Atlas Lost

by Alaska Angelini

“A team of light-stealing thieves. I hate this.”

  “Would you rather me be like I was when you first arrived? Maybe I’ll tire of you and throw you back in the cell.”

  My eyes narrowed as I took a big drink of my coffee.

  “You throw me back down there, and I’ll steal your guard’s soul, or essence, or whatever it is. I’m tired of being nice. Nice has gotten me nowhere in Ri.”

  “Nor will it. I like you mad like this. It’s much more comforting. Sort of like a piece of home. More like me, I guess. It’ll be good for my people as well. If you’re to be queen some day, you’ll have to be tough.”

  “I’m not going to be your queen.”

  “I hope not. I’d much prefer my mate.”

  My and Ri’s mouths twisted at the same time. I grabbed an apple, taking a bite as we sat in silence. When Ri reached for some grapes, I couldn’t hold in my surprise. I knew it wasn’t like him to eat this sort of food. He was about meat. Heavy foods. The light was showing in more ways than one.

  “Do you ever feel lost, Ina? Like you don’t even know who you are?”

  “You’re asking me?” My eyebrow rose. “Of course. You did this.”

  “I did. For me. For Atlas.” He frowned. “For you. You can’t tell me you were happy in your life. You had a longing for something more. I felt it.”

  “Every human has longing. It’s what makes us who we are. We’re never satisfied. Not the majority of us anyway.”

  “But you wanted love. You ached for it. So much sadness. So much pain.”

  “And you thought you’d save me from that by bringing my cancer back?”

  “I told you. It was already coming back. I just sped up the process. I knew you wouldn’t die from it. I wouldn’t have let you. What good what that have done me? Atlas would have lost his mate, and I would have had no luck getting mine.”

  “You still might not. Atlas won’t deliver Kelu to you, Ri. You have to know that.”

  “He will. I saw it.”

  “You saw a timeline. You saw one decision out of infinite options. You know better than anyone how that works. You’re the master of timelines. One. You saw one.”

  “One is enough.”

  I put down the apple core and my cup, scooting myself out from under the blanket. Words kept coming. Knowledge. It wouldn’t stop as I stood from the bed and walked to the metal covered window.

  “The only way you’ll get Kelu is by being good. By changing the foundation of who you are. Let go of the light and embrace the shadows. But rule them. Do not let them rule you. If you can do that, she’ll come home. She loves you. She wants to be here. She won’t risk the child.”

  Silence filled the large space. The heat was warm against my palm as I pressed it against a world I couldn’t physically see. In my mind’s eye, I saw it all. The layout. The invisible grid that held the fabric of this dimension together. I suddenly knew everything, as if my acceptance of the shadows inside unlocked their secrets. The land was endless, just as the third dimensional reality. Layer after layer, we were compiled to go on forever. Through space. Through energy. Through consciousness. My meditation had been wrong before. I hadn’t known what I was doing. That wasn’t true anymore. The rules here were different, but not unreachable. I could leave this place. I was my own keeper. My own savior. The power was inside, as it had always been. I just had to reach for in the darkness. I had to find it and own it before it was too late.

  Chapter 33

  Atlas

  I had to have sat in the crystal room for more hours than I could recount. After I checked on my people and discovered only a handful were suffering bad enough to be moved into the sacred area, I found myself staying amongst the blue walls with them. Not much was said. Words weren’t important when our bodies were enjoying the relief. But it was in that silence, I discovered more was happening than fleeting thoughts.

  Images appeared first. Glimpses into the daily working minds of those suffering from ailments similar to Lu and myself. Then came the jumbled voices of chores that needed to be done. Of curiosities I shouldn’t know. Telepathy had always been available to Paltenians for as long as I could remember, but not this way. Not uninvited. Five-D carried oneness. A relation amongst all. I felt myself thrown into the working class. Into a child’s fear of the future. Into a best friend’s worry over his king.

  The silence wasn’t very silent at all. It was heavy. Full of love, violence, and everything between. People came and went. Some recovered quickly, while others napped not feet away. Warriors were the quickest to leave. I felt their need to appear brave and sound. I knew when some were okay and others should have stayed longer. What hurt the most was the few uncertain over my return and choice of mate. I didn’t take it personally. My gifts allowed me to feel where they were coming from. Or maybe it was my ascension happening despite the earth forcing it on us anyway.

  Lu rolled, snoring as he adjusted his head on his arm. He went in and out of consciousness. I stayed out of his thoughts and dreams the most. Not because of the privacy issue, but because my friend never had anything decent on his mind. Women mostly. Sex, a lot. It was the last thing I needed to see. My longing for Cara hit depths I also didn’t want to think about. To go there was too much after what I saw. What made it worse was there was nothing I could do about it but wait. For Kelu. Wait for Daveed. It was all bullshit.

  I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the Lapis as I cleared my mind. I wanted nothing. Nothing but silence and the memories I had with my mate. And they came, in smiles and kisses. In the warmth and scent of her skin. She was beautiful, with her freckles and long hair. Her eyes, they held love. Secrets. The universe. So much had changed in them since I stood at her front door. There was an aging in the blue. Hardship. Wisdom.

  “You see wisdom in me? I see worry in you.”

  “Cara?”

  My body tensed as my mind tried to convince me this wasn’t happening. Tighter, I squeezed my eyes, terrified the phantom connection would break.

  “You sound surprised.”

  “I am. How is this possible? Wait.” Anger meshed with hope. “This is Ri pretending to be you. What do you want?”

  “Atlas, it’s me.”

  “It can’t be you. Ri wouldn’t allow it. He’d know, and he’d interrupt us or block our tie altogether.”

  The pause had my fists squeezing. What was I thinking? This was either Cara or about her. And I was fighting? Was my hate truly so great, I’d let it overshadow my love? Tears welled as I took a deep breath and went back to the dark.

  “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please come back. I don’t care who this is. Tell me about Cara. Is she hurt? Cara, are you okay? Baby, please. I’m so fucking sorry. Come back. Talk to me.”

  Silence.

  Tickling had me reaching up and opening my eyes. I wiped the tear, not caring that a few of my people, including Lu, were now watching me. A king wasn’t supposed to show weakness. Not like this. But I wasn’t just a king. I was a broken man who’d lost everything, only to discover there was life and love left, to have that taken as well. All by the same person. It was a cycle. One I thought I’d stopped the first time, but here we were again, and I had no idea what it meant.

  “Instead of asking why this is happening, ask yourself what you’re learning from going through it again.”

  “Cara!”

  The pain cramped in my chest as I held the sob that wanted to tear its way free. To feel her presence, to hear her voice, it left my heart open and raw.

  “Stay with me. Keep talking to me. I’m sorry. Please.”

  “What are you learning this time, Atlas?”

  “I…I don’t know. Patience? Although, I don’t feel patient. I want you home. I want you back.”

  “What else?”

  “Nothing is in my control.”

  “Why not?”

  I let the question sink in as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t think about anything other than wanting her with me.
r />   “I am with you, Atlas. Why are you not in control?”

  “I’m not strong enough.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because I can’t make a portal to bring you home. If I could make one, I could come get you. If I were stronger, Ri would pose no threat. There are obstacles and it’s taking away my power. I just want us to be together. I want you to be safe and happy. For us to rule our kingdom and have Kelu and her child here out of harm’s way. I want it all to work out.”

  What sounded like a sniffle had me feeling her out even more.

  “Cara, I promise I will make that happen. I’m so sorry I didn’t save you on the mountain. I should have never tried to break his tie. I was reckless, and it only drew him in. This is all my fault. Maybe that’s my lesson. To stop trying to control everything. To be patient with what I love. I don’t know. I don’t want to think of that now. I want to know about you. How are you? What happened?”

  “My hands. You saw?”

  “I saw the darkness, yes. I don’t care.”

  “Your people will care.”

  My head immediately shook. “They’ll understand. They’ll accept you as their queen, Cara. You’re my mate. You are the queen of Paltenia.”

  “A half-Ri queen ruling your people? I don’t see that going over very nicely. I see it doing more damage than good.”

  “The damage is already done. You’ll return, and we’ll all heal under the new circumstances. You will have traces of Ri. Kelu will have a Ri child. It makes no difference.”

  “Atlas, I don’t want to argue about that right now. I’m so very tired.”

  At her confession, a tidal wave of exhaustion swept over me. My entire soul ached, and not in pain. It was more than that. It was something I’d felt during my time in LA, and it brought another tear trailing down my face. I was talking to Cara. My mate had managed to get through to me, and she was hurting at a level I couldn’t fix. Not being here, away from her.

  “The shadows are pulling you down. They’re taking you away from the light. You need to be healed. You have to tell Ri to take it back. It’s the only way to help you out of this state. Call him. You can’t wait much longer. It’s only going to get worse.”

  “He’s not here. He had to go to some meeting. I’m okay, Atlas. Don’t worry about me. I’m going to be fine, and so are you and Kelu. We’re all going to be okay. You’ll see.”

  “Why are you saying it like that? Cara?”

  Moments passed, and I sat up from the wall, not seeing what was before me. I searched our connection, feeling her, but not getting anything that could answer the millions of questions racing through my mind. What had she meant? Why didn’t I get a good feeling about it when she said we’d all be fine? It didn’t feel fine. It felt like I was losing her.

  “Cara? Can you hear me? Cara, answer me, I know you’re there.”

  When she refused to respond, I stood from the wall, surging from the crystal room. Laughter floated in and grew louder as I headed into the great room. Kelu motioned me over, but I couldn’t stop. My pace picked up until I was jogging deeper into the earth, right for a place I was forbidden to go. Territory was territory, and there was no breaching ground that didn’t belong to you.

  “Atlas? Atlas! Where are you going?”

  Kelu ran up behind me, but I didn’t slow. Something was wrong with my mate. Deeply wrong. Worse than Ri having her. How that was possible, I wasn’t sure, but my instincts weren’t off on this. Cara was in trouble.

  “Atlas, slow down! Talk to me. What’s happened?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know,” I repeated.

  “You do realize you’re heading toward Ishlad territory, right? You have to stop.”

  I dug my feet in, spinning to my sister.

  “Perhaps I should have gone to them days ago. I have to get to Ri now. Cara came through. She needs me.”

  “What did she say? Is she okay? Did you hurt her badly?”

  I shook my head.

  “She didn’t really tell me that. She was different. I don’t have time or words to explain. Something’s wrong.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Kelu! I…I can just feel it. Can’t you with Ri?”

  Her head lowered, and she pulled a necklace free from under the lace of her dress. “The Dron have helped me with spells to numb out our connection. I feel nothing from him.”

  The sadness was evident. It cast multiple emotions. None I had a reaction to.

  “What’s going on? You’re upset. Why did you leave the crystal room?” Lu jogged up barefoot, his blond hair sticking up on one side. His pants barely fit on his hips. Kelu rolled her eyes, letting out a deep breath.

  “Atlas thought he’d go to the Ishlad for help. He wants to go to Ri now. I think it’s a horrible decision. He has no plan.”

  “Cara is in trouble,” I stressed to my sister.

  “More trouble than she’s been in? You said something wasn’t right, but you didn’t say what.”

  “I don’t know what it is. It’s her. She’s different.”

  “Maybe you read her wrong. Maybe it was the stress she’s undergoing. Or the sickness she felt from earlier.”

  “It wasn’t that.”

  Lu glanced toward the glowing light in the distance marking Ishlad territory. “You can’t talk to her without me. Are you sure it wasn’t Ri?”

  “It wasn’t him. I felt her. It was Cara.”

  “It doesn’t make sense. How’d she get past Ri? Is she that strong? I didn’t get that the last few times I’ve seen her. That would mean she’s more powerful than you, Atlas.”

  “She said Ri was in a meeting. Maybe he was too distracted to block our connection. I don’t know. Or maybe whatever we did to her triggered something. Another upgrade, I don’t know.”

  “I think she’s okay.” Kelu crossed her arms over her chest, still not meeting my gaze. “You should wait until tomorrow, after Daveed arrives. He’ll know what to do about the portal.”

  “I’m not waiting,” I growled. “I’ve waited long enough. The Ishlad will help. They’ll want a fee—a big one—but I’m okay with that.”

  “They’re not going to want a fee,” Lu ground out. “They’re going to want your crown. Your kingdom. You know them. The Ishlad don’t charge a payable price. They like their privacy and they hold to that. You could damn well start a war just by asking for their help.”

  “He’s right. Listen to your friend, Atlas. Your second. He was always your adviser. Listen. You’re playing with fire.”

  “Fine. No Ishlad. Unless you can come up with a way for me to get to Ri right now. Right fucking now. I’m done playing games. I’m going, and I’m bringing Cara back.”

  “And if you don’t return?”

  I searched my sister’s eyes, reaching for my crown and handing it to her. “Then you rule again.”

  “This is a horrible fucking decision,” Lu snapped. “Fucking horrible. You’re not going to Ri by yourself. If you leave here, I’m going with you. I’m not staying behind again.”

  “Yes, you are. You have to take care of Kelu.”

  “I can take care of myself. But he’s right,” she breathed out. “It’s such a bad idea. I just…you can’t go to Ishlad.”

  I shook my head in disgust, leaving them behind as I headed for the light. I was halfway there when Kelu called out in distress.

  “Atlas, please! Please don’t. You can’t. You can’t go to Ri until tomorrow.”

  “I turned as they ran up.”

  “We’ve settled this. I’m going there to get my mate and nothing this time is stopping me.”

  “Fine, but you can’t go to Ishlad to do it.” Kelu stomped her foot, fighting the madness that had tears angrily falling down her cheeks.

  “I have no other option. What do you expect me to do, disappear into thin air? Fly there?”

  “No.” Kelu’s fingers embedded in her hair. “I…” she stopped, letting out a desperate mix betwee
n a cry and panic. “I’ve done something bad. I have a confession. Please don’t be mad.”

  I looked at Lu, turning my glare to her.

  “What confession?”

  “I’ve seen this. I knew Cara was taken before you arrived. I did what I had to.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She wiped the tears on her sleeve as she continuously clenched her jaw.

  “Kelu. Speak. Now.”

  “I went to your mate. I told her how to escape Ri.”

  “You what?”

  “I told her she had three days—tomorrow. That she needed to try to get herself out. You can’t go to her, Atlas,” she sobbed. “If you step on Ri land, you will most certainly die. Cara has a chance. She can do this.”

  “You went to Ri? How?” I ground out. “How did you go? You said the portal was destroyed.”

  “I-I…” Harder, she cried. “Did you not hear me? If you go, you’ll die. What good are you to her then?”

  “I’m already dead without her, Kelu! Dead! Don’t you see? Why can’t you see? Cara is my mate!”

  It took everything I had not to shake her half to death. I grabbed her arm, oblivious to my crown falling to the floor.

  “You’re going to take me to the portal. By god, I’m two seconds away from handing you over to Ri. I’m done running. You’re done running. I’m going to fix this once and for all or die trying.”

  Chapter 34

  Cara

  Common sense should have returned. This sorrow I felt should have passed. I was aware of its existence and how it was ruling my mood, but nothing I tried would lift the despair. Atlas said his people would accept me as I was. Accept me, an outsider who wore evidence of Ri on her skin. I couldn’t believe that. Besides, with how I was feeling, who was to say they were even safe around me? I felt the pull for light. Hell, it was all I could think of to extinguish the increasing dark. I was half-temped to wait for Ri to return from his meeting so I could be his vessel once more. But even though light called to me, it was my dark making itself known. It wanted more, just like when I’d taken the group of Ri. And maybe it had good reason. If I did become Ri’s vessel, the evil would be overpowered again. It didn’t like that.