The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  Determined to stay calm, I asked, “Are you done?” after he gave me a quick nod, I proceeded, “Well if you have to go then you have to go but I don’t want to stay here with Emerson.”

  Hert was silent for a while.

  Finally, he questioned, “What is going on with you?”

  Shaking my head at him, I answered, “Nothing. Why?”

  Visibly frustrated Hert sat up and snapped, “No, something is wrong. You haven’t said more than two words to Roberts since he’s been back. So what is going on?”

  I gritted my teeth and said, “Nothing. He didn’t want me to marry you and that’s fine. He is entitled to his own opinion. You are okay with that so you can feel however you want. Like I said, if you have to go I understand but I’m not staying here with him.”

  After staring at me for a moment Hert offered, “What if Jackson stayed here too? Would that make things better?”

  Standing up, I shouted, “Fine!” and left our room.

  Downstairs, I walked past Emerson and over to Sophia. Picking her up, I snuggled her and walked back upstairs. I went straight to her room sitting down in the chair by her crib. Holding her instantly calmed me. I realized that I had forgiven Emerson so quickly, that is until I saw him at the hospital. Now for some unexplainable reason, I was angry with him. My anger had nothing to do with Hert and I but was directed more at Emerson as I struggled to understand how to move forward with our friendship. He was supposed to love me and always be supportive. He never said anything all the years I spent with HIM but a few months with Hert and Em was ready to have his say. Something just wasn’t right about that whole situation. I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what and honestly, at the moment it was too much for me. I placed Sophia in her crib and decided to tidy up her room.

  Sophia’s door slowly opened and Jackson walked in.

  “Sorry I didn’t knock. I didn’t wanna wake her,” he whispered.

  Giving him a little smile, I whispered back, “Its okay.”

  Jacks sat down in the chair asking, “So what’s up Mama?

  Shrugging at him, I shook my head.

  He crossed his arms and sighed before saying, “So it looks like I’m stayin’ here for a couple of days.”

  Brushing him off, I said, “Guess so.”

  Jackson’s smile beamed as he added, “Your man owes me big now. I’m givin’ up a date with this hot little…”

  Cutting him off, I blurted, “Okay Jacks!”

  He stood up and with a laugh he continued, “Anyway, I gotta go home and pack a bag. I’ll be back in the morning,” I smiled at him as he said, “Later.”

  Giving a short wave, I replied, “Bye Jacks.”

  Walking out, he quietly closed the door behind himself.

  Wondering who would be next; I got my answer when Hert walked in. Ignoring him, I continued rearranging the top of Sophia’s dresser. Hert walked up behind me wrapping his arms around mine, stopping me from what I was doing. Sighing I hung my head and started to cry.

  He turned me around and pleaded, “Don’t cry.”

  Pressing my face into his chest, I cried, “Hert…I don’t want you to go.”

  Placing one of his hands on the back of my head Hert whispered, “I know Renni. I wish I didn’t have too” before kissing the top of my head as he reassured, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist holding on tight.

  “I’m sorry,” I conceded just before Sophia started to cry.

  Hert picked her up, offering, “Let’s go back downstairs.”

  Nodding, I followed him back down to the living room.

  Emerson took one look at me coming down the stairs and left the room. Hert handed Sophia to me and walked to the kitchen. I could hear muffled voices arguing until the back door slammed shut. Hert walked back in obviously trying to hide his distress.

  Taking a serious tone, he started, “Renni this has got to stop.”

  I gave him a wounded look before saying, “I am not doing anything.”

  In a low voice Hert firmly stated, “The hell you aren’t.”

  The muscles in his arms flexed and his jaw tightened as he insisted, “You are going to fix things with Roberts. He is only here for two weeks. So you better figure it out.”

  Hert would never know how lucky he was that I was holding Sophia when he barked orders at me.

  Laying her down in the bassinette gave me a second to think.

  Controlling my volume, I stated, “You have lost your mind. You are so wrong if you think you are going to tell me what to do.”

  Hert took a step closer to me almost shouting, “No. I’m not wrong. That is what you are going to do.”

  Standing my ground, I argued back, “No. I am not and you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

  Hert started to yell then looked at Sophia and told me, “This conversation isn’t over,” as he turned around and heading for the stairs.

  My voice rung with sarcasm as I said, “Oh what a surprise, you’re walkin’ away.”

  For a second I thought he was going to turn around. Making an angry sound, he continued up the stairs slamming the door when he reached our room.

  A few minutes later, just as I started to calm down, I heard the back door open.

  Swallowing my pride, I walked in the kitchen asking Em, “Can you watch her for a minute?”

  Once his look of shock wore off, Emerson held out his arms and nodded.

  I said, “Thanks,” handing Sophia to him.

  Exiting the kitchen, I went straight to the stairs making long strides until I reached the top. My heart was pounding when I turned the doorknob.

  Flinging the door open, I saw Hert packing and shouted, “What now you’re leaving me?”

  Rolling his eyes at me, he took a deep breath and calmly said, “No. I have to go on a business trip in the morning.”

  Deciding with Sophia downstairs I could really speak my mind, I fussed, “Who the hell do you think you are trying to tell me what I’m going to do?”

  Zipping his suitcase, he muttered, “Thought I was your husband.”

  I could feel the heat spreading across my cheeks as I shouted, “And you think that gives you the right to order me around? Clearly, I am not the crazy one around here!”

  Hert kicked his suitcase over shouting back, “You're right! I must be crazy to put up with you!”

  I took a step back with the revelation that this was the Hert I knew. I remembered him. The Hert who said what he wanted regardless of anyone’s feelings.

  Refusing to give in, I offered, “Well if that’s the way you feel, you know the solution.”

  Hert looked angry and for a second I wasn’t sure of anything. In a blur my face was in his hands and he was kissing me. Urgency replaced anger, pushing it away. Hert wasn’t as careful with me as he had been. His kisses were hard and forceful making it difficult to breath. I pushed myself against him with everything I had sliding my hands under the back of his shirt. Hert lifted me up carrying me to our bed. I couldn’t stop myself. Moving my hands to the front of his shirt, I twisted my fingers in it pulling him closer. I could faintly hear him say ‘hold on’ as I aggressively continued.

  Hert placed his hands around my wrists holding them in place whispering, “Slow down,” as he gently kissed me, before continuing to say, “I’m sorry for what I said. You make me crazy but I love you.”

  Relaxing my body, I replied, “I love you too. I don’t mean to be so difficult.”

  Brushing my cheek with his fingers, Hert suggested, “Let’s go get Sophia. I don’t care if it’s only two hours at a time. I want to sleep with my wife tonight before I leave.”

  No matter how long it had been, I still got a thrill when Hert referred to me as his wife. He left to get Sophia and again for the bassinette. After feeding her I laid her down and curled up next to Hert.

  Tracing circles with my finger on his chest, I softly offered, “I’ll try to be less difficult.”
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br />   Hert smiled at me, replying, “Renni, I knew what I was getting into when I married you.”

  I couldn’t help smiling back.

  Chapter 3

  Morning arrived finding me completely exhausted and anxious about Hert leaving.

  “I miss you already,” I pouted.

  Hert just kissed my forehead and continued getting ready.

  Still sulking, I continued, “Aren’t you going to miss me?”

  Sitting down next to me, Hert answered, “Don’t be like that Renni; of course I am going to miss you. This is just something I have to do.”

  Not being able to come up with a good argument, I settled on saying, “I know. Do you want me to walk downstairs with you?”

  Hert replied, “No you should try and get some more sleep while Sophia’s still sleeping. I love you.”

  I heard him whisper ‘I love you’ to Sophia before turning and walking out.

  I wondered how bad things would be with him gone. I managed to make it months without a nightmare. Hert seemed to keep them away. It made me nauseous to think of HIM. I was almost asleep when Sophia started to cry. I scooped her up, changed her diaper and carried her downstairs.

  Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, I looked back up trying to figure out how to get the bassinette down too.

  Emerson walked in and started to turn around to walk back out when I stopped him by asking, “Can you help me?”

  He just stared at me.

  I continued, “Will you bring her bassinette down for me?”

  Still silent, Emerson walked upstairs. I headed to the kitchen making Sophia a bottle. When I returned to the living room the bassinette was by the couch. Sitting down on the couch, I fed Sophia.

  Right as Sophia fell asleep, the phone rang. Thankfully Emerson picked it up after one ring. As I laid Sophia down and curled up on the couch, I was hoping the call was not for me and that I could get some rest. No such luck, Emerson walked in.

  His voice was so soft and compassionate as he spoke, “Jackson called. He will be here today he just got hung up. It’s going to be a little while though,” then as I nodded he asked, “Can I talk to you?”

  Sitting up, I pulled a blanket around myself making room for him to sit down.

  Emerson’s eyes were warm and endearing softening my heart.

  “Ren, I don’t know what I did. I know I shouldn’t have said what I said before you and Hert got married but I thought you understood,” he shared.

  Sighing, I crossed my arms fighting the urge to sit closer to him.

  “So you were just pretending that all was forgiven?” he pressed.

  Realizing I needed to explain myself, “Em I did understand.”

  His eyes narrowed questioning me, “But now you don’t?”

  Pulling my knees to my chest, I tried to explain, “No, It’s not that. I was fine until you showed up at the hospital. You seemed different. Things just aren’t like they used to be. I know something’s not right.”

  Emerson looked fierce as he blurted, “What did you think was going to happen?” before regaining his composer, Em proceeded, “You wanted Hert. You still want him. Even when you’re fighting with him you look at him like he’s everything. And that is exactly what you got. So what is it that you want from me?”

  How was I supposed to answer him, when I didn’t know?

  Emerson didn’t wait for me to answer, “I love you Ren, and I would do anything for you. You have no idea what all…..look you can’t have it both ways. There is no right way to make this work. Hert would not tolerate the way you and I used to be. He barely did when we were all just friends. You aren’t happy. So the best thing to do is for me to leave. Everything should be taken care of in the next two weeks and the next time I come I’ll stay with Jackson.”

  Taking a moment to let his statement sink in, I carefully considered every word.

  Emerson’s vague details provoked me to ask, “At what point are you going to tell me what’s really going on?”

  He quickly answered, “Why do you think something’s going on?”

  Tired of their recurring game of hide things from me, I blurted, “Because I’m not stupid. That’s why.”

  Suddenly defensive, Em stated, “I think you should talk to your husband.”

  Furious, I shouted, “He’s not here! You are! So tell me!”

  Looking almost ashamed Emerson refused, saying, “Sorry I won’t go against Hert.”

  Now outraged, I cried out, “But you’ll go against me! Yea, you’re a great friend.”

  All he could do was shrug his shoulders at me.

  About that time Jackson finally showed up. Walking in with a huge smile across his face, he had no idea what was in store for him.

  I ran over to him but before I could say anything Emerson yelled out to me, “He’s not going to tell you either.”

  I shouted, “Fine!” at both of them.

  Turning from Jacks, I slowly walked over to Sophia. I picked her up and carried her upstairs. Setting her down in her crib, I quickly left to get her bottles from downstairs. Rushing past Emerson and Jackson, I went straight to the kitchen grabbing bottles, formula, and a jug of water. Determined to make it back upstairs without help I held the jug in one arm, and the bottles and formula in the other. I could feel Jackson and Emerson staring at me as I passed through the living room and walked back up the stairs.

  Back in Sophia’s room I set up a little area for her bottles. Looking around, making sure I had everything I could possibly need for the next two days, I hurried to my room to grab some clothes. On my way back to Sophia’s room Jackson stopped me.

  “Ren, come on,” he urged, putting his arm around me and walking me to Sophia’s room.

  I opened her bottom drawer and stuffed my clothes inside.

  Jackson looked at me saying, “I see your planning on staying in here ‘til Hert gets back.”

  With great contempt, I suggested, “Maybe even then.”

  There were very few times I could recall Jacks looking completely serious and this was one of them.

  He stood there in front of me and said, “You know that’s not true.”

  I sat down on the floor and started to cry, mumbling to him, “Why do you have to say that? I’m tired of all the secrets. I never really know what’s going on.”

  Jackson sat down on the floor with me, explaining, “Hert said he tried to tell you and you didn’t want to know.”

  Wiping my tear filled eyes, I informed, “I did because he said everything was taken care of. That’s not true though, is it?”

  He looked at me for a moment before answering, “No, not really. Everything is more complicated than you think. I would tell you but I think it’s better for everyone if I don’t.”

  I couldn’t believe how elusive Jackson was being. Much like the other two, now he was careful about every word.

  Angered that Jacks was in it with them I asked, “So you’re on their side now?”

  Still serious, Jackson assured, “No, I’m on my own side. If I was going to pick a side, it would be yours Ren,” then taking a deep breath, he continued informing me, “Ya know if I really thought you were done with Hert I would want to be with you. That doesn’t change what’s going on and that it’s better you stay out of it.”

  I couldn’t wrap my mind around his statement.

  “Is it about HIM?” I asked hoping to get something.

  Jacks looked into my eyes and replied, “Kinda but it’s bigger than just HIM. Look, I already know he won’t listen but if this is what you want, I will try talking to Hert.”

  Leaning forward, I grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him closer.

  “Tell me,” I urged.

  Jackson wrapped his hands around mine refusing, “It’s not my job. It’s his.”

  Nothing made sense, and I wasn’t getting anywhere with Jackson. Out of frustration, I started to cry again. Relaxing my hands, I felt Jacks freeze as I leaned in and rested my forehead on his chest.


  Then as I continued to cry, he loosened his hands from around mine, wrapping his arms around me offering, “I’m really sorry I can’t help you Ren.”

  With heavy sobs, I gave in saying, “I’m really scared.”

  In a consoling tone Jacks tried to reassure me, “Don’t be Hert is really good at what he does.”

  Chapter 4

  Once my episode subsided and Sophia was fed and changed, I sat back down with Jackson. We sat on the floor leaning against the foot of the bed. Jackson must have really been sorry.

  Still without a smile, he asked, “So you really don’t know?” before shaking his head at me as he continued, “You know it amazes me how you only pay attention to what you wanna pay attention too. I mean come on Ren, how can you...I don’t know. It’s just like when…” stopping suddenly before assuring, “Even if I wasn’t Mr. Roberts’s personal accountant at our firm, I would know.”

  Leaning my head down on his shoulder, I said, “I just can’t make it all fit together, can’t you please just tell me and I promise no one will ever know you told me.”

  Placing his arm around me, he apologized, “Sorry Ren, I can’t tell you any more than I already have.”

  Quickly jerking back, I stated, “You haven’t told me anything.”

  Shaking his head this time with a smile, he said, “I will tell you this, If you ever decide this isn’t what you want, I better be the first person you call.”

  Slightly smiling too, I agreed, “It’s a promise,” and laid my head back down on his shoulder.

  Jackson continued to smile as he asked, “I’ve always wanted to know something. Was HE your first?”

  Wishing our conversation had taken a different turn, I admitted, “HE was.”

  With a disgusted look Jackson questioned, “Why?”

  At first I considered saying ‘why not’ but when I thought about it, I figured I might as well answer one of his questions for a change.

  Taking a deep breath, I carefully explained, “I was here with Em the night my parents died, and since I felt guilty for not being there this was the last place I wanted to be. I couldn’t go to Hert’s because he was still angry with me for not going on the trip with ya’ll. He had already been through so much with his mother. I called around and couldn’t find you, so I went to HIS house. By the time I got there it I was so… I remember telling HIM I was an orphan without a family and HE said it didn’t matter that my family was gone because HE needed me. No one had ever told me they needed me before."