Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  “That’s my Hoochie,” I whispered and I could almost feel her smile.

  Backing off, Jeff looked at his dead Harley and cursed.

  “Fine, you can live for now, but how long before the next guy just shoots you? Your days are numbered, asshole.”

  “I know, but tonight you’re the one riding bitch on the back of someone’s Harley. When Judd catches up to your gang, you can act as a human shield for your buddy.”

  Jeff’s expression flickered between the desire to live and the hunger for my blood. If his guys opened fire, it was just as likely a few of them would end up dead or injured. The ones who lived would need to race out of town to avoid facing Judd. As much as Jeff wanted to kill me, he wanted to live more.

  Raven held her gun on the bastards until they rode away. I wanted nothing more than to reward the brave little chick with hours in bed, serving her every desire. Instead, I had nearly gotten her killed.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, kissing her before I could even finish.

  Raven attached herself to me and I had the urge to run away with her. Forget all about the Devils and Reapers. Just live a life hidden away with Raven. Even if I could betray the Reapers after they put their asses on the line for me, I knew Raven couldn’t ditch her sister.

  “Thanks for having my back,” I said, leading her to the jeep. “I need you to get in and speed your ass to the Johanssons’. Keep your gun close and don’t stop for anyone.”

  “What about you?”

  “I have to chase down those guys with Judd. You did text him, right?”

  “Yeah, but there’s only two of you.”

  “Raven, those fuckers came into Reapers’ territory and shit on it. We have to at least run them out of town with the fear of death on their asses. Go home and I’ll see you around.”

  “See me around?” she asked as I pushed her into the driver’s seat. “What does that mean?”

  “It means I almost got you killed. This shit between us was supposed to be fun. Nothing fun about having you gang raped because I fucked up years ago. Now, go home.”

  Raven’s expression tore me apart. I knew she felt the way I did. We’d passed simple fun and were something else now. I wanted a chance with Raven, but I wasn’t in a position to do anything more than fun. Tonight, I’d nearly spilled her blood along with mine. Pretend time was over.

  Chapter Thirteen – Raven

  I still couldn’t believe it. Vaughn kissed me goodbye and walked away. I’d been willing to kill to protect him. Die too, yet he forced me to leave him and he hadn’t even called. I only knew what happened with the bikers when Bailey told me the next morning.

  Vaughn and Judd and a few other guys chased the motorcycle club. Apparently, the assholes drove their Harleys as if their asses were on fire because they were out of Kentucky within two hours. Kirk put out word if they ever entered his territory again that they were dead men. By morning, Judd and Vaughn were back in Ellsberg. By the next morning, I realized Vaughn wasn’t calling me. By the third morning, after I’d texted him and left messages he didn’t respond to, I accepted we were over.

  With the help of bags of mini-Snickers, bottles of Whiskey, and too much Nicorette, I handled his rejection well. As a big girl, I knew men could turn off their feelings. We were just fuck buddies and never would have been more. I could find another hot guy to rub up against without commitment. Problem solved.

  Unfortunately, next to Vaughn, every man in the world was a gross loser who made me vomit in my mouth. Missing the sexy jerk, I also resented how he’d ruined other guys for me.

  With a new fuck buddy out of the question, I decided to do a lot of girl bonding. Bailey was game since she was back to feeling lonely and insecure.

  “Maybe celibacy isn’t working for you?” I suggested as we sat on her bed.

  Bailey leaned her head against my shoulder and stared at our freshly pedicured toes. Along with Sawyer, we went out early for muffins and decided to get mani/pedis. My hands were a mess from fighting, cracked and bruised. They looked vastly better with my pretty pink nails.

  “I’m missing the hope of finding someone special more than I miss the fucking,” Bailey finally muttered. “I don’t want a fuck buddy. I want a real boyfriend.”

  “School will start up and a new crop of guys will show up. You’ll find the best one and he’ll fall for your hot body and great laugh. You two will be a match made in heaven then I’ll secretly hate you because I’m jealous.”

  Bailey grinned. “I’m surprised more people aren’t jealous of me. I’m really hot.”

  “True.”

  “I wish I had bigger boobs.”

  As usual, I was torn between being Bailey’s honest friend and her protective big sister. Honesty won out.

  “This is where I should say big boobs don’t matter, but I actually like my girls. They made me look curvier than I am.”

  Bailey rolled on her stomach and studied my boobs. It was weird, but I knew she was just evaluating and didn’t plan to make a horny move.

  “I kept hoping my tits would kick in before I was finished with puberty. I’ve been in denial about finishing for a while. It’s time to accept these are as good as I’m getting.”

  “You’re still hot, Bailey. If I was a guy, I’d bang you sideways.”

  Laughing, she rested her head on the pillow. “You’d be a hot guy too. Too bad I’m so shallow. If I could fuck an ugly guy, maybe I’d be in love already.”

  “Maybe, but you can’t force these things. The right guy, ugly or hot, is waiting for you. He’s probably wondering why he can’t find his special chick and here you are lowering your standards. It’ll happen.”

  “You miss Vaughn, don’t you?”

  I nodded. “He was really great in bed.”

  “I bet. He has big hands.”

  Giggling, we rested in bed without speaking for a long time. I was thinking about Vaughn while hopefully Bailey wasn’t thinking about him. I would hate to have to punch her.

  “I think I messed up,” Bailey whispered. “I think I was too much of a bitch and I scared off all the good guys already. Now, I’m stuck with losers.”

  “You’re not too much of a bitch. You’re the right amount of bitch.”

  “Now, but you didn’t know me before. I was pretty bitchy. I think I’ve ruined my chance at love.”

  Frowning at her, I sat up against the headboard. “You’re nineteen. You have a long time to find your man and make him worship you.”

  Bailey gave me a weak smile. “I just don’t want to have messed up and ruined things.”

  “Are we talking about a particular guy?”

  “No.”

  I couldn’t tell when Bailey was lying. Well, when she was mouthing off loudly I could tell. In these quiet moments, she was harder to read.

  “When I was a kid,” I told her as she rested her head on my leg and I played with her hair, “I wanted to be on a softball team. We had just moved to a new neighborhood and there was a girl on our street that was into softball. I thought she was cool and wanted to be like her. I asked my mom for a glove, ball, and bat for my birthday. She used to do these stupid nod things like she was stoned or something. She wasn’t, but she liked to have people think she was. People don’t ask much from you if they think you’re dumb or stoned. Anyway, I asked and she said yes.”

  Wrapping a lock of Bailey’s soft hair around my finger, I remembered how Vaughn played with my hair as we dozed off in bed. When he said my hair smelled like peaches, he would smile. I missed his smile.

  “Anyway, my mom got me roller skates instead. When I asked why, she said she couldn’t find a pink glove. She saw the cute skates and thought I’d like them more. Why would I like it more? Because they’re pink? Because girls have to like pink?”

  “I like pink.”

  “Me too. It’s my favorite color, but that’s not the damn point. It’s that my mom made assumptions and never paid attention to who I was,” I said then glanced around Bailey’
s room. “Of course, I ended up getting into roller derby which is way better than stupid softball.”

  “You can’t knock people down in softball.”

  “No, you can’t,” I said, smiling. “I guess, the point is sometimes fucked up shit can end up working out. You just never know until the end of the story.”

  Bailey sat up on the bed next to me. “I’m thinking about taking business courses. I said I would because Tucker said I was too dumb and I wanted to prove him wrong. Mostly, I wanted to throw a fit because I don’t need a stupid person telling me I’m stupid. Now, I think I might want a business degree. I could help Cooper by running the legitimate stuff our family owns. Do you think I’m a natural born leader?”

  Sizing up Bailey, I shook my head. “No, but you’re young and still figuring things out. By the time you graduate with your fancy degree, you’ll know exactly who you are and people will follow you.”

  Bailey grinned, looking so young in that moment. “I like when you tell me things like that. Sometimes, when Lark or Tawny say nice things, I feel like they might be faking it. More Lark than Tawny, but I think they want me to feel good about myself even when I suck. They can tell me when to shut up when I’m being a bitch, but when I’m a loser, they lie. You don’t.”

  “That’s Lark’s fault. She is usually standing next to me, so I can say mean shit and she’ll fix it with her sweet smile. When I’m on my own, I tend to get in trouble.”

  “Me too. I’m better when Tawny’s around to keep me from telling people to suck my balls.”

  “Guys laugh when you say that, don’t they?”

  Bailey nodded.

  “I get that a lot too. Men laugh at my mouth because they think I won’t take a shot at them.”

  “I like shooting things. Not animals, but some people are okay to shoot.”

  Sawyer ran into the room and dove onto the bed. “I can’t wait to get my gun, so I can shoot losers.”

  “You going to be a cleaner when you grow up?” I asked as Sawyer rested between us.

  “I’m going to be a pilot. I told Uncle Cyrus I wanted to travel all over the world and he said I should become a flight attendant.” Sawyer’s face twisted into a disgusted frown. “Screw him. Pilots make more money, get to fly big planes, and have a better uniform. I’m going to be a pilot.”

  “You’ve got it all figured out,” Bailey said, sounding a little depressed now.

  “Sure. Life’s not hard.”

  “Just wait.”

  “Don’t be a whiner,” Sawyer muttered, frowning at her sister. “In five years, you’ll forget you were a whiner. I’ll be a teenager and I’ll remember you were a whiner and I’ll tell you and you’ll lie and say you weren’t. I should get the phone and make a video as proof.”

  “You shouldn’t fight with each other,” I said, sliding off the bed. “You’re sisters and that’s a magical thing. Lark and I are different, but we’re the only ones who had each other’s backs. You are the youngest and you’re girls. You should be best friends and fight for each other.”

  As Sawyer and Bailey considered teaming up against the world, I dug around in my purse for another Nicorette. Missing Vaughn made the urge to smoke worse. I kept waiting for the need to pass, but I still wanted a cigarette. I also wanted Vaughn. While all of the need was making me cranky, I put it into neutral for a girls’ night at Farah’s house.

  Back in high school, I never imagined Cooper would end up in suburbia. Not that his large updated house was wussy. A guy definitely lived there. Despite the pretty front porch and family pictures on the walls, the dark paint colors plus giant leather couches and black furniture reeked of male taste.

  With her dark hair wrapped up into a braid, Farah sat on the couch with Lark’s head resting on a pillow in her lap. My sister looked tiny curled up under a blanket. The two pregger pals were miserable together. Since Tawny brought Lark a blanket, the pixy hadn’t moved.

  Bailey tiptoed past the couch, tripped over a Rottweiler, and cursed loud enough to wake Scarlet. Despite the noise, Lark remained perfectly still while Farah only opened half an eye.

  “It’s like they’ve been hit with the plague,” Maddy said, making BLT sandwiches. “These always made me feel better.”

  “I thought cravings were different from every chick,” Bailey asked, glaring at the dog as if it was always his plan to trip her.

  “All a girl can do is to try different things until they find what helps them with their nausea.”

  “Because I’m nice and care about people now, I’ll hold their hair while the preggos puke. I’ll also consider cleaning up the mess. Can’t promise anything.”

  “I’ll help you,” Sawyer announced. “Helping Bailey is my new thing.”

  Picking up the crying baby, I walked with a slight bounce. I knew how to soothe babies from when I’d babysat for a neighbor in high school. No doubt, she assumed I would call my boyfriend and party. I even suspected she had one of those nanny cams because when she returned from her night out, she was full of praise for my amazing babysitting skills.

  Scarlet watched me with bright blue eyes. Her soft hair was a light blonde and I realized she looked the way my baby with Vaughn might.

  Crap.

  Thinking about babies was a bad sign, but I couldn’t stop myself. Holding this perfect little creature, I returned to my childhood dream of being a mom. Unlike Lark, I couldn’t admit I wanted to be a mother without people laughing or giving me the look. People always assumed I’d suck as a mom and my kid would be taken away by the state. They imagined my bratty kids freaking out at restaurants or hanging out of the car while I screamed at traffic. No one saw me as mother material, but I had it in me. If I had been in charge that day, Phoenix would be in high school. Flirting with girls and being stupid, he’d have his whole life ahead of him. Instead, a loser who looked the part of a good dad had been in charge. He left Phoenix to die like I never would have.

  I learned that day my heart could break and never heal, yet I could keep living. I also learned looks were deceiving. Good men might be evil and bitchy women could be generous.

  Like most babies, Scarlet liked me. I had a way about me that calmed them. Who knew what magic I possessed, but it was one of my few qualities. One day, I would hold Lark’s babies and they would stare at me with the same warmth I saw in Scarlet’s eyes. I just wished I could find a guy who looked at me like Aaron looked at Lark. Not horny, but full of love. Real affection based on wanting me happy, not on wanting a hot girlfriend.

  Vaughn wasn’t that guy. He couldn’t be that guy with all his baggage and walls up. At the bowling alley, he lowered his guard and showed me the teddy bear underneath his indifferent grizzly. The guy I saw wanted more from life.

  Life wasn’t playing by Vaughn’s terms.

  While we didn’t have a shot at forever, Vaughn and I would make one hell of a hot kid together. I even wondered if maybe I should use him as a sperm donor. This idea, while appealing, made me uneasy. Getting knocked up by a random guy at a bar was one thing. Using a guy I cared about crossed a line I didn’t realize I had.

  “I want a baby one day,” Bailey said, having been silent for too long and needing attention. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I just want a baby that looks like my hot husband. My man will be so great that everyone will be jealous.”

  Grinning at her, I ran a finger over Scarlet’s soft hair as everyone fell silent again. I walked around the room, bouncing gently and singing Wagon Wheel. Even with my crappy voice, the baby gurgled happily at me.

  Nearby, Tawny was less amused. “The minute I got married, people started bugging us about when we were having a baby. Like we couldn’t be happy together and enjoy being newlyweds without needing a kid. What’s the rush?”

  Farah frowned at Tawny who rolled her eyes. “Not that there’s anything wrong with starting right away,” she said then glanced at Maddy and Lark who watched me. “Or before. That’s the thing. There’s no right way. Babies can come
whenever or not at all. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something right by following someone else’s schedule.”

  “So do you want kids?” Maddy asked, holding a glass while Lark sipped tea.

  “Yeah, sure. Not now. I’m eighteen and still figuring out my problems. I can’t be in charge of someone else. Having Judd and Farah and you guys is all the family I need right now. One day, we’ll give kids a try. Or not. Maybe we’ll just decide not to and that should be okay.”

  Maddy had Farah sip the tea then she set the glass on the table. Sitting down next to Bailey, she smiled.

  “I love being a mom, but I’m not planning on doing it again for a long time.”

  Bailey snorted. “Did you tell Tuck that, so he won’t mess with your pills again?”

  “Yeah. I made him promise not to screw with my shit again. I told him I want to focus on Scarlet and make her as happy as possible. I would worry about her being lonely, but Farah and Lark are preggers. I know she’ll grow up with cousins close to her in age. Plus, I’m thinking about starting a daycare in a year or so when we’re settled into a house. I love kids and I want to make money too. That way, I’m not just living off Tuck.” Pausing, she glanced quickly at Bailey who was resting her head on Maddy’s shoulder. “I know some people think I’m with Tuck because of his money. They think I wanted the baby for the same reason. I would probably think that too about another girl in my situation. It’s not that way though. I love Tuck. I know he’s dumb as shit and loud and rough, but he’s also smart sometimes. He’s sweet too. When I got the flu back when we were dating, he brought me soup and crackers and cleaned up my puke. How many guys would do that shit for a chick they were banging? Not many, but Tuck thought I was special. Sometimes, I worry he’ll cheat because he looks at girls, but I tested and he won’t.”

  “Tested?” I asked and everyone focused on Maddy.

  “I knew this hot chick from school and I had her flirt with him. Tuck could have gotten away with it. I was really fat then and I think some guys would have cheated. I really thought he would too, but I needed to know. Not that I would leave him if he cheated, but I wanted to be ready for that kind of life with him. Tuck blew her off though. Sent her to Vaughn.”