Promise Me Always

by Kari March

  Damn her! How does she do this to me?

  My attention was pulled when Matt and Shane walked up and leaned on to the rail, beers in hand. They looked out and saw exactly what I was staring at. I looked over at Matt and saw his eyes glued to Lexi. I could tell he had it bad for her. Matt was the type that wore his emotions on his sleeve, parading them around for everyone to see. He hadn’t done anything else with Lex since that night he drove her home.

  “Matt, seriously, what’s up with you? You stare at Lex like that, but yet you barely even talk to her now. What the fuck happened with you two?” I asked him.

  He took a long sip of his beer, “Everything is so fucked up. I kissed her that night and told her I wanted to see her again, but I haven’t called her yet.” He frowned and looked down at Lex.

  “Why the fuck not? You know she likes you right?” I questioned him as I peered in his direction, taking a swig of beer. It was fucking obvious how she felt about him. She flirted with him all the time—even I noticed it. You would have to be blind not to.

  “I know she does and I really like her, but I’m still all messed up from Britt. She fucking ripped my heart out and, to top it all off, the day after I kissed Lex—Britt called me. She fucking told me she’s unhappy and that leaving me was the biggest mistake of her life,” he explained as he watched Lex like a hawk. Never taking his eyes off of her, he continued, “And now Lex is all mad at me for kissing her and not calling her. She has only said a few words to me all night and she will barely even look at me. I know what I did was fucked up, but I’m just so confused. She doesn’t need to be brought into my disastrous life right now.”

  “Sorry, man. I didn’t know Britt was calling you again.” I felt bad for him. “I saw what you went through with her and I hate to see her fucking with your head again. You need to just cut her loose and tell the bitch to fuck off.” I didn’t want to spew my true feelings about Britt, so I stopped talking. I had never met someone so controlling and manipulating in my life. She dug her claws into Matt a few months ago—right after his dad passed away, and then ripped them from him just as fast. Other than the day his father passed away, I had never seen him so upset.

  “I know I do, but it is just so hard to let her go. I still love her, I think…but if Lex keeps hypnotizing me with that ass, I just might forget about Britt,” Matt said laughing. “It’s taking everything in me not to run down there and make her feel what she’s doing to me,” Matt grinned, finishing off his beer. We sat there in silence, watching the women that were fucking us up beyond repair.

  What the hell was happening to us? We were turning in to pussies.

  I grabbed another beer out of the cooler and stumbled back to the railing. How many beers had I had now? I was starting to really feel the mix of the shots and beer take effect—everything was starting to get a little cloudy. I leaned against the rail, taking another drink, as I heard “She’s Country” by Jason Aldean start to blare from the speakers.

  “Oh shit!” Matt and I both said as we looked at each other. This was Lexi’s song and the girls always put on quite a show when they heard it. We both turned around and saw the girls jumping up and down in excitement. Tess looked up at me and winked and I knew the show was about to start. I stared at her, mesmerized by how hot she looked dancing and grinding her hips to the music.

  “Damn those women! They are giving every man here major wood right now. Look at all those guys staring,” Shane blurted out. I focused my attention to the male bystanders that were circling the girls. Holy shit—Shane was right! I was so hypnotized by Tess that I didn’t even notice all of the fuck heads staring at them.

  I looked over at Matt and he noticed it, too. We needed to get down there before some douchebags tried to dance with them. Usually when they did this dance, we were at smaller parties where the guys knew to stay away. But Matt’s house was crazy tonight and we didn’t know half of the people that had showed up. This was a recipe for disaster.

  We turned to make our way down stairs when I heard a high pitch squeal coming from the dance floor. “Oh. My. God,” the voice shouted. I knew immediately it was Tess.

  I turned back around and saw Tess jumping into the arms of some asshole. She looked like she was on cloud nine and my heart sunk. He picked her up and twirled her around in circles, laughing like they were being reunited after years spent apart. I could see her eyes sparkling from all the way up the stairs and I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach churned and bile crept up my throat. What if he was an old flame? I didn’t know much about her past relationships, except for Jared.

  When the fuck head put her down, he held her at arm’s length. They spoke for a while and then he reached up and pushed a strand of loose hair behind her ear. I couldn’t fucking move, fear and terror paralyzing me. He ran the back of his hand ran down her face and she smiled – a genuine and heartfelt smile that I couldn’t recall ever seeing it before.

  They both started laughing again and then he leaned in like he was going to kiss her. Oh hell no! I can’t watch this shit. I fucking lost it. She’s mine!

  I slammed my beer bottle to the ground, pieces flying everywhere. Everyone on the deck instantly went quiet. My head was spinning as I turned to make my way downstairs, the earlier fear turning to fury.

  Before I made it even five steps, Matt grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back. “Dude, don’t over react. He only kissed her on the cheek,” he said warily. “I see that look in your eyes and you don’t even know who that guy is. They could just be friends. Don’t do something you will most definitely regret, just because you have been drinking. You have to trust her,” he cautioned.

  I heard what Matt was saying, but I couldn’t help it. That asshole was making her so fucking happy right now—nothing made sense and everything made sense all at one. The collision of the two made me even more confused, opening the door for the doubt I had been fighting to flood my mind again.

  Worthless. You don’t deserve her, asshole. She will never be truly happy with you. Just the sight of this guy has her happier than you have ever seen her. She deserves better.

  “Back off, Matt!” I spat at him as I pulled my shoulder out of his hold and turned for the stairs. The liquor really started to hit me as I made my way down, forcing me to grab the handrail before I fell on my face. When I got to the last step, I could barely see through my blurred vision. I don’t know if it was the liquor, the rage, or the searing pain coming from my heart, but I couldn’t see anything or anyone besides Tess and the asshole that still had his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Matt’s words rang in my head.

  “You have to trust her.”

  I took a deep breath and slowed my pace, making my way across the dance floor. Matt was right—I needed to trust her and I needed to talk to her first before I flew off the handle. I started to relax a bit, taking a few deep breaths to try to clear my head.

  I stumbled towards my girl, watching as the fuck head moved his hand to her hip and pulled her to him. She flung her arms around his neck and he whispered something in her ear. She threw her head back and laughed as he stared at her chest. Fucking asshole!

  Immediately, my fists were clenched at my sides, anger rising to a new level. The alcohol was taking over and I couldn’t stop myself—I had went over the proverbial ledge.

  My pace quickened and I stared at Tess. She looked up as I approached, as her eyes meeting mine. I knew she could see the rage radiating from me—her beautiful smile that always stopped my heart fell from her face and fear clouded her eyes. I knew everything between us was about to be ruined. I was going to fuck this up.

  The murderous look on Blake’s face was enough to make me cringe. His fists were balled up at his sides and his knuckles were white. I immediately knew why he was so irate. He must have seen my interactions with Ethan from the deck and misconstrued them.

  I needed to try to talk to him before he did something foolish, but he was approaching us so fast—his face twisted, his l
ips in a grim line. My heart pounded, knowing what Blake was about to do. I needed to intercept him before he got close enough to hurt Ethan. I shrugged out of Ethan’s arms just as Blake started to pull back his fist. I stepped in front of Ethan as Blake surged his arm forward. I saw the scared look in Blake’s eyes as his arm propelled forward. Everything was moving in slow motion and, before he could stop his arm, Blake’s fist connected with the side of my face.

  Wham!

  There was nothing but darkness. Silence consumed me, except for a low ringing in my ear. I was lying on something hard and cold, shivers were coursing through my body. My stomach felt empty and full at the same time; my heart raced.

  When I slowly opened my eyes, the room was spinning. What the fuck just happened?

  I could hear muffled voices screaming at each other over the loud ringing in my ear. Then it hit me—searing pain, unlike anything I had ever felt before. My head felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and sliced it down my face. My eyes rolled back into my head as the pain took over.

  I couldn’t move or speak and all I wanted to do was scream out in agony, but I couldn’t. I could feel people touching me, trying to talk to me—asking me questions, but I couldn’t respond. The sounds came and went and the pain flooded me and then went away in cycles.

  Eventually, the pain and noise stayed constant—refusing me the brief periods of peace. I must be going in and out of consciousness. The pain was unbearable.

  After what felt like an eternity, I forced my eyes to open. I was lying on the ground and there was a crowd of people standing around me. I made an effort to focus my eyes, to try to make sense of my current state. I looked over and saw Blake kneeling by my side, his hands repeatedly running through his hair. He was saying something, but it was so muffled, I couldn’t make it out.

  I looked around and everyone was gaping at me, shock and fear on their faces. Lexi was crying and Cara was standing there with her hand over her mouth like she was in shock. Cam was behind Blake, saying something to him that I couldn’t make out. I saw Matt and Shane kneeling down next to Blake. I looked over and saw Palmer pushing her way through the crowd of people, Cole right behind her. She knelt down by my side and took my hand in hers as she spoke to me. I still couldn’t make out any words. Her mouth was moving, but nothing was making its’ way to my ears.

  I looked back over at Blake and saw tears streaming down his face and, just like that, everything came rushing back to me like a flash flood invading my mind.

  I was dancing with Ethan, laughing because he had just told me I was fucking insane for dating Blake. Then I saw him—rage, fury, and annoyance on his face. I saw his fists balled up as his arm swung back and then darkness. I felt like I was going to vomit at the realization—Blake had hit me. Oh my god! Blake actually hit me! Tears filled my eyes and spilled over down my cheeks. I grabbed my stomach as waves of nausea began to wrack my body.

  My hearing started to return and all I could hear was Lex. She was standing next to Blake, tears running down her face, her mascara trailing down to her chin. She was leaned down, screaming into his ear, “You fucking ass! What the hell are you doing?!” her voice breaking into sobs. “Get the fuck away from her!” Matt stood up and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her away.

  I turned my head slowly, painfully, to Blake. His bloodshot, tear filled eyes met mine. “Fuck… baby girl… fuck…,” he cried, his voice barely intelligible. “I’m so sorry…Damn it! What the hell did I just do? Tess, please say something,” he pleaded. “Shit! I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice cracked as more tears ran down his face.

  My initial feelings of being dumbstruck were wearing off as I got more of my senses back. I knew the punch wasn’t intended for me, but the more I realized what had happened—the angrier I became. He hadn’t even given me a chance to talk to him before he had completely lost it.

  I closed my eyes again, trying to fight back the tears, but it was no use. They escaped even through my tightly closed eyes. I felt my hand being squeezed and I turned my head slowly. I looked up through my blurry vision and Palmer was next to me holding my hand.

  “Tess, sweetie, can you hear me? If you can hear me, please can you say something? You’re scaring the shit out of me,” she said, a tear sliding down her face.

  I took a deep breath, trying to get a handle on my pain and emotions. “I’m okay, Palm,” I uttered. My voice was shaky and it hurt to speak. My head was pounding and the side of my face felt like it was fire. I needed to sit up, though.

  I pushed myself up as Palmer pulled my hand, assisting me so I didn’t fall over. Sitting up was almost agony. Everything was spinning and my head started throbbing even harder.

  “Thank God!” Palmer cried as she looked at my face. “Oh shit, Tess, you need ice—like now. Your face is already starting to swell,” she panicked. “I’ll be right back.” She jumped up and ran up the deck stairs to get some ice.

  I looked back over at Blake and he was looking down at the ground, repeating the same words over and over again. “I’m so sorry, baby girl, I’m so fucking sorry.”

  I felt a hand caress my cheek and I looked up to see Ethan kneeling next to me. “Shit, are you okay, Tess?”

  I heard Blake jump up instantly. “Get your fucking hands off her, asshole!” Blake bellowed, his hands knotted at his sides. I had to try to stop this insanity. I closed my eyes briefly to gather my strength. When I opened them, I saw Blake stumble—obviously drunk off his ass. When the hell did he drink so much?

  “Blake, stop,” I said with as much force as I could muster. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I started to get up slowly, my head still spinning from the blow. I started to fall, but Blake grabbed me around the waist and helped me stand. Once I regained my balance, I pushed his hands off of me and took a step back so I was in between him and Ethan.

  “Baby girl, I’m so sorry. I saw this prick all over you,” he slurred, “and I freaked out. I thought…” he trailed off. His eyes fell to the floor, the weight of the regret in them too much.

  “You thought what, Blake? That I was cheating on you? That he was hurting me?” I said, gaining strength as my wits returned. “What were you thinking because, right now, I don’t think there is anything you can say to make this right!” I shouted at him, grabbing my temples as the pain surged through my head. Everyone at the party was now crowed around us, watching, staring and listening to every word.

  Blake lowered his head and closed his eyes. He looked like he was in physical pain and it made my heart ache. He didn’t say anything. He took a step towards me and I let him. He was my weakness and I couldn’t stop him. Even though my mind was screaming at me to push him away again, my body disagreed. I craved him and there was nothing I could do.

  He leaned his head against mine carefully, running the back side of his hand down the side of my face that wasn’t pounding in pain. Softly, he spoke. “I didn’t mean to hit you. You know that right?” he whispered. “You stepped right in front of me. I was aiming for that asshole.” Blake nodded his head in Ethan’s direction.

  What? I let my mind regain control and I took another step back as his eyes fell to the floor again. I heard him inhale a sharp breath, like the absence of my body was causing him pain, and it made me want to wrap myself around him—letting him know I was still his. I didn’t though. I stood firmly in place, refusing to let my body take over this time. It sounded like he was blaming me for getting in the way and it pissed me off all over again.

  “That asshole, by the way, has a name. If you would have actually come over here without going all postal, you would have met my old high school friend, Ethan,” I explained placing my hands on my hips. I glared at Blake, my anger growing stronger with each word I spoke. “He and his boyfriend moved to California and I haven’t seen him in over two years. But you wouldn’t know any of this because you are a complete jerk that just assumed the worst.”

  Blake didn’t move. His head was still down a
nd he was staring at the concrete beneath our feet. I was sure he was trying to process everything I had just said. I knew it was a lot to process, especially in his drunken state, but that didn’t make me any less pissed off.

  I stood there fuming, glaring at him, waiting for him to respond. He never did.

  I watched in slow motion as he turned around and walked away, disappearing into the crowd that was circling us.

  WHAT THE FUCK? Did he really just leave?

  My head fell and my heart shattered into pieces, the pain in my chest matching the pain in my head. My tears started flowing, streaming down my face, as I watched him disappear into the house.

  I couldn’t breathe. I fell to my knees, overwhelmed by everything that had just happened. I felt nauseous, covering my mouth with my hand, begging my body to stay strong as my sobs took over. Lexi, Avery, and Palmer were immediately by my side.

  I heard Cara whisper to Cam as the girls pulled me to my feet, “Go talk to him, Cam. He shouldn’t be alone right now.” I watched helplessly, through my tears, as Cam nodded to Matt and Shane and then all three of them vanished into the house.

  “Tess, you need to get some ice on that. Let’s go sit down,” Palmer said as she escorted me over to some chairs and handed me the bag of ice she was holding. “Do you think you need to go to the hospital? You could have a concussion.”

  I nodded my head no. Still in shock, I just sat there staring at the ice, the coldness numbing my hands. Maybe if I held it long enough, it would spread to my heart and I wouldn’t feel the aching pain in my chest any more.

  “Avery, can you go find Devin and tell him what is going on? I don’t know where the hell he was for all of this, but I am sure he will want to talk to Blake,” Lexi said, scanning the crowd looking for him. I could see them, hear them—but it felt like I was a bystander. I felt so unattached to everything going on around me.

  I felt someone sit down next to me, snapping me out of my state of shock. Ethan placed his arm around me, pulling me close to him. I buried my head in his shoulder as the tears started in full force again.