Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

  “Oh God,” I groan reaching out and holding my stomach. I see an IV taped to the back of my hand, which confuses me. This is definitely not a hospital room.

  I try to sit up again by rolling to my side. I see Shadow sitting in a chair in the corner holding Griffin in his arms. I’d laugh at the desperate look on his face, but the baby is fussing, and there’s nothing funny about that.

  He notices my movement and raises his eyes from our son to me.

  “He won’t eat,” he says quietly.

  “He needs to nurse. He’s never had a bottle before,” I explain.

  He pulls the bottle from in front of Griffin’s face and sets it gently on the floor beside the chair. Standing slowly as if he’s holding the crowned jewels in his arms, he makes his way across the room to me. I manage to get in somewhat of a sitting position and hold my arms out to him.

  Hesitantly, I lift my t-shirt and lower my bra, lifting the baby to my breast. I use his small blanket to cover myself, unsure of how Shadow will respond to the nursing. When I look up again, all I see is Shadow’s back as he leaves the room.

  Tears of distress roll down my face. My only solace is this tiny baby in my arms. He didn’t take the news very well, and I have no idea how things are going to go from here.

  Just as Griffin is finishing up nursing on one side, Shadow comes back into the room holding a blue cloth. Without a word, he reaches for the covers near my waist.

  “What are you doing?” I ask slapping at his hand.

  “Don’t,” he says harshly. “The doctor gave you pain meds in your IV, but he also said a warm compress will take some of the pain away.”

  I remove my hand, and begrudgingly allow him to place the warm, cloth-covered compress against my stomach.

  “Thank you,” I say because I really am grateful.

  I watch him as he backs away and sits back in the chair. He places his elbows on his knees and brings his steepled fingers to his lips. I have a ton of explaining to do, but I’m not even sure where to start. The last thing I want is another yelling match like we had before. Well, him yelling and me crying.

  “What’s his name?” he asks with a hoarse, almost pained, voice.

  “Griffin,” I answer.

  I look over at him, seeing him nod his head in what I hope is approval, but his face betrays his still lingering anger. I wonder if he’s upset about me being here, getting pregnant altogether, or he’s angry I didn’t tell him. I don’t know if he would’ve wanted to be involved. Hell, for all I know he would’ve sided with my parents and tried to force my hand for an abortion.

  Just like the last couple of times I’ve nursed him, he’s passed smooth out halfway through the second breast. I lay him gently on the bed and look back over at Shadow.

  “I need to use the restroom,” I say quietly.

  He just stares at me, unresponsive.

  I hold up the hand with the IV connected.

  He crosses the room swiftly and doesn’t say a word as he does something to the IV tubing, freeing my hand, and leaving part of the IV in the back of my hand.

  I place my feet on the floor, and he helps me to stand. He wraps his arms around my back to help me walk to the bathroom.

  “I got it,” I say stepping out of his hold. I hate leaving the warmth of his arms, but I’m pretty certain he hates me right now. Him touching me out of obligation is the last thing I need.

  He steps back and sighs loudly. I quickly make my way into the bathroom, but I already know the mess I’m fixing to have to deal with. Extreme, heavy bleeding is the last thing you think about when you first get pregnant, but it’s a reality every woman faces after birth.

  I have no idea how long I was out, but I’m a mess. Could this day get any worse?

  I do the only thing that feels right; I hang my head into my open palms and weep. I’m covered in blood clear down to my knees, and I know by looking at my clothes, the bed sheets will be ruined as well. I guess I can consider myself lucky that they’re black and won’t show the stains once washed.

  “What’s wrong?” I hear Shadow say as the door slowly opens. “Are you okay?”

  I don’t even lift my head. “No,” I answer with a sob.

  “Holy fuck,” I hear him gasp. “I’m calling an ambulance!”

  “Why!” I yell after him as he turns to leave the room.

  “You’re hemorrhaging,” he says as if I’m an idiot pointing to my ruined clothes.

  “I’m not,” I assure him. “This is normal. I was just lying down for too long.”

  He shakes his head, eyes still focused on the blood. “I’ve seen men die in war with less blood loss than that.”

  I can’t help but release an exasperated sigh. “I’m fine.”

  I put my head back in my hands. I’m not prepared for this. I have a small bag for Griffin with diapers and few changes of clothes, but I didn’t even remember to stop by the store and get supplies for myself before leaving the hotel room this morning. Not only do I show up on his doorstep with the surprise news that he has a son, but I show up completely helpless and then pass out in his living room. I’m the epitome of pitiful.

  “I just need a pad.” I don’t even look up at him, completely embarrassed over this entire situation.

  “Get in the shower, Misty,” he says from the doorway.

  I make to stand from the toilet but have to realign my legs and try again. He reaches for me, offering to help me up.

  I swat his hand away.

  “The doctor said to use these,” he says pointing to some packaged cloths on the counter. “They’re sterile towels. He said to make sure you use them to dry your incision very well.”

  “I can take care of myself,” I say finally able to stand. I begin stripping out of my clothes, unconcerned at this point what he sees. I don’t have the patience or energy for modesty right now.

  “You obviously haven’t been,” he sneers just inside of the doorway. “You have more than just your damn self to worry about now.”

  He may be angry, but at least he closes the door softly behind him, mindful that the baby is asleep in the adjoining room. Thinking about Griffin, I walk to the door and open it, leaving it cracked so I can hear in case he wakes up and begins to cry.

  I climb in the shower and sigh at the heavenly feel of the hot water as it runs down my skin. I try to ignore the pink tinge to the water as I scrub the blood away from my legs. Several times during my rather long time in the shower, I poke my head out to make sure Griffin isn’t crying.

  Once again I feel like a bad mother for taking such a long soothing time, but the warm water feels great on my tired body. I step out of the shower and begin to dry off. I notice a folded change of clothes with a few panty liners sitting on top. My soiled clothes are nowhere to be seen.

  I unfold the clothes and notice what has to be a pair of Shadow’s sweats, a t-shirt, and a pair of black boxer briefs. Not the most ideal thing to attach the tiny panty liner to, but I can’t be picky. It has to be better than a pair of panties from that woman I saw sitting on the heavily tattooed guy’s lap when I first showed up. I’m not one to judge, but I’ve read a few books, and I know the chicks that hang around the MC clubhouses aren’t very picky.

  I towel dry my hair and use the comb sitting on the counter to get most of the knots out of it. Feeling almost human again, I walk back out into the room, stopping dead in my tracks when I see three women in the room with my son.

  Chapter 12

  I can take care of myself.

  That simple sentence spoken any other day would more than likely fill me with a sense of pride. Coming from Misty’s mouth just hours after showing up, dropping a bomb on my world, and then passing out just seriously pisses me off. What if she wasn’t here when her body gave out? What would happen if she was in some shitty hotel, or in the back of that taxi? I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened to her or Griffin if that happened.

  I grab a change of clothes for her to throw on af
ter her shower and trash her other clothes. Then I leave her to her shower and head out to find Emmalyn. The shit Misty is dealing with right now is more than I can handle. Before leaving the room, I take a quick look at Griffin; he’s sleeping soundly wrapped up tight in what I assume is the hospital blanket she was given when he was born.

  She brought nothing with her. From what I can tell, the small diaper bag and the baby is all she has. It’s possible she has a hotel room nearby, but from the look of her when she showed up, she was wearing everything she owns. I’ll insist she tell me later exactly how she ended up here. When we were last together, she had a job and was finishing up college.

  Emmalyn is standing in the kitchen with Rose and Khloe when I walk in. They immediately go silent when I enter, so I know they were discussing the last couple of hours.

  “Hey, Em?” I run a hand over my tired face. I was ready to go to bed before Misty showed up out of the blue, and the last several hours have diminished any energy I have left. I know I still need to speak with Kincaid, something I’m not really looking forward to.

  “Yeah?” she says walking closer to me.

  “Misty needs some tampons or something.” Why does speaking with a woman about feminine products just make my skin crawl?

  “Shadow, I don’t think you can use tampons after having a baby,” she informs me.

  “Well, she needs something… for all the blood... you know?”

  She gives me a sympathetic smile and pats me on the back. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “Thanks.” One simple word, but not nearly enough for what she’s done for me so far today.

  “Shadow?” Em says as I begin to leave the room.

  I turn my attention back to her.

  “Diego is in the garage. I know he wanted to speak with you.” She heads out with the other two women following close behind her.

  I stop in the living room, needing to do one final thing before getting my ass handed to me by the club President.

  I pull out my phone and call the doctor.

  “Davison,” he answers in a gruff voice.

  “Hey, it’s Shadow. I know it’s late, but I was hoping you were planning on coming by tomorrow to check on Misty.”

  “Actually, I was going to stop back by in just a bit,” he says.

  “I was hoping you’d know someone who could look at the baby and make sure everything is okay with him.” I sit on the sofa, just too exhausted to keep standing.

  “That’s the reason I’m heading back,” he says. “My wife is a pediatric nurse, and when I told her about Misty, she was concerned for the baby.”

  “Perfect,” I say with a relieved breath. “Oh, and Doc?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can you do a paternity test while you’re here?” And now I’m a total asshole, but I know I won’t rest easy until it’s done.

  “No problem. See you within the hour.”

  We say our goodbyes, and I hang my head for a while, just needing a few minutes to myself. I thought war took a lot out of me, but I’m certain the last few hours have caused more stress than six months in the desert.

  I can feel myself begin to drift off to sleep, so I swing my weight up and head out back to the garage. This place has practically been my home away from home for the last several months, but right now I feel like I’m walking into the lion’s den. I’m already formulating a plan if Kincaid insists that Misty and Griffin can’t stay here at least until things are ironed out. I don’t even know what my future looks like anymore.

  Kincaid and Kid are both sitting at the small table in the corner, each with a beer in their hand. I reach into the fridge and grab one for myself, preparing to settle in for a long discussion.

  “The doctor is coming back in just a bit. He’s bringing his wife to take a look at the baby,” I say breaking the ice. I sit down beside Kid and across from Kincaid. With my elbows on the table, I lean in and grip my head in my hands.

  “You gotta double wrap that shit, man,” Kid says quietly.

  “She told me she was on birth control.”

  I look up at Kincaid, who’s being extremely quiet. He rolls his lips behind his teeth as if he has something to say but is holding off for some reason.

  “You didn’t even use a rubber?” Kid asks. I know he’s shocked as hell. I’m shocked at my actions also.

  “It broke,” I explain.

  “While you were having sex with her?” Kincaid finally says.

  “Before.”

  He takes a deep, agitated breath. For some reason, it pisses me off. This is my fucking life, not his.

  “Are you telling me you wrapped up with Em every time before you guys started trying to have a baby?”

  He slams his fist hard down on the table. Pointing toward the clubhouse, he says, “Are you telling me you love that woman in there?”

  I shake my head no.

  “I didn’t stick my dick in Emmalyn until I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. My situation is nothing like yours,” he seethes.

  I dart my eyes to Kid causing him to hold his hands up by his ears in surrender.

  “Don’t look at me, man. Khloe is only eighteen, she’s on birth control, and we use condoms every time,” he says.

  “So I fucked up. This is on me. Why are you so pissed? Do you not want them here? I can find a place for us to go if you give me a few days.” I look at Kincaid, begging with my eyes not to be thrown out on my ass.

  He’s really not the kind of man that would do something like that, but this situation is a little different than any other that has been brought to our doorstep. Babies are a game changer for sure.

  “No, goddamn it. I don’t want you to leave.” He takes a long swig of his beer and sits back in his chair.

  “Well, you’re pissed about something.”

  “I know it’s too late,” he begins. “They’re here already. Short of keeping your dick out of Misty nine months ago, this couldn’t have been avoided, but did you ever consider what Em is going through before just handing that baby off to her?”

  “Fuck,” Kid and I say at the same time. Evidently he never gave Em’s struggle to get pregnant pause either.

  “She loves babies, but I don’t know how she’s going to take a baby being in this house when it’s all she wants for herself.” Kincaid twists the knife in even further.

  “We can leave. I’d never want to hurt Em.” It’s the truth, plain and simple. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to distance myself from my club, from my brothers, but I will. I can’t send Misty off by herself. It’s obvious she’s struggling. If things were fine back in Denver, I never would’ve even met that little boy. That knowledge upsets me more than her showing up out of the blue with him.

  “I’d never ask you to do that.” I look up at him. “She’d never ask you to do that either.”

  “The doctor is going to do a paternity test when he gets here,” I tell both of them.

  Kid raises his eyebrows, tips his beer back, but doesn’t say a word.

  “You don’t believe her?” Kincaid asks. I shrug and take a long pull on my own beer. “Man, if you can’t trust her…” he lets his voice trail off.

  “I don’t know what to believe. She shows up after all this time. I mean the timeline seems right, but who knows. She doesn’t seem like the type, but I honestly don’t know her that well.”

  “She may have to go,” Kincaid says. “That changes things.”

  “It doesn’t,” I insist. The stress of the day has just reached a tipping point. I stand from my chair and slap both of my hands on the table top. “Did you see the state she’s in? Even if the test comes back and that baby isn’t mine, I don’t think I can just toss her out on her ass.”

  Kincaid smiles at me. “Now, that’s the man I know.”

  Kid looks between us, confused on what just happened between Kincaid and me.

  “You’re an asshole,” I tell him sitting down and finishing my beer.

  “T
his is where they need to be.” He begins to peel the label from his beer bottle. “Misty called you that day letting you know that the little girl came in to report Josie being held in her home. Do you think she did that just to get in your good graces?”

  I shake my head. “Not a chance. Josie is her friend. She legitimately was concerned for her.”

  “Then she stays. You know Kaleb is like a brother to me. He would’ve been devastated if Josie didn’t make it home to him. She helped my family; I help hers. Simple as that.” He stands from the table and slaps me on the back. “I need to go figure out what kind of emotional state Em is in with all of this shit.”

  “Thanks, man.” It encompasses so much. Gratitude for his support. Relief over him not kicking my ass out. I couldn’t ask for better men to have in my life.

  Kid and I sit in silence for a while until the crunch of gravel forces me to my feet. The doctor and his wife are here, and I need to know if Griffin is healthy.

  Chapter 13

  I slowly make my way into the room to see Emmalyn, who I know, is the club President’s girl, and two other women in the room. One of the other girls is young like me, and the other one is slightly older, maybe mid-forties. She’s the one I’m staring down right now since she’s the one holding Griffin.

  I reach for him without saying a word, and she hands him over without question. My heart is racing, and the relaxed feeling I had after my shower is now a thing of the past.

  “He’s beautiful,” the older woman says never taking her eyes off of his sleeping face.

  I cradle him to my chest and sit back down on the bed.

  “I remember you from Kaleb and Josie’s wedding reception,” Emmalyn says sitting down on the edge of the bed near my feet. “How are they doing?”

  A sense of sadness washes over me. When my parents made me leave I never really looked back, that included the friends I’d made while working at the Little Elm Elementary. I avoided Josie, especially since she had an indirect connection to Shadow. At the time, I didn’t know if I’d ever tell him about the baby, so I didn’t need the news of me being pregnant getting out.