What Sara Said

by Carrington, M. L.

  Sara observed while Grace spent two hours that evening getting to know her children. Excited about the prospect of a new babysitter, Lexi welcomed Grace into her bedroom to introduce her dolls, and listened intently when Grace read her a story. Sara noted that Grace had a gentle disposition and was patient with Lexi and Jake.

  While Grace played a game with the children, Sara decided to follow-up with Grace’s references, all of which spoke extremely highly of her. Giving nothing but glowing reviews, they commented on her compassionate and teaching nature. Grace seemed to feel right at home as she sang a lullaby to Jake before bedtime, and it occurred to Sara that Grace’s presence alone seemed to have a calming effect not only on the children, but on her as well.

  After Sara tucked her children into bed, she discussed the nanny position in more detail with Grace and decided to offer her the job. At nearly double the hourly rate that Grace previously earned, Sara’s offer was extremely generous. Although it wasn’t full-time employment, Grace accepted the offer and they agreed that she would begin caring for Lexi and Jake the following week.

  14. While in San Francisco

  Sara peered at her reflection in the mirror on the wall of the master bathroom while Jake played in his crib in the nursery down the hall. She took extra care that morning applying make-up, and selected an outfit that would hide her imperfections. What am I doing? Sara asked herself. Although her transgression gnawed at her conscience, she was excited to see Jude again. She longed to be rid of the emptiness that accompanied her guilt, which grew with each passing moment away from Jude.

  “Sara?” a voice echoed through the hallway from the first floor foyer.

  “I’m upstairs, Mom. I’ll be right down!” Sara hollered back. She lifted her soft, black sweater to spritz her belly and neck with a vanilla-scented body spray. Sara brushed her hair and continued to inspect her appearance.

  Sharon walked into the bedroom holding Jake in her arms. “Are you decent?” she hollered into the bathroom where Sara stood.

  “Yeah. Come in,” Sara replied.

  “Can you say ‘grandma…. graaaand-maaa’,” Sharon encouraged Jake while she entered the bathroom. She watched as Sara tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You look beautiful. Stop your fussing and get out of here!” she demanded.

  Sara rolled her eyes, “Yes, Mother.”

  Sharon followed Sara through the hallway and down the stairs babbling and cooing at Jake the whole time. When they reached the kitchen, Sharon questioned, “So who did you say you’re having lunch with again?”

  “Just an old friend from high school.”

  “Oh? Anyone I’d remember?”

  “Probably,” Sara hesitated to tell the truth but her mother had a keen ability to detect a lie. “It’s Jude Warner,” she finally admitted.

  “Jude? As in, the ex-boyfriend, Jude?” Sharon shot an uneasy look at Sara, as if to say she disapproved.

  “Yeah. We ran into each other at the hospital. He’s a psychologist now,” Sara offered.

  “Well, that’s a bit surprising! I always figured he’d end up as a sportscaster or something of that nature,” Sharon remarked. “Sounds like he’s done okay for himself anyway. So, how many kids does he have?”

  “None, actually.”

  “He’s not married?” Sharon prodded.

  “It’s been complicated, I guess,” Sara suggested. “Anyway, I’ve gotta get going. There’s a container of mashed peaches and a bottle of breast milk in the fridge for Jake’s lunch. I made a garden salad for you if you want it. I should be back by one-thirty.”

  “Okay, thanks…. but, Sara?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Just… have fun and, be careful,” Sharon cautioned.

  “Mom, we’re just friends,” Sara lied. “See you in a bit,” she said as she grabbed her purse and keys, and then walked out.

  During the drive to Jude’s office, Sara felt a sense of liberation. She realized that being with Jude was, in many ways, an escape for her. She left behind the responsibilities of motherhood, the frustrations of her marriage, and even some of the negative thoughts about her self-image that often consumed her.

  Sara walked into the practice office and approached the reception area. A young woman with straight blonde hair sat behind the reception desk talking on the phone. Sara waited for the secretary to complete the phone conversation. “Yes, I know, but,” the secretary paused for a moment as it appeared to Sara that the caller had interrupted. “I’m sorry, Mr. Eaglestone, but as I said before, he’s not available right now. I’ll be sure to have him call you after his lunch,” she said just before she returned the phone to its receiver and turned to acknowledge Sara. “May I help you?”

  “Hi, I have a meeting with Dr. Warner,” Sara stated.

  The secretary looked at a calendar on her computer screen and remarked, “I don’t see any meetings on his calendar. Your name please?”

  “He’s expecting me. It’s Sara Pr-”

  “Sara,” Jude appeared behind Sara interrupting her. He turned toward his secretary and said, “It’s okay. My apologies, Stacey. I meant to inform you of our lunch meeting. This is Sara Preen. Has my order from the bistro arrived yet?”

  “No, doctor, not yet. Should I call the restaurant?”

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll give it a few more minutes. If it’s not here by twelve-fifteen, go ahead and call.”

  “Okay. Oh, and Mr. Eaglestone called insisting that he speak with you again. I told him you’d call him back after lunch at the same number as before.”

  “Thank you. I’ll return his call,” Jude said to Stacey and then turned toward Sara. “Come, we’ll chat in my office,” he suggested and motioned for her to follow. They walked into the office and Jude closed the door gently behind him. Immediately, he reached for Sara’s hand and pulled her in close to him. “I missed you,” he said in a rather devious tone, “and I’d like to have those lips for lunch.”

  Sara blushed, “I’d like that too.”

  Jude wrapped his arms around Sara and they kissed with both fierce passion and honest tenderness. After a few moments, Jude leaned back slightly to admire her, “God you’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she said smiling. Jude had a way of making Sara feel sexy and beautiful. She thought she’d never tire of hearing his compliments.

  “I mean it. It just occurred to me that I haven’t seen you in anything but scrubs over the last few months until now. Well, that is, with the exception of when you were out of your scrubs entirely,” he flirted.

  Sara giggled and replied, “I hope this isn’t a disappointment.”

  “Quite the opposite, Sara.”

  A sudden knock at the door interrupted their playful banter. Instinctively, Jude and Sara put some space between them as the door opened slightly. “Excuse me doctor, your lunch is here,” Stacey stated.

  “Thank you. Bring it in please.”

  Stacey carried two white paper bags bearing the bistro’s logo on them and placed them on the coffee table at the center of the office. “Anything else?” she questioned.

  “No, that’ll be all, thanks,” Jude replied. Stacey left the room and closed the door. Jude and Sara sat beside each other on the couch. He pulled two sandwiches wrapped in parchment paper from the bags along with bottled iced tea and two containers of sweet potato fries. “I ordered a wrap for you, I hope you don’t mind. Do you still like Waldorf chicken salad?”

  “Is it as good as your mom used to make it?”

  “Of course not, but it’s hard to beat perfection. If you don’t want it, I also ordered the Mediterranean chicken panini,” he offered.

  “No, that’s okay. The wrap’s fine. Thank you.” Sara removed the packaging from her wrap and took a bite.

  “So… have you wrapped your head around… what’s between us? I know a good shrink that can help,” Jude joked.

  Sara smiled and then sighed, “I’ve given up trying to analyze it or understand it. What I know
is that, when I’m with you, I feel free. I feel… alive… and complete.”

  “I can’t tell you how incredible it feels hearing you say that.”

  Sara shrugged, “It’s just… it is what it is. And I don’t want this feeling to end.”

  “Then don’t let it,” Jude pleaded.

  “I think you and I both know that this, us… it can’t, I mean, I didn’t have any intentions of leaving Eric, but now, I don’t know.”

  “I’d never ask you to do that, Sara. I’m trying to understand what this is and what it all means, too.”

  “I know,” she bit her lower lip and thought of the last time she was sitting on the couch in Jude’s office, “Jude, I want to make love with you again.”

  He exhaled deeply and kissed her lips, cupping her cheeks between his hands. “Nothing would bring me more pleasure than to be intimate with you again, but we can’t here, now.”

  “No, of course not. I know. I didn’t mean… what I was thinking was, well, Eric is in San Francisco this week. Perhaps I could arrange for a sitter?”

  “My place?” Jude suggested.

  “Only if you want to.”

  “How could I say ‘no’? Would Friday night work?”

  “Yeah. I think so. Eric won’t be back in town until next Tuesday.”

  “Good. I have something to look forward to now,” Jude stood up and walked over to his desk. He wrote an address on a piece of paper torn from a notepad and offered it to Sara along with a key he’d taken from one of the desk drawers. “Here, take this. It’s for my townhouse. I have a late patient Friday at five o’clock. I should be home by six fifteen. I trust you’ll make yourself comfortable in my absence.”

  15. The Photograph

  The sun set more than an hour before Sara arrived at Jude’s townhouse that Friday evening. She pulled into the driveway and parked her car to the side so as not to block Jude’s entry to the garage when he came home. Sara grabbed a bag of food she’d prepared from the car and followed a short, landscaped walkway made of gray brick pavers along the front of the townhouse until she reached the main entry. She searched through her purse in the darkness and found the key he’d given to her. Sara double-checked the metal house numbers above the door to ensure she was at the right place, inserted the key into the lock and opened the door.

  A small light that was plugged into an outlet in the main foyer provided enough illumination for Sara to locate the light switch and flick it on. From the main foyer, Sara could see the living room, which was open to the kitchen. She slipped off the pair of sexy, black suede ankle boots she’d selected to wear with her best dark blue distressed jeans, and left them in the foyer. She walked quietly across the hardwood floor and accent rugs into the living room. Jude’s spacious townhouse, painted in masculine brown and natural tones, looked exactly as Sara imagined it might look. A contrast to the colorful walls, toy laden floors, and fingerprint-spotted windows of Sara’s house, it was immaculate. Modern rustic furniture and accents throughout the main living area created a space worthy of the cover of Mountain Living magazine. There was a roomy, u-shaped dark leather sectional in the center of the living room, which faced a large, flat-screen television that was mounted on the wall. A long sofa table adorned with two tall lamps and a vase filled with fresh balsam and pinecones separated the living area from the kitchen.

  Sara felt somewhat intrusive in the still, unfamiliar home. Nonetheless, she walked into the kitchen and placed the bag of food on the counter. She removed her coat and tossed it over the back of a bar stool that was neatly tucked along the island in the middle of the kitchen. Sara glanced at the clock on the wall across the room near the dining table. It was 6:05 pm. A granite-top buffet displaying meticulously placed photo frames stood against the wall underneath the clock. From across the room, Sara noticed one particular picture that looked familiar to her. She walked toward the buffet to inspect it from a closer vantage. The photo of Jude and Sara dressed in cap and gown was taken after their high school graduation. Beside the graduation photo rested other framed prints of Jude that were taken at his various college commencement ceremonies, but there were no photos of Jude with other women. Jude’s interminable love for Sara was more apparent to her in that moment than it had ever been before. He never let me go, she thought. But then again, she never fully let go of her love for him either. Sara often wondered where he was in life; whether or not he was happy; and if he’d found love and married.

  The garage doors opened. Sara watched the shadows that danced on the walls of the foyer as the light of Jude’s headlamps moved through the blinds and then disappeared. Butterflies fluttered with excitement in Sara’s belly. Jude entered the townhouse through a garage door that opened to a short hallway into the kitchen. His eyes lit up when he saw Sara standing near the buffet. “Hello, gorgeous!” he said.

  “Hi, handsome,” she said with an enormous smile.

  They met each other halfway and embraced. Jude nuzzled the side of Sara’s head with his nose and inhaled deeply. She smelled of warm vanilla, a scent that was now familiar to him. Sara encouraged him as he hungrily kissed her lips, intermittently nipping and gently sucking her lower lip. Jude was completely absorbed in the moment and in awe of his feelings for Sara. They looked into each other’s eyes. He shook his head ever so slightly in wonderment, “I just can’t get over how incredible this feels, Sara. This is a first for me, you know.”

  Sara smiled, “What is?”

  “Coming home,” he stated.

  “I… what do you mean?”

  “You… You are home to me. You, being here in this place; a place that’s been empty for so long; it feels more comfortable and warmer now with you in it. It’s home. I’ve never come home to anyone waiting for me before.”

  “Really? Never?”

  “Never,” he replied.

  “Oh… I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say nothing. I just thought you ought to know,” he said warmly and then held her hand while guiding her into the kitchen. “Come, we should eat before I have you for dessert,” he teased.

  Sara giggled. “Okay. I brought something for us,” she offered pointing to the bag of food on the counter. “I had some time today and thought you might like a home-cooked meal when you got home.”

  Surprised, Jude asked, “You cooked for us?”

  “Yeah. It’s nothing elaborate, trust me, just chicken marsala,” Sara downplayed her efforts.

  “Sounds delicious.”

  “It is,” Sara said confidently. “It travels well and reheats well, so I decided to go with it!”

  “Well, let’s eat then! Shall I select a bottle of wine? A red?”

  “Perfect, but I should only have one. I have to drive home to let the babysitter go by nine o’clock. And Jake still nurses at night but I’m trying to wean him from the breast.”

  Jude smiled devilishly, “I’m jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of Jake.”

  Although Sara understood by Jude’s tone that he was trying to flirt with her, she was puzzled. “You lost me,” she said.

  “Let’s just say that if you were trying to wean me from your breasts, I’d be putting up a pretty hard core fight!” he teased.

  Sara smirked, “Well then, it’s a good thing I don’t want that either.”

  After they ate, Jude gave Sara a tour of the townhouse. They walked from room to room talking about Jude’s work and his father’s health. When the subject of Jude’s practice came up, Sara could sense uneasiness in Jude’s tone and he seemed to be avoiding the topic. “Something’s bothering you, isn’t it?” she speculated.

  “No. It’s nothing really. Just a patient’s kind of got me rattled a bit.”

  “A challenging case?”

  “I’m not sure ‘challenging’ is quite the right word to describe him. I mean, it’s not very often that a patient has me feeling uncomfortable. But there’s something about him,” Jude explained.

  “Uncomfortable,
how?”

  “I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s like I get a sort of, fight or flight feeling when I’m with him. But he’s totally cool and collected. It makes no sense. And I can’t justify giving him a referral to work with one of my colleagues for treatment. Anyway… it’s probably nothing. So, how about you? How’s work?”

  “It’s good. Oh! I almost forgot to mention to you… I have some good news!” Sara said with some excitement.

  “What is it?” Jude questioned.

  “I’m picking up two extra shifts at the hospital. And I’ve hired a nanny to watch Jake two days a week.”

  Somewhat surprised by Sara’s enthusiasm, Jude questioned, “Oh? What made you decide to do that?”

  “Well, my boss was looking for per diems to cover an additional staff position. And I’ve been thinking that it might be good for me to get out of the house more. You know, to be with other adults more often. I mean, it’s not exactly intellectually stimulating being with a toddler all day. I guess I’ve sort of reached a point where I feel like I need to have more purpose; to be more than a house cleaner and a diaper changer.”

  “Sara, don’t sell yourself so short. You are more than a house cleaner and diaper changer. You provide the most important thing that your children need; love and comfort. Not to mention that you’re their teacher and role model.”