Embracing the Dawn

by Jeannie Levig

  Jinx met Tiffany’s wide eyes and looked away. “Yes.” She faltered but recovered quickly. “She’s here. Come in.” She wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do, but she couldn’t think of anything else. It wasn’t as though she could pretend E. J. had moved and she was the new owner, especially since E. J. would be walking out of the bedroom any second. Christ. She had to warn her. “I’ll get her.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jacob said, looking from Jinx’s damp hair to her bare feet. “I’m Jacob, E. J.’s son. And you are…?”

  “I’m a friend of hers.” Jinx extended her hand. She glanced at Tiffany.

  Jacob studied her. “Aren’t you…?” He turned to Tiffany, too. “Isn’t she…?”

  Tiffany inhaled a deep breath. “Jacob, this is my aunt Michelle. You met her at the wedding.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  E. J. quickly dressed and started down the hall. A small smile played on her lips as she replayed the banter over the birthdays. She couldn’t remember ever being with anyone as much fun as Jinx. More interestingly, she was more fun with Jinx.

  “But what are you doing here?” A voice drifted to E. J. from the living room just as she reached the doorway.

  Jacob? She missed a step and gripped the corner. The room spun as she took in the scene.

  Jinx stood near the sofa, Jacob in front of her. Mandy and Russ were off to the side. All three stared at Jinx, obviously waiting for an answer. Tiffany also watched Jinx, an apology in her eyes.

  Jinx’s gaze met and held E. J.’s, flashing the same shock and panic E. J. felt. The only thing that kept E. J.’s from transforming to terror was the clear question in Jinx’s expression—What do you want me to do? Her evident distress snapped E. J. into action.

  She steeled herself. “Jacob, Mandy,” she said as she stepped into the room. “What are all of you doing here? I thought you were in New York.” She hugged Mandy, who was closest.

  “We were, but we came back today to surprise you for your birthday,” Mandy said, returning E. J.’s quick embrace.

  A surprise. Isn’t that the truth. E. J.’s heart raced. She finished hugs all around, thanking everyone for their murmured happy birthdays, all the while trying to come up with a plan. It was clear, the time for the conversation had arrived, but what would be the best approach? Work mode? Yes, that might help her keep her emotions under control. She was grateful she had put on heels, even low ones. Heels always made her feel more powerful, more in charge. She took a moment to text Gwen to let her friends know the evening plans had changed, and they’d have to reschedule.

  “Mom, what is Tiffany’s aunt doing here?” Jacob asked, his tone brittle.

  E. J. hesitated. She looked from Jacob to Mandy. Once she told them the truth, her relationship with each of them would be different—whether closer or destroyed remained to be seen. She took one last look at her children as the mother they knew, then stepped into the next moment. “Jacob, Mandy, I’m glad you’re both here. There’s something I want to talk to you about. Russ.” She glanced to Mandy’s boyfriend. “You’re more than welcome to stay for this. Tiffany?” She gave Tiffany a half smile and a look of gratitude. At least she knew one person was already on their side.

  Tiffany returned a knowing look.

  “What’s going on?” Jacob asked.

  “Everyone, please, sit down.” E. J. gestured to the half-circle sectional, then took a seat toward one of the ends. “Jinx, you, too.” She patted the spot beside her. “Please?”

  “Jinx?” Jacob said with a scoff. “What’s that? Her prison name?”

  “Jacob, please,” E. J. said. “I’ll explain everything you need to know.” She could hear herself, how calm and at ease she sounded, but anxiety twisted her stomach. “Jinx?” She ran her hand over the cushion beside her.

  Jinx faltered, then came and sat next to her.

  When everyone was settled, E. J. took a deep breath. “Do you kids remember when your father and I were still married—”

  “What does she have to do with your and Dad’s marriage?” Jacob asked, glancing at Jinx. “She was locked up then.”

  “Jacob, please—”

  “Let her talk, Jake,” Mandy said, nudging her brother with her shoulder.

  Jacob fell silent but kept a hard stare on Jinx.

  “Do you remember how your father and I didn’t have much to do with one another? We lived under the same roof and made social appearances together, but we didn’t really have a marriage.”

  “I don’t remember that.” Jacob finally looked at E. J. “I thought you and Dad were happy.”

  “I remember it,” Mandy said. “You both always seemed sad, unless you were in front of other people.”

  “That’s not true.” Jacob turned to Mandy. “What house were you living in? Dad was really happy the last couple of years before the divorce.”

  “Yes, he was,” E. J. said, pulling his attention back to her. “Because he had fallen in love with Susan, and they were together.”

  “What?” Jacob jumped up. “Dad had an affair? He cheated on you?”

  “No, it wasn’t like that,” E. J. said, trying to rein in the conversation. “Please, sit down.”

  “Look,” Jacob said, his tone hardening. “I don’t know what’s going on here—”

  “And none of us will, unless you sit down and shut up,” Mandy said, her voice rising. She looked at Jinx, her own bewilderment evident in her expression. “Just let Mom talk.”

  Jacob flopped back onto the sofa with a huff. “Fine.”

  “Your father met Susan several years before we divorced. They started seeing each other. They fell in love. I knew about it. I mean, I didn’t know Susan or any details, but I knew he was seeing someone, and I was fine with it. We lived under an unspoken agreement until both of you had graduated high school and were settled into college. Then we got the divorce.”

  “How could you be fine with your husband being in love with someone else?” Jacob asked, clearly still agitated.

  “Because I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time. And it had nothing to do with him.” E. J.’s mouth felt dry. She wished she had some water.

  “What did it have to do with?” Mandy asked.

  E. J. met her gaze. It was curious, but soft. “It was me,” she said, accepting solace from Mandy’s demeanor. “I wasn’t happy with your father because…” She wavered. Her palms were sweating. Her heart was pounding. She could feel Jinx beside her, her energy, her strength. She wished she could touch her, hold her hand, absorb some of her courage, but that would be a step too far at the moment. “I wasn’t happy with him because…” She looked away. “Because I’m attracted to women.”

  An awkward pause followed.

  “Oh, Mom. I’m sorry,” Mandy said finally. “Is that why, since the divorce, you’ve pulled away from us?”

  Tears welled in E. J.’s eyes. She nodded.

  “What?” Jacob asked. He turned to Mandy. “Why are you sorry?”

  “I’m sorry that Mom was unhappy for so many years, and she’s been afraid to tell us.” Mandy’s focus remained on E. J. “She’s been afraid to tell us because she was afraid of…losing our love? Losing us?”

  “Tell us what?” Jacob asked, his frustration evident. “Why would we stop loving her because Dad had an affair?”

  Mandy rolled her eyes and turned to Jacob. “Jake, Mom’s gay. She was gay when she was married to Dad, so she was unhappy. And she’s been afraid to tell us because she was afraid we wouldn’t love her anymore.”

  Jacob went still. He shifted his attention to E. J. “You’re gay?”

  E. J. nodded.

  He stared at her for a long moment, then rose and walked slowly to the window.

  E. J. watched him.

  “Mom?” Mandy said gently.

  E. J. returned her attention to her.

  “This is the twenty-first century, the Age of Aquarius. Gay marriage is legal. There are openly gay polit
icians and clergy. But most importantly, you raised us to be good people, kind people, accepting people. How could you think you being gay could change how much we love you?”

  E. J. looked again to Jacob, his back still to her. Her throat constricted. Could she do this next part? “I was afraid it would hurt Jacob.”

  He said nothing.

  She went to him. “I was afraid it would rip open your old wounds from your childhood.” She tentatively touched his shoulder. “I couldn’t take the chance of hurting you again.”

  Jacob turned to her. “Mom, you didn’t hurt me.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back tears. “I should have—”

  “No,” Jacob said firmly. “He shouldn’t have done it. That’s all. Everything else is just the wreckage he left behind. And I couldn’t have gotten through that without you.”

  “But you said you hated gays, that all gays were perverts, like him.”

  “I was fourteen when I thought that. And I was still messed up and angry.” Jacob cupped her chin and lifted her face to his. “And you’re the one who loved me through that. It was your strength I held on to.” His voice broke slightly. “Nothing you do could ever make you the same as him.”

  E. J. began to cry.

  He hugged her to his chest as she felt Mandy’s arm encircle her shoulders.

  “Mom, we’ve really missed you,” Mandy whispered through her own tears.

  “I’ve missed you both, too,” E. J. said, feeling connected to her children for the first time in almost a decade.

  As they loosened their embrace, she became aware again of the others in the room. There wasn’t a dry eye among them. Even Russ swiped at his face.

  Jacob chuckled. “Well, Russ, welcome to the family. I guess you know it all, now.”

  Russ waved dismissively.

  Tiffany’s smile lit her entire being.

  Jinx’s shining eyes held an emotion they’d have to talk about, soon.

  As Jacob scanned the room, his grin faded when he came to Jinx. He narrowed his eyes, and realization moved across his face like a cloud. He returned his attention to E. J. “You…and her?”

  E. J.’s short-lived celebration of feeling completely loved and accepted by her children came to a crashing halt. Round two. She dried her eyes. “Yes. Me and Jinx.”

  Jacob ran a hand through his hair and blew out a deep breath. “How did that even happen?” he asked incredulously. “You just met at the wedding, and now she’s in your house and you’re together?”

  Well, two days before the wedding…in a bar…as a one-night stand…and yes. E. J. didn’t think those particular details would help the situation. She wondered if Tiffany knew.

  “Mom, she’s a…a…”

  “Felon,” Jinx said quietly.

  Everyone turned to her.

  “The word you’re looking for is felon,” she said to Jacob.

  He glared at her. “Okay, for starters. A felon.”

  “I know that,” E. J. said. “I know she was in prison.”

  “Do you know what for? And for how long?”

  “I do.” E. J. kept her tone level.

  Jacob paused. “Andrea said she was sentenced for twelve years, but she ended up serving twenty. God knows what else she did to get the additional eight.”

  “I know.” E. J. passed a tender look to Jinx.

  “Really? From her?” Jacob pointed at Jinx. “How do you know she’s even telling you the truth?”

  E. J. couldn’t restrain a laugh. “Because only an idiot would make up the things she’s told me. And she isn’t an idiot.”

  “I don’t trust her.” Jacob thrust his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

  “That’s because you don’t know her, and that’s understandable,” E. J. said.

  “You don’t know her either. You met her three months ago. She’s probably running some kind of elaborate con to get your money. Andrea wouldn’t talk to her when she came sniffing around her money, so she had to find something else. She shouldn’t have even been at our wedding.”

  “Jacob, Jinx isn’t—”

  “It’s okay, E. J.” Jinx rose. “I can speak for myself.” Her eyes were on Jacob. “I’m not after anything from your mother other than her company. I enjoy spending time with her, and she appears to like it, too. I haven’t contacted Andrea for anything other than to try to heal our relationship. I’ve never asked her for anything. I have a life. It’s just that my life’s better since I met E. J.”

  “Yeah.” Jacob snickered. “I’ll bet it is.” He turned back to E. J. “Look, Mom, it’s one thing to be gay, but…a criminal? What kind of a son would I be if I was okay with my mother dating an ex-con? Male or female? I don’t think I’m alone here.” He looked to his sister. “Mandy?”

  “The kind who listens,” E. J. said before Mandy could answer.

  Mandy looked from Jacob, to E. J., to Jinx.

  “The kind who trusts my judgment.” E. J. touched Jacob’s arm. “The kind who wants me to be happy. The kind who doesn’t judge other people.”

  He took her hand. “I do want you to be happy, Mom. And I do trust you. I just can’t let you…You don’t know the whole story. You can’t. She robbed a bank.” His voice rose. “She was high on drugs. An old woman almost died.”

  “That isn’t who she is, now. Once you get to know her—”

  “I don’t intend to get to know her.” His face reddened as he pulled away. “It’s fine that you’re gay. I get that. It’s a little weird, but okay. But to be sleeping with…You’re sleeping with her, right?”

  E. J. stiffened.

  “To be sleeping with someone like her.” He gestured at Jinx angrily. “A criminal. My wife’s aunt, who everyone in the family hates…Hell, Mom, couldn’t you have picked…like…any other woman on the planet?”

  “Not everyone,” Tiffany said before E. J. could respond.

  Jacob jerked around to her. “What?”

  “Not everyone in my family hates her,” Tiffany said. “I don’t.”

  Jacob looked confused.

  “After the wedding, I wanted to get to know Aunt Michelle. I always have. You know that. And since she came to the wedding, I knew she hadn’t turned her back on us the way Mom said, so I contacted her. I’ve spent some time with her, Jacob. She really isn’t what Mom says.”

  “You’ve been seeing her behind my back?”

  “I was about to tell you.” Tiffany spoke quietly, but her manner was unapologetic. “You were so upset that I invited her to the wedding, I wanted to see if we even liked each other before I told you. I thought—”

  “You thought it’d be better for me to find out this way?”

  Tiffany leveled her gaze on him. “I didn’t know we were coming here. You and Mandy decided that this morning, barely in time for us to catch a flight. And it never occurred to me they’d be here.”

  Jacob’s lips parted, and his eyes rounded slightly. “You knew about them?”

  Tiffany’s expression softened, but she held her ground. “It wasn’t my place to tell you,” she said, answering the unasked question.

  He stared at her.

  “I asked her not to,” E. J. said, stepping in front of him. She touched his cheek and brought his attention to her. She couldn’t let this cause a problem between them. “I asked her not to. She said you’d want to know, though, and I should be the one to tell you. I just needed some time to work through my fears. I was going to do it this weekend. That’s why I asked what you were doing. But when you said you four already had plans to go away, I figured it could wait.” She was rambling.

  Jacob shifted his gaze between E. J. and Tiffany. “How could either of you keep all this from me?”

  “Jacob,” Jinx said softly.

  He pointed at her. “You shut up. You’re the reason both my wife and my mother feel the need to lie to me. What do you want? What the hell are you doing here? Get the hell out of this house,” he yelled.

  E. J. froze, rememb
ering those same words from Andrea. Had Andrea tainted him so badly? She couldn’t have. E. J. had to trust Mandy’s words, that she had raised her children to be kind and accepting.

  Jinx started to turn away.

  E. J. couldn’t bear the pain in her eyes. Jacob was upset. This was a lot. He just needed time to calm down. She needed time to calm him down. She knew she could, just like when he was a little boy. But Jinx…If Jinx left now, after those words, E. J. knew she’d never get her back. In that moment, she had to choose. “Jacob Ryan Bastien,” she said, her voice hard. “This is my home, and Jinx is my guest. You will not order her out. And you will treat her politely and with respect.” It had been a long time since she had played the mom card. It felt good.

  Jacob looked stunned. “Mom, I—”

  “I’m not finished.” E. J. took a breath. “I have supported you in every decision you’ve ever made, whether or not I agreed with it. I backed you in high school when you wanted to start a rock band instead of focus on college applications. I stood up for you with your father when you blew off an entire semester of law school to try your hand at graphic novels. I’ve made an effort with anyone you brought home over the years. I didn’t even like Tiffany when you first introduced her…” With a start, E. J. realized what she had said. She glanced over her shoulder, feeling her cheeks heat. “I’m sorry, Tiffany.”

  Tiffany shrugged. “That’s okay. I didn’t like you much either, until recently.”

  E. J. smiled. She definitely liked her, now. “But I always trusted you,” she said to Jacob. “Trusted that if you saw something in someone, there must be something there. Now, I expect the same from you. Jinx is important to me, and I expect you to honor that.”

  Jacob glared at her but said nothing. He moved past her and grabbed his jacket from the arm of the couch. “I’m leaving,” he said to Tiffany. “Are you coming?”

  Tiffany sighed and picked up her jacket. She gave E. J. a kiss on the cheek, and Jinx a quick hug, before following Jacob.

  E. J. looked at the floor and listened as the front door closed.

  “Mom?” Mandy said after a moment. She took E. J.’s hand. “Are you all right?”

  E. J. steadied herself and nodded.