Our Time

by Jessica Wilde

  "He just doesn't know what to do, Joss. He doesn't want to make it harder for you by showing you how this is affecting him. He's a man. He just doesn't understand us."

  I knew he was having a hard time with it. Hell, I had made it even worse for him by making him feel like I didn't want him involved. I had planned on talking to him when we got home from the appointment and begging his forgiveness for being so cruel. I had planned on telling him that I wanted nothing more than to spend whatever time I had left being with him and Olivia. Loving them both and making them happy. But he looked like he was ready to snap and I was too much of a coward to stop him from leaving. I thought maybe he needed some time to think about what he wanted.

  But this was too much. He needed to come home. I had called him a couple times and left a message. Still nothing. I cursed myself for sending Liv with Madison. I thought that it would be good for us to have some time to talk things out without any interruptions. Now, I just wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I finally called Madison and she promised to track him down.

  So there I was, sitting in front of my living room window, waiting for a pair of headlights to wash over me, but there was only darkness and the clap of thunder and the pounding rain.

  Monty was on the ground at my feet, watching me. Waiting for me to talk.

  "I'm scared," I whispered.

  He whimpered and stood so he could lay his head in my lap.

  "He can't know how scared I am. It would make it harder for him."

  His expression looked confused, like he didn't understand my reasoning. "Wouldn't that just make it harder for you."

  "It's impossible," I muttered.

  He whimpered again and rubbed his nose against my hand. When I didn't respond, he whined a little louder, like he was trying to talk to me.

  "Not with him. Alone, maybe. But not with him." He grunted and then dropped back down on the floor, partially on top of my feet.

  I hated when he was right.

  Minutes later, the shrill sound of my phone ringing made me jump. Madison.

  "Please tell me he's okay."

  "Yes, Joss. He is fine. I called Chris and he said that he is at his bar taking some time to think. I guess he went over there earlier and Chris chewed him up one side and down the other."

  I placed my hand to my heart, willing it to slow the hell down. He was okay. He just needed to think. That was understandable. I wished everyone would stop making him feel worse, though.

  "I think you should go get him, Joss. I don't know if he has been drinking, but if he has… maybe I should call Chris back and have him--"

  "No! I'm going to get him. It should be me." I caused this. If I had just been less selfish… "This is all my fault."

  "Yeah right," she scoffed. "He's a grown man, Joss. You just asked him to leave the room, that doesn't give him the right to act like a child about it."

  "Doesn't matter. I'm going to get him. Can you bring Liv back in the morning?"

  "No problem. She is asleep and doing just fine. Just let him in, okay? You both need each other now more than ever. You are just both too damn stubborn to admit it."

  I was out the door a minute later after getting directions and hanging up before the tears could return. I was tired of crying.

  I had been scared the first time I was diagnosed. Terrified. But David made me feel like I wanted the cancer to beat me. I wasn't leaving very much behind and I pretty much did it on my own.

  Now?

  Olivia, Andrew, Madison, Tyler, Monty. The list had grown from Ben and Linda and the kids and now I was more than terrified, I was lost. Olivia would grow up without her mother, that was the worst part. She had already lived without a father. How could I leave her now? And Andrew had wanted to take away some of the burden, and I brushed him off. How could I do that?

  There's a chance that everyone is just overreacting, Joss. Even you. This whole thing could be simple. The tumor could be benign, and if the damn blood work didn't take so long we might have that answer. I still needed to have the surgery and there was a good possibility that it could be completely removed. No reason to react just yet.

  Andrew didn't know that, though. In his eyes, I was just strong and this whole thing could really be the end. I knew him well enough to see that.

  The rain was coming down even harder and the windshield wipers could barely keep up. I tried calling Andrew again, but it went straight to voicemail this time. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe he needed some space and me showing up was just going to make things worse.

  No. He needs to face this with you, Joss. Let him. No more trying to guess what he is thinking.

  I pulled up to the desolate looking building that Chris loved so much and could barely see the neon sign hanging above the door. Andrew's car was one of three in the lot. Good. No audience.

  I opened my door and before I could even get out and shut it, I was almost soaked. Cold water splashed onto my jeans and soaked them up to my knees as I ran to the front door, making me shiver. I hoped no women were around because I knew how awful I looked after seeing my reflection in the glass. Maybe it was better if Andrew was drunk.

  Andrew

  "How many times do I have to tell you, Megan? Go. Away!"

  "Oh, honey. You need to finally take that shot that's been sitting in front of you all night and loosen up. I'll show you a good time and make you forget all your worries." Her voice… how did I not hear that annoying squeak before?

  Yeah, I had decided not to take the shot. I just stared at it all night and waited for an epiphany to hit me. Something telling me how I could fix this mess for Jocelyn. Megan had been hanging around for the last two hours trying to sneak her hands on me, but I was too distracted to do anything serious about it. I hid in the bathroom for a while hoping she would get the hint, but when I came back out, she hadn't moved an inch. The woman had to have a hearing problem because even the bartender told her to get away from me.

  The alcohol on her breath was too much to bear so every time she spoke I had to turn away. I wanted to leave, but really had nowhere else to go. I know she was just trying to play a game with me, get drunk enough to guilt me into driving her home or something.

  I tried to ignore her as she replayed everything we ever did back to me as if it would make me see that we 'belong together'. She said that about twenty times already and was in the process of saying it again. I was too busy praying for my own hearing to go away before her voice made my head explode.

  She kept trying to lift the shot glass to my mouth and I was on the edge of deciding whether to throw her across the room and watch her slam into the shelves full of pictures and trophies or just knock her out with my fist and watch her fall to the floor in a heap of all her sluttyness.

  "Come on, Andrew." Again with the hand on my thigh. My hand couldn't push her away fast enough. "Let me take care of you. I know you miss me. We had fun and there wasn't a whiny kid to interrupt anything. I know you miss that. I can see it in your eyes."

  "Andrew?"

  That was the voice I had been dying for. The voice that made me pray my hearing never failed.

  Jocelyn.

  I whipped around in my stool and nearly sent Megan off of hers. Jocelyn was standing in the doorway, soaked from head to toe. Pale. Confused. Sad?

  "Jocelyn? What are you doing here?" I stood on shaky legs and took a step toward her but her hand shot up and she backed into the heavy door.

  "No. I'll leave. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I can see that you are." Her eyes flicked over to Megan who was now standing next to me with her hand on her hip and her evil eyes glaring at my sweet Jocelyn.

  "Ugh, looks like someone just dragged themselves out of bed," Megan sneered.

  Evil bitch.

  Jocelyn flinched and immediately ran a trembling hand through her wet hair. The lightest shade of pink warmed her smooth cheeks and almost sent me to my knees. She was perfect. More beautiful than I had ever seen her and she
was mine.

  I must have taken too long running my gaze all over her because she quickly turned and pushed through the door. My body immediately went into action and lunged for her, but the psycho slut snagged my arm and pulled me against her.

  "You aren't going to choose that over this are you?" She rubbed her body against me and I swear I nearly choked on some vomit.

  I gripped her shoulders and shoved her away from me. "There was never anything to choose. It's always been her." I turned away from her shocked expression.

  What a psycho!

  By the time I burst out into the rain, Jocelyn was already climbing into her car. My feet were moving faster than ever, but not fast enough. She pulled out of the parking space, rain pelting the roof of her car and sending thousands of drops into the air.

  "Jocelyn! Wait!"

  She peeled out of the parking lot before I could get to her door.

  "Damn it!"

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket planning on calling her a hundred times if I had to. The battery was dead. How long had I been gone?

  Water was dripping down my face and my hair was plastered to my forehead. I gripped my keys and flew to my car. No way could she possibly think I was with that woman intentionally. Not possible. She knew me better than that.

  I navigated my way through the little traffic there was and tried to find Jocelyn's car on the way home, hoping I could catch up to her. Where was Olivia? And why the hell did I leave her in the first place? The rain had filled all the dips in the road to overflowing and the road was slick.

  My worried bumped up a notch at the thought of her driving upset and getting into an accident, so I pressed my foot to the gas a little harder.

  I turned onto our street and saw two brake lights just turning into her driveway. "Thank God!"

  She was getting out of her car and hurrying to the front door just as I pulled in. I almost snapped my door off trying to push myself out of the car. "Jocelyn!"

  She stopped just before her porch and I let out the breath I had been holding since she walked out of the bar.

  "What?" she replied and I could barely hear her voice over the fall of the rain.

  "Please don't think that I was there with her. I swear to you, she showed up and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to get her to leave but--"

  She whipped around to face me and her dark, drenched hair slapped her cheek and stuck to her face. Even though her face was wet from the rain, I could tell that her eyes were filled with tears and rimmed with red. How could I do this to her?

  "I know, Andrew. This isn't about her."

  Oh, good! "Then what--"

  "This is about what she made me realize." Her voice was louder, stronger. She had made some kind of decision, another decision without me.

  I shook my head in confusion and took a cautious step toward her. "I don't understand."

  The rain only fell harder and the chill of it seeped into my bones. Her bottom lip trembled and her hands shook as she wrapped her arms around herself. My entire body itched to hold her. To tell her that she could trust me. To drag her into the house and out of the rain so she wouldn't get sick.

  "You deserve a great life, Andrew. And I love you too much to strap you down to mine. I'm eventually… going to die and Olivia is going to need someone to take care of her."

  "Jocelyn--"

  "Please, Andrew," she shouted. "Just let me finish."

  My mouth snapped shut and my teeth ground together with the frustration of not being able to stop her from driving a knife into my chest. This must be what it felt like, to be out control, out of options.

  "I realize now that asking you to do that is going to change your entire life and hold you back from all the things you want to do. I can't do that to you. It may be hard to cut off what we have, but it would be harder to make you go through this. You could spend the rest of your life with any woman you want, Andrew. A healthy woman."

  That was it. I wasn't going to listen to her tell me goodbye any more.

  My socks squished in my shoes as I took the few long strides toward her, my legs moving faster than ever before, and she gasped when I gripped the sides of her face and forced her to look at me. Her long black eyelashes held onto the tiny drops of water that splashed onto her delicate face and she blinked several times before they finally dripped down her cheeks. Her eyes glistened with tears and the sight made my heart pump faster than I thought it ever could. I could smell the intoxicating scent of lavender coming off of her wet hair and my stomach clenched, I wasn't going to let that go. Our noses were almost touching and her warm breath fanned my lips and smelled minty and sweet. This woman was mine. And I was hers.

  "The only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with is you!" I wiped the hot tears away from her cheeks and felt her lean into my hands sending jolts of relief through me.

  She clutched my forearms and the familiar shock of her touch sent heat to my chilled limbs. She let out a quiet sob as she trembled and looked into my eyes. "I- I don't know if I'm--"

  "You are everything. Everything I want, everything I need. And you're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

  The rain turned colder as it showered us, but I didn't notice. My body was smoldering being this close to her again and imagining the life we would have together.

  We would have a life together.

  She didn't pull away from me and her eyes were locked on mine, filled with uncertainty. "I'm scared, Andrew."

  It was the first time she said anything about being afraid and her confession made me that much more determined. "I know, love. I'll make it better, I promise."

  I couldn't hold back anymore. I covered her mouth with mine in a desperation I didn't know existed. My body and soul craved this woman in every way and I was anxious to show her. I lifted her and wrapped her legs around my waist while making my way inside.

  We were soaked and water dripped everywhere as I kicked the door shut. I held onto her with one hand and gripped the hem of her shirt with the other, our mouths separating just long enough to tear it over her head before I turned and pressed her against the door making her gasp. Before I knew it, my shirt was off and flying into the wall. Her skin was hot and slick against mine and I pressed against her harder, desperate for the friction we both needed.

  "Please," she begged and I didn't need an explanation.

  I kicked off my shoes and made my way to the stairs, kissing her ravenously and praying it would never end. She was clutching the nape of my neck, pulling me closer while digging her fingers through my hair.

  Monty was lying on her bed and jumped up when we crashed through the doorway. He left the room in a hurry and I took a mental note to throw him his own barbeque for the gesture.

  I set her on her feet at the foot of the bed and we made quick work of the rest of our clothes, which wasn't quick enough since they were so wet and we had to practically peel out of them. We crashed onto the bed hands roaming and gripping, mouths searing every piece of skin we could find before my hand slipped into heaven and found her more than ready.

  A growl rumbled in my chest when she lifted her hips, hoping to force my fingers inside, and I struggled to decide whether to savor this now or later. She grasped me in her hands and stroked, I saw stars and fought to hold onto the tiny sliver of control I had left.

  I wanted to dive into her, block out everything around us by burying myself inside of her, losing myself, but I needed to make sure she knew I wasn't going anywhere.

  "Jocelyn."

  "Hmmm?" Her eyes were closed and her hands kept moving on me. I wrapped a hand around one of her wrists and lifted it to my lips.

  "Baby, look at me, please."

  Her beautiful brown eyes met mine, full of desire and love. For me. My chest ached knowing the love I had for her and I could only hope she felt half as much for me as I did for her. I was the luckiest man in the world to have this perfect woman in my arms.

  "I love you," I rasped.

  "I love
you, too." She tilted her head to the side and grinned.

  "I want to marry you," I whispered, never taking my eyes from hers.

  Her breath caught in her throat and the pulse at the base of her neck thrummed violently and it was almost impossible to keep from kissing and licking her there. More tears glistened in her eyes, but her smile was radiant and gave me the courage to keep going.

  "I want to marry you, Jocelyn. I want to provide for you, protect you, cherish you, love you… forever. I want to hold you every night and wake up to you every morning, make you laugh every day, make love to you as much as you'll let me, kiss your tears away…"

  Tears were falling down her beautiful face and I kissed every one of them, tasting the saltiness as I licked my lips clean. I lifted her into my arms and sat down with her straddling me. I kissed her over and over again, her mouth, her chin, her nose, everywhere I could, and she wrapped her hands at the nape of my neck when I returned to her full lips.

  "I want to adopt Liv and watch her grow up and see the beautiful woman she will become. Just like her mother. I want her to call me Daddy and help me pick out gifts for you and when she gets older, confide in me when she needs to. I want to take care of her and be the father she needs. I want us to be a family."

  She kissed my face and her tears spilled onto my chest.

  "Please tell me you want that, too. Will you marry me, Jocelyn? Will you be my wife?"

  I didn't have to wait long for her answer. She nodded and her voice broke as she said the one word that would make me the happiest man alive. "Yes."

  I crushed her mouth with mine and she clung to me tightly. I chuckled in relief, smiling so widely that it was difficult to continue kissing her.

  She was mine. She was mine forever.

  I couldn't wait to put a ring on her finger and I was tempted to go and grab the one I had picked up on Saturday that was tucked away in my nightstand. She moved her hips against me, though, and all thoughts of the diamond I hoped she would love, left me.

  I turned us so I was lying on my back with her straddling my hips. Her long hair surrounded us as she leaned forward and molded her mouth to mine and the scent of her shampoo made my head swim.