Without Hesitation

by CJ Azevedo

“Funny girl.”

  “That’s it? Really? I expected so much more out of you, Greyden Michaels.”

  I hear Claudia laugh and my fabulous mood dissipates a little. I know she’s just a friend and his assistant, but I still don’t like that they spend so much time together. I’m a girl, sue me.

  “Hi, Claudia.”

  “Hello, Macie. You’re giving this poor guy a heart attack. What’s so funny is he’s sure that you’d pick up a hitchhiker if he looked nice enough.” She laughed again and I had to laugh with her this time, because that sounds exactly like Grey.

  “All right, get back to work at your own desk,” Greyden said to Claudia right before the closing of a door drowned out her laughter. “And you. I don’t care if it’s Justin Beiber, no hitchhikers. I should have gone over that before you left.”

  “Justin Beiber? No way. Now Ryan Gosling? I make no promises.”

  As Greyden growls his sexy growl of frustration, I see the side road I’m supposed to turn onto. I swear the second I read the sign that said seven miles to Gilroy, all I could smell was garlic. That’s what the town is known for and it’s going to take some getting used to.

  I pass a fruit stand as I turn onto the dirt road, more of a shack with large painted fruit all over it just like Bailey explained.

  “I already miss you. I got used to having you in my life again, Mace.”

  “Me too and I’m not going anywhere.” I pause. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah.” He took on a melancholy vibe and before he brings me down I need to get off the phone.

  “Grey, I’m pulling up to the ranch now, so I better get going so I don’t miss any trees or rocks that I’m suppose to watch for.”

  That has him laughing again. It was so funny getting directions from Bailey. We know her as this prominent New York City girl, but then she gets on the phone with me about her hometown and it’s all “make a right at the fruit stand, turn left at the big old oak tree, slow down when you see the three rocks that look like Mickey Mouse.” Grey and I were in hysterics by the time I had my notes all written down and still had no clue if I would find it or not. But it seems to be working and she was right, there really is no other way to explain it. There’s nothing out here.

  “Macie, I have to be selfish for a minute and I really hope this doesn’t make things more difficult for you.”

  My heart started beating wildly in my chest.

  “I love you, Butterfly,” he said softly, his voice a little hoarse. “I hope you figure everything out soon so you can come back home to me and we can start living our lives together again. We’re it for each other, Mace. I’m here, now you just need to find you.”

  That’s not what I was expecting. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it, and now I just want to go home. Being confused and lost is one thing but hearing his words right now is like an anchor to my drifting. I stop in the middle of the dirt road to give him my full attention. This moment deserves at least that.

  “I love you too, Babushka.”

  I hear him sigh happily and a little sexy chuckle meets my ears. “You definitely need to use that one on our wedding day, maybe mix it into your vows somehow.”

  My heart takes off like a racehorse out of the gate. Our wedding day? Holy cow, that coming out of his mouth makes me so happy right now I really am tempted to turn my car around. I don’t think I need to find myself—I’m pretty sure he just did that for me.

  “You just said our wedding day. You said it like we used to talk about it back in the day when we felt like it would really happen.”

  “It’s really going to happen, Mace, and you’re going to call me Babushka while we’re at it. Only in the vows, though, because it’s still a ridiculous name. Isn’t a babushka a head scarf or something? Like I said, ridiculous. I’m just so fuckin’ happy that you’re giving me names again that we need to document that one. And what better way, right?”

  If anyone walked up on me right now, they would think I escaped from a mental institution. Just a girl, parked in the middle of nowhere, sitting in her quiet car with the biggest grin this side of the Mississippi on her face. “Right. Grey?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart?”

  “I wanna come back home now.”

  Greyden is quiet for just a minute before he sighs a low and different sigh than before. “As much as I want that too, I think you should stay, Butterfly. I want you here with me more than I can explain, but you still have some figuring out to do. When you get back, I want all of you back. I want my Butterfly that floats when she walks, and sings to songs that she doesn’t even know. I need you calling me ridiculous names and throwing tantrums when I don’t give you what you want and most of all I need you back to where you love without hesitation, where you love me without hesitation. Because that’s where I finally am, baby, I’m here waiting for you. No reservations and no hesitations.”

  I don’t know if I’m heartbroken or elated. Right now I feel like I’m all of those things he says I need to be before going back home, but apparently he doesn’t believe that I am. Maybe I’m not. The mature woman in me knows that just hearing him tell me he loves me shouldn’t change my plans, but the girl in me wants to do exactly that. Is this not what I’ve been waiting my whole life for? The whole don’t make the future happen, let it come to you thing? Well, from my perspective, the future has arrived, the very specific future I have been praying for the last thirteen years for.

  “I disagree with you. I think I just needed to know you were ready for me. Now I’ve found my happy and I want to come back home.”

  Greyden laughs. “I imagined you would and that’s even better. But you stay there. This just means you won’t have to stay gone as long now.”

  “Fine.”

  “And Macie?” His tone takes on a slightly harder edge.

  “Yes?”

  “I know Bailey doesn’t have any girlfriends out there, so that means you’re staying with one of the guys. I trust Bailey and she trusts them, so I haven’t said anything about you keeping that part from me. But now that we’re where we are, it just needed to be known that I know.”

  “Who are you, the Cat in the Hat?”

  “Macie, I’m insisting that you stay with another guy for an undetermined amount of time right now. Can you take this seriously?”

  “Yes, Buttercup, I am taking this very seriously. I. Don’t. Want. To. Go. That alone should make you feel better. If it doesn’t, then let me come home.”

  “It does. It makes me feel better. Okay, you go before I change my mind.”

  “Are you sure? Because I’m in my car all alone in the middle of nowhere and I could really use your sexy voice telling me what to do right now. The things you could say to me that no one would hear…and nobody would see the wicked things it would do to me, Greyden.” Halfway through, I hear him pick up the handset to take me off speaker. I poured every bit of sultriness I had into that little speech. I knew he wouldn’t change his mind. Once he made up his mind, it was set for life, but I missed this, being so open and free like this.

  Then it dawns on me. He took me off speakerphone in his office with the door closed; no one should’ve been able to hear me anyway.

  “Grey, why’d you take me off speaker?”

  He only hesitates for a second but it’s there and I notice it. “Because you went all sexy on me and I didn’t want anyone to overhear that.”

  “I thought you were alone with the door closed.”

  “Right, but Claudia needed me to sign some papers so she was in here when you started talking like that.”

  “I see. She’s going to be a problem for me, Grey.”

  “Yeah, I figured as much. We’ll discuss it when I get home tonight. Go get settled and text me after you meet him and everything’s okay.”

  “Will do and thank you, for everything. I love you. Have a great rest of the day.”

  “You too, baby. Love you too.”

  I truly can’t decide if I was h
appy or sad after we hang up. Knowing there’s nothing I can do about it either way, I switch my iPod on to my cleaning music, which is different than my driving music—way more energetic—it’s exactly what I need right now. Plenty of energy to snap me out of these mixed emotions that are just confusing me.

  I pass the long driveway with the large, white, two-story farmhouse set way in the back that belongs to Bailey’s dad, then a little further down pass a few more ranch houses that belong to "the boys’” parents. Bailey’s friends Blaine, Garret, and Tucker all grew up out here and each of their families owned their own land but they all ran into one another’s property lines. Just after the third ranch house, I spot the long driveway with the big old oak tree that has an unmistakable heart and arrow carved into it and turn left. The driveway forks and in the middle there is definitely a set of rocks that look like Mickey Mouse and I’m immediately determined to paint them to make it look like him before I return home. Turning right, I drive another mile or so before I see a beautiful log cabin. They didn’t disturb the mature landscape in the building process and it looks magnificent out here. Driving up slowly, I take in the yard and the house before parking on the side.

  A knock on my passenger window scares the bejesus out of me. The second I control the shaking and catch my breath; I turn to the source of my freakout only to have the wind slightly knocked out of me again.

  The man leaning on my car looking down at me with his brilliant hazel eyes and jet black hair, a day’s worth of scruff across his jaw, and toned chest peeking out at the top of his flannel shirt isn’t who I expected to be staying with.

  I continue to stare.

  His lip quirks up on the side and he sticks a toothpick in his mouth before knocking again. Since when did chewing on a toothpick become sexy?

  I blindly reach for the button to roll down the window.

  “Hey, there. I’m guessing you’re Macie?”

  I nod my head. He has an accent. Why does he have an accent that makes me feel things I cannot be feeling, things I shouldn’t want to be feeling? Where the heck did the accent come from? He’s from California.

  “Well then, get out of the car, pretty girl. Pop your trunk. I’ll grab your bags.”

  Oh, sweet Jesus.

  I’m not ogling, just appreciating the male form—okay, his male form—as his muscles flex through his shirt while lifting my bags out of the trunk. The bags that my boyfriend put in there, I remind myself. His legs are long and covered in loose, dark denim, but the looseness ends at his legs because those jeans are perfectly fitted around his backside. Perfectly fitted.

  Blaine turns around and catches me staring at him.

  “So I’m staying in a carriage house?” I was worried at first at what that would be like, what my accommodations would be in a carriage house, but now it doesn’t even matter. I need distance.

  His face is tense as he answers, “You are now,” then walks off towards the carport.

  I grab my purse, phone, and keys then catch up to a now brooding Blaine. I didn’t mean to piss him off by checking him out, that was totally rude and disrespectful of me. I need to fix this.

  Once we get to the carport, Blaine puts my bags on the back of a really big, fancy golf cart/dune buggy looking thing, then nods for me to get in.

  “This is a Rhino. His name is Rhino and he’s yours while you’re here. It’s easier to get around some places in this than it would be in your little car and sometimes even easier than my truck. It drives just like an automatic, so you won’t have any problems with it. Tonight after dinner I’ll show you where we get fuel.”

  “What will you drive?”

  Blaine looks over at me as we head away from the house and his pretty smile graces his face once again. “I have another one, it’s just older, but still drives good.” Gah, I’m such a jerk. I’ve been here five minutes and I already offended him and he’s kicked me out to the carriage house.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurt out, watching him closely. I need a friend right now, and this man doesn’t even know me, yet he’s offered to be that for me.

  Blaine laughs and adjusts his filthy ball cap on his head. “You just got here. What are you sorry for?”

  “I was staring at your butt and you caught me, then you kicked me out to the carriage house. It was very disrespectful and I’m sorry.” Way to just put it all out on the table, Mace.

  The loud laughing brings my attention back up to Blaine from my hands in my lap. He removed his hat and his hair is wild, blowing in every direction. “I didn’t kick you out there, Macie. I think it would be best if you stayed out there given the reason you’re here.” His tone turns soft, his eyes heated as he looks deep into my own. “Also, the way you were looking at me made me want to be very disrespectful to you and I know better. So to play it safe, you’ll stay here.” He points in front of us.

  At the sweetest little Hansel and Gretel cottage.

  “Blaine, it’s beautiful. It’s so serene out here and the house is like a fairytale,” I gush as I walk up the cobblestone walkway to the pale yellow front door and wait for Blaine.

  “It’s open, go ahead and go on in.”

  I do as I’m told and fall in love. It’s quaint in here, but very well set up, so it doesn’t feel crammed. The interior is shabby chic, not what I would have pictured, but it’s fabulous. The first room is a small living room with a sofa, chair, and side table with a fresh bouquet of flowers. There’s a cobblestone fireplace with a white wood mantle filled with family photos and a flat screen TV hung above. Opened up to that room is a tiny eat-in kitchen that keeps up with the light theme with white cabinets and countertops, stainless steel appliances, and cobblestone flooring.

  “Do you approve?” Blaine asks from behind me.

  Spinning back around to face him, I decide to clasp my hands together rather than hug him. Had it been anyone else, I would have hugged him. “It’s absolutely lovely, Blaine. I have no idea why you call this a carriage house. This is a gorgeous guesthouse.”

  “It used to be a carriage house. My friends and I refinished it last year and then my mom came in and decorated it. She looked up your website when I told her you were coming and what you do for a living. She was a nervous wreck to have you stay out here.” He smiles, looking really cute talking about his mom.

  “Oh, please, she did a fantastic job. So did you and your friends on the refinishing. It all looks so professional.”

  “C’mere, I’ll show you my favorite part.” He turns and walks down the five-foot hallway. We go into the bedroom, which is decorated the same way, with a pale blue comforter and pastel and floral pillows on the bed. The bed itself is interesting. It’s set up on a riser so you have to take about five or six stairs to get to the platform that the bed is set on. Blaine climbs up there and motions for me to do the same.

  Once I get up there, I understand the meaning behind it. The risers put the bed closer to the ceiling, which has a large skylight cut out so you can stargaze while lying in bed.

  “That…is genius,” I whisper in awe as I lie back on the bed and look up at the clouds drifting slowly in the sky.

  Blaine chuckles, still standing somewhere near my legs. “Thank you. I can’t take full credit. I picked it up from somewhere along the way.”

  “Screw that, take full credit.”

  I like the sound of his chuckle. It makes me happy. I grab his extended hand and he helps me up off the way too comfy bed.

  “Let’s go. I’m going to show you around then we’re barbequing over at Tucker’s place.”

  I tell him I’ll meet him out there in a minute. I need to check in with Grey and send a message to Bailey.

  Macie: Seriously? I’m having a life crisis over guys and my future and you send me to stay with the cover model for Rough and Humble Working Man? Thanks, sweets!

  Next I text Grey but as I start to text him, his office calls me.

  “Hi, Babushka, I was just getting ready to text you.”

  “R
ough and Humble Working Man? What the fuck does that even mean? And I didn’t send you there, Bailey did. I just thought you should follow through with it, but now I’m having second thoughts, Macie.”

  Oh crap. I check through my phone and sure enough, I sent that text to Grey and not Bailey. Way to go, James.

  “Ok, obviously that was supposed to go to Bailey, not you. I’m sorry. As you can see I’m totally fine. Blaine’s really nice. I’m in a little guesthouse all on my own and I even have my own Rhino to drive around while I’m here. He’s going to give me a tour of the property now and then we’re going to his friend’s house for dinner.”

  Greyden is quiet for a moment, then sighs lightly. “I don’t need to worry that you find him cover model worthy?”

  “Sweetie, he’s not you, so it doesn’t matter what I find him worthy of.”

  “Watch who you’re texting, beautiful girl. I can’t handle that shit. Have a good time tonight. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  This time I double-check the recipient and resend that to Bailey. Just as I climb into Rhino with Blaine, she texts back.

  Bailey: Haha. Surprise! I could have sent you to my dad, but what fun would that have been? Enjoy him, he’s a lot fun.

  Macie: I’m in love with Greyden.

  Bailey: I know, sweetie, everybody knows. I’m just saying, relax and find a friend in Blaine. He’s great at it!

  Well, that actually makes me feel a little excited about being here now. I’ve never had a true guy friend. My brother’s friends don’t count and Grey doesn’t count because I’ve always been in love with him. Maybe I should really try this friendship thing out and see how it works.

  “I’m ready when you are,” I say with a smile and just appreciate how pretty he is. I have my guy and I love him, but I can look at this guy and like the way he smiles at me without being in the wrong because he’s my friend…or he’s going to be.

  “So who’d you check in with, the ex-fiancé or the old boyfriend? Or is there someone I don’t know about yet?” His slow drawl brings me back to first meeting him and I’m really curious.

  “Why do you have an accent? Bailey doesn’t have one and you’re from California.”