Guiding Lights

by Jessica Florence

  I stood tall and found my long-dormant courage. My eyes once again found his; I stared him head on and opened my soul.

  “My mom died when I was born. Her death hit my dad hard, but he had me and he was going to be the best father he could be. He raised me by himself until I was eight. Then he met the woman that would become my stepmother. She was beautiful and nice enough to me. But I always had a feeling there was something off about her.” I paused, willing myself to continue. I’d never told anyone this story before. Ever.

  “I honestly believed she loved my father. However, she wished I wasn’t there because he loved me more than he did her. He died when I was ten. Shot by a mugger. My stepmother was the only family I had left. She generally treated me like an animal. There was no love or affection. About six months later, she married another man who was five years older than she was. Both of them deserved each other, but unfortunately I gained a new dad.”

  The tears that had gathered earlier broke free from their barrier.

  “They both hit me for fun, never on the face; they didn’t want anyone to know. They would tell me how worthless I was. They would tell me they couldn’t even find a man to marry me off to because I was such a little shit.” Wolfe’s face was turning hard.

  “Oh, you think that’s the worst of it, right? Oh no, Wolfe.” I mocked him in my anger.

  “My stepfather had a brother and a nephew that come to live with us for a few months. Every night, that shit stain nephew would sneak into my bedroom and touch me. I was thirteen fucking years old! He would come into my room and touch me and hold me, breathing on my fucking neck while he fucked himself lying beside me. I was a thirteen-year-old girl covered in his cum every night until he finished then cleaned me up before leaving me alone to cry. After a while, I stopped crying.

  “No one would listen to me when I told them what he was doing, how horrible he was. They just laughed at me. So I became numb. I lay there and did nothing, said nothing while he touched my body, pushed his fingers inside me. I was dead.”

  Wolfe’s mouth was open and his body was slack. I felt a little sting of regret for laying this all on him when his knees gave out, and he fell to the ground.

  I wished I could end my story there, but I was on a roll and I knew I had to finish it. Even if he stopped listening now, I finally had to get it all out of my system.

  “As soon as they left the abuse continued. I failed in school; I had no friends because no one wanted to hang out with a worthless loser. Occasionally, the uncle and nephew would come back to visit. And each time, he would continue where he left off.

  Don’t worry; he never fucked me. He was saving that for a special occasion. On my seventeenth birthday, my stepparents told me I was getting married. A forty-seven-year-old successful business man wanted me and was buying me from them.”

  I stopped looking at Wolfe because his glistening eyes were almost too much to bare. He looked crushed, and I hadn’t even gotten to the worst part. My tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

  “I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I packed what I could in my bag and tried to run away. The trouble was I had no money. I gave away the only thing I had to offer.” My breath hitched. I’d never wanted to admit this. I almost couldn’t form the words.

  “Nera,” Wolfe pleaded. His broken voice was all I needed to hear. I needed to crush this thing we had and this would do it.

  “I traded my virginity for a way out of Morocco.” There it was: my biggest secret. “I whored myself off to a criminal so he would smuggle me away from my home. It was a horrible experience; as soon as we made the deal, he spun me around and took me against the hatch of his truck. It was very painful; there was no working me up to it, or anything. He just took me with no remorse. I didn’t scream of cry though. I held in my pain, refusing to feel anything. After he finished, he got me out of Morocco, and left me to find my own way.”

  I couldn’t look at Wolfe after my confession. Everything after that I had already talked about with him. I’d traveled all over the place, never staying for too long in one place. What I didn’t tell him, and couldn’t right now, was the reason I ran so much. My stepparents had taken it as a challenge that I’d run and were on the look for me. They’d had several men over the course of the years that wanted to make me their bride. My stepparents wanted their money and wanted to win. They wanted to win; they wanted to beat me.

  Over the years, they’d sent private investigators after me. Bounty hunters had been told I was a criminal on the run. So far, they hadn’t found me. Being on the move is what has saved me. And that was another reason why Wolfe and I could never work. I would have to leave, and he couldn’t come with me.

  I stood there, looking at the ground, wondering to myself if Wolfe had left while I’d thought about my stepparents trying to get me. He had to hate me. I was a broken whore. I fucking traded my pussy for a way to flee. I let some stranger fuck me. Who could love a woman who did something like that?

  “Nera.” His voice was so soft, I wondered how close it was to shattering. His boots came into view and his finger lifted my chin slowly. I didn’t want to look at him.

  “No more running, Nera,” he whispered. I gasped for breath and my legs gave out. He caught me as I fell and lowered us to the ground. I continued to let the tears that I had been holding back for so many years flow.

  “Why are you still here? Didn’t you hear me? I’m a fucking whore. I let that sick fucker touch me,” I sobbed. I didn’t want him holding me if he was just going to leave.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Nera. Yer not a whore, ye did what ye needed tae do tae survive. We all face shitty parts in our lives, some more than others. But it makes us who we are as people. Ye are strong, and the biggest fucking light in mah life. Ah won’t ever leave ye, Nera. Ah love ye, Nera.”

  If it was possible, I cried even harder. I’d felt deep down, that once he knew it all, he would leave. That he would find me dirty. Instead, he’d embraced my darkness and loved me anyway. My hands moved and gripped him tightly. He held me like our very lives depended on it. We were both swimming in a sea of darkness, but together we could be each other’s light.

  “I love you, Wolfe,” I finally told him. I lifted my head so I could see his face, but as soon as our eyes met, his lips were on mine.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  “Never letting ye go, Nera. Yer mine, sad soul and all,” he groaned against me. I was so full of emotion that I thought I would burst. Right now, the biggest emotion I felt was love. I loved him so fucking much it felt like I might explode at the intensity.

  Our lips melded and our passion ignited. We were practically trying to climb each other in this open field. As our kiss heated, so did other parts of me. You would think after confessing how I was sexually abused and how I’d lost my virginity, it would deter me from wanting Wolfe. It didn’t; I wanted him to erase everything, to replace those memories with only memories of him. With resolve running through me, I voiced my thoughts. I pulled back and looked at his blazing gaze.

  “Make me only think of you. Make love to me, Wolfe, and replace those memories with ones that are filled with only you,” I begged. I was a little scared he would say no. But he answered me with a soul-searing kiss.

  “Just ye and me,” he whispered against my lips. A smile I wasn’t sure I’d ever going to see again graced his face. “Not here though.” He pulled back and started to stand, helping me up in the process.

  “Let’s go back tae the cabin, where Ah can worship yer sexy arse till morning.” He grinned and then lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder. He gave my ass, now next to his face, a kiss before taking off toward his truck. My sweet caveman.

  Wolfe raced us home, scooped me out of the car, and headed into the house. He successfully opened the door and ran, with ease, up the stairs with me in his arms, and tossed me on the bed.

  “A little eager there, Wolfe?” I teased, but really, I was getting nervous. I knew he would take care of me. I k
new sex could be great experience, but it was hard letting go of old fears.

  “Do ye trust me, mah light?” he asked with sincerity in his eyes.

  Without hesitation, I replied, “Yes, undoubtedly.” He crawled onto the bed, looking like a wild predator. My eyes were on his face, so when a small box suddenly appeared, I was confused.

  “Open it.”

  It was the box from the games this afternoon. With giddy energy running through me, I reached out and did as he said.

  “Wolfe,” was all I could get out. Inside the little box was a silver necklace. What made me catch my breath was the four-pronged star pendant hanging from it. The whole star was lined with white gems, with five smaller prongs of blue gems in between, giving the star ten total points. Inside this hollow star was a big, round dark blue gem. On the gem, a white star shined brightly. It was stunning.

  Before I could say anything, Wolfe had taken it and was gently securing it around my neck.

  “When Ah make love tae ye, Ah want ye wearing nothing but this. Mah symbol for ye. My guiding light. Ah will always be there. Nothing will keep me away from ye. Ye run, Ah will run with ye,” he vowed. It was as if he’d lit the match to my fate, my soul was destined to forever be intertwined with his. I launched myself at him and kissed him with everything I possessed. My hands tugged at his clothes and his went at mine.

  We fumbled and almost fell off the queen-sized bed twice, but finally we got all of our clothes off. He ravished my body like it was his only job in life. At the first touch of his finger to my clit, a coating of goosebumps covered my flesh. My hips lifted to meet his talented hand, wanting more. He pressed in and worked me until I was free falling into oblivion. I screamed his name and then his fingers were gone. I heard the sound of him ripping open a condom packet. Good, at least one of us was thinking clearly.

  I felt him at my entrance while he positioned himself above me, and I felt no fear. This was right. He would take care of me.

  “Ah love ye, Nera.” he whispered and showered kisses everywhere he could touch.

  “I love you, Wolfe.” No sooner had the words left my mouth than Wolfe pushed inside me. It hurt, but mostly from accommodating his size. Little tears stung my eyes at the feeling.

  “It’s ok, Nera, Ah’m here; Ah will make it better, Ah swear.” He stayed perfectly still while I adjusted to him. He continued raining kisses on me in an attempt to ease my mind. It helped. As soon as he felt he could, he pulled back slowly and pressed back in. My body began adjusting to him, and the more he moved the more my feelings changed: from feeling invaded to full on wanton. My hips moved to meet his with every thrust. My hands gripped him anywhere I could as he moved with haste. His arms were bulging beside my head as he held himself above my chest.

  “So perfect.” He groaned and then he let loose. I cried out at the pleasure that shot through me as his pace quickened. My animal had been set free and I wanted her to play. My hands moved and gripped the back of his neck and pulled him down to my lips almost violently. He growled as I bit his lip and sucked on it, showing him I could handle what he wanted to give me.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on. Wolfe was unrestrained and I loved every moment of it. He hammered me over and over, until finally I splintered apart. The world fell and I was floating among the stars. With a final groan, he found his release and had successfully done what I needed him to do. He replaced the bad memories with nothing but him.

  I would never forget this moment for as long as I lived. He was my everything.

  “Thank you,” I whispered and kissed the arm beside me.

  He slowly eased out of me and disposed of the condom in the bathroom. My eyes watched him with hooded lids as he walked back to the bed. His arms reached for me up and we laid there quietly basking in our own light.

  “Everything ye imagine?” he asked. I smiled and snuggled in closer.

  “It could be better; we can try again later.” I tried not to laugh, but Wolfe took my joke as a personal mission to make me scream his name so many times that night that the only answer I would ever be able to think was, “Oh God, Yes!”

  He succeeded, many times over.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  I felt like a limp noodle as I shuffled my feet toward the bathroom the next morning. My body was deliciously sore, and every step I took reminded me of Wolfe and our sex marathon. I’d gone from no sex to acting like rabbits. Thankfully this morning, after he woke me up at dawn, he declared today was a reprieve from sex. He had other plans. Surprise plans to be more exact.

  I finished cleaning up and went to the railing of the loft.

  “What am I supposed to wear?” I called to him below.

  “Jeans and yer purple color sweater that’s in yer bag.” The smell of pancakes wafted up and swirled around me. My mouth watered, thinking about breakfast. I quickly dressed and left my hair down. I stuffed a hair tie into my pocket, just in case.

  “God that smells so good,” I moaned as I floated down the stairs and headed to the kitchen. He was dressed in what he was always wore, except this time it was a black sweater. He was making a statement there. I giggled, and as soon as he flipped a pancake and faced me, I flung myself at him. He caught me, as I knew he would, and I kissed him with a goofy grin on my face.

  “I love you,” I murmured against him. He had accepted me with all of my broken pieces. I was truly his, and I wanted to be completely myself around him.

  “Love ye, mah sore woman,” he teased and I smacked him lightly. I untangled myself from him and made myself a plate of some of the finished pancakes, complete with butter and a ton of syrup.

  We ate together and talked about our favorite parts of the games so far; both of us hoped that we ran into Nelson and Hannah today. Once breakfast was done, we hopped into Wolfe’s truck. We drove about thirty minutes before he told me to close my eyes. I did as he told me to, because I was excited about not knowing what he had planned, and I didn’t want to ruin for him.

  The truck turned onto a gravel road and my interest was piqued. Once the truck stopped, I kept my eyes closed while listening to Wolfe get out and walk around to my side. He opened the door and helped me get out without opening my eyes.

  “Can I open them yet?” I begged.

  “Nope, give me yer hand.” He laced his fingers with mine and walked me to my right a few feet and then, standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around me.

  “Open,” he whispered against my ear. My eyes flew open and grew wide. We were facing big black mountains, with a little river that headed toward a gravel trail.

  “Where are we?” My voice was so low, I thought it would get lost in the wind, but Wolfe heard me.

  “Fairy pools.”

  I turned around and bounced a little. “No fucking way! I’ve been dying to see them! Holy shit, Wolfe, you are the best.” I squealed and hugged him tightly. His surprise was perfect. We looked at the mountains a little longer and decided to start hiking the trail to the pools.

  The scenery was amazing along the trail; we had to cross the river on the stepping-stones, and about twenty minutes later, we had made it to the first pool. I was once again speechless at nature. The first pool held a tall, beautiful waterfall. I walked over to the edge and stuck my hand in the water. I needed to feel it, even for just a moment since the water was freezing.

  “Sorry, we will have tae come back during the warmer season. Ah would still bring a wetsuit though,” he commented from behind me. This was something I could see us doing. Exploring together, hiking trails, swimming under waterfalls. No people, no outside influence. Just nature and us.

  Wolfe pulled out his phone, wrapped his arms around me, and took a picture of us. It was the only picture of us. With all of the traveling to beautiful places, you would think I would have bought a camera, but I’d thought it not worth it. I was regretting that decision now. I would love to have an album full of the places I had been. I would love some pictures of Wolfe and I, or Wolfe by himse
lf. Shirtless, hair down, in pj pants would be a nice album for sure.

  “Penny for ye thoughts?” he asked behind me.

  “I want a camera. I think it would be nice to have pictures of all the places I’ve been. Like here.” I gestured to the mountains and the waterfall. This scenery was like living in a fantasy land. Any moment now, a unicorn and fairies were going to pop out and say hi.

  “Good plan.” He went back to exploring around by himself. We walked the trails toward the other pools and then made our way back to the second pool. It was crystal clear turquoise colored water. The river stones that lay at the bottom were all different colors. It gave it the sort of magic look that called to those that stood at its banks.

  “Thank you for bringing me here. It’s been a dream of mine ever since I came to Scotland.” I was finally here.

  “Where else do ye dream of going?” He smiled while bending down to pluck a rock from the pool and skipped it twice along the top of the water. I thought about it and answered with the first few places that popped into my head.

  “Australia, maybe see the Great Barrier Reef. I saw on TV that they have great white sharks. I think that would be really cool to see. Um, the U.S.” I looked off and gazed at my surroundings. So much had changed since I’d left Morocco.

  “When I was a teenager, I wanted nothing more than to get a job. My stepparents wouldn’t let me. I wished I could just even be a waitress at some American café somewhere in the U.S. Something simple.” I laughed. Such silly goals in life.

  “What do ye want to do with yer life?” he asked with an air of caution and honestly, I hadn’t thought about it. I’d never even considered staying somewhere long enough to try and create roots.

  “I’ve never thought about it. Never been in one place long enough to think about it,” I shrugged.

  Chapter Twenty Seven