Rainy Days

by Victoria Zagar

  What happened to last night? One moment we told each other we were in love, the next I’m being herded out of the door like a nuisance. He looked back at the house as he walked away. I’m nothing more then a married man’s lover. I shouldn’t get any illusions that we have a future. As soon as he sorts out his family problems, I’ll be left behind. He kicked a rock on the road, the bottle of lube heavy and awkward in his pocket. Screw it. I’m not going into work like this. I’m soaked, I need a shower and I have lube in my pocket that I can’t exactly hide. He pulled out his phone and called into work.

  “Yeah, I’m not feeling so great. I just woke up. I’m sorry.” His boss excused him and he ended the call. At this rate I’ll lose my job.

  He ventured uphill to Tower Heights and reached his apartment, putting the key into the lock as he dripped water all over the carpet. He laid his jacket out over a chair to dry and stripped, getting into a warm shower. The warm water felt good on his skin and he washed away all the sweat and dried semen. The previous night came back to him. It’s so damn good when we’re together, he thought. The best sex I’ve ever had. I feel so close to him. Then everything just seems to go wrong. I don’t know where I stand. I’ve fallen so hard for him and I don’t even know what I mean to him. Does he love me, or does he just tell me what I want to hear? I’m so confused...

  He got out of the shower and dried his body and his hair, slipping into some dry clothes. I guess time will tell. All I can do is wait and see what happens. Maybe I’ll get my heart broken after all, but can I really say it wasn’t worth it?

  Michael sat in his car. He’d missed getting Taryn to the bus stop and drove her to school instead, getting her there just in time. His job had called and he’d explained the situation, and the hospital had called to say Michelle was going to be released that afternoon. Michael let out a sigh. The memories of the previous night gave him comfort and he drew on it before remembering he needed to go home and change the sheets before he picked Michelle up from the hospital.

  He drove along the main road. Ash’s truck was gone, towed to some lot where it would no doubt sit for a while. I should have taken him to work. He probably got soaked. He sighed as he pulled off the main road and he eventually reached the house, pulling into his parking spot on the street. He hurried upstairs and pulled the bed sheets off, loading them into the washer. He looked around the bedroom and picked up any incriminating evidence like a crime scene investigator, vacuuming the carpet to remove any of Ash’s long black hairs. I’m a guilty man. A liar. My lover fucked me on the bed my wife will sleep in tonight. The wife who just lost our baby.

  He let out a long breath. Maybe I’m not cut out for this after all. Everything seems to make so much sense when Ash is around, but when he’s not... I don’t know. He slumped down on the bed. I should clean the whole house. It looks suspicious if I just clean the bedroom. He got up and started to vacuum the house, tidying and cleaning as he went. I told him I loved him. I shouldn’t have let that slip out. I can’t give him anything. I can’t offer him a future. What kind of love takes but gives nothing in return?

  Michael packed the cleaning tools away and put the laundry in the drier. The hospital called to say that Michelle was ready for release, and he sighed. What have we gotten ourselves into, Ash? I wanted this and now I’m the one that’s scared. What the hell are we going to do? Where do we go from here but down?

  Chapter Seven

  Making Plans

  Michael helped Michelle into the house and guided her over to the sofa. She shifted in the seat, then looked around her.

  “Oh, you cleaned. Thanks.”

  “No problem,” Michael felt guilt rise in his gut.

  “Where’s Taryn? I want to see her.”

  “She’s at my mom’s.”

  “I want her here,” Michelle cried. “I want my baby.” She started to cry, and Michael handed her a box of tissues awkwardly.

  “I’ll go get her, okay?” Michael grabbed his coat and left, closing the door quietly behind him. A misty drizzle seemed to get in his eyes as he walked to the car, the rainy day darkening as it turned to night. He flipped open his phone as he sat in the driver’s seat.

  “How R U?” He texted Ash on a whim. I tossed him out of the house this morning. I can at least text him.

  “I’m OK,” Ash texted right back. “Watching a movie. Going 2 work 2morrow?”

  “Yes,” Michael texted back. “Miss U.”

  “C U then,” Ash wrote. “Nite.”

  He didn’t say he missed me, Michael thought. Maybe he doesn’t. He sighed and drove away, leaving the phone open on the passenger seat. Ash didn’t text again, and Michael put the phone away as he reached his parents’ house.

  He collected Taryn and drove home in silence. Taryn rushed to her mom as Michael opened the door. Michelle hugged Taryn tightly as she climbed up on the sofa.

  “Mommy, what happened?” Taryn asked. “Why is everyone so sad?”

  “The baby went to Heaven,” Michelle said, looking up at Michael with a hurt expression.

  Taryn burst into tears. “You mean, like my hamster?”

  “Yeah, like that,” Michelle said. “Go up to your room now. Mommy will be right up.” Taryn dried her eyes and ran off.

  “Michael, I thought you would have explained this to her!” Michelle rounded on him in the kitchen. “You know how hard this has been for me, without her asking twenty questions!”

  “I thought you would want to do it. Explaining life and death is a big thing. I didn’t want her crying for you in the middle of the night. Besides, I’m not good at this stuff.”

  “I’m going upstairs,” Michelle stalked up the stairs and Michael could hear her comforting a crying Taryn. No matter what I do, I’m never right. I was trying to be considerate. What the hell was I supposed to do?

  Michelle left Taryn’s room and went to her own. Michael climbed the stairs and looked in on Taryn.

  “You all right, honey?” Michael asked, seeing the glow of the night light.

  “Daddy, will I die?” Taryn asked, sitting up. Her eyes were red from crying and Michael walked over to her, giving her a hug.

  “We all will,” Michael said. “It’s a very long way away, though. Longer then you can imagine.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “It’s gonna be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you, Taryn. I swear it.” He sat with her until she fell asleep, then went to his own room.

  “You didn’t have to scare her,” Michael said. “She’s seven. Now she’s thinking she’s going to die.”

  “Well, she will, someday. I will. You will. That’s life.”

  “Quit being so hard. She’s just a kid. She doesn’t understand any of this.”

  “Yeah, well it’s about time she learned,” Michelle said. “You spoil her too much. This is why you didn’t want another child, isn’t it? You just want to dote on her. Well, it’s gonna be your fault when she grows up to be a spoiled little miss.”

  “Don’t start,” Michael climbed into bed. He tried to push away the thoughts of sleeping in Ash’s arms, safe and comfortable. Not now. I can’t stand to think about that this second.

  “Don’t start?” Michelle said. “You started it! What was I supposed to tell Taryn? That the baby’s just fine and nothing bad ever happens?”

  “No, of course not. Look, just go to sleep. We’re all too emotional tonight. Besides, I don’t want to wake Taryn. She just fell asleep.”

  Michelle turned away on her side, and Michael did as well. He let the memories of Ash’s tender touch flood in as he fell asleep, his warm feelings a salve on a fresh wound.

  Ash woke, showered and dressed. He tried to push down the feelings of excitement that rose up in him as he thought about seeing Michael again, but the butterflies persisted as he grabbed his lunch and took the long elevator ride down.

  Ash reached the parking garage and climbed into Michael’s car. “How are you doing? You look tired.”

  “
It was a long night,” Michael admitted as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Michelle yelled at me for not explaining the situation to Taryn. She made Taryn have nightmares. She’s seriously cold-hearted sometimes.” He sighed.

  “Damn. That sucks. Poor kid.”

  “She’s only seven. She didn’t deserve to have Michelle scare the crap out of her like that.”

  “Life and death isn’t an easy thing to understand at any age,” Ash said. “My dad died when I was eight. I remember how rough that was.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Ancient history now. Still, you should do something to cheer Taryn up. Maybe a trip somewhere, or something. Without Michelle. A little father and daughter time.”

  “That’s not a bad idea. Thanks. I’ll think about it.” He pulled off into a back alley behind two abandoned factories and stopped the car.

  “What’s wrong?” Ash asked. Michael leaned over and kissed him, a needy kiss as he grasped at his clothes.

  “We’ll be late,” Ash gasped. “I called off yesterday. I’ll get fired if I screw up again.”

  “We have time.” Michael reached down the front of Ash’s pants and Ash gave no more resistance as Michael’s hand found his cock, stroking it as Ash rested his head back against the headrest. Ash reached down and unzipped his pants, giving himself a little more space as Michael touched him with expert motions. Ash leaned over and grabbed Michael in a hungry kiss, that ended only as he came with a gasp.

  “Tissues?” Ash asked, and Michael gestured to the glove compartment. Ash cleaned himself up and moved across Michael’s leg, reaching for the obvious bulge on Michael’s pants.

  “We don’t have time,” Michael protested.

  “Fuck that. Let them fire me. I’ll come work with you and fuck you every opportunity I get.” Ash unzipped Michael’s pants and licked the end of his cock. “Drive,” he whispered. “We can still make it.”

  “Fuck,” Michael muttered, but did as he was told and shifted the car into gear. He struggled not to crash into the wall as Ash’s hot mouth surrounded his cock. He pulled back onto the road as Ash’s mouth worked him. He pulled up to the light and looked down to see Ash’s head bobbing up and down. Michael’s head hit the headrest and he came as the car behind laid on the horn and Michael realized the light had turned green. He took off, pulling into the parking lot of Ash’s job as Ash tucked him in and zipped him up.

  “Have a good day,” Ash smirked, grabbing his lunch can and getting out. “See you later.”

  Michael got to work just on time and raced in, punching his time card with a smile on his lips and a satisfied feeling inside.

  After work, Michael picked Ash up at the usual time. Ash hopped into the car, tired but energized and threw his lunch can on the back seat.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Michael said.

  “Uh-oh.”

  “No, not like that!” Michael smiled. “I mean, about your idea to take Taryn somewhere. I was thinking about taking her to the zoo tomorrow.”

  “That’s great!”

  Michael scratched the back of his head. “I was wondering if you’d like to come.”

  “What? I can’t do that. What would you tell Taryn?”

  “That you’re a coworker, a friend,” Michael said. “I’ll tell Michelle it’s a work thing, that the guys are bringing their kids. She doesn’t have to know the truth.”

  “That’s crazy. I can’t say I’m not eager to meet your daughter, though. She’s a little piece of you, and a huge part of your life. Okay, I’m in.”

  “Think you can behave for a few hours?” Michael smirked.

  “I’ll just tease you for hours and you’ll come to my place begging me to fuck you,” Ash said. “Don’t give me that look. I’ll behave in front of Taryn. We don’t need her taking home stories to Michelle.”

  “Okay. I’ll text you later.” Michael pulled into the Tower Heights parking garage.

  “You’re not coming up?” Ash looked disappointed.

  “Not today. I want to see Taryn and check on Michelle.”

  “Okay. See you tomorrow.” Ash waved and then turned to walk into the elevator.

  Michael opened the door. Michelle was sitting with Taryn next to her on the sofa, watching TV. Taryn looked bored and Michelle looked miserable. Michael closed the door behind him and put his jacket down.

  “How are you doing?”

  Taryn jumped off the sofa and rushed up to him. “Daddy!” She leapt into his arms. He spun her around and put her down gently.

  “Some of the guys are going to the zoo tomorrow with their kids. I was thinking of taking Taryn,”

  “The zoo!” Taryn looked excited. “Ooh! Mommy, can I? Please?” Michelle shot him a look of anger.

  “You know I’m not well enough to go anywhere,” Michelle said. “Couldn’t you have waited until I was better?”

  “They organized it, not me. It’s a guys only thing, fathers and their kids. They just wanted to know if I would come or not.”

  “Okay, whatever. Take her. Just don’t let her out of your sight.”

  “I won’t. Jesus, what’s with you? You’re not the only one upset about the baby.”

  “I’m not? I haven’t seen you crying.”

  Michael remembered crying in Ash’s arms, Ash holding him without judgement as he wept. That’s because you’ve never seen that side of me. That’s because you’ve never wanted to. “I cried in private.”

  “Right.” Michelle shrugged. “Well, dinner’s in the kitchen. I ordered in.”

  They sat and ate in silence, though Taryn looked excited. Michael smiled at her. You’re not the only one looking forward to this trip, he thought. He went upstairs after dinner and booked the tickets online. He pulled out his phone and texted Ash.

  “8 am tomorrow ok?” Michael typed.

  “Sounds good.” Ash typed. “Looking 4ward 2 it.”

  Michael smiled. “Me 2.” He put his phone away. It’s going to be the perfect day. Just me, Ash and Taryn.

  Chapter Eight

  Family Outing

  Ash smiled as Michael’s car pulled into the parking lot. Taryn waved to him from the back seat and Ash climbed into the passenger seat.

  “Taryn, this is Ash,” Michael said. “He works with me at the plant.”

  Ash turned to Taryn in the back seat. “Hi.” He waved awkwardly.

  “Hi,” Taryn said with a shy smile.

  Ash looked at Michael and had to suppress the urge to kiss him. I’m just so used to doing whatever I want to him. It’s going to be hard to hold it all in. Ha, and to think I said I was going to tease him.

  “Let’s get this show on the road,” Michael backed the car up and turned out of the parking lot. They hit the road, leaving town and merging onto the highway.

  “It’s been a long time since I got out of the city,” Ash said, leaning back. “It’s nice.”

  “Been a while for me too.”

  “Look Daddy, cows!” Taryn said, looking out of the window. Michael rolled his eyes and Ash smiled.

  “Awesome,” Ash said. “How many do you count?”

  “Um, one, two, three, four... five!”

  “See, there’s a genius beneath that pretty face,” Ash said. “Just like her father.” He smiled and Michael rolled his eyes again.

  “Damn, I don’t remember which exit to take,” Michael said. “Ash, can you find the map?”

  Ash dug around for the map and came up with it, unfolding it in the car. He turned it around, trying to figure out where they were and which way they were going.

  “Are we lost?” Taryn asked from the back seat.

  “I think we missed the exit,” Ash said. “Take the next one. Don’t worry, we’ll get there. Don’t look so annoyed.”

  “If we get there too late it’ll be crowded.”

  “It’ll be crowded anyway,” Ash said. “This is the first sunny day I’ve seen in a while.”

  “Yeah,” I guess so,” Michael took the exi
t and left the highway, pulling onto a small country lane. “Now where?”

  “Turn right. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.” Ash turned the map upside down. “I think.”

  They reached the zoo around ten and joined the line. Michael reached into his pocket and pulled out the tickets.

  “You paid for me too?” Ash said. “Thanks, Michael.”

  “Hey, no problem,” Michael handed the tickets over as Taryn danced around excitedly behind them.

  “Stay close, Taryn,” Ash said. “It’s really busy.” They entered the zoo and Taryn ran over to the zebras, looking through the bars.

  “They’re pretty cool, huh?” Ash admired them as well. “What do you think, Michael?”

  “Yup, I like the zebras,” Michael saw an ice cream stand. “Taryn, would you like ice cream?”

  “Yes please!” She raced to the stand with Michael and Ash struggling to keep up.

  “I’ve got it,” Ash pulled out a twenty dollar bill. “Get whatever you like.”

  “You sure?” Michael said.

  “Absolutely.”

  Soon they were all holding cones. Ash got Michael’s attention with his back turned to Taryn and gave the ice cream a long seductive lick which sent chills up Michael’s spine.

  Damn tease, Michael thought. Okay, you win this one.

  “What’s in here?” Taryn asked, approaching the reptile house. She went inside and they followed. Snakes coiled around branches and Taryn looked at them with a mixture of awe and disgust.

  “Do you like snakes, Ash?” Michael asked with a glint in his eyes.

  “Very much. In fact, I’d say they’re my favorite animal,” Ash said, not skipping a beat. His mouth curved into a seductive smile and Michael had to fight the thought of sticking his cock into that mouth.

  I guess that one was a draw, Michael thought, as they headed back outside.