Finding Ever After

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  He met us at a side door so that we could slip in for free. There was still half an hour before they took the stage. Whoever played before them was still on. I could hear the upbeat music reverberating through the walls. Chris led us down a narrow hallway to a door that opened up just right of the stage and then he left us to go get ready with the rest of the band.

  The space looked like a giant warehouse, and there were people packed from one end to the other. There was a bar set up in the back and stairs on either side that led up to a second level balcony that wrapped around the back half of the room.

  The music blaring through the room sounded really familiar, when I looked up on stage I realized why. Only, this time, it wasn’t just Kaylie and one other girl, but they had a full band behind them. I hated to admit that they were even better than when I first heard them. They had a unique sound that was bluesy rock with a little bit of folk. As much as I didn’t like the girl, I had to give her credit. She belonged up on that stage just as much as Ky and the guys.

  We made our way through the sea of bodies to the bar and pushed our way up to order drinks. Kaylie’s band played three more songs before they exited the stage. Equipment was switched and moved around and then the guys appeared. I felt the excitement and anticipation build in the room as the sound checks started. I knew that the majority of this crowd had to have either heard them play before or just heard of them. There was one more local band that would play after Ashes and Embers, but it was obvious that this was the performance everyone was waiting for. I felt sorry for the group that had to follow. It was poor planning on someone’s part. The energy level continued to climb until the guys took their final positions and Kyden leaned into the mic.

  Girls were shoving forward to try and get as close to the stage as possible; it was like a mob up front. When the first notes rippled through the air, there were shouts of adoration. Kyden’s voice was as sultry as ever and song after song was flawless. He worked the audience over like he was making love to them. The bodies were grinding on each other as they were swept up in the sensual haze of the music.

  Their set for the night was predominantly original songs, intermixed with a few of their most popular covers. Vi pulled Jake out into the crowd to dance and Bas had consumed just enough alcohol that I was able to drag him out there as well. I felt the bass pulse through my body as my hips moved with the rhythm. Bas’ hands were on me, but not in a way that would’ve made any old ladies blush, unlike a lot of the couples on the floor.

  It was freeing to just let go of everything except for the music. I let it wrap around me until there was nothing else, just the energy and feeling that the music created. The four of us moved and swayed to the beat until droplets of sweat ran down our skin and our hair and shirts were plastered to our bodies.

  Nobody was ready for the final song to be played and when the guys left the stage they were followed by thunderous cheers and demands for an encore which turned to disappointment when the next group took the stage. We used the break to re-hydrate while we waited for them to begin playing.

  The name of the band was Scene Not Heard and they were good, really good even, but had nothing on my guys. Their sound was a little more punk and alternative, but it still had great beats to dance to. As soon as it started we were back out there. I didn’t lose myself in the music the way I did before, but it was fun and that’s what I needed.

  Half way through their set I felt like I was going to drop to the floor from exhaustion. I gave Bas the signal that I was going to get something to drink and then left the three of them out there. I managed to squeeze in at the bar and get one of the bartender’s attention for some water. I was waiting for him to bring me the cold refreshment when I felt strong, warm hands on my shoulders. I turned to see Kyden smiling down at me. I was still buzzing with energy and without thinking I launched myself up into his arms. I squeezed his neck and felt his chest vibrate with a deep laugh as his arms wrapped around my waist.

  “You guys were amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I shouted with all the excitement still coursing through me.

  “Thanks Princess.” He shouted back. Then one arm released me and he leaned forward to reach for something behind me. A second later I felt something icy press into my back. I squealed from the shock and dropped my feet back down to the floor. He chuckled and handed me my bottle of water. I guzzled almost the entire bottle in one drink, and finished it on the second.

  “Dance with me?” He asked. I nodded my head and let him lead me back out to where I had left the other three. Kyden danced as skillfully as he sang. It was effortless, like the music just flowed right through him as his body moved with mine.

  He didn’t make any lascivious moves toward me. Our bodies were close enough that I could feel the heat coming off of him, but he was nothing less than a gentleman. Even when his hands rested on my hips and my heart rate sped up, he appeared completely unaffected. At least I could blame my red face on the heat, which wasn’t entirely false. It was just a different kind of heat burning me up.

  I tried to block out all other feeling except the music, but it was too hard being so close to him. While I relished the moment of nearness, a part of me hoped to see just a flicker of something more in his eyes, but there was never anything more than friendly affection on his face. At least not until Kaylie cut in.

  He gave me a quick hug but then the two of them wrapped around each other and I could see the fire burning in his gaze. My heart sunk down in to my stomach and I felt the disappointment like a punch to the gut. I wanted to look away from his hands on her hips and her lips on his neck, but as much as the image stung my eyes, I couldn’t help but watch.

  I didn’t want to be jealous. I didn’t have the right to be jealous, but the bitterness wouldn’t leave me. It was ugly and ripping me open from the inside out. Thankfully Bas was the only one to notice my anguish, or at least I hoped he was the only one who saw it. He pulled me away and forced me to stop watching the pair. He led me out the door on the back wall.

  “You okay?” He asked me once we stepped into the fresh air. It was just enough to clear my head and I realized I shouldn’t be upset. This was exactly what I needed, a healthy dose of reality. I couldn’t keep hanging onto the hope that he could be what I wanted, because he wasn’t ever going to be that. I’ve known all along who he is and I was foolish enough to forget that, or ignore it or whatever I had been doing, but no more. Being Kyden’s friend was better than being his nothing. Eventually the desire and longing I felt would fade, because they were nothing more than a temporary infatuation, they couldn’t be more than that.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. That was nothing.” I tried to brush it off, but Bas knew me way too well for that to work.

  “It wasn’t nothing Jazz. You’re hurting, I just need you to tell me how much. Do I need to keep him away from you?” Once again Bas was trying to put himself between me and whatever was causing me pain. I couldn’t let him do that anymore either.

  “That’s not necessary. It’s just a little crush, but I know there’s nothing real between us. I’m human is all. I let a little jealousy get the better of me for a moment, but, I know that I don’t actually want to be in her place. She might have him now, but in a couple of hours he’s gonna be throwing her out until the next time he wants to use her body.” Bas’ eyes were awash with sympathy and I wished that for once I could stop giving him reasons to worry about me. I promised myself that this was the last time I was going to let him see me react this way to Kyden.

  “Look Jazz, he’s been through some shit. He’s never had much faith in people outside of his close friends. That especially goes for women. You’re the first girl that he hasn’t treated like a disposable pleasure toy, and even though you might not realize it, that’s a big deal. Even with Vi and Liss, he only tolerated them out of respect for me. You though, you got to him and I think he’s still trying to figure out what to do with that. So please just don’t hate him for how he is because it’s all he knows
right now.”

  “What are you saying Bas? Is that why you encouraged me to give him another chance to be friends? You want me to wait around for him, and in the meantime what? Just brush off the whoring around?” How could he ever think I would be okay with that?

  “No, not at all. I don’t want you to think I’m choosing between him and you, or making excuses for him. You’ve got feelings for him.” He wasn’t asking me, he was telling me. It was a fact. “Right now you’re smart not to pursue them, but I’m also going to ask that you don’t hold it against him. You always look for the good in people, and you expect more from most of us because you have a good heart Jazz, and you truly believe that we’re capable of being better.” He paused and looked down at the ground before bringing his eyes back to mine and I caught the frustration in them. I knew there was a lot he was keeping from me. He knew things about Kyden and I would guess at least part of it involved me.

  “Kyden is more than likely going to make an ass out of himself. Often. I just don’t want you to be disappointed and write him off like your dad and Connor when it happens. I think you’re friendship could really be good for him if you accept that he might never change, but that doesn‘t make him a bad guy.”

  “Believe me, I’ve already accepted that.” Did I not already say that I wasn’t expecting him to change? Wasn’t that my whole point?

  “I know you say it and you probably want to mean it, but I just want to make sure that you really do accept it, because being his friend isn’t easy. I don’t want to keep seeing you get crushed when he lets you down.” Bas made a good point. Was I really ready to deal with the endless string of girls in and out of his bed, the vulgar language, coarse behavior and all around disregard for the sanctity of what relationships and sex should be? Was I willing to recognize those things as a part of him and still care in spite of them?

  He had his own brokenness and I didn’t have the right to judge him because of it. He needed someone to believe in him and not abandon him when he falls short. If he had issues with women, like Bas made it seem, then I was going to have to show him patience and grace even when it was hard for me to do so. I needed to care about him not just in spite of his short comings, but for them. It was an understatement when Bas said being his friend wouldn’t be easy. Thinking of him in this light, as someone who had been hurt, and looking beyond it, would make it that much harder to keep my heart from becoming more entangled than it already was. Yet, even knowing how difficult and probably painful it was going to be for me, there really was only one decision I could make.

  “I can handle it.” I promised Bas, and myself, right there.

  Chapter 24

  I followed Bas back inside and after searching the crowd we found Vi and Jake standing near one of the stairways in the back, talking with Chris and Danny. They’d stopped serving drinks at the bar and the show was beginning to wind down. Some people were already filing out the doors as the band neared the end of their set.

  It was after midnight and I was definitely ready to go home. The long day and all the dancing was catching up with me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make the drive home, but I was the only sober one of us four.

  I was standing quietly between Vi and Bas, not really listening to the guys talk about the show, when an excited Spade came over whooping and hollering. He drew the attention of several sets of eyes around us, but didn’t even notice, or just didn’t care. Something had him fired up.

  “SoundTrain was here tonight, they want us. They fucking want us!” He exclaimed. I had no idea what he was talking about, but from the look on the rest of the guys’ faces, it was a big deal. Bas caught my confusion and clarified it for me.

  “SoundTrain is a major recording label. This could be huge for them if they get a deal.”

  “More than huge, this could be fucking epic!” Spade was giddy like a kid on Christmas and I couldn’t help but be excited for them, they deserved nothing less.

  “When did you talk to them? What exactly did they say?” Chris asked eagerly.

  “Two guys from the label approached Kyden, Ace and I just now. They came here to check out all three bands playing but they said they’ve been hearing a lot about us and after watching us tonight they think we’re exactly what they’re looking for. They want to set up a meeting next week. They’re already throwing out things like a tour and getting an album released as soon as possible. They want Hollow Crossing too.”

  That was the name of Kaylie’s band and as much as I didn’t want to be happy for her, I couldn’t deny that Hollow Crossing deserved this as well. They all had so much talent. It would be one more thing tying her and Kyden together. I tried not to dwell on that fact, but I couldn’t help it. Baby steps. I wasn’t going to be able to shut it off in one night, and there was a good chance that even when I got past my feelings, I would never be okay with their relationship.

  “Where are Kyden and Ace?” Chris questioned, looking around the room. My eyes wandered through the crowd as well, seeking out their faces. One in particular.

  “Ace is making sure everything got loaded into the van. I’m sure Kyden and Kaylie are having a celebratory fuck in one of the bathrooms.” Spade replied, but then looked like he regretted speaking. His and everyone else’s eyes, flitted to me. “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “What? It’s fine, he can do whoever he wants. We’re just friends.” I told them and tried to mean it, but they still looked uncomfortable.

  “We know, it’s just that we thought … well it sorta seemed like you two …” Spade struggled to get the words out, but I stopped him before he said anymore.

  “Seriously, there’s nothing going on between us. There never was. We’re just friends, so you don’t have to try and spare me. I’m really okay with it.” I didn’t feel okay, but this is what I’d decided. I had to learn to be okay with it and keep my emotions in check.

  “He’s such an idiot.” Spade mumbled, but I ignored it.

  “Who’s an idiot?” Ace came up behind us and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him and he pulled me tightly to his side.

  “Ky.” Spade answered.

  “Well no shit.” He looked down at me briefly, then back up. “If he doesn’t figure it out soon, I might just steal his chance.” He winked down at me and I just shook my head.

  “Like I just told all of them, Kyden and I are friends. That’s it.” Maybe if I said it another ten times they would start to believe me. Maybe I would start to believe me.

  I didn’t see Kyden before we left, but it was probably a good thing. I could congratulate him tomorrow when he didn’t look like sex, reek like skank and have one attached to his hip.

  Thankfully Ace offered to drive us home in my car when I admitted to being too tired. The rest of the band and Danny had booked motel rooms in Springfield for the night. We didn’t want to stay, and Ace said he didn’t mind. He was still buzzing from the good news and hadn’t had a drop to drink all night.

  The five of us said goodbye and then left the building the same way we came in. I snuggled into the back seat with Vi who was squished in the middle between me and her man. I don’t even think we were on the freeway before I was asleep with my head resting on her shoulder.

  Vi shook me awake when the car pulled into my driveway at almost three in the morning. Somehow I managed to walk from the car to my porch and get the front door open. I tossed my purse and keys down and went straight for the stairs. Bas was right behind me. I remember mumbling on my way up to my room that Vi and Jake could sleep in my old room and Ace could have the couch, but whether or not they heard me, I don‘t know. They could figure it out. I discarded my clothes on the floor and threw on a t shirt and shorts before climbing into bed.

  I was incredibly thankful for the heavy curtains on my windows, as I managed to sleep until noon. Vi and Jake were both gone when I finally peeled myself from my mattress and went downstairs. Bas was in the kitchen on his laptop and Ace w
as still snoring on my couch.

  I put a kettle on the stove for tea and popped a slice of bread in the toaster. I was too lazy to cook anything that required more effort. I could have probably used another two hours of sleep but I did have a few things I wanted to accomplish. The guys had another gig tonight, out of town. I thought it would be fun, since I wasn’t going, to slip into their house and surprise them with some baked goods and home cooked meals in their fridge for when they got back.

  I ran the idea past Bas and he was on board. I needed him since he was the one with a spare key to their place. He wouldn’t be much help with the actual baking and cooking though. His grilling skills were exceptional but other than that, his usefulness in the kitchen was limited to opening stuff and stirring if you wanted anything to come out edible. He just didn’t have the patience or desire to learn to cook, plus I think he figured that if he actually learned, it would give me an excuse to stop cooking for him. I’m not sure how her survived while I was gone. I hope Lissa cooked for him, because if I was going to do something I absolutely did not want to do tomorrow, to save their relationship, she better at least cook for him.

  An hour later Bas was still on his computer doing research for the internship he landed. Ace hadn’t woken yet and Kyden showed up to give him a ride home. Unfortunately he had Kaylie with him and she entered my house right behind him. It was just the two of them and I knew they must have ridden back from Springfield together, which meant there was a good chance they had stayed together for the night. I hadn’t heard the bike so I wondered if Kyden had another vehicle or if they were in hers. I only ever saw him on his bike.