Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  “If I get in. Speaking of auditions, how’d today go?” I asked as I finished slipping on my black, knit thigh highs.

  “You have the pleasure of being in the presence of the new leading lady of Hamlet’s Demise!” She squeaked and clapped her hands.

  “Not a porno, right.” I laughed as she scowled at me, her lips dipping into an unattractive frown.

  “Oh my god, I hate you. No, not a fucking porno. It’s a real movie, with real actors. Sam Brisdell is the lead male. I’m going to kiss Sam fucking Brisdell.” She started to bounce on my bed and I giggled.

  “That action guy?” I leaned over her and shut down my computer. I needed to leave for Bennett’s soon.

  “He’s not just ‘that action guy’ Gio. Jesus, he’s the number one grossing action star this year. This is legit.” She stood and assessed me as I slipped on my boots. “Are you going to a funeral or are you trying to look like a ninja?”

  I laughed so hard I snorted. “No, I’m going to Bennett’s. I want to be comfy, I’m staying over again. It’s not my fault everything I own is black.”

  “Well, actually it is.” She snickered. “You go see Mr. Monterosso, have hot sex, then come home tomorrow and tell me all about it. I’ll be here all day, and I miss you. I need a Gio girl’s night before I leave for location.”

  “Location?”

  “I’m filming in Yorkshire for the next four months. I leave in a week,” Renee said this as if it wasn’t a huge deal.

  “England? Holy shit, Ray! That’s awesome. Wait, and you were just giving me shit. At least I’m not leaving the country.” I gave her a reproving smirk.

  “At least I’ll come back.” She took a few steps and folded her arms around my body, encapsulating my arms so I couldn’t hug her back. My laugh was profound and I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. Renee had hugged me like this since the first day I met her.

  “You’re going to be a fucking amazing teacher.”

  “Well, when you win an Oscar you better thank me first, not when the music is getting too loud because you’ve gone over thanking insignificant assholes and no one can hear my name.” I giggled into her shoulder.

  “I’ll most likely move to L.A. once I’m famous. It’s where all the A-listers live anyway.” She dropped her hold on me, and when her eyes met mine, we both laughed again.

  “I’ll make sure, if I actually get the teaching job, to get an apartment with two rooms, okay?” My smile was small as she nodded.

  “So Bennett. Any details for me? You’ve been quiet about him. He have a small di—”

  “Ray!” I shook my head. She was right, though, I hadn’t told her much. But how do you tell your best friend you allowed two men to have sex with you — in one night, at the same time? “He’s different, refined. He makes me feel that way, too.”

  “You don’t need a man to make you feel refined, Gio. Shit, look in the mirror.”

  My refinement was created through hard work, through always relying on myself. Being with them, having them take that control from me, made me feel at ease because I trusted that they would be there to catch me. It was within the submission that I found the most satisfaction. For once, I got everything I wanted and I didn’t have to lift a finger — being bound, it was a relief.

  “I know. But it’s all so different with him, I can’t explain it. Th…” I paused. I wanted to say they, but I was afraid she wouldn’t understand. “He makes me feel good.”

  Her grin split slowly across her face. “Aww, you really like him.”

  I did, but I was beginning to like Gage, too. What the hell did that say about me?

  “I do.”

  “Maybe you’ll stay here then? I mean, there are lots of amazing schools in New—”

  “No. I need to move on from here, Ray. You know that. My mom, she’d want me to go to the best, so that’s what I’m doing if they’ll have me.” I cleared my throat and grabbed my bag. “See you tomorrow. Dinner and Heathcliff?”

  “Ugh, fine. Catherine makes me crazy, so can’t we watch Persuasion?” Renee whined and I giggled.

  “Okay, get dinner from that yummy Thai place in the Village?”

  “It’s a date.”

  I nodded and headed to the front door. I hadn’t told Bennett I had tomorrow night off; I’d lied and said I went back on Friday. If I told him, then I would have the urge to stay with him again. When I was with him, it was hard to remember my goals. Gage only complicated everything, but for now, I’d take the complicated and the chaos even if it meant the future I’d meticulously planned hung in the balance. When my eyes fell onto the black town car waiting for me at the curb, I smiled. Teaching had always been my ticket out of New York. Being a top chair cellist was my way to prove to myself I was no longer that mousy, work scholarship, immigrant’s daughter from Brooklyn. But, Bennett… he was able to make me feel like that part of me never existed, and maybe it shouldn’t, but it made me start to question if leaving was the only option.

  Bennett seemed tense as I let myself into his apartment. I removed my boots and walked into the kitchen. “How was your day?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

  He stalked toward me. His posture broad. The steady thrum of my heart fluttered inside my ribcage — that was all him. His quiet elegance, the subtle power in his gait, that unmistakable urgency I felt when he walked toward me, it made each breath a thick mixture of oxygen and desire.

  Bennett buttoned up and wrapped in a charcoal gray suit wasn’t something I’d ever get used to. I sat on the countertop and watched as he pulled his muscular arms from the sleeves of his jacket, laying it on the back of the barstool. My legs crossed purposefully, exposing more skin than I had intended as the black fabric of my dress inched up my thighs. The coffee color of his eyes scanned the length of my legs and back up again, leaving my skin with a slight burn. He hadn’t spoken a word, and with each second that ticked by, each step he took closer to me, the more my heart pounded within its confines. The heat of his palms against my ready skin sent a delicious shudder throughout my body.

  He gave me a knowing smirk as he gradually lifted the hem of my dress. Bennett parted my legs with his body, stepping between them before dragging his teeth across my bottom lip.

  I gasped as he roughly clutched my hips, pulling me to the edge of the counter. His finger curled around my panties and with a tight jaw, he ripped them from my body with one strong pull. My head fell back against the cabinet door as Bennett trailed his lips along my inner thigh, slipping his fingers inside me. My moan echoed in the quiet kitchen as he took me in his mouth, his lips sucked and pulled at the sensitive skin. His tongue flicking my clit.

  I groaned and clenched my jaw as he nipped with his teeth, his fingers thrusting relentlessly. My body moved on its own — my hips rocked and my back arched as his fingers curled inside me. His dark eyes never left mine as he watched me from between my legs. He watched me fold to his will over and over again.

  “B-Bennett.” She stuttered my name and I pulled away, resting my lips on the heated skin of her thigh.

  “I love it when you say my name like that.” They were the first words I’d spoken since she arrived. I’d spent my afternoon trying to work, but my head was too full of her, of Bartolie, and I couldn’t focus.

  “That was quite the hello.” She laughed as I stood and I captured it with a hungry kiss.

  Her tongue swept across my lips. I liked how much she enjoyed her own scent, her own taste. I was disappointed I’d let my work shit spill into my time with Selene this morning, and I’d sped through everything like a wrecking ball. I’d fucked her too quickly again, allowed my anger to mix with my pleasure. I was grateful to have her to myself right now, even if it wasn’t for much longer. I broke our kiss and she sighed.

  “Hi,” I said with a grin.

  She framed my face with her hands and kissed my cheek. “Hi.” Her voice was shy as I pulled the fabric of her dress down. She was so beautiful like this, disheveled by my hands.


  “I got take out.” I gave her my hand and helped her down from the counter.

  “I see. Felix?” She cocked her brow and scrunched her nose.

  My laugh was deep as I poured what I’d learned was her favorite Merlot. “Yes, bad choice?”

  “No, it’s fine.” Selene lifted her full glass from the counter and placed her lips lightly to the rim as she took a sip.

  “No, it’s not.” I shook my head with a smile and sat down at the table.

  “Okay, maybe it’s not.” She laughed openly and my shit day dissolved. She sat down and picked at the plate of food in front of her.

  “I’ll text you next time. Do you work the whole weekend?” I asked and she dropped her gaze to the plate.

  “I do, well… no. I’m working Saturday through Monday.” Selene pushed the food around on her plate with her fork.

  “I thought you said—”

  “I lied.” She brought her eyes back to mine with little repentance and it stung.

  “Why? I don’t like being lied to, Selene.” My irritation was unwarranted. I lied to her about a lot of things. She had no idea the shit I was in, but her dishonesty pissed me off regardless.

  “You’re too tempting. I wasn’t trying to lie, Bennett, but I knew if I had the option, I’d want to be with you.”

  “Then be with me.” I furrowed my brow. Her statement made no sense, but it made me feel good. I was her choice.

  “I want to. But…” Again she paused like she wanted to tell me something, but, whatever it was, she still wasn’t ready to divulge it. “…I need time for just me, Bennett, time to recover. Being with you and Gage… it’s a lot. I can’t lose my footing on reality.”

  “I am your reality, Selene. Remember, I’m always here.” She couldn’t pull away. She was starting to take pieces of me with her when she was gone, and I didn’t like how alone I felt when she wasn’t here. I swallowed down the brutal truth of it, I needed her. I needed her, and I was walking in new territory.

  She pulled at her bottom lip. “Okay.”

  This whole trafficking shit had consumed my life, but now I saw the light at the end of the tunnel… Selene. My time was almost up, and even if it was stressing me the fuck out, I’d be done sooner than I’d planned. The weight of the six feet of earth that sat above my parents’ coffins suffocated me every day. I’d wanted to swap my life for theirs for so long, but lately, when I was with Selene, I felt better. I hadn’t planned to fall for her, and I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure I was ready, but I couldn’t deny that she’d started to pump life back into these veins again.

  “Don’t doubt me again, Selene.” She needed to understand.

  She nodded and flicked her eyes back down to her plate. “What about Gage?”

  “He’ll be here soon.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I mean how does he factor into this?” She finally brought her eyes up from her plate and back on mine where they belonged.

  “He doesn’t. He’s here for your pleasure, Selene, that’s it.”

  “That’s it?” She swallowed deeply and it stirred something in my gut.

  “Yes. That’s it. Gage doesn’t care about you like that.” I couldn’t be sure that statement was truthful, especially after last night. He’d never been so attentive to a woman we’d been with before. Not even Clara. “Is that a problem?”

  “No, of course not. I’m just trying to figure this whole thing out in my brain.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You know, I’m new to the whole threesome circuit.”

  I laughed. “There’s nothing to figure out. Like I said before, I never planned on sharing you with Gage, it just happened that he found you the same time as me. But once he leaves… and trust me, Selene, he will… I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

  “You always seem to know what to say.” She gave me my favorite timid smile.

  “He’s a smooth talker.” Gage’s voice hung in the air and Selene turned her head to greet him. “Hey.” He gave her a lopsided grin.

  “You could announce yourself, next time,” I said with a smirk and he nodded. I lifted my glass to my mouth as I observed Selene. Her blush was pleasant as Gage’s eyes lingered on hers.

  “Did you miss me?” He chuckled and grabbed a grape from her plate and popped it in his mouth.

  She tried to suppress a smirk, biting the side of her cheek as she shook her head. A small twinge of irritation began to pick at my stomach, so I moved from the kitchen and I headed for the bedroom, but not before hearing Gage.

  “You missed me,” he whispered, and the muscle in my jaw pulsed. He spoke to her with feeling, and that need in his voice… that feeling… it mirrored mine.

  Kodaline played with fluid sound from the speakers at Wise Owl. Two weeks. Two weeks, two men and my heart was a mess. Sitting here, in my own personal comfort zone, was exactly what I needed. Renee had left to film on location and I was left alone, in my apartment, and in my own head—not always the best thing. Bennett and I spent a lot of time together. I was practically over there every night. It was easy to pretend everything was normal when it was just us, me and Bennett; but, Gage was there more often than not as well. On the nights Gage didn’t show up, my mind would wander the next day. I’d come home or be at work, and I would wonder what Gage was up to, what he could be doing at that very moment.

  Gage’s life outside of the bedroom seemed off limits. We never had any time by ourselves, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it — I hated that. I hated not getting more pieces of him. He was this silver lining that I only got a taste of here and there, and it wasn’t enough. I took a deep breath as the song came to an end. I was seeing them both tonight and I felt overly anxious. It had been a few days since I’d seen Gage and each time I got to see him, each moment we shared, it became clear that I truly did miss it when he wasn’t there. Bennett should be enough, he should be my perfect man, but he’d brought Gage into my life, and I couldn’t help the feelings that were rapidly taking up residence in my heart. I couldn’t stop the guilt either, and each time I was with them, the more difficult it became to deny the truth. The shame of falling for two men, at the same time — it was a poison and I wasn’t sure how much more of it I could swallow before I slowly died from the inside out.

  I stood and placed the record back in its sleeve. I was supposed to be at Bennett’s already, but I’d called him earlier and told him I’d be late. He wasn’t happy about it, but I needed a time out and today had been just that. Par Amour still hadn’t gotten back to me, and I was starting to worry that they never would. All these parts of my life were up in the air. My relationship with Bennett was growing, but felt stifled by the presence of Gage. My feelings for Gage were snaking around my chest, and with each encounter, his hold on me tightened. I was a hot fucking mess, drowning, but politely ignoring the fact my lungs were burning with each breath. Par Amour could be the lifeboat I needed, but leaving Bennett, the mere thought of it, made the lump in my throat feel like a shard of glass.

  I packed up my bag and headed down the familiar stairs. Gary nodded at me as I walked by.

  “I’ll make sure to get that Eklipse record in by next week.” His smile was always so warm, the leathery crinkles around his eyes were cheerful.

  “Thanks. No rush, though. Bye, Gary.” My smile matched his and when the cold night air hit me as the shop door closed, I shivered. My thick leggings and long sweater were no match for the Manhattan wind chill. I pulled myself into a begrudged hug as I walked head down toward the subway. I’d gotten spoiled and too used to Bennett and his car service. I laughed aloud and shook my head. I’d become such a diva.

  “You’re going to freeze.” Bennett’s deep voice surprised me.

  I stopped in my tracks and my head whipped up. His smile beamed bright tonight from his car window. “What are you doing here?”

  “Picking you up, come on.” He leaned across the car and opened up the passenger side door.

  I moved
without thinking. The air was frigid, and, once my body hit the heated seats and Bennett’s welcoming scent engulfed me, everything I’d worried about earlier began to dissipate. “Hey.”

  The pad of his thumb brushed lightly on my cheek bone. “Did you have enough ‘you’ time.” He leaned over and kissed me, his lips spread into a smile against my mouth.

  “I did.” My lips dusted his as I spoke.

  “Good, but the rest of the night, it belongs to me.” He pulled away and his eyes met mine, the humor replaced with a dark flame.

  “It’s just us then?” I asked as he shifted the car into gear.

  “Just?” he said with his attention on the road.

  “I mean, is Gage going to still be there?”

  “I got your meaning. Let me be clear on something. You and me, it’s always ‘just’ us. As I’ve said, Gage is just a spectator. Try not to get attached.” Bennett took his eyes off the road and gave me a stern expression. The hard line of his jaw made my stomach flip.

  “Bennett,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean… I’m not—”

  “You are, but that’s okay.” The warmth of his palm encapsulated my thigh. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t care about him. You’ve shared yourself with us, so it would be ridiculous of me to expect otherwise, but you should know, tonight is the last night… with him. He’s going back to L.A.”

  My heartbeat shouldn’t have felt so heavy with his words, but it did. “He leaves in two days. His business here is done. I’m sad to see him go, but to be honest…” his lips parted as he exhaled, “…I care about you, Selene, more than I thought I would, and I’m ready to have you to myself again. I’m ready to start over. Make it right.” He glanced at me and his lips pulled into a wide smile, a smile that offered me the world.

  That weighted feeling left my chest, the way he’d just looked at me, like I was his end all, be all, gave me the confidence to say what I needed to. “I care about Gage, but Bennett, I want you. From the beginning… it was just you.” It was the truth and if I’d never set eyes on Gage, if he had never been invited into our bedroom, I would’ve never doubted where I belonged. Bennett wanted to make it right and so did I.