets a plate full of food down in front of me, worry etched on her face.

  “Are you okay, son?”

  My eyes shift to Pop. He’s peering over the paper watching me.

  I look down quickly, grabbing the fork and scoop up some eggs. I shove the fork in my mouth, the taste I love not there. Chewing it quickly, I swallow and pick up the glass of milk, draining nearly all its contents. “I’m fine, Ma.” I dare look up and see worry is still there. She pats my shoulder then walks back over to the counter. I look down, not even wanting anymore. Maybe I am getting sick.

  Maybe it’s the disease Bria has filled you with.

  “Ahem. Bria okay?” I look up at Pop, confusion setting in. That’s all I need. I’m dealing with my own stuff and now he wants to know. “Heard she was sick. You stayed with her, missed work.” Shit! Is he pissed? I never miss work.

  “Yes, dear. I hope she’s feeling better.” My eyes shift to Ma. She likes her. I think maybe Pop does too. But they are both so kind, would help anyone. Look what they did for Irish. She was alone. Her mom never paid her any attention, kicked her out. They didn’t hesitate to take her in, make her one of us. Does she know? Do they know how I feel about her, how she’s changing me? I look into Ma’s eyes. She knows. She can tell. Apparently, according to Irish and Taren, it’s written all over my face. Am I that transparent?

  “Uh, yeah. She’s better.”

  I need to leave, get out of here. This is all making me even more anxious, more confused than my own thoughts. Pushing back my chair, I don’t look at Ma, knowing she’ll even be worried because I didn’t eat. “Sorry. Thanks, Ma. I really gotta run.” I walk out of the kitchen in a flurry, trying to get to my truck. Maybe I really am getting sick. I’m always hungry and now, I have no appetite.

  You have one appetite. It’s just not for food.

  “Shut up,” I whisper to myself.

  “Son?”

  Shit.

  I’d reached for the doorknob when she stops me. Turning, I look into Ma’s eyes, still full of worry and concern. I let her walk up to me, watch her as she cups my face with her hand. She’s aged, so much. She worries about everything, everyone. I notice the gray streaks in her once black hair, the wrinkles by her eyes, probably from worry over the years. Suddenly, I feel selfish, not noticing how she’s changed physically. How long have I been so blind, only thinking of myself that I hadn’t noticed? She smiles, her hand warm on my skin. “It gets easier.” My brows lower in my confusion. “Your dad was the same way.” My heart rate increases, visions of Pop at my age filter into my mind. “I stayed away from him for a long time. He had a woman every night for years.” What? “Oh, I noticed him, longed for him, but he wanted one thing and I another.” I would be disgusted, thinking of my parents this way, how they actually felt, similar to me. I listen with anticipation, wanting to know. “He didn’t think he could change, that a man could be with only one woman the rest of his life. Love her, receive that love back, and never grow tired of each other.” My brows raise. My eyes widen. She does know. He was just like me or maybe I’m just like him? Or how he was. She pats my face, lovingly, her smile growing. “So, you see, dear. You’re not crazy, even
though you may feel that way. There is one woman who will take your heart, keep your soul in hers, and be the one you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. And maybe – maybe Bria is the one. I can feel it and I think you can too. Just take it one day at a time. Let yourself go, feel it, feel her, and then everything will fall into place. Everything will be as it should.”

  Sometimes I think she’s psychic or maybe it’s just because she’s my ma. Without thinking, I bend down and kiss the top of her head. “Thanks, Ma. You always know what to say.” Her smile is still there when I stand back, turn around, and walk out the door. I feel lighter, like there’s a kick in my step as I walk to my truck. I think about her words all the way to the site. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m overthinking everything, letting fear take over instead of just letting go. Giving in to my feelings. My heart. Maybe I need to let it just happen. That scares me as well as excites me. Both are terrifying.

  I get to the site, immediately looking for her red sports car, but it’s not here. I’m a little early so I shake it off, park, and head to the construction area and begin working. The crews are already in full swing and the building is starting to take shape. Only two weeks in but I can start envisioning it. One crew is working on the front of the building, another on the ‘L’ shaped side, while the third is working in the middle. It’s only two stories, barely a shell, but I can see how when done it will be magnificent.

  The day becomes long, the heat scorching. No signs of Bria all day. Removing my shirt, I use it to wipe my head, my face, removing the sweat that’s been dripping down into my eyes, burning. I pull out my phone, sending off a text, learning from the last time I let myself just wonder about her, worry, but didn’t think to try to contact her. Not again.