Our Time

by Jessica Wilde

  I wrapped my hands around her hips and positioned her above me. She was more than ready and sank down, taking me slowly and completely while her arms trembled at either side of my head. I almost lost it as her body gripped me, but I held on to what little control I had still and took deep breaths, wanting to make this last. She must have been having the same problem because she was taking deep breaths and her eyes were shut tightly.

  I reached up and cupped her cheek, tracing her plump bottom lip with my thumb. She leaned into my touch and opened her beautiful chocolate eyes, the one with the dark spot cutting through it almost black with pleasure.

  We stared at each other, unmoving and content with the incredible connection we were sharing, speaking without words. I pulled her face down to mine and traced her lips with my tongue, eager to taste more of her. I lifted my hips barely off the bed and felt her press against me, electricity shot up my spine, urging me to move harder. Her moan lit me up and I had to have more. I gripped her hips again and lifted her until I was barely inside of her, then pulled her down as I thrust up, hard.

  I literally heard the snaps as the final threads of control broke from both of us. She moved above me as I moved beneath her, matching rhythms and taking each other, giving each other wholly.

  When her muscles clenched, preparing her for release, I pulled myself upright to sit beneath her and drove my hand into the hair at the back of her neck, holding her against me with my other hand at her hip. The position pressed me deeper inside of her and I swallowed her gasp, kissing her with everything I had. I pulled her bottom lip between my teeth and nibbled as I moved my hand from her hip and positioned it between our bodies, pressing my fingers against that sensitive bundle of nerves and sending her over the edge.

  Beautiful.

  The first wave pushed that electric pulse to the base of my spine. The second wave pulled my name from her lips and the third sent me over the edge with her as I clung to her writhing body.

  Forever wasn't long enough.

  As we both drifted back, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and buried her face in my neck. When I felt the first tears fall on my skin, I was reluctant to pull away, but I did.

  "Hey," I murmured, "don't cry, love." I wiped her tears and kissed her soft lips. She had cried so much lately and had told me over and over again how pathetic she felt for doing it. I thought she was beautiful and so much stronger than she gave herself credit for, but it still tore me up inside.

  "I- I don't w-want to leave you, Andrew," she said against my lips.

  My stomach dropped at the reminder of what could happen sooner rather than later. The love of my life could be taken from me. Taken away with pain overwhelming her and nothing I could do to help her.

  No. Not going to happen.

  "Joss, sweetheart." I cupped her chin and forced her to look me in the eyes.

  When her eyes met mine, her breath caught and her tears stopped. She looked scared, but hopeful.

  "You aren't going anywhere until I let you." I kissed her hard and held her face between my hands, refusing to let her turn or pull away from me. "And I will never let you go."

  She didn't look away, but she wasn't really looking at me.

  "Hey, look at me."

  Her eyes flickered and finally focused on mine. Rich chocolate on ocean blue. "We do this together. No matter what, okay?"

  "Okay." I almost didn't hear her, she spoke so quietly, almost afraid to relent.

  A sudden rush of warmth coursed through my body and rested deep in my chest. For some reason I could never explain, I felt peace, and I knew that everything was going to be okay. What we had, could never be taken from us whether she was here or not. My eyes widened as the thought settled itself in the forefront of my mind.

  Our time wasn't up yet.

  I smiled, a genuine all-consuming smile and she gasped as her entire body trembled and her lips curled up into a smile that took my breath away. "Okay," she said again, this time loud and sure.

  I kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, and the corners of her mouth and she giggled and sighed. We were still connected and I had no intention of moving away from her, so when she tried to climb off of me, I growled and pulled her back down as every drop of blood inside me moved between us again.

  "Did I not just tell you I'm not letting you go anywhere?" I kissed and nipped along the length of her collar bone, smiling against her skin when goose bumps spread down her arms. Our hair was still wet from the rain and the chill of her wet hair on my face gave me an idea.

  She yelped when I jostled us to the edge of the bed and groped the softness filling my hands as I lifted her with me. I kissed her hard and made my way to the bathroom, now buried deep inside of her.

  "Where are we going?"

  "I hear you in the shower almost every night, love, and every night I fantasize about what it would be like to watch you."

  She arched an eyebrow, "And you think you are going to see that tonight?" she asked wryly.

  "Nope. Not tonight." I stretched a hand into the shower stall and turned the knobs.

  She looked confused and my lips twitched in amusement. "Then why--"

  "I also fantasize about what it would be like to watch my hands run over your wet, soapy skin."

  I kissed her shoulder and felt her chest rise and fall when the image was formed in her mind.

  "Oh," she breathed as I kissed up her neck and behind her ear.

  "Uh huh."

  "Will I get a turn?"

  I almost blacked out from the thought and stumbled into the stream of hot water. "God, yes."

  She chuckled softly against my ear before I felt her nibble my earlobe, sending a shudder through my body. "Then pass the soap."

  Chapter 14

  Jocelyn

  Dr. Harrison called the next morning and said that nothing too unusual showed up in my blood work and he would like to schedule surgery as soon as possible. Two weeks. I had two weeks before I would know anything for sure.

  Two weeks.

  Such a short and long amount of time all at once.

  Andrew was with me during the call. Actually, he pulled me onto his lap as soon as he knew who it was and held onto me while I scheduled everything. He made me promise not to think about it until we were on our way to the hospital for the surgery. Almost impossible, but with his help, probable.

  I started to feel the ache in my head again, the painful numbing feeling that had made it impossible for me to tamp down the nausea just days ago. I couldn't stand feeling this way. I couldn't stand knowing that my body wasn't handling it.

  But I had to. I had to handle it. Olivia was counting on me and so was Andrew.

  We were sitting at the kitchen counter eating cereal and waiting for Madison to bring Olivia home when he asked me about Monty and when I had gotten him. The ache seemed to dull as I recalled the sweet memory of finding my very best friend and the immediate love I had for him.

  "I was recovering from my second surgery and was having a hard time since David was… well, not really around. I didn't really have anyone to talk to on the hard days. I saw an ad in the paper for someone that was selling puppies and decided to find a furry companion. I wanted to get a dog that wouldn't cause too much trouble and it took me about a month before I found him."

  I walked to the sink and rinsed out my bowl with said dog hot on my heels. He was having a hard time leaving my side after I had collapsed. I crouched down and scratched him behind the ears. He grunted and closed his eyes, soaking in the pleasure. Andrew watched both of us quietly, waiting for me to continue.

  "I walked into this run down house in a neighborhood I had no business being in and saw about 17 dogs gated off in the living room. Three mothers with fourteen tiny puppies, they were about five and a half weeks old at the time. The people that had bred them were kind of sketchy, but nice enough. They were trying to wean the puppies and had poured a bunch of food into this giant bowl and a couple of the puppies fell into the bowl and they
were all ravenous and fighting each other for a spot. All of them except my Monty." I gave his side a pat and walked back over to Andrew who was looking at me affectionately.

  He pulled me back onto his lap and kissed my forehead before I continued. "He just ran right up to me and tried so hard to get me to pick him up, howling and singing until I finally did. Then he just cuddled right up to my neck and fell asleep."

  Monty made a whimpering sound at our feet and put his paw up on my leg as if remembering the day as clearly as I did.

  "I left with him that same day. He was still pretty young, but I couldn't let him go. He was there for me to talk to, to cuddle with and he never left my side and somehow always knew what to do to make me feel better."

  Andrew chuckled, "Really? Like what?"

  I thought about all the times I laid in bed depressed and ready to end everything. All the nights that I was too sick to leave the bathroom after chemo. Monty would hop up on the bed and lay on my chest until I stopped crying or lay next to me on the bathroom floor.

  "He was just… there. He would do something silly or comfort me in some way. David hated him."

  Monty grumbled and perked his ears up.

  "Yeah, and you hated him, too, huh?"

  It almost sounded like he laughed and then he laid his head on my lap as Andrew scratched his head.

  "How could anyone hate this boy?" Andrew asked quietly.

  Monty huffed again and closed his eyes, enjoying the love and attention he was getting, and making it clear he agreed with Andrew.

  "When I found out I was pregnant a while later, he was the first one I told. I know it sounds silly, but after I finished my happy tears festival, I called for him and he came right away and sat in front of me, waiting for the news. Almost like he already knew and was just waiting for it to be confirmed." I smiled because he had been so nervous when he saw me crying. His ears were pinned down and he had shook every few seconds until I hugged him.

  "I said, 'Monty, I'm going to have a little baby' and he looked at me with his head tilted all cute and innocent, then he howled and laid down on my lap. He was with me during every milestone. The first kick I felt, his head was on my tummy and you should have seen the look on his face. He jumped about three feet when she kicked him."

  Andrew laughed and wrapped his arms around me a little tighter. "I wish I would have been there... to take care of you when you needed someone."

  I turned in his arms and ran my fingers across the stubble on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand.

  "In a way, I'm glad you weren't. I was miserable. I wouldn't have wanted you to see me that way."

  He shook his head and kissed the tip of my nose, "I would have tried to make it easier for you. I would have tried to make you smile and take care of you instead of leaving you to fend for yourself all the time. I wouldn't have left your side." He frowned and turned away, shaking his head. "Not like I did yesterday. I'm so sorry."

  "Don't. You have nothing to be sorry about." I made him look me in the eyes and kissed his soft lips. "You had every right to want some space."

  "It wasn't space that I wanted. I was just trying to be strong for you, but every second that passed brought me closer to completely falling apart. I didn't want to make things harder for you. This isn't about me," he said softly and moved his hands up and down my back, massaging me and pulling me closer. "It won't happen again."

  I opened my mouth to tell him not to worry about it anymore, but the look in his eyes was so sincere. He wasn't going anywhere, and I finally believed him. There was nothing more to say. I was going to marry this incredible man and he wanted to marry me, knowing that time held no guarantee. I felt peace flow through me. Olivia was going to have a good life and that's all that mattered.

  Without warning, he lifted me off his lap and set me on my feet.

  "I'll be right back," he said and winked before pecking me on the lips.

  He darted out the door, leaving Monty and me standing in the kitchen curiously. I looked down at him and said, "What do you think, bud?"

  He licked his chops and turned his eyes to meet mine, "I trust him."

  "Yeah… me too."

  We both walked out to the living room and waited for Andrew to come back. When he hadn't returned after a few minutes, I made my way up to my room and laid down. The pounding had started again and I didn't want to end up in the hospital again because I didn't take it easy. Monty stayed downstairs, waiting.

  When I heard the front door open, the flutters in my stomach went wild. I had already missed him and he was gone no more than 5 minutes. Wow, Joss. You've got it bad.

  I smiled at myself, Yeah, and it feels wonderful.

  Andrew appeared in the doorway looking anxious. When he saw me laying down, he smiled and leaned against the door frame with his hands in his pockets. We just gazed at each other for several long moments, soaking the other in. He filled the doorway, almost intimidating at first glance, but it didn't make me feel uncomfortable or insignificant. It made me feel strong to have this man by my side. I felt safe when he was around.

  I felt healthy.

  But I wasn't.

  He finally stepped forward and meandered his way to the side of the bed and pulled me up to sit in front of him. He held my hand tightly and his chest moved up and down quickly, like he was trying to catch his breath.

  I was about to ask him what was wrong when he dropped to one knee and kissed my hand. My heart hammered against my ribs. That was the last thing I was expecting.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black velvet box and held it between his thumb and forefinger with a big smile on his face, teasing me with what was inside.

  I smiled back as tears filled my eyes. "When did you…"

  "Saturday."

  For some reason, relief swept through me. He had been ready to ask me to marry him before he knew about my condition and my smile widened.

  He still hadn't opened the box and I had still made no move to grab it. He was smiling, but looked so nervous, I couldn't help but giggle.

  "I really wish you would open it! I'm dying to know if I did a good job," he said breathlessly.

  I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him hard. "You could have a bread tie in there and I would love every bit of it."

  "Really?" He quirked an eyebrow and then shrugged. "Okay, then I guess you don't really need it." He pulled the box away and went to put it in his pocket while he smirked at me.

  I snatched it out of his hands before he could and smacked his shoulder. "You tease!"

  He laughed and wrapped his arms around my calves, resting his chin on my knee and looking up at me, waiting for my reaction.

  The box creaked as I pulled it open, the sound almost deafening in the silence that surrounded us. My breath caught in my throat when my eyes caught sight of the ring. A princess cut diamond was set above a row of tiny diamonds on a white gold band. Simple and beautiful and completely me. What caught my eye was the row beneath. Small princess cut diamonds ran along the band, but there was a bright red stone in the middle of them.

  "It's a garnet," Andrew whispered. "Olivia's birthstone."

  I covered my trembling lips with an even shakier hand, holding back against the burn of more tears.

  "I had it designed so we can add other birthstones in the band, just in case." He smiled sheepishly and his cheeks turned a light shade of red.

  Just in case. Another baby? The idea made me nervous. I had no clue if I would be able to have another child, but I wanted another, with Andrew. I could see Olivia being so proud to be a big sister.

  He must have seen the look on my face because he immediately got up off his knees and sat beside me. He plucked the ring from the box and held it in his fingers. "It's something we can discuss later, love. Right now, I just want to hear you say yes again. Yes to being my wife and letting me love you forever."

  I couldn't contain myself anymore. The need to throw myself at him, give
him every piece of me, was overwhelming.

  "Yes. Yes to everything!" I kissed him hard. "Yes to marrying you." I kissed him again. "Yes to another child." Again. "Yes!"

  He kissed me long and hard before grabbing my hand and sliding the ring on my finger, he lifted it to his lips and smiled again. Then he reached back into his pocket and pulled out another little box.

  "I know it's silly, but I got something for Liv, too."

  He opened the box to reveal a small bracelet with tiny charms already linked in. Her birthstone, a butterfly, a heart, and a tiny wolf. "We can add onto it as she grows so it will still fit her. I thought she might think of it as my promise to her, like the ring is to you."

  Only this man would do something so consequential for my daughter. Only this man who loved her as much as I did. I instantly missed Liv and wished she was here to see his gift even though she wouldn't realize the significance of it right now.

  I felt another twinge behind my eyes, more powerful than it was a few minutes ago. I tried not to wince or shut my eyes, but I don't know how successful I was. My head was getting foggy.

  "She is going to love it. Almost as much as she loves you," I said hoarsely.

  He smiled so big that I thought his face was going to split in half. "Good." He closed the box and set it on my nightstand, then pulled me into his arms and kissed my face.

  "How are you feeling today, Joss?"

  The question surprised me. It seemed so random with the special moment we had just shared, but when I looked into his eyes, I could see the concern there. He must have noticed that I wasn't feeling normal, or as normal as I could be.

  I nodded my head, but then couldn't remember if he asked a yes or no question. I felt frustration rise inside of my chest. Not now, please.

  "Do you want to go outside with me and wait for Liv? Get some fresh air?"

  I immediately stood up and pulled him with me, thankful for the opening he gave me to stop thinking about what was going to happen, what neither of us were sure of.