Beneath the Vine

by Lillian Bryant

  He swallowed and met my stare with vulnerable eyes. “Just us then?”

  My smile was small and I felt the butterflies swirl in my belly. “Just us.”

  He nodded and the grin on his face was priceless. It felt good that I put it there. We pulled into Bennett’s parking garage and the minute I stepped foot in the elevator, the second we walked through his front door, the moment Gage’s sideways smile spilled across his lips and those all-knowing eyes found mine — the loss of him, the loss of Gage, pulsed through my veins. Tonight was the last night with them… with him.

  My throat felt thick, and as I tried to reign in my emotions, Bennett’s fingers laced with mine. Gage’s eyes fell to our linked hands, and if I hadn’t been watching him, I’d have missed the slight dim in his smile.

  She knew. I saw it in her eyes, the way she looked at me; she was feeling the loss already. It was for the best. I was falling for her, and Bennett was in love with her. He wasn’t ready to admit it yet, but these past few weeks, with her, with him, you could feel it. Each touch, each smile, each whispered breath we all shared was filled with more than just lust, we were all falling and I had to pull the cord. I had to save myself because she’d never choose me, and I didn’t want her to. Bennett is what she thought she needed and Bennett needed her. He’d need her to be there for him when the world he’d created for himself came crashing down.

  I contacted my boss two days ago with intel that the shipment had been moved to November twenty-seventh. I’d spent the better part of the last forty-eight hours convincing Manning and the New York State office to give Bennett a deal. I had to get my ass back to L.A. and pull together all the evidence we had against the Bartolie family, Sanchez, and Bennett. I needed enough leverage, enough proof so that Bennett had no other choice but to turn state’s evidence. It was the only way I could keep my friend out of prison, the only way I could keep him safe, the only way he’d have a future, and maybe, if he was lucky enough, she’d agree to go with him.

  “Hi.” Gio’s eyes fell across my body as she spoke. I’d just gotten out of the shower and only had on a pair of sweats.

  “Hi,” I said, and her eyes dropped to the floor. “He told you?” I walked toward her and took her bag from her free hand and placed it on the floor.

  “I did.” He cleared his throat. “She should know, tonight is the last night.” Bennett released her hand and moved toward the kitchen. “I’ll get some wine.”

  I lifted her chin with my fingers. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Her eyes glittered with unshed tears, and the rise and fall of her chest was marked. “I-I’m not sure—”

  “You are though.” I held her face in my hands. “I was never meant to be here. I’m lucky to have the time I’ve had.”

  She nodded and swallowed as my right thumb wiped away a rogue tear. “I’ve tried… I’ve tried to rationalize you, Gage, but I can’t. I want you to know, I care about you, but—”

  “You never had a choice, sweetheart. Bennett is who you’re meant for. I was just along for the ride.” I dropped my hold. She was more than that to me, but what was the point in saying it; it would only make her hurt more when I left.

  The soft skin of her palm rested on my bare chest. “It’s weird. I can already feel it, that emptiness… is it always like this?” She gave me a shy smile. “I mean, when relationships like this end, is it supposed to feel like this?”

  I stepped away from her touch as Bennett entered the room. “Not before you.” It was whispered, but her lips parted with a quiet gasp and that sad edge returned to her stare.

  Bennett placed two glasses of wine on the coffee table before he stepped behind her. He placed a kiss on her neck and she leaned back into his embrace. She turned her head and he took her mouth to his. It was a dance we all had perfected, had become accustomed to. My fingers curled around the hem of her sweater and, as I lifted it, displaying her silky skin, I made a choice. If this was my last night with her, my last chance to feel everything she made me feel, I’d make it fucking count.

  No restraints tonight. It was selfish, but I needed her touch. Her nails dragged across the skin of my shoulders, her voice trembled as she came in my mouth. Bennett watched us as usual, but when I pulled away from her, he shook his head. His hand was fisted around his dick as he nodded his chin at me, his cue that I could continue. Gio was still shaking as I crawled up her body. My lips pulled at her mouth gently as I slipped inside her. She sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck capturing my lips with hers in a desperate kiss. She moaned into my mouth as I pushed in and then out of her body with slow strokes. It was easy to pretend we were back in L.A., just me and her. If I closed my eyes, if I couldn’t see Bennett, this moment between us could be ours… but it wasn’t.

  I rolled us so that she was straddling me, her lean thighs on either side of me. Her full breasts and the curve of her hip, it was a picture-perfect view. She smiled down at me and the chocolate waves of her hair fell forward over her shoulders. “Fuck.” I groaned as she rolled her hips. She was so sexy like this, but then, the illusion of control always was.

  “Remember, Selene, all you have to say is Merlot,” Bennett said as he stood from the chair. The weight of his body shifted the bed as he knelt behind her. His hands traced the curve of her hips and then cupped her breasts as she turned her head to kiss him. My thumb pulsed against her clit, and her body moved against mine in a jagged rhythm. She was getting close.

  “Gage,” she said my name and her thighs tightened.

  “Stop.” Bennett’s command stilled our bodies. He pulled away and moved to the head of the bed. “Come here, Selene.”

  Gio lifted her body from mine and the desolation I felt threatened to pull me under, and I wondered if she felt the same. For a split second I allowed myself to think she had. Bennett rested on his back as she filled herself with him. Her body moved with his seamlessly. The line of her back curved, her head tilted forward almost rested against his. The intimacy was tangible as she shuddered. Her moans were different, he pulled from her a sound I hadn’t yet discovered, and it hurt more than I was prepared for.

  “Gage?” Gio’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. Her voice trembled as she spoke my name. I knelt behind her, in-between Bennett’s legs, and placed my hand at her neck. I pushed her down gently, her body now flush with Bennett’s. I had an overwhelming urge to show her what I was fully capable of, what she could handle, break that final limit, show her how amazing it felt to let go. I stroked my dick with my other hand as I continued to hold her down. Bennett moved his hips, fucking her, and the sight of it, the power of it, it brought me to climax. I released along the curve of her ass and she whimpered as I pulled my thumb across the exposed, light pink, puckered skin. I applied light pressure at first and she moaned. I worked her open with my thumb and she gasped. Bennett slowed his thrusts as I prepared her, giving her time to feel every inch.

  I tried two fingers this time, and she groaned my name.

  “Relax, Selene.” Bennett lowered his voice to a gentle tone.

  “Let me know, Gio, let me know if you can’t take it.” My jaw tightened as she moved against my fingers silently asking for more.

  Bennett grasped her hips from beneath her and I gripped her hips from behind as I removed my fingers and slipped the tip of my cock inside her ass. My whole body stiffened as she constricted around the head. “Gio.” Her name was strained as I moved slowly inside her. I could feel Bennett moving within her. She was pinned against his body by my hand, his lips capturing her cries as I moved in and then out, deeper each time, taking away any empty feeling, any empty space. Every part of her was filled with us.

  Bennett’s hands held her hips as he thrust roughly inside her, growling loudly as he came. She began to shake harder than she ever had before. I moved gently, deliberately, but the build… it was fast, too fast, and I was losing control. My head fell forward and my jaw clamped shut as I came. My fingers tightening around her neck as I pushed inside
of her again and again.

  “Gage, please,” she mumbled as her body violently shuddered again.

  “Fuck,” Bennett swore as Selene came again, her body tightening around him… around me.

  It was a sweet torture as I let my hold on her slip, our bodies still connected as I rested my forehead on her shoulder, my lips tasting the salt of her skin. I eased myself from her body and she groaned. My hands lifted her at the shoulders, bringing her back to my chest. “Are you okay?” I whispered into her ear as Bennett rolled onto his side.

  She nodded. Her silence worried me and I turned her so I could see into her eyes.

  Bennett stood. “I’ll get the shower ready.”

  Gio’s gaze penetrated through me as we both rolled onto our sides. I brought my hand to her cheek and she closed her eyes. Her breathing was measured, in and out, three deep breaths before she opened them again. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

  I wanted to be. “No.” I exhaled as her bottom lip began to quiver.

  “Gage, I’m—” Her voice was tense as she struggled not to cry.

  “Did I hurt you?” I had tried not to.

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Then why are you crying?” I knew why, but I needed to hear it.

  “I’ll miss you.” She ran her hand through my hair and I shivered.

  I drifted the tips of my fingers along her cheek, down her neck, and cradled her head with my palm. I brought my mouth to hers one last time and kissed her. It was a slow death, an agonized suicide, but I’d suffer it. She tangled her hands in my hair and kissed me back. She kissed me with a sadness I had never wanted to taste on her lips. I pressed my body against her and I felt her heart beat within her chest. I tried to fill myself with the sound, so when I was alone, I could remember what it was like to be here, to be with her.

  She pulled away and I felt actual pain. I caught my breath and experienced a bite of truth. I was leaving. I pushed down my own desire, all that selfish shit, and smiled. I rolled over and stood as she sat up. “You need me to carry you?”

  She nodded.

  It wouldn’t have mattered if she had said no; I would have carried her anyway.

  Gage made good on his promise; the next morning he was gone. The burden in my heart and in my head that day, when my eyes opened and the sun had cast down on the cold, empty sheet, had nearly brought me to the brink. I’d shared something with him I’d never shared with anyone else before. He’d taken an experience I normally would have dreaded and made it beautiful. I’d never let anyone have that part of me again, it was too much. That night, they were everywhere and all at once. That feeling of total abandon… it belonged to them, and now, we were over. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him, them, our relationship.

  I stayed with Bennett the next night and then I took some time for myself. A week had passed since that last night, and I was excited, to say the least, to see Bennett again. He hadn’t really listened to me when I told him I needed time to clear my head. He texted me every day and offered to come by, and tonight he’d won, tonight he was coming here, and I couldn’t wait to see him.

  Renee being gone made it much easier to keep things clean around the apartment. The constant stream of candy wrappers and soda cans just miraculously disappeared after her departure. I laughed at the thought, and the echo of my voice within the empty space made me just that more eager to be with Bennett. I’d never had a problem with being alone before him. No matter how I rationalized my feelings, my infatuation with Bennett was growing. Gage being gone was a good thing. At least, that’s what I told myself, because now, Bennett and I could have a real relationship. It didn’t look like Par Amour wanted me, and maybe Renee was right, Par Amour wasn’t the only school. If Bennett really cared about me, enough to ask me to stay, maybe I would.

  There was a loud knock on the front door and I jumped. I picked up the last bit of clothing and threw it in the hamper, and on my way out of my bedroom, I checked my reflection in my mirror. My cheeks were red and the loose bun was messier than I’d hoped for, but it still looked pretty. I’d chosen a casual look for tonight: jeans and a green sweater. It was his first time coming into my domain, and I figured he should know, I don’t wear dresses and heels at home. I smirked as I moved toward the door.

  It wasn’t Bennett.

  “Sorry to bug you, Selene, but this letter was delivered for you, and it requires a signature.” The stout building manager coughed out a wheeze as he handed me a piece of paper and a pen. The letter was from Par Amour via certified mail. My heart stopped, and I didn’t take a breath until my name was scrawled in rich dark ink on the dotted line.

  I handed him the paper. “Thanks, Richard.”

  “Not a problem.” He gave me the letter, and even though the size of the envelope was small, the weight of it in my hand sent my heart racing. “Let me know if that bathroom drain of yours starts to act up again, okay?” He smiled at me and I nodded.

  “I will.” I gave him one last smile and I closed the door.

  I stared at the letter in my hand. The thick expensive stock of the envelope was smooth as I pulled my finger under the school seal.

  I had no one here, no one to read it to, but I read it aloud anyway.

  “Dear Ms. Selene Cavalier, after careful review of your application and audition submission we are pleased to offer you the Composition Instruction teaching position you have applied for.” My voice shook and my hands trembled. “I did it,” I whispered aloud. “I did it!” I raised my voice and a broad smile spread across my face. “I fucking did it, Mom! I did it!”

  The tears began to stream down my face. My heart couldn’t keep up with my breathing, and I felt dizzy. My one dream, I had finally succeeded. It felt too good, this was too great of a triumph. I’d finally proven to myself, to my mom, that all her hard work had paid off. That all of it — my long days in the school band room, my late nights studying at NYU, my lack of fucking self-preservation — all of it culminated to this one moment. Every day Par Amour hadn’t gotten back to me was another day I talked myself out of thinking this was what I wanted. But, now I had my dream sitting in the palm of my hand.

  Two loud knocks on the front door startled me. Bennett.

  “Be right there.” Shit.

  I ran to the bathroom and wiped away the tears from my eyes. I was grateful I hadn’t worn mascara today. My eyes were rimmed with red and my lips were full. Shit. There was no hiding the fact I had just been crying.

  Another two knocks.

  I placed the letter on my desk and hurried to the door. When I opened it, Bennett was standing there with a bottle of wine and a smile that broke my chest wide open. He exhaled as his eyes fell to mine. “Hi.” I couldn’t be sure, but it was almost as if a sense of relief washed over him as he stepped through the doorway. “A week is too long,” he said as he leaned down and his soft lips enveloped mine. All the confusion, the storm of it, began to thunder deeply within my ribcage.

  He pulled away and his smile broke brightly across his face. He looked really handsome in his dark slacks and purple button-down, the top two buttons undone and his hair… as always an artful mess. “I missed you.” The true statement fell from my lips.

  His perceptive eyes glanced across my features again and his smile faltered. “Have you been crying?” He walked past me and placed the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter.

  “Just a long day, long week, life, you got an eternity?” I laughed and he grinned.

  “I have all the time in the world… well, tonight anyways.” He smiled as he moved toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not really. Not now, I’m too hungry.” I lifted on my tip toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I got take and bake pizzas in the oven. I know, fancy, but they’re from this amazing little shop in Little Italy and—”

  “I don’t care, Selene. How many times have I made you eat take out?” He cocked his eyebrow, and I gi
ggled. My mood was already picking up. I didn’t have to make a choice right this second. I’d tell him later. Right now, I was just happy to have him here with me. “Let’s eat.”

  I pulled the pizzas from the oven and Bennett helped me get things ready. He opened a few cabinets, and for not really knowing where anything was, he did pretty well figuring it out on his own. He poured wine and I sliced the pizza and divvied it up onto the plates. It was all very domestic. The best part? Was when he would steal little glances at me, thinking I hadn’t seen him. His smile got wider with each one and the fact that he fit so nicely here in my kitchen, in my life, made the choice I had to make that much harder. Bennett’s thoughts, his feelings about me, about us, were important.

  In the end though, the choice was mine, and as I sat here and listened to him tell me about his day, I realized I couldn’t bet on him, on this. We had barely begun to know each other and the way our relationship had gone so far… Bennett was an inconsistent variable. Whether he cared about me or not — regardless if I was falling in love with the idea of him, with this life, his eyes, his hands, and his voice — he wasn’t a sure thing and Par Amour was. I’d worked too hard to just throw away my dream on something that could be over in three months.

  “Selene?” He chuckled and pulled me from my thoughts.

  “Sorry? What were you saying?”

  “I asked if you still wanted me to stay tonight.” He stood from the table and brought his dish to the sink.

  “I’d like that. I have a performance tomorrow night, but my morning is free.” I followed suit and helped him clean up.

  “A performance?” He took my plate from my hand and placed it in the dishwasher.