My Epic Fairy Tale Fail

by Anna Staniszewski

  “You don’t really think the monster eats people, do you?” said Melissa after the old fisherman had disappeared down the path.

  “Probably not,” I said, not wanting to scare her.

  Instead of looking relieved, Melissa looked disappointed. “I’ve never met a flesh-eating sea monster before.”

  “We still might,” said Trish, clearly trying to cheer her up.

  Obviously, my friends still didn’t understand how dangerous missions could be. They were treating our adventure as if it were a game.

  “Okay, we need a plan,” I said. “We know there’s an object somewhere in this lake.” I turned to Trish. “What do people in fairy tales usually do in situations like this?”

  Trish thought for a minute and then flipped through her book of tales. “A lot of times, they have to make a deal with a magical fish to help take them to the bottom of the lake.”

  “Well, we already know there are no magical fish here.” I glanced at the murky water. Then I grabbed a pebble and tossed it into the lake. It sank and disappeared into the soupy grossness. I held my breath and waited, but nothing happened.

  “Maybe that old man was wrong,” said Trish.

  Or maybe he was right, and a pebble wasn’t enough to interest this particular monster.

  I bent down and carefully dipped my fingers into the water, praying they wouldn’t get bitten off. Instantly, something slimy flicked past me. I yanked my hand back, trying to see what it was. The water rippled and then quieted. Whatever lived in the lake, I’d definitely gotten its attention.

  I bent down again, about to reach my hand in when—

  Splash!

  Something stuck its enormous head out of the water. It looked like a green worm with droopy eyes and nubby giraffe horns. Not quite the killer monster I’d been expecting.

  “Nommy?” it said in a low, slow voice.

  “Um, what?” I said.

  As the monster swam closer, a glance at its fins told me just how huge it was, probably half the size of the lake.

  “It’s soooo cute,” said Melissa. She seemed to think every creature in the Land of Tales was coo-worthy. Hopefully, no one would ever put her in charge of creating a petting zoo.

  “Nommy,” the creature said again as it studied us with its pale green eyes.

  “Don’t you think it looks like the Loch Ness monster?” Trish said behind me. “Maybe this is where the myth came from.” I could hear her taking notes as she talked. Didn’t her hand ever get tired?

  “Aw, poor Nessie. He looks so sad,” said Melissa. I didn’t ask how she knew the monster was a boy.

  “Excuse me!” I called to the monster. “Do you happen to know where we can find an object in this lake?”

  “Nommy,” he replied, slowly blinking his eyes. Oh well, it had been worth a shot.

  “Do you think he’s hungry?” said Melissa.

  “Either that or he’s looking for his mommy.” I certainly hoped the creature wasn’t wondering what we would taste like with a side of seaweed.

  “He probably is hungry,” said Trish, still focused on her notes. “I doubt there’s much left for him to eat in the lake now that the fish are gone.”

  I looked around and spotted some berries growing nearby. A well-fed monster was much more likely to be cooperative. I had my friends help me gather some berries, hoping the monster didn’t mind some fruit in his diet.

  “Here comes the airplane!” I said, chucking a handful of berries into Nessie’s mouth.

  The monster flinched in surprise as the fruit hit his tongue. Then he opened his mouth wider, clearly wanting more. When our fingers were stained with juice and the berries were all gone, the monster finally looked happy.

  “Now,” I said. “Can you show us where we can find an object in this lake?”

  “Hugsies,” the monster said. His tail snaked toward us like a giant arm. “Hugsies.”

  “Look!” said Melissa. “What’s that on Nessie’s tail?”

  I squinted and spotted something thin and metal wrapped up in the monster’s curly appendage. “That has to be the object we’re looking for. Nessie, can you give us what’s in your tail?”

  The monster’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. “Hugsies!”

  “He clearly wants something in exchange for the object,” said Trish.

  Melissa laughed. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Obviously, he wants a hug!” She stepped forward and held her arms out like she was waiting for someone to put a straightjacket on her. “Here you go, Nessie. Come get your hug!”

  “Wait!” I cried, but it was too late. Again.

  The monster’s tail lashed out and wound itself around Melissa’s waist. Then his tail retracted and the beast dove under the water. Taking Melissa with him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Melissa!” I rushed into the water, feeling like my body was in slow motion. When I was up to my knees, I glanced over my shoulder to see Trish frozen in place. “Help me!” I cried. But she didn’t move.

  I kept pushing through the water until I was almost up to my waist. Then I sucked in a breath and got ready to dive where I’d seen Nessie disappear.

  But at that moment, I felt the lake start to churn around me, and the monster broke the surface of the water only a few feet away.

  “Melissa!” I cried as I spotted her still curled up in the monster’s tail. She was coughing, which at least meant she was still alive.

  “I’m fine!” she said, wiping green slime off her face. “I think he just got a little too excited.”

  “Hugsies,” said Nessie.

  “Ooh!” Melissa said. “You sure have a strong grip, don’t you, boy?”

  “Let go of her!” Trish yelled behind me, finally finding her voice.

  “It’s fine, guys,” said Melissa. “He’s not going to hurt me.” Then her eyes widened. “Oh. He’s…ouch.”

  “What’s happening?” I said.

  Melissa’s face paled. “He’s…squeezing…me…”

  “Hugsies,” the monster said. He coiled around Melissa protectively and swam farther out in the lake, reminding me of a little kid who couldn’t wait to play with his shiny new toy.

  “What are we going to do?” said Trish as she rushed into the water beside me. “He’s going to squeeze her to death!”

  I stared as Nessie twirled in a circle in the middle of the lake, Melissa nestled in his tail. She was struggling to get out of his grip, but she wouldn’t be able to fight for long.

  “Wait on the shore,” I told Trish. I had no choice but to swim after the monster and hope he didn’t start hugging me to death too.

  I kicked off through the water, going as fast as I could. But as I got farther into the lake, I felt something nip at my legs. Once. Twice. Ten times.

  “Ow!” I cried, slimy water pouring into my mouth. Obviously there were fish in the lake, and they were anything but friendly. When one chomped into my ankle, I knew I had to turn back to the shore. I wouldn’t do Melissa any good if I was chewed to pieces.

  “What happened?” Trish cried as I stumbled out of the water, blood trickling down my leg.

  “It’s no use,” I said, panting. “I can’t swim out there. We have to find another way.”

  “But how?” said Trish, her voice shaking. “We don’t even know how to deal with the monster.”

  My mind was spinning. “We have to think! How did Sir Knight do it?”

  Trish pulled her book of fairy tales out of her bag again and started frantically leafing through it. “I don’t know,” she muttered to herself. “I just don’t know.”

  I tried to imagine what Sir Knight must have done when he’d come to the lake. No doubt, he’d told Nessie just how brave he was. Then, after the monster had started turbo-hugging him, Sir Knight had probably waved his sword aro
und without actually hitting anything except maybe himself.

  “Clang!” I yelled. Nothing happened. “Ding!” The monster didn’t even flinch.

  What else could Sir Knight have done? Then I realized…

  “He sang!” I said.

  “What?” said Trish.

  “Sir Knight probably did it by accident. He started humming like he does when he’s trying to be heroic, and it had some kind of effect on the monster.”

  Trish snapped her book shut in excitement. “You might be right. But what do we sing?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted, limping back toward the edge of the lake. “Maybe any song is fine.” I cleared my throat, self-conscious about letting loose my horrible singing voice, but there was no time to be shy. I opened my mouth and started singing the first song that popped into my head.

  Jenny is an adventurer

  She couldn’t be any awesomer.

  I couldn’t believe I was belting a song about how awesome I was. Talk about embarrassing.

  The minute I started to sing, Nessie’s head snapped up, and he eyed me curiously.

  “It’s working,” said Trish as the monster started drifting toward us, a dreamy look sweeping over his face. “Keep singing, Jenny. Louder!”

  I had no choice but to keep broadcasting Melissa’s song in my off-key voice. For another moment, Nessie enjoyed the music. He was closer to the shore and his tail uncoiled a little. But when I hit a couple of wrong notes, he cringed and let out a howl.

  “It’s not working,” I said. “My singing is just too terrible. Trish, maybe you should try?”

  Trish nodded and started singing the same song. Her voice was a lot better than mine, but it was so breathy and quiet that it barely carried two feet. Nessie stopped swimming toward us and turned back to his prize.

  “No!” cried Trish, clearly hysterical. “He’s going to eat her!”

  Suddenly a sweet, haunting voice rang out on the lake: Melissa’s.

  Instantly, Nessie’s face relaxed, and he even started to hum along—as much as a giant worm with tiny ears could hum, anyway. Compared to him, I’d sounded like a Broadway star.

  The monster floated toward the edge of the lake, and I could hear him purring like a motorcycle. He lifted his tail and carefully deposited Melissa on the ground. Then he murmured happily to himself, a little smile on his green face, and drifted away on his back.

  I caught Melissa as she stumbled out of the water. She looked pale and terrified, but her voice was as gorgeous as ever.

  When Nessie had disappeared under the water, Melissa’s singing finally quieted. She gave us a little smile, took a step forward, and crumpled on the ground.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Anthony!” I cried. “We need you!”

  Trish looked ready to faint. “Melissa has to be okay! She just has to!”

  “She’ll be fine,” I said, hoping that was true. At least she was still breathing.

  A minute later—Pop!—Anthony appeared in front of us. When he spotted Melissa spread out on the ground, he dropped the carrot he was holding. Then he got to work, pulling all sorts of foul-smelling medicines from the pouch around his waist. A couple minutes later, the color was already starting to creep back into Melissa’s cheeks.

  “She’ll be just fine,” Anthony announced. Then he saw my bleeding ankle. “Looks like I missed some serious fun.”

  I let out a hysterical hyena laugh. “I guess you could say that.”

  As Anthony started bandaging my leg, I couldn’t help looking out at the lake wistfully. The monster was gone, and with it the magical object. I’d take Melissa over an object any day, but that meant I’d have to find some other way to complete the task.

  A second later, Melissa opened her eyes and smiled up at us. “That was awesome,” she whispered.

  I didn’t know whether to smack her or to hug her. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Are you kidding?” she said, slowly propping herself up on her elbow. “I’m great. That was the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “You idiot!” said Trish, lovingly swatting Melissa’s arm. “You almost died.”

  “No way,” said Melissa. “And even if I had, at least it would’ve been worth it.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said. Maybe the lack of air had scrambled her brain.

  “Ta-da!” said Melissa. She pulled something long and metal out of the pocket of her sopping-wet jeans.

  My mouth fell open. “Is that—?”

  “The second object!” she said, smiling triumphantly. “I snatched it out of Nessie’s tail when he first grabbed me.”

  This time I didn’t hesitate before throwing my arms around Melissa and hugging her tightly. After I finally let her go, I carefully examined the object. “But what is it?”

  The metal was woven into a flat, round shape on one end, and then it extended down and formed a handle on the other end. It almost looked like a fly swatter.

  Even Trish, who was usually full of ideas, had no clue what it could be. The shape of the object looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out where I’d seen something like it before.

  “I guess Ilda will have to tell us when we bring it to her,” said Melissa.

  “Are you kidding?” I said. “No way. You guys aren’t staying with me. I’m having Anthony take you home.”

  Melissa stared at me. “What are you talking about? I’m fine. We can keep going.”

  “She’s right, Jenny,” said Trish. She glanced at the bandage on my leg, and I could tell she was still a little shaken up. “Okay, maybe we won’t go on the final task with you. But at least let us go back to the village and talk to some more people. This could be our only chance!”

  “You mean talk to the villagers who chased after us with pitchforks? That’s probably not the best idea.” I had to face facts. It had been fun while it lasted, but bringing my friends on my adventure had been a mistake. “Sorry, guys. I wish you could stay, but this mission is just too dangerous. It’s time for you to go home.”

  “That’s not fair,” said Trish. “There’s still so much we haven’t seen.”

  “And we were having a good time, weren’t we?” Melissa added, her eyes suddenly wet with tears. “Please don’t punish us just because I got myself hurt.”

  “I’m not punishing you. I’m protecting you! I could never forgive myself if anything bad happened to you guys. There’s a reason adventurers don’t bring regular people along on missions.”

  Melissa’s face suddenly turned bright pink. “You think you’re so special because you’re an adventurer, don’t you? You think we’re not good enough to be here with you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Last I checked, we were actually helping you,” Trish chimed in. “If not for Melissa, there’s no way you would have gotten that metal thing out of the lake. But you just want to keep this place all to yourself.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Don’t you get it? I love you guys! I’m trying to keep you from getting yourselves killed.” I couldn’t handle seeing another monster practically strangle one of my friends. Once was more than enough.

  Melissa wiped away a tear. “If you really cared about us, you’d let us stay. You wouldn’t take this opportunity away from us.”

  I shook my head and turned to Anthony. “Can you take them home, please?”

  He raised his orange eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. And even if they offer you a wedding cake, don’t bring them back here.”

  “You’re the boss.” He took Melissa’s arm and grabbed Trish’s before she could pull away. “Sorry, kiddos!” he said. Then there was a loud Pop! and they were gone.

  I stood staring at the green lake for a long while, trying to tell myself I’d done what I had to do to
keep my friends safe. And that they would forgive me. Eventually.

  Chapter Eighteen

  As I marched along to Ilda’s house, I kept replaying the fight I’d had with Melissa and Trish. I couldn’t help thinking how much more fun I’d had on the mission with them than on the missions I’d been sent on with Jasmine. But at least Jasmine understood what being an adventurer meant. She understood that our job was to help others, not to put them in danger.

  My mother’s bracelet shifted on my wrist. When I glanced down at it, I could almost hear it talking to me again. If you find your parents, you’ll finally have people in your life who understand you.

  The bracelet was right. Finding my parents and helping the Land of Tales were all that mattered. Everything else—the dance, my English paper, patching things up with my friends—would have to wait.

  Still, I couldn’t face the third task. Not yet. Not after everything that had happened at the lake.

  First, I was going to get some answers.

  As I charged toward Ilda’s house, I realized I was going to pass the spot where we’d run into Ralph the slimy wolf earlier. I tried to hurry past without being noticed, but I should have known better than to think I could avoid being detected by a wolf’s long ears.

  “Why, hello there!” Ralph called out. “What happened to those delicious friends of yours?”

  I didn’t want to say anything, and luckily I didn’t have to. Ralph dropped down on the ground and started doing push-ups in an obvious attempt to impress me.

  “A young lass like you shouldn’t be walking around in the woods by yourself,” he said in between reps.

  “Is that what you said to Red Riding Hood?” I couldn’t help asking.

  Ralph almost fell on his face. “Who told you that? Did someone say I knew her? Was it that mother of hers? You didn’t believe her, did you? Did you?”

  I hurried away, giggling to myself, my mood a little lighter. Apparently, smarmy fairy-tale wolves were good for something.