Where The Pieces Fall : Lost Hearts (Lost Hearts Series Book 1)

by Blue Saffire

  “Shh, I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay,” I moan.

  Caleb buries his face in my neck, grabbing a hand full of my hair and sucking on my neck, while he pounds deep inside me. I clutch his wrist, as he strums my over sensitive nub. He growls against my neck and starts to pound harder.

  “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Caleb grunts. “Your gorgeous face, this tight pussy, I couldn’t get you off my mind.”

  “I missed you, too,” I whimper.

  Caleb braces his hand that’s not strumming my clit against the door. He nips at my shoulder, then drags his tongue from my shoulder up my neck. I shiver as my pussy quakes around me.

  “Ah, that’s what I need. I need you dripping all over my cock. Again, Darlin’, give it to me again,” he rasps.

  My legs quiver beneath me and my heels titter, as I try to shift my feet. Caleb pulls out and spins me in his arms. I’m wrapped around his waist before I can clear my head to take in the swift motion.

  I lock my ankles over his ass, digging my heels in as he rocks his hips into me. Caleb presses both arms to the door, dipping his head between my breasts, as I lean back and stare at the ceiling, as if I can find help there.

  He feels so good. Each stroke deeper than the last. He licks his way up for the center of my breasts to my throat. I squeeze around him, while grinding my hips.

  “Dig your heels in deeper,” he grunts.

  “What?” I whisper in a daze.

  “Dig your heels in, Baby,” he repeats.

  I lock my legs tighter, digging the points of my heels into his ass, hard. Caleb pounds his fist against the door. He presses me to the door and lifts his thigh, planting his feet to the door for leverage and drives into so deep my teeth chatter. It’s like he is trying to climb inside me.

  “Fuck, I feel you coming. I want it so bad,” he breathes in my ear.

  His big hands cups my backside, parting my cheeks. I’m startled when his long digits drag my juices to my forbidden hole and he starts to play there.

  “Cal,” I gasp.

  “Shh, it’ll help you come faster. Relax, I’ll be gentle. I want to take you here later,” he groans.

  I shiver at the thought and come just as he slips his pinky in. My eyes widened. Who in the world have I married? Caleb’s a bigger freak than I thought. I smirk, in the mist of my own bliss. He’s not alone.

  Caleb keeps pounding, until he roars out his own release, punching the door beside my head. The heat of his own release sends aftershocks through me. I kiss his sweaty neck and smile in contentment.

  We stand propped against the door for a few moments. When Caleb has his legs under him again, he turns and carries me to the bed without pulling out. Tugging the covers back, he climbed onto the cool sheets and covers us both.

  “What are you doing here,” he murmurs into my hair.

  “I have another surprise for you,” I yawn.

  “Oh yeah, what’s that,” he asks, combing his fingers through my bob.

  “I’m moving to New York,” I sing.

  “Nicole, I know what I said earlier, but I don’t want you messing up your shit for me,” Caleb sighs.

  “I’m not messing anything up. I took a few classes online over the summer. I can take the rest online and a work study. I’ll be finished earlier than I planned too,” I turn my face up to him and beam.

  He presses his lips and squints. I watch him and wait for it to sink in. He cups my face and runs his thumb over my swallow lips.

  “I’m not good enough for you,” he whispers.

  “What?” I frown.

  “Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve giving up to be with me. I promise you, Nicole. One day, I’ll give you a real wedding. One day, we’ll have a stable life,” he looks away and pauses. Swallowing hard, he continues. “I’ll try to give you everything you want. Maybe…maybe we could adopt. Older kids, so I can’t hurt them or fuck them up.”

  A tear slides down my cheek and my heart swells to the point of pain. “I love you so much,” I choke out.

  Our night of dirty sex goes out the window. This time, I take my time with my husband and show him how much his words mean to me. Though, I still think he’d be a great dad to our own children. I like his idea as well.

  chapter twenty-two

  Oh No

  Nicole

  I feel miserable. I need to work on my paper for my work study, but I can hardly think or hold my head up. I’m so tired. The weather has been back and further here in New York, so I guess I have the flu.

  This shit is kicking my ass. I couldn’t even go with Caleb to his away game. He’s been calling all day. I swear he’s driving me crazy. I know he means well, but I can’t sleep this off with him calling every five minutes.

  It’s the playoffs, he should be focused on pitching. I’ll be fine by the time he gets home. I love that he cares so much, but truly I’ll be fine.

  My stomach rolls and I groan. I don’t ever get sick. I roll over on the couch and pull a pillow over my head. I just want to sleep the day away.

  I hear keys in the front door of the apartment and pop up. I move too fast and regret it, but Caleb shouldn’t be here. Who the hell is at our front door?

  I swing my feet over the edge of the couch and reach for my phone. I pull up my brother’s number. He lives the closest.

  Before my brother can pick up, a tired looking Cameron comes strolling into view. My shoulders sag in relief. My brother picks up the phone just then.

  “What’s up squirt,” Freddy croons into the phone.

  “Nothing, Freddy,” I laugh. “Company just walked in. I’ll call you later.”

  “Don’t call, come over,” my brother says.

  “Maybe, I have so much homework. This work study is not as easy as I thought it would be,” I sigh.

  “Yeah, I did a couple of those. They can be killer. If you need help, let me know, Doo-doo bug.”

  “Ugh, don’t call me that,” I hiss.

  “Whatever, Doo-doo bug, later,” he chuckles and hangs up.

  I shake my head and place my phone down on the coffee table. I look up at Cameron curiously. I know he has keys to both our Texas apartment and this one here in New York. I just have no clue why he’s here.

  “What’s up, big brother,” I smile.

  “You tell me. Caleb is losing his shit. How are you feeling,” Cameron flops down beside me, reaching for my legs to pull them into his lap. “Have you eaten?”

  “Wait, Caleb sent you? Shouldn’t you be with your team playing somewhere or something,” I lift a brow.

  “Nope, I’ve been here in New York for a few weeks. I’m in talks with Caleb’s team. I’m on waivers and they’re thinking about picking me up,” Cameron shrugs.

  “Seriously,” I say excitedly.

  “Yeah,” Cam rubs the back of his neck. “Atlanta wasn’t working out and it looks like Caleb isn’t dealing without me. His Coach wants to see if having me on the team will smooth things out next season.

  “How’s Kay?” I ask and bite my lip.

  Cameron sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Pissed. She hated Atlanta, went back home after less than a month. She’s been whining about me getting Daddy to call in some favors to get me back in Texas.”

  I watch Cam as he runs a hand down his face. I know there’s more to the story. I’ve just been minding my own business. Kay was good and pregnant the last time I saw her.

  “The baby will be here soon. Maybe things will get better then,” I say hopefully.

  Cam shakes his head. “Kay and I used to at least be friends. I mean we’ve always fought. It was our thing. It’s just not cute or sexy anymore. She stresses me the fuck out.”

  “Have you guys thought about counseling,” I offer.

  Cameron snorts, he turns to me and narrows his eyes. “You know, my father suggested that. I thought it would help, but Kay freaked out. I mean before we got married, she wanted to do everything we could to make things work for the
baby. Now,” Cameron stops and sighs. “You don’t want to hear this shit. How are you feeling? You didn’t answer my question, have you eaten?”

  I groan as my stomach rolls at the mere thought of food. “No, I can’t stomach the thought of food right now. I just want to sleep, but your brother has been driving me crazy with calls. I thought I would finally get some rest, since he’s on the field,” I mumble, pointing to the flat screen, playing the game.

  “He loves you. He just wants to make sure you’re okay,” Cameron chuckles.

  “I’ll be okay with some sleep. I swear I just need a good nap,” I whine.

  Cameron looks at me funny. He tips his head to the side and studies me. I mirror him wondering what he’s thinking.

  “This may be none of my business, but have you and my brother been using protection?” Cameron says cautiously.

  I blush at the question and start to reply, but pause. My mouth flips for a few minutes, until I close my eyes and groan. I sag into myself. It’s been months since Caleb and I have used protection. We stopped after getting engaged.

  We’d both agreed. I’m on the pill and we’re married now. Only, my bag was mixed up in the airport on the trip back to New York, after I surprised Caleb in Seattle. I didn’t have my pills for three days.

  Three days where Caleb and I spent the entire time making up for lost time. Shit, shit, shit. I cradle my stomach with my arms wrapped around my middle. There’s no way I’m giving up a baby I’m already pregnant with.

  Preventing having a baby is one thing. I was willing to do that for Caleb. Killing our baby that’s growing inside me is a whole different ball game. This is where I put my foot down.

  How could I have fucked up like this? Caleb was just talking about starting with foster care, in a year or two to see how thing would go. From there, we were going to see if we should adopt.

  Tears sting the backs of my eyes, as I open them to find Cameron watching me closely. His eyes soften and he moves to pull me into a hug. He rubs my back, as I release a small sob.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Cam whispers.

  “No, Cam, it’s not. He said he didn’t want a family. I didn’t mean for this to happen. He is totally going to lose it,” I sob.

  “I know my brother. He may think this is something he doesn’t want, but once that baby gets here, he’ll come around. He’ll love that baby, as much as he loves you,” Cam reassures me.

  “This is so messed up. I don’t want him to hate our baby. I don’t want him afraid of it either. Shit, Cam, how did I fuck up like this?” I cry.

  “Shh, we don’t know for sure yet. I’ll run to the pharmacy and then we’ll take it a step at a time from there,” Cam coaches, kissing my forehead.

  I sniffle. “Shit,” I huff. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime,” Cameron smiles. “My little ones will have a cousin to play with.”

  “Kay’s having twins,” I gasp.

  Cam shakes his head and presses his lips. “No, Kay’s not, but my other baby mother is.”

  My mouth just hangs open, as Cameron stands and starts out of the apartment. I stare at his back, stunned. Oh, he has some explaining to do when he gets back here.

  ~B~

  Caleb

  I’m tired, but I won’t sleep until Nicole is in my arms. I’ve known my brother has been hiding out in New York for a few weeks now. His situation isn’t getting any better. If you ask me he’s the most unhappy I’ve ever seen him.

  I don’t think he should’ve married Kay, but hey, what do I know. I’ll tell you this. Something is off with Cam and him hiding in New York proves it. My big brother hides from nothing.

  I found out this morning that coach is trying to bring Cameron in next season. I haven’t had time to process that or how I feel about it. I want Cameron with me, but I know he has a lot going on in his life. Neither of the mothers of his children are here in New York.

  I have faith in Cam, though. He’ll figure his own shit out. He has always helped to figure mine out. I’m just happy he could check on Nicole for me.

  The team hadn’t planned to fly out until the morning, but I needed to get home to my sick wife. I called in a favor from Daddy and he had the jet waiting for me. I wasted no time flying back to New York.

  I lean my exhausted body up against the door and unlock it. I can hear the television playing in the living room. I pick up on Cam’s voice murmuring something as I drag my ass in that direction.

  I need to see my baby with my own two eyes. She hasn’t been feeling well for days, but this morning she just didn’t sound right. Not like my Nicole.

  When I step into the spacious living room, the room seems to shrink. Nicole’s eyes are red and puffy and her bronzed nose is tinged with red. I’m moving towards her before I can think about it.

  “Do you need to go see a doctor,” I rush out. I sit on the edge of the marble coffee table, not even thinking about whether it can sustain my weight. “Tell me what you need.”

  Nicole leans forward and cups my face. She opens her mouth, but no words come out. She tries again, but tears start to fall.

  “I’m sorry,” she finally whispers.

  I look to Cam. I’m not processing any of this well. I’m getting ready to freak out. A million things start to run through my mind, I’m suddenly can’t filter out the extra noise in my head. Even Nicole’s taste is setting me on edge. I ease away and feel like shit when her face crumbles and she starts to sob.

  “Baby, I’m sorry,” I whisper, unable to look at her.

  I grip the edges of the coffee table, I’m sitting on. I’m an adult. I’m not going to allow myself to melt down.

  “Just give me a minute,” I plead, to no one in particular.

  I focus on one item at a time pinpointing it and shutting it down. It’s something Aunt Judy helped me master when I was younger. I fade out all the extra shit, I just don’t need right now.

  “Okay,” I nod at Cam, I get the feeling he is going to be the next one to speak.

  Nicole has curled into a ball and is still sobbing. It breaks my heart to see her like this. With shaky hands, I reach out for her. She comes into my arms willingly.

  I exchange seats, placing her in my lap when I take her seat on the couch. For some reason, she seems so much smaller than usual. I start to rock, more to comfort me then her. I’m still right on the edge.

  “Cal, I need you to listen to me. I’m your brother and I’ve never lied to you about shit. When I felt something wasn’t right for you, I’ve told you. When I felt you needed to do something, I pushed you,” Cam pauses and pulls a hand down his clean shaven face.

  “You’re both not making this better. Just spit it out, so I can deal with it,” I grunt.

  “I’m pregnant,” Nicole whispers.

  My head snaps to turn towards my wife. She’s looking up at me with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen on her face. My heart breaks into a million pieces.

  This is why I said I didn’t want a family. I can’t take Nicole not wanting my child. I can’t handle her not being able to love my baby like she loves me.

  I nod and swallow, but my mouth is so dry, it’s a fruitless effort. “And you don’t want our baby,” I say stiffly. “You’re crying because I’m the one that got you pregnant. You’re afraid of our baby being like me.”

  “What?” Nicole gasps and pulls out of my lap.

  She goes from sad to angry in a split second. It startles me, as I watch it happen. I’ve never seen her looks so mad. She is shaking and her fists are balled at her sides.

  “You said that bullshit,” she points a finger at me. “I would never feel that way. I can’t believe you. I’ve been crying my eyes out because I want this baby and I’ve been scared as fuck that you don’t. This is our baby, Caleb. Ten fingers, ten toes, four eyes, no nose. It’s ours and I will love it anyway God sees fit to bless it.

  “Don’t you ever fucking accuse me of not wanting a child that’s as perfect as you are. I love you, just
as you are. I married you, just as you are. You’re not stupid, Cal, you have autism, so don’t say shit to me that’s not true and doesn’t make a lick of sense.

  “I’m your wife. This is our child. You’re going to be an amazing father and that’s that. I’m tired. Good night!”

  Nicole storms off and slams the bedroom door. I blink after her, feeling like my head is going to explode. I rub at my chest.

  Fuck, I’m going to be a father. One of my biggest fears in life. I hadn’t admitted this fact to myself before. Truth be told, over the last few months, when I had Nicole in my arms at night, I’d sit up dreaming of a family with her.

  Not the foster or adopted one, I promised her a month ago. I’ve dreamed of what it would be like to watch her swell with our own child. Like Kay, I can say I’ve truly envied my brother for having a child on the way.

  They may not have planned it or have been together when they found out about it, but they have a family on the way. I’ve ached for that. To be normal and to know I can handle a family of my own.

  Nicole deserves that. When I watched her with her family, with her nieces and nephews, I knew then I couldn’t be selfish and take that away from her. It’s one of the things I’ve been working on in my head and talking to Daddy about.

  I want this baby too. As Nicole’s words sink in. My chest begins to ache more. I was wrong. Nicole isn’t like my Mama. She would never see our children as a burden or teach them to hide.

  I fucked up.

  “Well, shit,” Cam mutters.

  “I want the baby,” I say to my brother. “I-I didn’t think I did before. You know what Mama has always said. That I shouldn’t have a family. I wouldn’t be able to do right by them.”

  “Fuck that shit. Dude, you play professional baseball. Your coach took how long to figure out what was going on?”

  “He didn’t, I told him. I was having trouble with the team and I told the truth,” I sigh.

  “See my point? People don’t know until you want them to. Which means you have control of this, not the other way around. You can’t live your life for your diagnosis. You have to live your life and deal with autism when autism needed to be dealt with.