Yours Troolie, Alice Toolie
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Besides, as a pretty famous explorer, I know how to handle dangerous discoveries like this.
Anyway, I’ll probably need to do some scientific tests or something.
Yours responsibly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Well it’s not actually YOUR ghost, so you don’t get to decide.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
But it’s in MY jar, so I guess I DO get to decide. Sorry.
Yours fantastically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I’m telling.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Alice and Jimmy,
It is wonderful to see you both working together to solve a problem, and such a spooky one! But it’s unfortunate that it has not ended well. If you cannot work out how to share your jar, I will look after it. In your next few letters to each other, I would like to see you share some interesting facts about yourself that the other person does not know. Remember to be positive!
Ms Fennel.
Dear Alice,
This is serious. If you don’t stop telling on me we’re both going to lose the ghost! So I suggest that we share the ghost. You can have it on Mondays and I’ll have it for the rest of the week.
Now that’s sorted, I am going to tell you two facts about me that you will not know, and one that is totally a lie. You need to guess which ones are true and which one is a lie. It’s pretty obvious.
1. Just this morning, I discovered Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs in the playground.
2. I have found real pirate treasure at least six times.
3. My real name is Norman Cronkwhistle and I’m 605 years old.
Yours irritably,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Now you owe me $106 for all those moustache man emojis. I’m keeping a VERY close eye.
Dear Mr Cronkwhistle,
That explains everything! Now I know that you are 605 years old, it totally makes sense that you wear a captain’s hat to school for no reason every day!
Here are two facts about me and one lie ;) See if you can guess right (like I did!)
1. I am going to be on TV (again!), this time doing a dance routine on Wake Up World!
2. I have 3431 friends.
3. I really love spending the whole term writing to you.
As for the ghost sharing arrangement—NO. That is not okay. You can’t have all week and I just get it on Monday. I will have it half the week, and you can have it the other half.
Dear Alice,
Just so you know, calling me Mr Cronkwhistle is actually being mean. You always say you’re not mean, but actually you are a bit mean. But that’s fine anyway, because I’m not the type that lets stuff like that upset me. I have a little saying when people say stuff that’s not that nice (like call me Mr Cronkwhistle!). This is my saying: I’m the rubber you’re the gnu, whatever YOU say bounces off me and sticks to YOU!
Also, I have thought about this ghost sharing deal and I’m not sure if you realise that it’s actually impossible to share it evenly. I’m not sure you know that a week is SEVEN days long. So one of us has to have it four days and the other has to have it three days. I’ll take it four days.
Yours invincibly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Nice try. We can each have the ghost for three and half days. My days are Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and I’ll give it to you on Monday at lunchtime.
By the way, that gnu saying doesn’t make ANY sense. What even is a gnu? I think you made it up.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Of course I didn’t make it up. A gnu is like an African Cow with horns. It has blue fur that’s very sticky and that’s how it catches its lunch. Things stick to it and it just nibbles them off when it’s hungry.
I have decided to accept your ghost sharing deal on one condition: I can fine you $1 for every minute you’re late to return the ghost.
As it is Tuesday, please bring the ghost to my desk POSTHASTE or you will be fined.
Yours punctually
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Fine. I accept, but I can fine you too! I put the ghost on your desk in less than a minute, so don’t even THINK about fining me.
Anyway, you didn’t guess what my true thing was. I’m going to be on TV again tomorrow! I’ll be on Wake Up World! Watch it! :)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Thank you for retuning MY ghost. I’m planning on watching a documentary on convicts tonight with it. I’m pretty sure it was a convict, so it will really like that.
What I won’t be doing is watching Wake Up World! Because, let me think … IT’S NOT GOOD. And my mum says that TV in the morning rots your brain. It’s a different story for my baby sister who is allowed to watch Princess Ponies and Rainbow Babies whenever she likes. So I guess it’s okay if her brain rots, but if I want to watch something in the morning, forget about it!
Anyway, even if I could watch something in the morning, I can tell you right now it wouldn’t be Wake Up World! I’d probably start the day with a good show like Mornings with Vikings or Pirates are Stealing Your Stuff! That sort of thing.
Anyway it’s great you’re going to be on TV (again), but if I was going to be on TV, I would want to be on TV for something cool, like discovering a golden pyramid or inventing a lava-diving submarine … something like that.
Yours memorably,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
My jellyfish dance routine is actually going to be more amazing than a lava submarine. It’s going to be TOTALLY incredible :) Also, it’s helping raise money to protect the ocean! Which is so cool, because the ocean is amazing, so you really should watch it! I’m sure your mum will let you if you tell her I’m on it.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. I don’t think the ghost WILL like your boring documentary but she will TOTALLY like my jellyfish dance routine!
Good morning Alice,
Well, you were actually right. I told my mum that you were on TV today and could the ghost and I please NOT watch it. But she said I should watch it, which didn’t seem fair that the one day she lets me watch morning TV is the day you’re on it. But she said since you and I were working so hard at becoming friends (I don’t know where she got that idea) I could watch it.
Anyway, I thought your jellyfish dance was quite good and I was very pleased to see it was scientifically accurate.
Yours aquatically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
It was great, wasn’t it!? I’m basically even MORE famous now :) And best of all, I think my jellyfish dance is really going to help save endangered fish and stuff, which is also nice :) I love fish. Here’s a fish emoji I just invented O< It’s VERY expensive. If you use it, you need to pay me $6 million dollars.
Also, what do you mean by scientifically accurate? It’s a dance routine, not a science experiment.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
As you know, I am a bit of an expert on underwater creatures and anything to do with the ocean, actually. That’s because I’ve seen every episode of Deep Sea Mysteries. I also collect oceans. I’ve got a jar of Atlantic Ocean, Indian Ocean, and my uncle even brought me back some of the Dead Sea! So I’m basically the go-to guy when it comes to facts about jellyfish and other sea creatures.
Here are some facts about jellyfish that I think your dance did a very good job of showing:
1. Jellyfish can glow in the dark (like your costume).
2. Jellyfish don’t have brains.
3. There is a jellyfish called ‘The Pink Meanie’ (bit like you).
4. Jellyfish can shut down nuclear reactors.
Yours factually,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
You’re the gnu.
Anyway, it is Friday 10:23am and I still don’t have the ghost. That means you owe me $83. It better be on my desk very soon or that fine will get BIGGER!
So glad it’s the weekend tomorrow. I’m looking forward to not writing these letters for two whole days and playing with my ghost.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Well, SO SORRY for being late with the ghost handover. It wasn’t really my fault. The ghost TOLD me it wanted to hang out with me and not you. You still owe me heaps of money for all those :{ you used without permission, so I guess I don’t have to pay you anything.
I can agree about the weekend. I’m looking forward to it too. I have a VERY busy weekend planned. If the weather is good I’m going to make my own raft out of milk bottles and bamboo and I’ll be taking off to find a volcano. So I guess I won’t be seeing you again. I’ll send you a postcard so you know where to send the ghost when it’s my turn.
Yours finally,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Happy Monday Jimmy,
I see you didn’t make it to a volcano, because you are sitting at your desk reading a book about pies.
The good news is that I don’t have ANYTHING to argue with you about today, so I’ll just tell you that I had like the best weekend ever!
I went to four birthday parties and spent all of Sunday with Jenny Philpot and the ghost watching the new Katy Swivel music video and learning all the dance moves. Then we got bored of that and made my schngrooodle-itzu a new home! This is a picture of the design…
We put a video about it on Youtootube and got 52 likes straight away! I like likes… actually, I love likes!
I suppose I should ask what you did on the weekend, but I’m afraid to… Well, here goes… What did you do on the weekend? NOT climb a volcano?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Do you follow my dog on Yootootube?
Dear Alice,
It was very bad weather for floating on the open sea to a volcano, so I didn’t go, but I probably will next weekend. I had an awesome weekend anyway, but it was not because I watched the new Katy Swivel video. Actually, if I had watched the Katy Swivel video then it would have been a BAD weekend.
Also I’m very cross that you FORCED the ghost to watch that. The ghost would hate that, so it’s basically GHOST ABUSE.
Instead of doing boring stuff (like you did), I had a sleepover at Casper N’s house, which was pretty great except that his house was built on an animal graveyard so there are always ghost pets from the olden days running around. I don’t really mind because they had some pretty interesting pets back then, not like the boring pets we have now like Cavoodles, Siamese cats and Mexican fighting fish. They had weird pets like llamas and armadillos and stuff like that.
Anyway, we talked to a llama for ages and he was pretty nice. Casper N’s dad was a bit worried the next day that we hadn’t had any sleep, but it was fine. I basically don’t even need sleep.
Yours wide awake,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. I do not follow your dog on Youtootube. I don’t follow anything on Youtootube! But one time I did follow this pigeon in the park for about three hours. It just walked around and around looking over its fat shoulder to see if I was still there … which I was.
P.P.S. What is the name of your schngrooodle-itzu?
Dear Jimmy,
He’s called Emperor Fluffy Pants. Isn’t that the best!? :) :) He’s actually named after a real emperor who was famous for having very fluffy pants. I forget which country he ruled… maybe it was Germany?
I don’t think I would like to sleep over at Casper N’s if his place is really built on a pet graveyard, but then again, you and Casper N do make stuff up so I’m pretty sure that’s not true. I’m also sure it’s not true that you spoke to a ghost llama. How could it even talk back?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Of course it’s true! We talked to the llama using Scrapple letters. You know Scrapple, right? The board game where you make words with the little letter tiles? So we asked the ghost llama questions and pulled out the letters to see what it would say.
It told me its name was YDEX, which seems like a good name for a llama. Then Casper N asked it where it was from, but it just spelt out LQRUEDEAPII, which I can’t find on Google Maps …
Yours scientifically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Emperor Fluffy Pants is a good name, and you are right, he was in charge of Germany for about 100 years or something.
Dear Jimmy,
Of course I know Scrapple. I actually won the Scrapple championships at holiday camp. I think it was in the news? I put down the word QUIXOTRY, which means like a super amazing idea that no-one has ever had before. I knew that word because I basically have QUIXOTRY all the time.
Mostly I don’t really think you have QUIXOTRY ever, but I do like the idea of talking to ghosts with Scrapple letters, so I might do that with MY ghost when I get it back. (Did you notice I put the ghost on your desk at EXACTLY 12 o’clock?)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Of course I know what QUIXOTRY is!
It would be cool to find out what part of the olden days the ghost comes from. I still think it’s probably a convict (it did like porridge). But it’s possible that it’s an Ancient Egyptian (as I said earlier, I have found some hieroglyphs on the play equipment at school). It could even be a Viking?
Yours adventurously
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Don’t expect me to think you’re so great just because you put the ghost back when you are SUPPOSED to put it back. That’s just the deal. See you tomorrow.
Good morning Alice,
Umm, why are you and the whole class wearing crazy dress-ups today? Ava Tonkatsu is in a green wig? Conrad has a blue fluffy hat? None of this stuff is part of the official school uniform and I think people should really start taking the uniform seriously.
Yours officially,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
It’s the Swimming Carnival, silly! Did you forget? The bus leaves for the pool in 20 minutes, so go and get your swimmers! And don’t even THINK about taking the ghost to the pool.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Swimming Carnival??? What!?!?! Is that today?
(Also, you really shouldn’t tell me what to do with MY ghost. You’re not the boss of me!)
Yours anxiously,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Don’t tell me you forgot your swimmers!? I saw your name was down for the 20-metre Rubber Duck Push. I’m doing that too (plus a bunch of other events), and I was really looking forward to racing you and winning! ;) If you don’t have your swimmers they will make you sit out with all the kids that have itchy mushrooms growing on their feet or diarrhoea, and then people will think YOU have itchy feet and diarrhoea too!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I do not want to sit out the carnival with Lucas Terrazzo and his itchy feet! Maybe I can borrow Casper N’s swimmers? But I’ll guess he’ll be wearing them, so that might be a bit tricky. Hmm, I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. A captain is very resourceful in situations like this.
See you there, and prepare to lose the 20-metre Rubber Duck Push!
Yours competitively,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Well, congratulations (I guess) on your team winning the 20-metre Rubber Duck Push. I’m not being mean or anything, BUT you really should have been disqualified. Firstly, your team totally cheated because I definitely saw Conrad touch the rubber duck with his elbows and not eve
n go back to the start, which was the rules. Also, you shouldn’t have been allowed in the pool in the first place because You were just wearing underpants! Underpants are NOT swimmers. GROSS. Actually, double gross. And why were you wearing Princess Snow Cone undies??? I mean, I really like Princess Snow Cone, but I didn’t think you did. You’re always making jokes about her and saying that Princess Snow Cone wouldn’t survive in Antarctica because she’s not dressed appropriately for a blizzard and you’d like to see her eat a real penguin like Arctic explorers had to in the olden days.
Anyway, I don’t even care that you won the stupid Rubber Duck race because it’s like a novelty race and I got three ribbons for serious events like the 25-metre Tug Boat Challenge and the Wobble Wobble Ring Race.
I just want you to know that I officially complained to the principal about you wearing undies instead of swimmers. I told my dad about it too, and he said that in the Olympics when someone breaks the rules (LIKE YOU DID), they have to hand their medal back and it gets awarded to the person who should have won. I’m sorry, but that’s what’s probably going to happen to you now.