What Sara Said

by Carrington, M. L.

  “Yeah, I know. I just… I think it would be good for me.”

  “Well, I won’t argue with that. I just hope you know how important you are to those children.”

  Sara smiled warmly, “I do.”

  “Sounds like it’s a good fit, then. So what days will you be working?” Jude asked as they climbed the staircase to the second floor.

  “That’s the best part! Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m doing a four-hour shift each day. I’ll see your dad.” Sara shot a flirtatious smile at Jude and continued, “And, having a nanny would give me the opportunity to see more of you... if you wanted.”

  “Of course I want! Are you kidding me?” The eagerness in Jude’s tone was quite evident.

  “I start next week.”

  “Good. Now, let me start on you right now!” he teased, leading Sara into the master suite. “This is my room.”

  Sara glanced around the spacious and elegant room. It looked like the bedroom of a hotel penthouse suite. A plush, king-sized bed covered with crisp, white sheets, a gray jacquard comforter and several matching pillows stood along the wall adjacent to a sliding glass door that led to a balcony. “Wow, Jude. This is… beautiful! You decorated it?”

  “It pales in comparison to you, my love. And, yes. I decorated. You might say I have an appreciation for beautiful things.”

  Sara leaned into Jude and kissed him softly on the cheek. She grasped his hand, pulling him toward the bed, which invited them in. Gently, Jude guided the delicate, black chiffon top that Sara was wearing over her head allowing it to fall to the floor. He kissed her tenderly on the lips, along her neck and cleavage. Sara’s skin felt like velvet against his lips and smelled of warm vanilla. Her lips tasted of dry red wine. He wanted to both devour and appreciate every inch of her body. Jude pulled the straps of Sara’s black lace-trimmed bra off her shoulders and unhooked it from the back. Exposed to the cool air, her nipples constricted as the bra slid from her breasts. Sara removed the blue and white diagonal-striped tie from around Jude’s neck and unbuttoned his dress shirt. Underneath, Jude wore a white, modern-cut t-shirt, which was tight across his firm, muscular chest. It took no time at all for Sara to remove it. She slipped her fingers behind the belt of Jude’s dress slacks and loosened the buckle. Her appetite for him became insatiable, and Jude felt it. He pulled her hand toward his lips. She closed her eyes while he kissed and sucked on her fingers, one-by-one, tantalizing her senses. Brushing his lips against her skin he allowed his lower lip to drag along as he moved up the length of her arm toward her shoulder and neck; her desire built with intensity as she felt the heat of his breath on her skin. Overwhelmed with both her emotions as well as his own, Jude felt as if he would explode. He was unaccustomed to the voracity with which their feelings consumed him and his respiration quickened. He needed a moment. “Sara?” he said, pausing.

  “Don’t stop,” she exhaled.

  “I need to,” he said, panting in a desperate tone.

  “Oh,” Sara said as she opened her eyes and pulled away slightly. There was an intense expression on Jude’s face that she’d not seen in a long time. In truth, Sara was so profoundly caught up in her own gluttonous reverie, she’d forgotten how her emotions had the potential to affect Jude in such a gross physical manner. “Jude, I’m sorry,” she placed her hand over his chest, “your heart… it’s beating out of your chest!”

  “I know. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I just… need a minute,” Jude tried to calm himself.

  “It’s my fault,” Sara said apologetically and attempted to ground herself knowing that her emotions fueled Jude’s sensitivity. She reached for a soft throw blanket to cover her body.

  “No, don’t apologize. It’s never been quite so … intense before. I don’t know what’s different now. I’m sorry that it’s so complicated with me. I’ve told you. It’s like a curse!” he argued with both remorse and the hint of anger.

  “Shhhh,” she hushed him and lightly kissed away a stray, salty tear at the corner of his eye. “We’ll go slow,” she whispered into his ear.

  Jude quickly settled. His heart slowed to a normal pace. He was in awe of her ability to compartmentalize herself when needed. Even amid their heated lovemaking, Sara had a way of re-directing her focus to comfort and nurture Jude. She must be an incredible mother, he thought.

  Sara wrapped her arms around Jude’s torso and placed her ear against his chest. “You’re okay,” she reassured.

  “Sara, before we go further, there’s something I think you should know.”

  “I know all I need to know… I want this.”

  “No, you don’t know. You need to understand who you’ve gotten yourself involved with.”

  “Jude, what is it?” she questioned.

  After a moment of silence, Jude confessed, “I’ve had relationships with other women, all of which failed miserably. And I’ve been fairly intimate in some of them. But I’ve never made love with another woman. Ever.”

  “Never?” she replied in disbelief.

  “Never.”

  “Why not?” Sara wondered, “Because of your… sensitivity?”

  “Not entirely.”

  “Then why?” she pressed.

  “Because, I’ve been waiting.”

  “For what?”

  “It’s not what I’ve been waiting for. It’s who… I’ve been waiting for you, Sara.”

  Sara struggled to understand what he was telling her, “Jude, why would you wait for me… and for so long? How could you know if we’d meet again?”

  “I know how that sounds. It’s crazy. I didn’t know… not for certain anyway. But, the way this, this ability seems to work... It’s gotten more acute, more intense as I’ve gotten older.”

  “Okay …” Sara said in a tone that suggested she needed more explanation.

  “Remember when we were in high school, the first time we made love? How powerful I told you that was for me?” he asked.

  “Of course.”

  “And the more times we had sex, the better I was at controlling the effect it had on me; and the better you were at adjusting to me, too?”

  Sara nodded in agreement.

  “Well, it seems like every empathetic feeling I experience now gets stronger with time. And I no longer have to touch someone to feel what’s in their heart. Of course, it’s not as strong as it is when I do touch them, but I have a kind of heightened awareness.”

  “That explains why this, just now… why your heart was pounding so much!”

  “Exactly.”

  “But that doesn’t explain why you’ve waited for me,” Sara pointed out.

  “In a way, it does. You see, that ‘heightened awareness’… I don’t quite know how to describe it, but with you it’s been more like, like a really strong gut feeling. When I think of you, or look at an old picture of you, I’ve felt that our paths would cross again someday. I hoped for it. But I also, sort of, knew. And I trusted that God would bring you into my life at the right time.”

  Sara’s eyes filled as she tried to absorb his words. Tears slowly trickled down her face. “But it’s not the right time. How could this possibly be the right time?”

  Jude wiped her tears with his thumb and kissed her cheeks. “I don’t know,” he whispered, “but I love you, and that’s all that matters to me now.”

  Comforted by the warmth of his words, Sara dismissed her concerns and allowed herself to become aroused by the soft touch of Jude’s hands and his gentle kisses. Sara unwrapped the blanket from around her body and tossed it on the bed behind her. She hooked her fingers beneath the waistband of his pants and pulled him toward her. Jude tugged at her lower lip with his teeth and their lips and tongues became intertwined. Minutes passed as they continued to kiss passionately.

  With one hand behind Sara’s head and the other supporting his weight, Jude guided her down to the bed so that she was lying on her back. He unzipped the fly of his pants, which then fell to the floor. After he removed Sara’s jeans, he massaged her
inner thighs with his hands, slowly kissing her belly as he worked his way up toward her breasts. Sara felt her clit swell. It was difficult, but she tried not to become too excited. Her body flushed with heat while Jude continued to caress and worship her. His tongue encircled her nipples. Jude tasted the warm, sweet milk that seeped from them when he sucked on them lightly. Another first for me, Jude thought, which turned him on even more. A sort of proud smile rose from within him, and he continued his quest.

  They kissed wildly. Sara nudged her thong down her legs and flicked it off with her foot while Jude retrieved a condom from a drawer in the nightstand beside the bed. He tore it open with his teeth and eased it down over his erect shaft. Sara ran her hands across his bare chest, allowing her fingers to glide playfully along and tickle his sides. Her feathery touch was enticing. She pulled Jude closer, inviting him inside her. His first push was slow. Sara was extremely wet and open to him, which allowed him to glide smoothly in and out with an easy, rhythmic motion. The heat from within Sara’s body consumed his every nerve. Their bodies moved completely in synch with each other in a series of slow, but partial thrusts, which teased Sara and made her greedy for more. Sensing the hunger in Sara’s heart, Jude was eager to fulfill her needs, but aimed to take her on a ride that would make her orgasm more satisfying and fierce than any she’d ever experienced.

  Jude pulled out momentarily, just long enough to tease Sara a bit more. Squirming beneath him, Sara throbbed with anticipation. Impatient for him to fill her through penetration, she arched her back and then tilted her hips upward, reaching for him with the chasm at the apex of her legs. Sara moaned with pleasure as Jude sank deep into her, finally answering her body’s request with several intoxicating glides of his fully engorged cock. They continued to ride their steamy rollercoaster of peaks and valleys, stimulating every sensation. Each movement was the harmonious result of the previous motion, until at last, together they surrendered to each other and climaxed with an eruption of rolling orgasms that left them fulfilled and speechless. Sara and Jude collapsed into each other’s arms. It took several minutes for them to catch their breaths. And for a brief moment, Sara felt a twinge of guilt when she realized that she hadn’t thought of Eric at all since she’d left the house earlier that evening. But she quickly dismissed her feeling because for the first time in a very long time, Sara felt complete. Disheveled and exhausted, Sara and Jude basked in the afterglow of their extraordinary lovemaking, quickly drifting to sleep.

  16. What Ails You

  For the next two months Sara and Jude continued their affair. By the time the New Year arrived, they’d established a routine of daily text messages, phone calls and fairly regular visits. Convinced that it was part of God’s plan for them to be together, Jude was hopeful that their relationship would last. Sara withdrew even further from her marriage to Eric, which was easy to do given the increased time Eric spent away from home on business. Sometimes, Eric and Sara went two to three days without talking to each other. And when they did talk, their conversations were lackluster and empty. Eric was constantly exhausted and stressed. He seemed to care more about his work than his family. Occasionally, Sara and Eric would have what you might call obligatory sex. It was the sort of sex that married couples occasionally engage in when they are feeling guilty about the long length of time since their last sexual encounter with each other. Or the kind of sex that occurred when one partner, usually Eric, felt a bit horny and it was easier for Sara to go along with the act rather than to disappoint Eric by turning him down. It was unimaginative and usually rather quick. On those occasions, Sara envisioned that she was making love with Jude, which became an effective method for her to climax quickly. Sara reached a point in which she felt her marriage was over. But Eric was oblivious to nearly all signs of her affair, only attributing her lack of interest toward him to her exhaustion from caring for the children and a busier work schedule.

  Despite the hopelessness of her marriage, Sara wasn’t ready to admit to Eric that she’d been committing adultery. Hell, living in a bit of denial, she’d barely admitted it to herself. But as the weeks went on, Sara felt the stress of a self-imposed hourglass that she feared was running out of sand. She realized that it was only a matter of time before she would have to make a decision about whether to leave Eric, or end the affair with Jude. At times it seemed like a no-brainer. Of course she should leave Eric. She was no longer in love with him, and Jude was her soul mate. But when she thought further, she wondered if Jude had not walked back into her life, would she be considering a divorce from Eric at all? And the truth was, she wouldn’t. She’d probably be planning romantic getaways and reading up on ways to reignite a spark in their marriage. And of course, the children kept her bound to Eric in a way that she wasn’t with Jude. Genetics and blood. It was as simple as that. Sara loved her children more than she loved herself, and the thought of the turmoil that a divorce would likely cause them was enough reason for her to stay with Eric. Nonetheless, she allowed the affair to go on. Sara spent so much of her life selflessly caring for others. And for the first time in a very long time, she was doing something that fulfilled her needs. She felt alive, and beautiful, and selfish, and she did not want it to end.

  It was Thursday at noon. Sara finished her morning shift at the hospital, quickly changed out of her nursing scrubs and drove directly over to Jude’s townhouse. When she arrived, Jude was already waiting for her.

  “God I’ve missed you,” Jude said.

  “It’s only been two days, silly,” Sara replied.

  “I hate it when Eric’s home. I had the most difficult time falling asleep last night. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  Sara frowned, “I’m sorry we can’t talk.”

  “It’s okay. Never mind. I don’t want to waste the hour that we have talking about that, anyway. Here, I have something for you,” Jude walked over to the kitchen island and presented Sara with a bouquet of red daisies.

  “What? No roses?” she joked.

  “Daisies were always your favorite,” he stated. “You’ll have roses next week for Valentine’s Day!”

  “Oh stop! I’m just kidding. They’re beautiful! Thank you,” Sara loved them and appreciated Jude’s thoughtfulness. This only added to her resentment toward Eric when she realized that she couldn’t remember the last time Eric brought flowers home for her.

  “Not nearly as beautiful as you,” he complimented her and wrapped her in his arms.

  “You always know how to make me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.”

  “That’s because you are the only woman. The only woman for me, that is,” he said and then kissed her fiercely on her lips. His hand travelled forward from her back toward her chest. He toyed with her nipple underneath her blouse and massaged her breast, which felt soft and fluid in his skilled hands.

  Sara winced under her breath. Her breast was tender to his touch and despite her appetite for Jude’s ravenous desire, she hoped he would stop playing. Immediately, Jude sensed her displeasure. “What’s wrong?” he questioned.

  “It’s nothing,” she dismissed the feeling.

  “C’mon. I know you’re not being honest with me, Sara. Did I do something?”

  “No. Not really. It’s nothing, really. It was… just a little sore.”

  Jude kissed her breast softly through the fabric of her blouse and asked, “Here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And here?” he gently pressed his lips against her blouse over her nipple.

  “It’s probably my period. Sometimes the girls get a little cranky,” Sara joked.

  “You have it now?”

  “No. But I must be due for it soon,” she remarked.

  “Okay, then I’ll be gentle with them. I promise.”

  “I know you will.”

  “Good. Now, let’s go fuck!”

  ----------

  Early the following morning, Sara awoke to the sound of Lexi crying in her bedroom down the hall. She rolled out
of bed and shivered before wrapping a heavy, plush robe around her body to take the chill off. She tiptoed past Jake’s room into Lexi’s bedroom. Lexi was curled up in bed, lying on her side in a fetal position. Tears trickled down her cheek as she guarded her belly. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Sara asked while feeling Lexi’s forehead with the back of her hand.

  “Oww… my tummy hurts,” Lexi moaned.

  “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up?”

  “Maybe?... Oww… I don’t know.”

  “Let’s get you up and into the bathroom,” Sara suggested as she pulled off the covers and assisted Lexi into the bathroom. Immediately, Lexi vomited into the toilet. She winced and then cried some more.

  Sara sat on the cold, ceramic-tiled floor of the bathroom while Lexi rested her head in Sara’s lap. She rubbed her back in a rhythmic motion. Up and down. Up and down, until Lexi settled and fell asleep. Sara could hear the faint sound of Eric snoring from the bedroom down the hall. Must be nice to be able to sleep so soundly when your kid is sick, Sara thought. Her anger toward Eric’s lack of involvement festered. She ached for Lexi to feel better. And she was tired. Her head felt heavy. She, too, drifted to sleep.

  “Sara,” Eric whispered as he tapped her on the shoulder.

  Sara startled awake.

  “She’s sick?” he asked quietly, pointing at Lexi.

  “Uh huh,” Sara grumbled.

  “What time?”

  “Maybe three-thirty or four? I’m not sure,” Sara replied.

  “Okay. Well, tell her I hope she feels better. I’m off to work,” Eric left the bathroom and went downstairs.

  Sara sighed. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 7:15 am. Lexi began to stir awake. She looked up at Sara from her lap, grinned and said, “Mommy!”

  “Hi sweetheart. How’re ya feelin’?”