Taming Chaos

by Lynne St. James

  Like that was a surprise. I wonder if she tried to get him to sleep with her. Damn it, stop thinking about that. You don’t want to go down that road.

  “I’m sorry. She was pretty drunk.”

  “Not your fault. It’s been building for a couple weeks now, it was inevitable. I’m just sorry she took it out on you. Are you sure she didn’t hurt you?”

  “I’m positive. She barely touched me at all.”

  “She touched you?”

  “She just grabbed my shoulder. It was nothing, really. Relax, okay?”

  Sighing, he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. “What do you think of the bus, pretty cool right?”

  “Yeah it was kind of a surprise. I expected it to be a lot smaller, older, I don’t know, more cramped.”

  “Wait ‘til everyone’s on it.”

  “True, I didn’t think of that. Hey, Joe said you might have some free drawer space in your room?”

  “Yeah, I think there’s a couple empties. C’mon I’ll show you the space, unless he did already?”

  “Nope, we stayed away from your room, and I didn’t look in any of the guys’ cubbies either.”

  “No one would have cared. We don’t have anything to hide.”

  Nothing to hide? I wasn’t too sure about that, they’d all come from foster care, who knows what their lives had been like. I’m betting they’d rather that info didn’t get out.

  He slid open a pocket door and led the way into his room. It had a big bed, and built-ins on either side. There were nightstands built into the walls too. Not a bad size room really and it was the whole width of the bus.

  Chapter Nine

  Chaos

  Watching Cynda unpack her clothes and pointing her sexy butt at me each time, was driving me crazy. I’d already had to adjust my cock it was so tight in my jeans. She seemed totally immune to me and I couldn’t get enough of her, when she walked past me I caught a whiff of her fragrance now that it was just us. It reminded me of something, soft and flowery, a total turn on.

  Damn, she finished way too fast. “Thanks for sharing your drawers, I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem.”

  It was obvious she was nervous being alone with me by the way she kept pushing her hair behind her ears. She flashed a quick smile and picked up her suitcase.

  “Wait…”

  “What?”

  “Michelle gave me a message. She said to tell you she’d call you tomorrow.”

  “Oh okay, thanks. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her after the girls came in.”

  As she said the word ‘girls’ she looked like she had a bad taste in her mouth, and I could sympathize. Most of them were skanky and I didn’t want to be around them either. “I understand.”

  I reached out and pulled her into my arms as she walked by me on the way out the door. Leaning down I looked into her startled eyes. Closing mine I took her lips in a gentle kiss, I had to taste her, I couldn’t think of anything fucking else with her near. Her lips were softer than I’d imagined and free from gooey lipstick. Inhaling her sweet scent I wanted more but I stopped myself. Leaning back I opened my eyes and she was staring at me, with a look of wonder on her face. She touched her lips with her fingers but I don’t think she even realized she did it.

  She snapped out of her happy place pretty quickly and her expression changed. Her eyes narrowed and I could see she was pissed off. “Why’d you do that?”

  I shrugged and turned on the charm, I couldn’t tell her I’d been dying to do that and more all day, she’d have gone ballistic. “Michelle told me to give you a kiss for her. I thought that qualified.”

  She looked like she was thinking about what I’d said and trying to decide if she should be more pissed off. I guess I got lucky because she didn’t say a word, just nodded and walked toward the front of the bus.

  My lips still tingled where they’d met hers. It wasn’t enough, not nearly fucking enough. My cock was throbbing, and sliding out of my jeans was a welcome relief. Standing in the bedroom in only my boxer briefs, I looked in the mirror trying to see what Cynda would see. I was in pretty good shape. I didn’t lift or anything but playing guitar and hoisting equipment around for years gave me decent guns and a six pack. I wondered if she minded ink. I had the Raining Chaos logo over my heart, along with a few others. I hadn’t decided if I wanted to do sleeves yet, maybe someday. I’d been thinking about getting new ink in every city we toured until I saw the schedule—no way would there be enough time unless I got something really small.

  I couldn’t get her out of my head, was I a total ass to be so fuckin’ turned on by someone who couldn’t give two shits about me? Why was I bothering? Shaking my head I decided I was stupid. I didn’t really want her around but I wanted her, it made no sense, especially when there were plenty of women dying to get into my bed.

  Thinking about Cynda wasn’t going to do me any good right now, so I grabbed my acoustic guitar and a stack of blank music sheets and went back to the song I’d been working on. It was for the new album—at least I hoped it was. Closing my eyes I strummed out the beginning notes and let them wash over me. The words would be next, if I could figure out where it was going. The song was supposed to be rock and roll but all I kept hearing in my head for the last two days was a ballad about emerald eyes. Fuck. Not good at all.

  Leaning back against the headboard, I closed my eyes again, and let my fingers wander over the fret board. I loved the feel of the acoustic guitar, but it was nothing compared to Eleanor. She was my baby, the guitar of my dreams.

  My mind kept wandering and every time I closed my eyes, visions of Cynda would appear. The girl hiding behind her bangs and glasses then today, wow, a whole lot less shy. She’d cut her hair and now it was barely shoulder length with blue streaks. She still had the bangs but they were different, I don’t know how, but just different. She looked different, better but not…maybe it was just how she was supposed to look and it suited her?

  Chords came to me with a melody…totally unlike anything I’d written before, but I liked it. A ballad? From Raining Chaos? Symmetry didn’t like the other songs. Well, maybe they’d like this. Most bands had one or two ballads per album; it’d work. When we were just starting and playing a lot of covers we did ballads and they’d sounded great. No reason we couldn’t sing our own.

  Strumming on the guitar, writing the notes down and humming along, I composed each line until I had the music completed. My muse was in full swing and for once I had a face to put to her. No matter how I tried to fight it, she inspired me, and considering I’d known her less than twenty-four hours, it was even harder to believe. She’d never believe it. I could hear her now telling me I was trying to play her, but I wouldn’t. The song would be a hit, as long as the record company let us record it. Just like with our first album, I could feel it resonating deep inside and I knew our fans would too. As soon as I finished finessing the music I’d start on the lyrics, but no one would hear it until then. I never shared incomplete songs, it was like until they were done, they were my babies, and I had to hold them close and protect them.

  Catching sight of the bedside clock I saw that it was almost four a.m. Shit, no wonder I was exhausted. I’d been playing for hours, the guys must have gotten on the bus at some point but all I heard was the sound of the road beneath the wheels as Joe drove us to Philadelphia. Tomorrow would be our debut at the Wells Fargo Center, and we’d play there for the next two nights. I wonder if it’d feel as incredible as tonight did.

  Sliding the guitar into the case and gathering all of my pages, I yawned. I needed sleep. The next year was going to be hard, different venues, and more performances than we’d ever done before.

  I was so tired sleep should’ve come easy. Rubbing my face and yawning, sheer exhaustion took over, it’d been an amazing day for sure. The concert had been fucking awesome, and now the new song. It’d been a long time since new music had come to me like this, and I wasn’t going to complain about being tired
because I was up late writing. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and I punched the pillow a couple of times. As I drifted off to sleep, my last thoughts focused on a pair of huge green eyes and the scent of orange blossoms.

  Chapter Ten

  Cynda

  Getting ready for bed in a two by four bathroom or whatever it was turned out to be a bit of a challenge. I didn’t realize how much I’d appreciate the huge bathroom mom added to our loft until I banged my elbow twice turning around. If I sneezed I think I might have fallen through the glass door. I don’t know how the guys did it or were going to do it, since they were huge compared to me. Just thinking about six foot four inch Wrath trying to shower gave me a case of the giggles, which was good since it distracted me from my still tingling lips.

  I can’t believe he kissed me. I should have been pissed but I was so freakin’ surprised I didn’t even react, then when it hit me, it hit me hard. Thank God he didn’t realize how much it affected me. But now even the cool shower wasn’t taking the edge off, and it’s not like I had any privacy or a room for anything else.

  Just thinking about getting off in the shower and falling through the glass door, then having to explain it cracked me up. Damn. I was freakin’ giddy. Had to be the kiss. It was like we were super charged with electricity whenever we were close, and it’s not like he’d been doing a good job of hiding that monster hard-on he kept getting. It was flattering and surprising. With all the women around him, why was I the one turning him on? Was it because I was the only one not falling all over him? It’s not like I was playing hard to get, I really didn’t want to be ‘got’.

  While I dried off I heard the guys come in. Can you say drunk and disorderly? Oh hell yeah. I wondered if they had any of the skanks with them. Good thing I’d brought my pajamas in with me. Michelle had insisted I buy some sexy nighties just in case, but I mostly packed my PJs. If I was sleeping out in the open, I wasn’t going to get all sexy. Besides, who was I getting sexy for anyway? Shit, I had it bad for Chaos. He’d been such a total asshole at first, but now he was showing a different side, well until he kissed me. Oh man…that kiss.

  “Hey, Cyn, you in there? I need to use the toilet.”

  Shit. It sounded like a drunk Wrath. “Umm yeah, I’ll be right out.”

  “Hurry or I’m gonna piss myself.”

  Yikes. Seriously? How drunk were they? Throwing on my PJs and grabbing all my stuff I pulled open the door to see Wrath leaning against the frame with half-closed eyes.

  “Wrath?”

  “Huh, yah?”

  “You needed the bathroom right?”

  “Fuck yeah,” he slurred as he pushed past me and kicked the door shut. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and something else hung in the air and I plugged my nose. Yuck. Next stop I was buying an air freshener and some candles. This place was going to be reeking.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the guys lounging all around the table and on the couch aka my bed. Guess I wasn’t going to sleep as soon as I thought. They all reeked of booze, cigs, and sex. Ugh, I couldn’t even imagine having sex with someone I’d just met, then I realized Flame wasn’t there. Everyone else was back, and unless he was already tucked in his bunk, he wasn’t there. Was he still with Michelle? I hope he didn’t hurt her. She was my best friend, and being away for two weeks meant I couldn’t be there to watch chick flicks and eat ice cream with her to get over the heartbreak. Maybe they weren’t together, for all I know she could be home in bed and he was off with some groupie skank.

  Wrath stumbled out of the bathroom and sat down next to me on the couch.

  “Geesh, dude, you need a breath mint.”

  He laughed, “Sorry, babe. I’ll try not to breathe on you.”

  “Yeah right. Looks like you had a great time.”

  Fury winked at me. “You can tell huh? It was fuckin’ incredible.”

  “Fuck yeah,” Rage agreed as he poked his head over the edge of the fridge door.

  They were funny smashed, and again not what I’d expected. Maybe Michelle was right, maybe I had it all wrong. I bet they’d be hurting tomorrow. I wondered if they’d keep partying like this after every show. It’d have to get old eventually wouldn’t it? Then again, it never did for my sperm donor.

  Fury yawned and a cloud of boozy breath floated my way. Yuck.

  “Hell, I’m going to bed, see you fuckers in the morning,” Wrath said as he stumbled toward his cubby.

  “Me too, before I pass out here,” Rage agreed.

  Fury looked around, “Anyone seen Chaos?”

  Feeling the heat in my cheeks and hoping they were all too drunk to notice, I nodded. “Yup he’s in his room, he came back earlier when I did.”

  Fury arched his eyebrow and winked at me. “Oh yeah? Did you have some fun?” Then he lifted his finger in an attempt to make the ‘shush’ sound but missed his lips. “Don’t tell Sweets, she’ll go fucking crazy. She has a mean crush on him, has for years. He’s the only one who doesn’t see it.”

  I rolled my eyes, what is it with men, why do they all think we’re ready to fall in bed with them? “Nothing happened. He’s in there and I’m out there. I got the nickel tour of the bus and he let me unpack some of my stuff in his room. That’s it.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do. Maybe you should go to bed too, so I can get some sleep.”

  I had to hold back my giggles as he struggled to stand up. They were like classic drunks. I wondered if maybe tonight was an exception for them and they really couldn’t hold their alcohol. Nah, they were rockers and had been playing gigs for five years, of course they drank like fishes, didn’t all of them?

  Making up the couch and climbing under the blankets I was surprised it was so comfortable, or maybe it was because I was so damn tired. As I laid there staring up at ceiling and listening to the wheels on the road I heard some soft music. At first I thought I was imagining it, but then I strained to listen. Sure enough it was a guitar. It had to be an acoustic since it was so quiet.

  I sat up and listened. I don’t know why I thought sitting up would make me hear better but it was a reaction to my attempt to listen. I still couldn’t hear it clearly but what I could make out was haunting. Unable to resist the draw of the music I crept down the hall, being extra quiet as I passed the guys bunks and listened outside Chaos’s door.

  He was playing, it wasn’t smooth, more like he was figuring it out, but it was beautiful. The music resonated within me and I could feel words forming in my head, complimenting the soulful tune. I’m not sure how long I stood there listening but it was awhile and the music was imprinted in my mind. When I got back to the couch I pulled out my notebook and jotted down the words that poured out of me faster than I could get them on paper. Finally I’d written all I could remember and I shoved the notebook back under the cushion of the couch. I’d put it away tomorrow, but now I needed to sleep. I could feel the headache pounding behind my eyes, I was overtired and if I didn’t sleep soon, I’d feel like shit tomorrow.

  Lying down, I closed my eyes and let the music play in my mind. The words I’d written escaped from my lips. I sang softly so I wouldn’t disturb anyone, singing for myself, the haunting melody and words came together to form a song so moving it brought tears to my eyes. I sang until I had no words left. Wiping the tears from my eyes, the love was growing in my heart for a man who couldn’t be more wrong for me. Chaos’s song resonated within me like a loving embrace, and unlike anything he’d ever written before. As I drifted off to sleep I wondered who he’d been thinking of when he wrote it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Chaos

  The aroma of coffee woke me, definitely the nectar of the gods. I shook off the sleepiness in my head and stretched. As my brain turned on yesterday came back to me, the gig at the Garden, Synyster and especially Cynda. Holy fuck. I must have been struck by lightning. I’d never been so affected by any woman I’d ever met. It’d be one of those banner days in my life I’d never fuckin’ forget.
So much happened in a short time and most of it would change my life forever.

  Everything had come together at one time and was topped off by the new song. Just thinking about it made me smile. I still need lyrics for the music, they’d take longer. They always did. The tunes always came to me but the words—getting them exactly right—were always a struggle. I’d get them, then I’d share it and see what everyone else thought.

  The only fucking black mark on the day had been Sweets. I wasn’t looking forward to her fucking shit today and I was sure she’d start something. I told her last night she needed to stay away from Cynda, or she wasn’t going to like me very much.

  Grabbing my favorite pair of jeans from the drawer and an old Metallica t-shirt I ran my hands through my hair and hoped the bathroom was free. It was the worst part about traveling but at least we were all guys, or we were until yesterday. I got lucky and brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face, then went in search of coffee.

  The guys were huddled around the small table and at first I couldn’t figure out why. Then I saw Cynda. She was cuddled up on the couch and looked adorable. Her blue streaked hair was standing up in five different directions looking hysterical and she had this angelic expression her face.

  Wrath motioned for me to be quiet but when I grabbed a mug out of the cabinet it knocked the one next to it over. It didn’t make a huge crash but it was loud enough to wake her. I looked over in time to see her sit straight up like she was on springs and blink at us. We could tell she was confused at first, but as soon as she realized where she was pink colored her cheeks.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” Wrath said with a smile, and she gave him a big one in return. A pang of jealousy squeezed inside my chest. I didn’t want her smiling like that at anyone but me. Fuck. I’d done nothing but kiss her, how could I expect anything at this point and why the fuck would I want it? I was the no commitment king. It didn’t stop me from wanting some alone time with her today, but we were in Philly and had a fuckin’ packed schedule. Sound checks, interviews, a signing, and the concert. The first official stop of the tour and fuckin’ busy didn’t begin to cover it.