A Life of Joy

by Amy Clipston

  Jessica’s stomach fluttered as they started down the sidewalk toward the row of stores lining Route 340.

  “Are you thirsty?” he asked, gesturing toward a little deli.

  She shrugged. “Sure.”

  He steered her toward a little table outside of the building. “Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”

  While sitting at the small table, Jessica studied the traffic roaring by on the highway and silently rehearsed how she was going to share her news with Jake. She wanted him to be happy for her, but her gut told her that he would be disappointed at the sudden change in her summer plans.

  Jake appeared a few moments later carrying two plastic cups with lids and red straws. “Here you go.” He set the beverages on the table.

  “Thanks.” Jessica bit her lower lip and gripped the cool cup.

  “So, why are you back so early?” He adjusted his ball cap on his dark hair and then sipped his soda.

  She smiled. “I have exciting news.”

  “Really?” His grin was wide. “You’re transferring to a college here?”

  Not this subject again. She bit back a groan. Ever since she’d started school in Virginia, Jake had suggested she transfer to a school closer to him. The subject came up at least once every few months.

  She sipped her drink and shook her head. “No, I’m not transferring.”

  He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his wide chest. “You know I’ll always keep trying to convince you that you belong here with me.”

  “I know you will,” she said.

  “It was worth a try anyway.” He lifted his cup to his mouth. “I’m dying with anticipation. What’s this exciting news? Spill it.”

  “I’ve accepted an internship with a very well-respected accounting firm.”

  His eyes were wide with excitement. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you.” She paused for a moment. “There’s one thing.”

  He raised his eyebrows while sipping his drink.

  “It’s in New York,” she said softly.

  He stopped drinking and set his cup on the table. “What did you say?”

  “The internship is in New York.” She cleared her throat and pushed her hair behind her ears.

  “New York?” He said the words slowly as if trying to decode their meaning. “What do you mean by New York? It’s a big state.”

  “I mean New York City.”

  He blinked. “You’re going to New York City?”

  She nodded.

  “When?”

  “Sunday.”

  “For how long?”

  “Until classes start again in August. But you can come and see me,” she added quickly. “Maybe you and Lindsay can visit. I’ll be staying at my friend Kim’s parents’ house in New Jersey, and they have plenty of room. She said that—”

  “Whoa.” He held his hands up like a traffic cop and she stopped speaking. “So what you’re not saying is that you’re breaking your promise to me, your sister, my grandfather, Eli, and the rest of your family. You’re going to work in New York instead of working here.” He pointed toward the furniture store.

  “Did you hear what I said, Jake?” Jessica snapped. “This is an internship at a big accounting firm. I’ll get college credit and have the work experience on my résumé.” She leaned forward, tapping the table for emphasis. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime for me.”

  “Really?” he muttered, looking unimpressed.

  “Don’t you get it?” She gestured widely. “I’ve been working so hard to prove that I can make it in this field. It’s finally paying off. My professors wrote letters of recommendation for this job.”

  He shook his head and stood. “Unbelievable.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Jess, I’ve been waiting for you for four years now.”

  She frowned. “That’s not fair, Jake. I never made any promises.”

  “Exactly.” He started toward the furniture store, and she ran after him.

  “Jake! Wait!” she called, her voice thick. “Don’t walk away from me.”

  He stopped mid-stride and faced her, a wry grin on his face. “You’re asking me to not walk away from you? What have you done to me repeatedly since the summer we met?”

  She gasped, staring at him. “Is that what you think I’m doing—walking away from you?”

  He threw his hands up in the air. “What else am I supposed to think? You could’ve had a scholarship to any college, and you chose to stay in Virginia.”

  She pinched the bridge of her nose where a migraine brewed. “We’ve been through this a thousand times, Jake.”

  “Have we?” He glowered. “I’ve been patient, Jessica. I’ve tolerated only seeing you every summer and for a few short weekend trips during the year. The only thing I’ve had to look forward to is summers, and now we’re losing that.”

  “This isn’t about you, Jake,” she retorted.

  “You’re absolutely right. It’s not at all about me,” he said softly, his voice trembling with anger. “It’s about you. It’s always been about you, Jessica.” Turning, he stalked back to the furniture store.

  Her eyes filled with tears as she watched him walk away from her.

  Lindsay finished setting the table and then opened the oven to check the pot roast. She glanced at the clock on the wall and found it was almost five.

  “She’ll be here,” Rebecca said, while holding up another spoonful of applesauce to Emma.

  “I thought she was going to leave early.” Lindsay glanced out the kitchen window toward the driveway. “I wonder if she made a stop along the way.” She fetched a pitcher from the cabinet. “I’ll make some more iced tea.” She fished the mix from the cabinet, poured the ingredients into the pitcher, and added the water. “I bet she went by the furniture store to see Jake.”

  “Daniel said he invited Jake to supper tonight, but Jake turned him down,” Rebecca said.

  “That’s odd,” Lindsay said, stirring the tea.

  “He said that Jake seemed upset about something, but he wouldn’t talk about it.”

  “Then she probably did stop to see him,” Lindsay muttered.

  The back door slammed open and Junior danced into the room. “She’s here! She’s here!”

  Lindsay followed Junior out the door and down the porch steps to where Daniel stood with Jessica next to her Jeep.

  “Hey, Big Sister!” Lindsay wrapped her arms around Jessica’s neck. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “You too,” Jessica said, hugging her in return. She glanced toward the house. “Where are Emma and Aunt Rebecca?”

  “Aenti Rebecca’s giving Emma some applesauce. Emma’s been really hungry all day and whined until Aenti Rebecca pulled out her favorite snack.” Lindsay glanced toward the truck. “What can I carry?”

  “Uncle Daniel has my bag.” Jessica pointed toward the suitcase in his hand. “I don’t need much since I’m leaving Sunday.”

  Lindsay bit back a frown at the thought of her sister’s short visit. “Let’s get you inside. I’m making a roast.”

  “Great.” Jessica leaned down to Junior. “Would you show me the way to the kitchen?”

  “Ya!” He took her hand and led her toward the porch.

  Lindsay sat across from Jessica at the kitchen table. She bowed her head in silent prayer along with the rest of the family. She looked up when she heard Daniel shift in his seat, indicating that the prayer was over and the meal would begin. She took a piece of freshly baked bread from the basket and then passed the basket across to Jessica.

  “So, how are you?” Lindsay asked.

  “I’m okay,” Jessica said. “I think I have everything ready for the trip. Kim left this morning and was driving straight through to her parents’ place. I borrowed her GPS, so I should be fine on the road.”

  “How has school been, Jessica?” Rebecca asked from her seat beside her.

  “Good,” Jessica said while she chos
e a piece of bread and then buttered it.

  While Jessica chattered away about classes and friends, Lindsay studied her. At twenty, Jessica was a striking beauty with her dark eyes and her dark brown hair falling to the middle of her back. She wore just enough makeup to accentuate her eyes and her high cheekbones.

  However, her sister’s eyes seemed to lack their usual brightness, and her voice wasn’t as full of excitement as it had been on the phone. Jessica acted as if something was wrong, and Lindsay hoped she would share her worries in private later on in the evening.

  During the rest of the meal, Jessica told stories about college and asked about the friends and family in the Bird-in-Hand district.

  After supper, Daniel disappeared into the barn while Rebecca steered the children toward the family room. Lindsay began carrying dirty dishes to the sink.

  “What can I do?” Jessica asked.

  “Do you want to wash or dry?” Lindsay asked, filling the sink with soapy water.

  Jessica moved to the sink. “I guess I can wash.”

  Lindsay placed the dirty dishes and utensils on the counter. “What time did you leave your apartment this morning?”

  “I think it was about ten.” Jessica scrubbed a pot. “I made pretty good time. Traffic wasn’t too bad, and I only stopped twice.”

  “Huh,” Lindsay said as she grabbed the basket of bread.

  Jessica faced her. “What does that mean?”

  “Well, you got here around five, and I know it doesn’t take seven hours to drive to Bird-in-Hand from your place.”

  To her surprise, Jessica’s face turned crimson before she spun back around to the sink.

  Lindsay was silent for a moment while she waited for Jessica to elaborate. When she didn’t speak, Lindsay racked her brain for something to say. “Haven’t Junior and Emma gotten big? Emma spoke her first sentence yesterday. She spoke in Dietsch of course. When Aenti Rebecca asked her if she wanted a —”

  “I went to see Jake before I came here.” Jessica suddenly blurted out the words. “I couldn’t wait to see him, and I thought maybe he’d be happy for me.” Her voice trembled. “But he was really hurt. I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again.” She faced Lindsay, and tears streamed down her pink cheeks.

  “It’s okay.” Lindsay rushed over to Jessica and handed her a napkin. “I’m sure he’ll get over it.” She rubbed Jessica’s arm as she wiped her face.

  “I doubt it.” Jessica shook her head. “He said that everything is all about me and he’s been waiting for me for years. Jake doesn’t understand how this is the biggest and most exciting opportunity of my life. He pretty much told me off and left me standing on the sidewalk, so I drove around for a while and tried to figure out what to do.” Jessica threw her hands up with defeat. “I don’t think there’s anything I can do except let it go. I mean, this internship isn’t going to come around again, so if he really cares about me, he’ll have to get over it.”

  Lindsay frowned. “Have you thought about apologizing to him?”

  “Apologize for what?” Jessica frowned. “It’s my life, Linds. I’m doing the best I can without Mom and Dad. I know that they would want me to work hard and be independent. If he can’t understand that, then I guess he doesn’t understand me.”

  Lindsay opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by her little cousins running and shrieking their way around the kitchen table and then back out to the family room.

  Rebecca followed slowly behind them with a smile on her face. “I wish I had just a tiny portion of their boundless energy.” Her gaze met Jessica’s and she gave a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

  “Oh yeah.” Jessica waved off the question. “I was just sharing a story with Lindsay.” She turned back to the sink. “Supper was delicious, by the way.”

  “I did all of the cooking.” Lindsay grabbed a towel and began drying the dishes in the rack.

  “Wow,” Jessica said while she scrubbed a pot. “You’re little Miss Suzy Homemaker, huh?”

  Lindsay glowered. Why did her sister always have to make sarcastic comments about her domestic skills? She glanced at Rebecca who gave her an expression that told her to let it go.

  “I’ll wipe off the table,” Rebecca offered.

  “No,” Lindsay said with a shake of her head. “You go rest. You look exhausted.”

  Rebecca sighed. “I hate to admit you’re right, but you are. I’ll be in the schtupp.” She slowly moved from the kitchen toward the family room.

  “Is she all right?” Jessica asked softly once Rebecca was gone.

  “I don’t know.” Lindsay shook her head as worry filled her. “She’s been really tired lately. But you remember what a hard worker she is. It’s difficult to get her to slow down at all.”

  “I hope she’s not coming down with something.” Suddenly Jessica’s expression brightened. “Tell me all about your life. How’s the bakery? How’s that handsome Matthew doing? Has he asked to give you a ride home yet?”

  Lindsay swatted her sister with the towel. “Matthew is just a friend.”

  Jessica gave her a look of disbelief. “Yeah. Sure! And I’m the Queen of Sheba.”

  Lindsay laughed and couldn’t help but think how good it was to have her sister back, even if it was only for a short weekend.

  Rebecca stood in the doorway of Emma’s room and watched while Jessica rocked Emma in the chair and quietly read her a story. Emma yawned and soon her eyes closed while the chair slowly moved back and forth and her older cousin’s voice whispered the words to Emma’s favorite book.

  Rebecca’s heart filled with warmth as she thought of her two nieces and how much they’d grown since they’d come to live with her and Daniel four years ago. Although it had broken Rebecca’s heart when she’d allowed Jessica to move back to Virginia and live with friends, she’d known that it was God’s will for the girl.

  And now Jessica was all grown up. She was a beautiful young lady and about to embark on an exciting and challenging journey. Rebecca prayed that God would be with her and guide her this summer in the big city.

  “You’re asleep,” Jessica whispered to Emma. “I guess I should put you in your bed, huh?” She glanced up at Rebecca and smiled.

  Rebecca crossed the room and took Emma in her arms. After whispering good night in her ear, she placed her baby in her crib and covered her with a small quilt. “She’s worn out from a busy day of play.”

  Jessica grinned. “I can see that.” She followed Rebecca out of the room.

  Rebecca closed the door behind them. “I think the children enjoyed having you read their stories tonight.”

  “Oh, it was fun.” Jessica nodded toward Junior’s room. “I can’t get over how big he is. Emma too. They grow so fast.”

  “Ya, they do. Sometimes it seems like it’s too fast.” Rebecca motioned toward Lindsay’s room across the hall. “Lindsay insisted that you take her room and she’ll sleep in with Emma.”

  “She didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it.” Jessica stepped into Lindsay’s room and yawned. “I think I may turn in early. I’m worn out from the drive.”

  Rebecca leaned in the doorway and watched her niece fish through her duffel bag and pull out a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. “How are you, Jessica?”

  “Fine.” Jessica continued to dig, revealing a bottle of shampoo, a toothbrush, and toothpaste.

  “Are you certain?” Rebecca stepped into the room and sank into a chair in front of the bed. “You seemed upset earlier. You know you can talk to me, ya?”

  Jessica sat on the bed, hugging her sweatpants to her chest. “On my way here today, I stopped to see Jake at the store.”

  “Oh?” Rebecca smoothed the skirt of her dress. “How is he?”

  Looking frustrated, Jessica shook her head. “Upset with me. He didn’t take my news about going to New York well at all.”

  “He’s hurt that you’re going?”

  “Yes, he is.” Jessica sniffed and cleared her throat. “He sa
id that it’s always all about me, and he’s been waiting for me for four years.”

  “It’s not easy for him to let you go.” Rebecca smiled. “Maybe he’s afraid you’ll stay in New York, and he’ll lose you.”

  “I wish he could see that this isn’t about trying to be independent or breaking away from something that’s holding me back.” Jessica shook her head. “Well, maybe I am trying to be independent. Anyway, this is an opportunity for me to earn college credit and build up my résumé, but he doesn’t see that side of it. All he chooses to understand is that I’m abandoning him.”

  “Or breaking a promise.”

  Jessica’s eyes widened. “Breaking a promise?” Her voice rose and shook with resentment. “I’m just spending a summer in New York City. Besides, we’ve never even officially declared ourselves a couple. We’re just close friends. I’ve never promised him more than that.”

  Rebecca leaned over and patted Jessica’s knee. “I know you don’t mean to hurt him, but he was really looking forward to seeing you this summer. He asks about you all the time.”

  “He does?” Jessica looked surprised.

  “Don’t act so shocked, Jessica.” Rebecca wagged a finger at her. “You know how he feels about you. It’s written all over his face. You need to see beyond your own wants and needs and just consider how much this is hurting him. Come to a compromise.”

  Looking defeated, Jessica nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

  Rebecca stood and cupped her hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn. “Excuse me. I think I’m going to go to bed.”

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Ya, I’m fine. I’m just getting old.” She started for the door. “You go ahead and take your shower. You remember where everything is.”

  “Thanks,” Jessica said. As Rebecca moved out the door, Jessica called to her. “Aunt Rebecca. Wait.”

  Rebecca faced her.

  “Do you think I should stay here and work for Yoder’s this summer?” Her eyes implored Rebecca, as if begging Rebecca to give her blessing for Jessica’s plans.

  Rebecca paused, carefully choosing her words. “You’re a very brave and driven young woman. I admire your courage, and I know that your mother would be very proud of you. I think you know what you want, and you’re going after it with a tenacity that I never had.”