Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “This… This whole thing.” I shook the bag and popped it open.

  “Not like you have a choice.” He finished his bag and pushed off the wall. “I’m out of here. I have to go check on that house. The sooner we get out of your hair, the better.” He staggered a bit as he walked to the door.

  “Right back at you,” I muttered.

  “Oh, I invited Carly and Joel over for dinner tonight so they can meet Cora and the kids.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Catch you later, mate.”

  When Gunther shut the door behind him, I pulled my knees up to my chest. The familiar and unwanted chuckle echoed in my head.

  “Unbelievable,” I growled, feeling like throwing something, maybe not even drinking the bag. Let the virus take over and…

  No. I couldn’t do that to Elaina or my mum. Mostly, I couldn’t do that to my son. However, hearing the chuckle in my head again made me want to cross that line.

  My hands shook as I brought the bag to my lips. I allowed a deep shudder to course through me and began drinking, trying to tune out the voice coming forward at an alarming rate.

  Liam…

  “Quiet,” I muttered.

  Another chuckle.

  I truly thought after I killed them, my demons would leave me, but they liked to pop up every now and then, making me agitated for a few days at a time. I hated doing it to Elaina, but I couldn’t help it. At least I was still doing well with the alcohol. I always craved it, but I knew if one sip passed my lips, she would leave me and keep Nicky from me without thinking twice. That would destroy me and be certain death.

  I finished the bag and pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes when a little dizzy spell hit. A knock on the door echoed through the room, blasting into my head.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  “Henry? Elaina and I are going to the store. I wanted to see what you wanted for dinner.” When I looked up, my mum came in and closed the door. She noted the stress on my face. I shook my head, trying to put the split pieces of my vision together. She sat next to me. “You okay?”

  I laughed, then sighed. “It’s back.”

  The chuckle grew louder and the name-calling started again.

  Little whiny Liam and his whore of a mother.

  “What’s back?”

  “Shut the fuck up!” I lashed out.

  She leaned away from me. “I’m sorry?”

  “Not you,” I barked out at her.

  The chuckle wrapped around my head and blared into my ears. I pressed my palms over them as if it would help keep the noise out.

  “Henry, what’s going on? You were happy a moment a go.”

  We will always be with you. You cannot make us go away.

  My breathing became labored and my thoughts… Well, they turned dark. My eyes flickered to the nightstand where I kept my Sig within arm’s reach for a just in case situation. The intrusive noise in my head fit the scenario.

  “Henry, look at me.” My gaze jumped to hers, then back to the nightstand. “I need you with me.” She grabbed my tense shoulders and made me face her. “Talk to me.” I shook my head. “Listen to me. You need to talk and get whatever is going on in your head out.”

  I burst out laughing. “Mum, the only way it’ll leave is if I put a bullet in my head.”

  She raised her hand to slap me across the face. I recoiled, making her drop it to her lap. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare say anything like that.” The pain in her eyes was unmistakable. Hearing me mention it added to her constant worry over me.

  “It’ll never go away. My demons come and go. Happiness or not, they will always be a whisper, finding a way to shout.”

  “Don’t let the sound of their noise or the words they choose dictate your being. You are much stronger than they are.”

  She said “they”, like my demons were a separate entity. It wasn’t the case, considering how long my demons had been around, lurking behind dark corners of my mind, worming through every nook and cranny. The stark reality was that I was them and they were me, destined to be intertwined together forever. It was romantic…in a demented sort of way.

  My eyes filled with tears, cheeks flushed from embarrassment. Not from the sadness, but from the deep hatred I felt flooding to the surface.

  “I want release from the grip,” I growled.

  “I know you do and you will one day. I promise you that. One day, it will all go away and you can live free and happy. I know that in my heart.”

  I glanced away from her. “I don’t foresee that in my future. All I see is a weary battle to the very end.”

  “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all want you to feel well, Henry. We don’t want you to hide the truth and crumble around it.” She stood from the bed and tousled my hair. “I love you no matter what’s going on in here.”

  “Don’t say anything to Elaina. Let me tell her in my own time.”

  “It may not be the right thing to do, but I won’t say anything. That’s for you to discuss with her. I warn you, though. If I see things start getting out of hand, I will say something.” She left the room, leaving me to deal with my demons alone.

  Winded, Cora climbed the concrete steps to the wraparound front porch of the house. Gunther stayed close, just in case she needed his help. He noticed she had been getting more fatigued the further she got into her pregnancy.

  “Take your time,” he murmured. “We can rest on the swing if you need to.”

  “No, I’m fine. I’m just spent.”

  He glanced at the white siding and the gray and light blue trim, noting the entire exterior needed repainting. The scheme was hideous and not his taste.

  Parker Stewart, the real estate agent, unlocked and pushed open one side of the double front door. The smell of stale smoke wafted out.

  “Ugh… We’ll have to fix that,” Gunther muttered.

  “Okay. This says six bedrooms, three-and-a-half baths,” Parker said as he flipped through the paperwork in the file folder. “And…” He pointed at the price.

  Cora gasped.

  “Whatever,” Gunther said, slapping his hand over the listed price. “Don’t look at that. I’m taking care of this. If she likes it, it will be a cash sale. Also, while I have you here, I need some help finding a place of business in the village.”

  “Excellent. I will look up a few places while you two explore on your own.” Parker smiled. “I’ll be right here. Yell if you need me.”

  “Business?” Cora asked, walking into the house.

  “Hush now. We’ll discuss that later. Let’s see if this is what you want first.”

  The foyer was large, the ceiling high, the crystal chandelier glittering in the daylight streaming in through the windows.

  “Beautiful,” Cora whispered as she gazed at it.

  The glimmered reflection in her eyes made Gunther’s heart jump. He cleared his throat. “Let’s see if we can find the kitchen.”

  They passed through the connecting formal sitting and dining rooms. Cora’s hands ran over the dingy molding as they walked through each room, enjoying all the structural accents of the old Victorian. Finally, they stood in the doorway of the galley kitchen. Narrow cabinets lined both sides of the walls, and small appliances fit the cramped space.

  Cora took a deep breath and turned to face Gunther. “It’s quite a bit smaller than next door, but we can make it work. It needs updated appliances…” She looked up at the fluorescent light fixture. “Everything needs to be updated actually, but I can work around it until we can renovate.”

  “Whatever you want, I will make it happen. We can add on and expand it so we can have an eat-in,” he murmured, reaching for her hand, but she stepped away. His gaze dropped to the floor, feeling rejected. “Cora… I thought we were past this.”

  “I need it to be on my terms for now.”

  He pursed his lips. “Okay. Your terms.”

  “Let’s just continue looking at the house. If you want to talk more about
it later, we will.”

  Gunther followed as she waddled off and checked out the half-bath located under the stairs. She chuckled at the décor—wine labels on the walls, crates used for storage, the round sink set into a modified oak barrel.

  “Wow… That’s, uhh… Yeah, I’ve got nothing,” he said with a shake of his head.

  Cora glanced up at him. “Not your taste?” she asked, smirking.

  “I like clean lines. Light colors.”

  “I’m into homey, southern charm, not uptight, big city.” Gunther grunted. “I will have six children soon, so stuffy won’t do.” He smiled, realizing she had placed Joel in that group.

  They headed upstairs, her hands continuing to roam over all the detailed woodwork, pausing at the round purple, teal, and green stained glass window. “I bet Si or Grey will have that broken in a heartbeat.”

  Gunther laughed. “You are probably right on that one.”

  The first bedroom they went into was the master. She marveled at its size. “Definitely bigger than I’ve ever seen.”

  “I’ve heard that a few times,” Gunther said with a smirk.

  She turned around and gawked at him. “Pig.” He laughed as she headed through the room toward the fireplace. “This is lovely. Romantic.” The purr in her voice was clear.

  It made him smile. Cora seemed happy for a change and not ready to rip his balls off at a moment’s notice. She glanced around, noticing a small side door.

  “Balcony maybe?” she asked, then opened it.

  There was a screened-in porch with a hammock strung across the area. Gunther noted the rustic feel. It needed a serious cleaning and painting, and the green indoor/outdoor carpeting needed to be burned from existence.

  They checked out all the rooms and bathrooms located on the upper floor, slowly working their way back to the top of the stairs. “Well, with some improvements and remodeling, I think it will be perfect for the kids and me. Not sure where you’re going to stay.” Cora shrugged.

  Gunther raised a brow. “Very funny,” he muttered.

  “I get the master.”

  “You can have anything you want.”

  “Anything?” she asked, a glint in her eyes.

  Gunther sighed, knowing what she was implying. He shook his head. “You are one naughty bird.”

  “Am I?”

  “Yeah, completely. Listen. I want to thank you for saying six children. It means a lot to me that you’re willing to acknowledge Joel.”

  “If I want you in my life, I have to accept Joel. He is your family, too. I will accept him as my own. And as long as Carly keeps her hands to herself, I promise I will do my best to be friends with her, too.”

  His eyes watered. “You have no idea what that means to me, Cora.”

  “I can see how it makes you feel.” She smiled, stood on her tiptoes, and brushed her lips across his cheek.

  “They’re coming for dinner tonight.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I talked to her this morning. She is excited for Joel to finally meet everyone.”

  “Good.” Cora smiled. Gunther wasn’t sure if she was faking it, but he was happy she was trying. She pushed her arm in between his body and elbow, holding on as he ushered her down the stairs.

  Due to the improvements the house needed, they had Parker work up the offer for under the asking price. They spoke of a time frame, knowing the baby would be coming soon. The realtor assured them the sale should be complete in a few weeks. The government was looking to quickly revive areas ravaged by the virus and bombings.

  While they were inside, Parker had also called about several empty business locations in the village. He arranged a showing for later in the week.

  Commotion from downstairs filled the house. Cora and Gunther must have been back from looking at the house. I was in rough shape, so I stayed in bed with my face buried in my pillow, trying to muffle the noise in my head. It was ineffective, to say the least.

  Footsteps echoed. When I realized someone was coming, I held my breath, hoping whoever it was would leave me the hell alone. I jumped when the light knock sounded, then the door opened. Fuck me.

  “Henry? Are you sleeping?” Elaina asked.

  “Not anymore,” I muttered.

  She closed the door. “Gunther and Cora are back.”

  “I heard.”

  Her soft footsteps sounded, then the bed lowered next to me as she sat. “Are you okay? Headache? Achy? You had a bag-”

  “I’m fine,” I said, rolling over to face her.

  Her brows furrowed, the worry in her eyes growing. “Henry…”

  I reached up and brushed my hand over her cheek. “I’m fine, love.” Clearly, I wasn’t and wanted to scream for her to hold me through the pain and misery.

  She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Anyway, Carly and Joel should be here soon. I was hoping you would help with Nicky while your mom, Cora, and I cook?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  “Put on one of your new button-downs and pants I ordered for you. We’re all going to try to look halfway put together because Gunther wants to make a good impression on Carly so she’ll let Joel start having overnight visits.”

  “Hmph…” I glanced off to the side.

  “I know this is a lot of people in this house, but it won’t be for much longer. They put in an offer next door. Their agent said they should hear something soon. The turnover rate has been pretty quick.”

  “How do they know the people who used to live there won’t be coming back? Would they have sold this place? People could still be hundreds of miles away. I’d be pissed if I came home and someone bought my house.”

  “Well, Gunther said the agent explained they are only selling homes for people with a death certificate.”

  “Elaina, this is the government we’re talking about. They can reproduce or fake documents in a snap. Remember, I used to work for the government.”

  “Don’t go all conspiracy theory on me. Have faith that they’re going about it the correct way. They fucked up and they are going to do-”

  “Everything in their power to make it look right,” I mocked.

  She fought her anger as she stood. “Stop being paranoid, Henry. Get up and get dressed. I need your help downstairs.” Elaina dashed out of the bedroom.

  I sighed and rolled out of bed. After switching on the overhead light and opening the closet door, I shuffled through the new shirts and pants. This was the first look I had at them. Usually, I was in an old t-shirt and cargoes because of all the work I had been doing around the house.

  “Green? Burgundy? What the hell?” She knew I wasn’t a fan of anything not in a shade of white, blue, or black. Pulling out the pants, I shook my head. “Khakis? Really? Has she met me? At least she bought me one pair of jeans.” I moved around a few more things near the back of the closet and found one of my old shirts, black with a dark gray pattern, from before all the bullshit happened. “Perfect,” I whispered.

  I pulled off my t-shirt and slid the designer fabric over my shoulders. It fit almost as nice as it used to, which told me I needed to get some lifting in. After tossing my shorts into the dirty clothes, I pulled on the new jeans and headed downstairs.

  There was so much noise, I wanted to run away, but I slapped on a smile as soon as Elaina handed Nicky to me. “How’s my lad?” I kissed him on the cheek. He gnawed on his fist, drool running everywhere.

  “Where did you find that?” Elaina asked, tugging at the shirt collar.

  “Back of the closet.”

  “Looks nice, but I wish you would try the others.”

  “I don’t like the colors. And khaki pants? When is the last time you saw me wear those?”

  “Your cargoes are almost the same color.”

  “Not the point. I don’t wear ‘Dad pants’.”

  The doorbell rang. Oh, joy. More noise.

  Gunther strode past me and opened the door. “Hey, Carly,” he murmured with a smile and waved her in.

>   She had a giant sleeping toddler on one hip, a bag slung over her shoulder with a bottle of wine sticking out of the top. The day couldn’t get any better. A chuckle sounded, making me close my lids for a brief moment.

  Gunther turned and saw me struggling. He tapped the bottle with his fingertips. “Listen, why don’t you just put this in your car?”

  “I don’t have one. I took a cab here.”

  “Right… Umm…”

  “It’s fine,” I muttered.

  “I’m sorry, mate. I should have said something.” Carly’s gaze bounced back and forth between us. He leaned in to whisper in her ear.

  “No need to whisper. Everyone knows.” Both their cheeks flushed. Why they were embarrassed was beyond me. I was the alcoholic, not them.

  Gunther cleared his throat. “Henry’s an alcoholic.”

  The concern spread across her face. “Oh? As in current? Or past? Or-”

  “Past. I’ve recovered, but once a drunk always a drunk.” I turned to see Elaina, Mum, and Cora standing in the kitchen doorway. “Right, love?” I smiled and rushed past them into the family room.

  “Okay, well… That was awkward,” Gunther muttered.

  Elaina stepped forward. “I apologize for my husband’s behavior. He has some things going on that are stressing him out. Don’t worry, though. He’s very much in control of his sickness.” Gunther, Anne, and Cora stared at her, mouths open. Elaina held out her hand and smiled. “I’m Elaina Daniels. Welcome to our home.”

  “Carly Reede. Pleasure to meet you.” She reached out and took Elaina’s hand.

  “This is my mother-in-law, Anne Richards.”

  “Hullo. Your son is beautiful. Gunther makes lovely children,” Anne said, smiling.

  Carly smiled. “I happen to agree. Joel and Grey are handsome boys. You’ll have to excuse my son’s sleepy state. For some reason, car rides make him crash.”

  Gunther walked to Cora and offered his hand. He waited patiently while she decided whether she would take it. He pleaded with her through his gaze. All he wanted was to show Carly he could provide a good environment for Joel so she would allow him visits. As seconds passed, the weaker his knees felt and sweat beaded up on his forehead.