Drowning In Love

by Beth Rinyu

  Yours always ~

  Mia

  I went back into his room and placed the ring and note on his dresser, hoping that maybe someday he would come back and see it. Maybe then, he would realize that I meant it when I said – I would wait for him, forever.

  Chapter 58

  Mia…

  One year later……

  "Mia, it's your birthday, we have to celebrate!" Juan pleaded.

  "No, that's okay."

  "Brian and I will be picking you up at eight. We’re going to meet Victor and you are going to get drunk!" He didn't give me any time to protest before walking out the door.

  I wasn’t up for celebrating turning another year older and another year lonelier. I felt as if my life had just frozen in time from the day that I had walked out of Travis’ apartment. I was just going through the motions, feeling a lot like I had after I lost Eric. I hadn’t heard anything about Travis. There were many times that I was tempted to ask Mrs. Montgomery while I was doing her hair, but I stopped myself. I was better off not knowing; it would only open up the wounds that were just starting to scab over. My mom was on my case more than ever to move back home and I was now seriously considering it. I spent most of my free time commuting back and forth there on my days off anyway. Funny how most people head to a big city to start over again and I was contemplating leaving one for my new beginning.

  I finished up with the last of my clients and headed home. The last thing I felt like doing was going out tonight, but I knew there was no way I was going to get out of it, so I reluctantly texted Juan to ask him where he planned on taking me against my will - so that I could be dressed appropriately.

  I rolled my eyes at his text back: Dinner and a club so make sure you wear your hooker heels.

  I was dressed and ready to go by the time Juan and Brian had arrived to pick me up. I had decided on my black mini skirt and my black and gray polka dot shirt with my cute silver sandals - no hooker heels!

  By the time the taxi pulled up to my favorite Italian restaurant, I was glad that I had let Juan force me into going. My stomach muscles were sore from laughter after listening to him and Brian bantering back and forth on the ride there. We walked in and the hostess led us to the back room.

  "Surprise!" I jumped when she turned on the lights, to find a dozen or so of my co-workers seated around a large table to celebrate my birthday.

  I couldn't contain my smile. I hugged Juan tightly and walked over to greet everyone. Dinner was delicious and by the time it was over, I had far exceeded my one-drink limit. So, when Juan announced that we were all meeting up at Cielo, a nightclub in the meatpacking district, I was totally game.

  The loud music and scant lighting in the club was only adding to my dizziness, but that didn't stop me from drinking the Malibu bay breeze that Juan handed me. "You do realize if you make me late for meeting my mom and sister tomorrow, they will kill you!"

  "Oh, Mia, have fun for once!"

  I didn't put up much of a fight as I sipped my drink down. I was having a great time and feeling totally relaxed. "Mia, you want to dance?" Victor asked over the blaring music.

  "Sure!" I answered without hesitation. The two of us went out on the dance floor. I was having such a great time, making me very happy that I decided to come out of my shell a little tonight. I couldn't control my laughter as the music changed and we began to our best attempt at dirty dancing. By the time we were done, I had broken out in a sweat and needed more to drink - something non-alcoholic. I knew my limit and I had well surpassed it tonight.

  "Victor, do you want something to drink?" I asked as he took the empty seat next to Juan.

  "Oh yeah, rum and coke."

  I made my way through the people to get to the bar and order our drinks. I was just heading back to the table when I heard someone shouting over the music. "Mia!" I turned around and was unable to feign any form of excitement when I saw Chloe approaching me. I was speechless. Even though I knew what I wanted to say to her, I remained silent. "I thought that was you out there on the dance floor. You're quite the little dancer, aren't you?"

  "You know what; I have nothing to say to you."

  "Oh, Mia, you're still upset over that whole Travis thing? You should be glad I told you, it's not like he's of any use to you now anyway. Although I did hear he moved to California just to get away from you."

  It was taking everything in me not to throw one of the drinks that I was holding in her face. Juan must have been watching and sensed that I needed him as he came over to where I was standing.

  "You make me sick, Chloe."

  "Well, I don't know why, seems like you've moved on to someone just as nice looking," she said as she looked over at Victor. "I have to say, I don’t know what was more pathetic; him crippling himself over you or you running back into his arms after his accident. Too bad his arms were the only thing he was able to wrap around you." She raised eyebrows and flashed me a devious grin.

  I turned around and quickly handed Juan the drinks before following her back where she had just sat down.

  “You go, girl!” Juan shouted.

  She looked surprised when she looked up to see me in front of her. I looked over at the man she was seated with. "Are you her boyfriend?" I asked, feeling my adrenaline pumping through my veins.

  "No, she's my agent," he clarified.

  "Oh, so that means you're fucking her as well."

  She pursed her lips and shook her head at me.

  He began to chuckle, making me think that I was completely accurate in my assessment of the situation.

  "Well, just a warning. Don't reject her or she'll ruin you."

  I felt complete satisfaction just seeing the look on her face. I started to walk away before stopping myself and turning back around.

  "Oh, and Chloe, why don't you take some of that money that you made off of Travis and get yourself some good hair extensions because those look just as fake as your boobs." I realized that I was still shouting to talk over the sound of the music that had just paused, causing a bunch of people to turn around and stare.

  I could tell that the man she was with was trying to hold back his laughter while Chloe sat there, speechless. She just stared at me coldly as she mouthed the word "bitch" to me.

  I smiled a genuine smile. "Thank you. Coming from you, I will consider that a compliment."

  Juan was frozen, still standing in the same spot that I had left him in, holding the drinks. “Oh, Mia, I trained you well!” He laughed. “I’m guessing that was the bitchy agent?”

  I nodded. I felt totally sobered up; it was if that altercation had flushed all of the alcohol out of my system. I was still fuming, wishing I could just rip that fake hair right out of her head. She was just a very painful reminder of my failed life and why I needed to move away from all of the old ghosts that still continued to haunt me.

  Chapter 59

  Mia…

  After two very action packed, fun-filled days with my nieces and the rest of my family, I was looking forward to spending a quiet afternoon at home, unwinding before going back to work in the morning. That was until I received a text on the way home from Eric’s partner, Ian, asking me to meet him for lunch. Besides being Eric’s partner, he and Eric were great friends. He had been there the day the Eric was shot and he took his death very hard. Ian was there for me a lot after Eric’s death. Then life began to get in the way and his every other day visits turned into once a week, then once a month to a Christmas card. I was saddened when I drifted apart from him and his wife, Amy. The four of us would go out together all of the time. I knew that part of it was my fault too. They were a painful reminder of my life with Eric and how I wished my life could have turned out. We had decided on meeting at Stand4, a burger restaurant. I had just stepped out of the taxi and onto the street when I heard Ian calling my name. I used my hands as a visor to block the afternoon sunlight out of my eyes. My smile was a mile wide when I saw him approaching me.

  “Ian, how are you?” I
hugged him tightly. I hadn’t seen him or even talked to him in such a long while. I looked inside the stroller that he was pushing to find the most angelic little baby sound asleep, sucking on his pacifier. I could tell it was a little boy because he was dressed in all blue. “When did this happen?” I asked with a huge smile on my face.

  “Six weeks ago,” he said proudly.

  I bent down to get a closer look at him. “He is beautiful! What’s his name?”

  He looked at me as if he was nervous to tell me. “Jackson – Jackson Eric.” I stood up and fought the tears that were filling my eyes. Ian’s wife, Amy, loved the name Jackson too, after I had mentioned it to her. She would always joke around and tell me we would be in a race to have the first boy to get the name – she won.

  We settled into the outside seating area. It was a gorgeous day with no humidity, which was a rarity for a July afternoon in New York City. We gave the waitress our order and began to catch up. He had told me that Amy was spending a much-needed day to herself and he agreed to take the baby to give her a break. I looked down at the baby, still sound asleep and smiled. How I yearned to have one someday and with another birthday just passing, I was really beginning to feel my biological clock ticking.

  “So, Mia, what’s been going on with you?”

  “Nothing much, same ole same ole.”

  He looked at me sadly. “I still think about him every day, Mia.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said, feeling the instant burn of tears.

  He looked at me like he wanted to ask me something but was afraid. “I heard you were dating Travis Montgomery.”

  I quickly smiled. “Boy, you cops sure do know everything.” He nodded and smiled. “Yeah, well, that’s ancient history.” It had been a whole year and it still pained me to say.

  “That was really a shame, what happened to him.”

  I felt my eyes instantly filling up with tears. I bit my lip and tried my best to hold them back. I couldn’t believe that I still got myself this emotional just thinking about Travis. When was it going to stop? “Oh, Mia, I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s my fault. I should be over it by now.”

  He looked at me sympathetically. “I’m a good listener.” I smiled and told him the whole story of Travis and me right from the beginning. By the time I was done, I felt much better. I wasn’t sure if it was from unloading what I had bottled up for the past year, the Smores milkshake that I was sipping on, or the fact that the baby was beginning to stir and I was finally going to get to hold him.

  “He’s like an alarm clock, every three hours for his bottle.” Ian laughed. He grabbed the diaper bag and took out his bottle.

  “Can I feed him?” I asked.

  “Sure!”

  I carefully picked him up from the stroller as he cooed. He was so tiny, so perfect, that I felt myself becoming emotional just holding him. I couldn’t take my eyes from him as he eagerly took the bottle. “He’s so beautiful; you and Amy are so lucky.”

  He looked at me with a sympathetic smile. “Thanks, Mia, we really are.”

  I took the bottle from his mouth, wiped his lips with his burp cloth, and carefully sat him up to burp him. I felt a ping of triumph as I got a teeny tiny burp from him before feeding him some more. I was so engrossed in watching him that I didn’t even see Stacy approaching me. “Mia! Oh my God. How are you?” She bent down to give me a kiss.

  There was so much that I wanted to say to her. Like, how is Travis? Does he know that I still love him and think about him every day? But instead, I just went with, “Hey, Stacy, how are you?” She looked down at the baby and then at Ian. “Oh, Stacy, this is Ian, and this beautiful boy is Jackson.”

  She was silent for a brief moment before a smile appeared on her face.

  “Stacy, come on, we have to get going!” I looked over to see a woman that was just about to enter a taxi calling her.

  “I’m sorry, I have to run! I would love to get together and catch up.”

  “Yeah, sure, that would be great.”

  I watched as she walked off and jumped into the cab. I turned my attention back to the baby and Ian. “Just another reminder of a painful memory and why I need to move from this city.”

  Ian and I finished up our lunch and said our goodbyes. He made me promise that I would keep in touch. I assured him that I would. The memories wouldn’t be so painful, now that I had had a new ghost that I was running from.

  Chapter 60

  Mia…

  Summer had come and gone, along with my mind. I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have seriously lost it, but I was going out on a blind date arranged by Juan. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I trusted his judgment with choosing the perfect dress, but choosing a man was a different story. He had made several failed attempts at playing Cupid. First, there was Renzo, a client of his who was about five feet tall, two of those inches was his hair alone. He was a miniature “Don Juan,” or so he thought. He was under the impression that every woman’s name was “Yo, babe!” Then there was Allan the nerdy UPS man who would gawk at all of the women clients like a pervert when he would make his daily deliveries. The lucky guy who had won a date with me this evening was Keith Bradford, a friend of Brian’s brother. Juan had gone on and on about what a nice guy he was and what a good job he had, but was unable to answer one simple question: what did he look like? I found out after the date was all set up, that Juan had never even met the guy. He was going solely on the word of Brian’s brother, who was a little strange himself.

  I agreed to meet him for a drink. The only thing I knew was that I was looking for a guy with dirty blond hair. So I was hoping that there weren’t too many guys that fit that vague description at the restaurant. Since he was a personal trainer, I was assuming that he would have a halfway decent body, giving me another clue of what I should be looking for. When I stepped out of the taxi into the cool October air, I surprisingly wasn’t nervous in the least. I was looking at this as my “getting back in the game” date. Funny, that was how I viewed my first date with Travis and look what ended up happening. I walked into the restaurant and looked around, trying to act as if I really knew who I was looking for. “Hi, can I help you?” the hostess asked.

  I decided to drop my “play it cool” façade and be honest. “Actually, I’m supposed to be meeting a blind date here. I have no clue who I’m looking for and I don’t even want to be here, to tell you the truth.”

  She flashed a caring smile. “Been there, done that. I think the gentleman you are looking for is sitting right over there at the bar.” She pointed to a surprisingly very handsome man with dirty blond wavy hair. As I approached him, I could tell that I was correct in my nice body theory. “Hey, Keith?” I asked.

  He stood up and smiled. He wasn’t very tall, only a few inches over my 5’4”, making me regret wearing my higher heeled boots. He extended his hand to me. “Hi, Mia, it’s really nice to meet you.” I took the empty seat next to him at the bar. He ordered me a Malibu Bay Breeze and wasted no time jumping into conversation. I heard all about his job and how he had met Brian’s brother, nothing that really interested me. Nonetheless, I shook my head and smiled, trying to act like I was somewhat interested. He was rambling on so much that my mind began to wander. I so wasn’t ready for this dating thing. Was this my life now, date a million frogs before I find my Prince Charming? Deep down inside, I knew I had already found two Prince Charmings. Both of which were now out of my life. Was I asking too much in trying to find a third?

  “So, Mia, Brian said that you went out with Travis Montgomery?”

  Ouch, I think I would rather still be listening to his one-sided conversation instead of bringing up this topic. “Yeah, I did,” I said in a very dismissing tone.

  “Wow, what was that like? That guy was amazing in the Olympics.”

  “I don’t know; he was just like any other guy, I guess.” Boy, was that a full blown lie.

  “Yeah, well that really was awful, what happ
ened to him.”

  I nodded and looked away. Why couldn’t he get that I didn’t want to talk about this?

  “I wonder if he’s going to try and compete any more, now that he’s walking again.”

  Suddenly my ears perked up as I choked on the sip of my drink I had just taken. “What? Who told you that?”

  “One of the trainers that just started working at my gym used to work at Travis’ gym. He still keeps in touch with him from time to time.”

  I felt like I had been kicked in the face. I had been the one that was there for Travis the most. I had been the one who was willing to wait for him. I had been the one that loved him more than anything and this was how I had to find out that he was walking again. Okay, maybe he didn’t want to rekindle what we once had, maybe he had gotten over me a lot better than I had gotten over him, but I still thought that I deserved to hear that news from him. Even if it was just to wish him well. I sipped down my drink a little too fast, and quickly ordered another. Keith continued to ramble on as I continued to put away the drinks. “Mia, are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

  “No, no, I’m good.” I wasn’t good. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, the room was spinning, and I felt like I was going to throw up. But somehow, I didn’t think that alcohol had anything to do with the nausea. I had basically put my entire life on hold for the past fifteen months, holding a secret vigil for some guy who could care less about me. I hated him. I rubbed my hand over the stubble on Keith’s face. “Let’s go back to your place.” He raised his eyebrow at me and smiled. He stood up quickly and took my hand. I made a loud commotion, causing everyone to turn around and look when I walked into the bar stool and knocked it over. “Oops, sorry.” I giggled as the busboy rushed over to pick it up. “I’m so sorry…” I squinted to read the name from the tag on his shirt. “Roger?” I said as if I were sounding out the words. “Is that your name - Roger?” I slurred. He just smiled and nodded. “You’re pretty cute.” He smiled again, this time turning a little red. Keith took me by the hand and led me out of the restaurant, making sure that I kept my balance along the way. The maître d’ opened the door for us as we exited. I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, the drinks were really yummy.”