Promise Me Always

by Kari March

  “Ethan, I’m so sorry,” I apologized, watching my tears stain his shirt. “I cannot believe he just acted like that! Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed,” I cried, my chest heaving at the force of my sobs.

  “It’s okay, Tess. You don’t have to apologize—you didn’t do anything wrong,” he assured me. “I can see how it looked from a distance, but he never should have gotten that angry. He should have spoken to you first,” Ethan said as he hugged me. I wiped my eyes and tried to calm myself down. “Hell, I can’t believe you stepped in front of him like that. You are one tough bitch, you know that? I am so flattered that you took that punch for me. You know I would look like shit with a broken nose,” he said, winking at me.

  I laughed at Ethan’s comment. He always had such an easy way about him. “Yeah well, you owe me one. My face is fucking on fire,” I said grimacing, lightly touching the side of my face. “If I knew it was going to feel like this, I would have just let him hit you.”

  “What actually happened, Tess?” Palmer asked, sitting on the other side of me. “We were in the garage and didn’t see anything. Why the hell would you step in front of someone like Blake when he was about to hit someone?”

  “I thought if he saw me step in front of him, he would stop. Apparently, I was wrong,” I replied. “Plus, if I wouldn’t have, then Ethan would have taken that punch and it would’ve been my fault.”

  “Tess, it wouldn’t have been your fault! Thanks for doing it, but seriously, I’m a lot bigger than you. It probably wouldn’t have even knocked me over,” he said. “You shouldn’t have done what you did. God, he could have really hurt you!” Ethan shook his head, scolding me.

  He did really hurt me. My heart was broken. He left me standing there with no explanation, no reason as to why he lost it. Did he really think I was cheating on him? Was he mad at me for going off on him?

  I was so confused. He should be the one apologizing to me and now felt like I was the one that had done something wrong. I needed to talk to him. I needed to know why he just left.

  I needed an apology from him and I needed answers—I wasn’t going to let him walk away from me again.

  I excused myself as I got up and made my way inside to find him. I looked all over Matt’s house, but he was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t find anyone. Matt, Devin, Shane, Cam—they had all disappeared. Confused, I turned to see Avery walk through the front door. She looked upset as she made her way towards me, running her fingers through her long hair. Avery always had the best hair—dark brown with chunky blonde highlights in it. I always wanted to pull off her look, but I knew it was way too dramatic for me. Her bright green eyes were slightly puffy and she looked like she had been crying. I wonder what happened?

  “Hey, Avery. Is Blake outside?” I asked her as she came into the kitchen. She headed straight over to a cabinet and pulled a bottle out

  “Yeah, he’s out there with the guys. He’s a mess, Tessa. I have never seen him so upset,” she said, handing me a bottle of Advil. “Here—you should take some of these for the pain and swelling. It isn’t too bad right now, but if you don’t take these, it is going to look like shit in the morning.”

  I took the bottle and made my way over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. “Thanks, Avery. What are they talking about out there? Did he say why he just walked away from me?”

  “No, he didn’t say much while I was out there. He just kept saying he didn’t deserve you.” She gave me a hug. “He’s really drunk, Tess. They all are,” she said as her face fell. “It may be better to talk to him in the morning when he’s sober. If you want, I can give you a ride home. I know you planned on spending the night, but if you are not up for it anymore—I’m leaving in just a bit.”

  I stood there shocked. He doesn’t think he deserves me? How could he ever think that? Maybe that’s why he left me standing there.

  Avery stood in the doorway, waiting for my reply. “Thanks, Avery, come find me in like fifteen and I’ll let you know.” She nodded her head at me.

  I waited for her to leave before I started making my way to the front door. Drunk or not, I had to talk to him. I paused just short of the door. The windows were open and I heard Blake talking, “Fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing. She ought to have someone that isn’t such a jealous asshole. Christ!” I heard him groan. “I can’t believe I just fucking hit her.” His voice sounded shaky and I thought it sounded like he was crying. I hung my head, replaying the punch in my mind, my face throbbing even harder at the memory.

  “Bro, seriously, you need to calm down. You didn’t mean to hit her and she knows that. Stop beating yourself up and just go talk to her. According to Avery, she was more devastated when you just left her there,” Devin said.

  “I can’t—I wouldn’t even be able to look her in the eyes. Did you see the way she looked at me? She probably hates me.” Blake sounded defeated.

  “What did you expect, man? You fucking knocked her ass out! She was out cold for a couple minutes before she came around,” Shane said, exasperated. “What did you expect her to do? Jump into your arms and kiss you.” Shane’s words were slurred – obviously he was drunk. What a dick! Blake was upset over what he had done and Shane was making things worse.

  Just as I was about to barge through the door and give Shane a piece of my mind, Matt spoke up. “Fuck off, Shane! He knows what he did and you don’t have to rub salt into his wound. Why don’t you go back out to the party so us adults can finish our conversation here?” Matt’s voice was heated. I had never heard him sound so pissed.

  “It’s okay, Matt,” Blake started to chime in, “I deserve what he just said. I’m such a fuck up! The best thing in my life and I just ruined it.”

  I jumped when I heard a loud bam coming from the wall and I was pretty sure Blake had just punched the house. Tears started building and I couldn’t take it anymore—I needed to see him. I slowly opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. Five pairs of eyes looked up at me, but the only pair that I could focus on was Blake’s. They were staring back at me, full of regret. Even blood shot and glassed over, they were still the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. My chest tightened as emotions threatened to take over; I tried not to cry.

  “Um, guys, can I talk to Blake for a minute?” I softly asked, never taking my eyes off of him. As soon as I spoke, Blake’s eyes fell to the ground and I swallowed hard, trying to clear the giant lump that was forming rapidly in my throat.

  The guys got up and made their way inside. Just before Devin left, he put his hand on my shoulder. “Please take it easy on him, Tess. His guilt will be punishment enough and he’ll live with it every day.”

  I nodded my head at Devin. I knew Blake felt horrible for what had happened and, in my heart, I had already forgiven him for it. Accidents happen. But I still needed to figure out why he got so mad and why he walked away from me. The pain I felt in my heart as he left me standing there immensely outweighed the pain in my face.

  Once all the guys went inside and the door was closed, I slowly started making my way over to him. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and crash my mouth onto his, but the way he was staring at my feet made me think he wanted nothing to do with me. When I was close enough to reach out and touch him, Blake lowered his head further and closed his eyes. He looked like he was in physical pain and it made my heart sting.

  Before I could even open my mouth, he spoke. “He made you smile, Tess,” his voice soft, broken. “A smile I have never once seen on your face.” He shook his head sadly, still refusing to look at me. “You looked so happy and then he touched you and I freaked out. I wanted to talk to you first, I knew I should, but when I saw him whisper in your ear and you laughed…” his voice trailed off. “I… I was just so mad.” His voice cracked with emotion and I felt like I had been hit all over again, my hand subconsciously clutching my chest where this proverbial punch had landed.

  I reached out for him, taking his hands in mine. “He’s just a friend, Bla
ke. That’s it. That’s all. Please don’t be mad at me, you should have come talked…”

  “I was never mad at you, baby girl!” he snapped as he cut me off, finally looking up into my eyes. “Don’t you ever think that I was angry with you! I was mad at him for putting his hands on you!” He took a deep breath and I saw the anger take over his body again.

  “I know what you saw may have looked bad, but really we weren’t doing anything. Apparently you don’t trust me. He wasn’t even touching me inappropriately —we were just dancing,” I said tentatively, taking another step towards him.

  He took a step away and released my hands. I lowered my head. I had a feeling I was not going to like what he was about to say. He exhaled a long, hard breath, “I know.”

  “What? Why did you freak out then?” I shouted, appalled. Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned away. I was so irritated with him! He knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, yet I ended up being punched in the face?

  “I was mad at myself… I’ve never made you laugh like that. I’ve never made you smile that way.” I turned to face him. His face fell again and I saw the hurt in his eyes.

  The truth is—he was the reason I was smiling. Ethan and I were so close in high school. When I saw him on the dance floor, I thought I was dreaming. I ran up to him in shock and he was just as stunned to see me. He picked me up and twirled me around, just like he used to do every day at school. We chatted a bit and when he asked me if I was dating anyone, I told him about Blake.

  He was baffled by who had stolen my heart but, at the same time, he was happy for me. Holding me at arm’s length, he told me that he could tell I was in love and I was taken back. I shook my head at him like he was crazy—obviously denying the truth. But as I stood there, my eyes grew wide with terror as it sank in—I loved Blake more than anything. And it scared the living shit out of me.

  Ethan must have seen the fear in my eyes. Grinning, he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear as he shrugged his shoulders. He gave me a look that screamed, I told you so, and we both started to laugh. That’s when he leaned down and kissed my cheek, telling me he was so glad I had finally found someone that made me so happy.

  In true Ethan fashion, he kept making witty remarks to me while we danced, making me laugh. Then he whispered in my ear that he was so proud I tamed the ‘wild womanizer that was Blake Bentley’. That comment made me laugh so hard that I threw my head back, almost falling over. He steadied me with his hold and that’s when I turned and saw Blake heading our way. I wanted so badly to just run to him and leap into his arms. I wanted to tell him right then and there that I loved him and have him take home and make sweet, passionate love to me. But when I saw the anger in his eyes, I quickly knew something was wrong.

  Blake is the only person in this world I ever wanted to smile for and he didn’t even know it. I bottled up every emotion I had with him, just so I wouldn’t get hurt.

  I was so scared to tell him I loved him because I didn’t want to scare him away, but I knew I needed to do it. I had to be brave for once in my life. I had to break out of the protective shell I was in. I took a deep breath, ready to start my speech, my hands shaking and my heart beating out of my chest. I couldn’t believe I was about to say those three terrifying words to him…

  I stared at her, regret and anger spilling out of me. I knew what I need to do, but I didn’t know if I could do it. I didn’t know if I couldn’t walk away from her again. It killed me when I did it before, but I knew it was for the best.

  I didn’t think she would come looking for me, though. I thought she hated me. I looked up at her for a moment and saw she was twirling her hair, looking terrified. Was she scared of me? Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it was going to be. I went to swallow down the lump in my throat so I could speak, but she beat me to it.

  “Blake, please listen to me. You are the reason I was smiling. Ethan and I were talking about…” I held up my hand, yielding her to stop. I need to get this over with before she says anything that could change my mind. This needs to end. I don’t deserve her, especially after what I did to her. She deserves someone that will protect her and never hurt her.

  I fucking hate myself for what I did. I turned into my father and there is no way I would take her through a life like my mother had. Even though I would never purposely hit her, I still didn’t want to risk anything like this ever happening again.

  “Please, let me just get this out.” Tears stung my eyes and I felt my heart rip in two. This was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, but I wanted what’s best for her. I knew in my mind that this is what she needed.

  “I knew I was going to mess up with you, baby girl. I mess up everything. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. You should be treated like a princess and we both know I’m not capable of that kind of relationship. I need some time away from you—some time to think.”

  Her beautiful face lost all color and she looked like she was going to be sick. Her knees buckled and she sank down to the ground. She wrapped her arms around herself and started rocking back and forth, almost as if she were in shock. “No, Blake, please. You can’t do this to me… not now,” she choked out as she fought back the tears.

  It took all I had to not to take her in my arms and console her. I wanted to punch myself for the way I was making her feel right now. Here I go again, fucking everything up. I sat down across from her with my head in my hands. “I’m not good for you, Tess. Can’t you see that?” She just sat there, rocking back and forth in silence, her eyes fixed on something in the darkness.

  God, I wish she would say something, anything. I wish she would yell or scream at me. Hell, I would be okay if she fucking slapped me right now. I just need her to do something before I cave and take everything back.

  Her breathing was heavy and I could see her hands shaking in her lap. She looked like hell—her eyes were puffy and red, her makeup was smeared all over her face. Her hair was a tangled mess. But even in her current state, she still took my breath away. I wanted to kiss all her pain away and I couldn’t take it anymore. I rose up onto my knees so I could get closer to her. I could smell the beach with a hint of vanilla and inhaled deeply, taking in her scent.

  I opened my eyes and I reached out for her, just as she turned her head slightly. Oh, Fuck!

  I was getting my first real glance of the now horribly swollen, black and blue bruise she had on her temple. I cringed at what I saw, my stomach turning to a pit of acid. I knew I was the devil that had taken her to hell and back more than once tonight and I had to stop. I have to stop hurting her!

  I ran my hand softly down the side of her face and I saw a tear drop fall from her eye. I caused her so much pain and I was about to cause just a little more, but it had to be done.

  I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing that would keep her safe. I stood up and walked away from her again.

  When I got to the front door, I turned around. She was still rocking back and forth, but her hands were now covering her face as she cried into them. I nearly collapsed at the sight of my girl, a complete mess because of me. I forced the tears back that were threatening to escape, as I quietly said, “Please, Tess, just give me some time. I need to clear my head. This isn’t goodbye… I promise.”

  In that moment, I felt vile and disgusting. I promised her that I would never lie to her and it tore me apart, knowing that I just had.

  I knew this was goodbye.

  I turned to walk into the house and, before the door closed, I heard her whisper through her sobs, “I love you, Blake. Always.”

  My heart stopped beating at her confession and, as soon as the door closed, I fell to my knees. I tried to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down my face, but I couldn’t keep up with them—I couldn’t get them to stop. She loved me by the grace of God and I had just destroyed everything.

  My whole body went numb. I already felt lost without her, but I would rather live my life adrift
and lonely than put her through anymore pain. She would eventually get over me and move on to find someone that would care for her the way she deserved, but no one in this world would ever love her more than me.

  I don’t know how long I sat there on my knees, hating myself. It felt like hours, but I am sure it was only a few minutes. Before I knew it, Matt was next to me, pulling me to my feet. I heard Lex and Avery yelling at me, cursing my name, as they made their way out to the porch. Matt led me down the hall to the guest bedroom that Tess and I were supposed to be occupying. Just as we got there, I heard the front door slam shut and someone stomping down the hall. I looked up, hoping it was Tess coming to yell at me, but I was wrong. It was Lexi and she was fucking pissed.

  She tried to get right in my face, but Matt held her back. She was clawing at his arm and trying to break free as she yelled, “You fucking bastard! What the fuck did you do to her?!” She shook with fury, her eyes wild. “She can’t even speak! I swear to God, you better hire a fucking bodyguard, Blake, because I am going to kill you for hurting her!”

  I laughed a little at the absurdity her statement. She had no idea how hard this was—no fucking clue how lifeless I already felt. “Pretty sure you can’t kill something that’s already dead.” I heard Matt chuckle as Lex stopped fighting him. It really wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t help it.

  “What the fuck are you laughing about, dickass?” With her hands on her hips, she looked at Matt and eyed him up and down, apparently still pissed that he hadn’t called her. Matt looked over at me and shrugged his shoulders and we both started laughing again. But it didn’t last long; we immediately stopped when Lex started yelling again.

  “You are just as bad as he is, Matt! You don’t know how good something is, even if it’s standing right in fucking front of you.” She spun on her heel, her blonde hair hitting him in face, and stomped back down the hall and out the front door.