Let Me Go

by Michelle Lynn

  Without any words, he picks me up and carries me over to the bed where he lays me down. I watch him shed his pants and boxers and then climb the bed to reach me. “I have to do that more often, your whimpers and cries made me crazy. I need to get inside of you now.”

  I LAY IN the bed, completely exhausted from Rob. Not that I’m complaining. I haven’t had a ton of partners in my life, but Rob has surpassed them all. Of course, it does cross my mind how many girls he’s had practice on.

  The bed springs down and up with Rob’s naked body jumping in next to me. “Testing out the springs?” I ask and he laughs, slithering under the covers.

  “You never know with these fancy hotels.” He kisses my cheek and crawls in next to me. “They might cheat you on the mattress.”

  “I doubt that. I think you may have wanted to just bounce on the bed.” I snuggle into his body. He spoons me and wraps his arm around me.

  “Are you tired?” he whispers in my ear and then kisses my neck. Who would guess, Rob is a cuddler.

  “A little, but I’m not ready to say goodnight.”

  “Me either.” His arms tighten around me. “I hate to go back to the real world.”

  “Thank you,” I graciously express, finding his hands and squeezing them.

  “For what?” He honestly sounds confused.

  “For not asking me a zillion questions about my dad. Acting like you met a dad who bowls and drinks pitchers of beer on Friday nights.”

  “Your dad doesn’t bowl?” He laughs and I join in as I imagine my dad sporting a bowling shirt, strolling in with a bowling bag. He would never be part of something so normal. “Man, I hoped he could join our league.”

  I know he’s joking, sometimes it’s hard to keep Rob serious, but I want him to know how much it means to me. So I twist around, and hold his face in my hands. “I’d love to babe, but you’ve done the unmanageable. You wore me out.” He smirks, his hands venturing down to squeeze my ass. Keeping up with his kidding side.

  “It doesn’t feel that way.” The blood must be pumping because he’s already halfway up. Our eyes lock and his smile drops. “Rob.”

  He quiets down, his palms grazing up my ribcage and across my back. “What?” A fear flashes in his eyes. It’s one of only a handful of times I’ve seen Rob so vulnerable.

  “I know how excited you were when you saw my dad and his band, but the fact you acted so indifferent. As though it didn’t bother you one way or the other. I’ve never had that before, not even with a friend.”

  He locks his arms around my body, scooting me up with his hips so that I’m completely on top of him. “I have to admit, I almost pissed myself when you told me. I mean a little bit of warning would have been nice. But, as shell-shocked as I am that your dad is Greg Thompson, it has nothing to do with you.”

  “Now you know all my secrets.”

  “And why you love your classic rock music.” I laugh and nod. “What about your singing voice?”

  “Lessons.” I shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes.

  “Damn good ones. But I’d take you with a squeaky singing voice and a bum father any day.” He winks with a sly smirk.

  I bend down and kiss his lips, and he rolls us over. “Damn girl,” he grinds his length against me and I open my legs, ready for him. “Is it bad I don’t feel guilt that your dad paid for a hotel room for us and I’m banging his daughter all night?”

  I giggle and shake my head at him. “Well, he’s not a saint.”

  I move my mouth up to his shoulder, nipping it and Rob growls. “Enough about your dad.”

  I smile against his skin. He completely gets me.

  “OH GOD. WHERE’S Matty?” she screams and I bolt up in bed, searching for her.

  She’s rummaging on the floor for her clothes, hastily stepping into her pants. “Where is she?” The person must not answer, because the next time her voice increases another octave. “What hospital?”

  I jump out of bed, stepping into my pants and throwing my shirt on. I already have my shoes on by the time she throws her phone across the room and sinks to the floor.

  Running to her side, I saddle up next to her, swooping her in my arms. Sobs rip from her throat and I rock her back and forth. “What happened?” I softly ask and her arms tighten around me.

  “My mom,” she hiccups, trying to catch her breath. “She finally did it.”

  “What?” My hand brushes down her unruly curls.

  Pulling back from me, her red blood-shot eyes stare right into mine. “She tried to commit suicide.” My heart plummets hearing the words. Linda had appeared unstable, but I typed her as the casual drink and drug user. Maybe had a few late nights with men she didn’t know, but shit, this is more serious.

  “I gotta go.” She rushes to the phone and waits. “I need a cab please. I’m coming now. Thank you.” She hangs up the phone.

  “You aren’t taking a cab; I’m driving you.”

  “You don’t have to. She’s my mom.”

  I break the distance between us. “And I’m your boyfriend. We don’t do alone anymore, you got it?”

  She draws in a deep breath and releases it. God, I forgot how good it feels to bring that peace to someone else. I’ve missed being a team with someone and the fact it’s Paige just multiplies that elation. “Thank you. I’m sorry my life is so fucked up.”

  I place my hands on her shoulders and wait for her to face me. “Never be sorry. I’m here, always.”

  She bursts into my arms and I hold her tight, allowing her tears to flow freely.

  “Where’s Matty?”

  “He’s at my aunt’s, but I’m going to ask Chrissy to pick him up. Shit, my phone.” She pulls away and jogs across the room. “FUCK!” she screams, picking up her phone in two different pieces.

  “I got it.” I dig my phone out and dial Chrissy. When she picks up, her voice is groggy and I wonder myself what time it is. “Chris?” I glance at the clock seeing it’s seven in the morning. “Can you pick up Paige’s brother, Matty?”

  “What’s wrong?” The panic isn’t hard to miss in her voice.

  “Don’t worry, I have it handled. Can you pick him up from Paige’s aunt’s and bring him back to the house?”

  “No problem. Dex and I are free all day. We have it covered.” I hear shuffling behind her.

  “Thanks.” I hold the phone to my chest.

  “Paige, does she know where to go?” Her eyes shed more tears and she bites on her nails.

  She only nods.

  I bring the phone back up to ear. “So, you know where to go?”

  “Yeah, no worries. I’ve been there before. Her mom?” I guess I’m not the only one who knows about Paige’s mom.

  “Yeah,” I answer and she sighs.

  “Call me when you can. If she needs me—”

  “I will, promise.”

  We hang up and Paige darts directly to the door. She throws it open and sails right through. Before the heavy door can slam shut I jog over to catch it. I find her at the elevator, and I lightly grasp her elbow.

  “Should we tell your dad?”

  Her head flies up to my face.

  “No. He’s not going to give a shit.”

  Man, where did my sweet Paige go?

  “He seemed like he would last night. I’m sure he’d want to help you out.”

  She stops and stares right into my eyes. “Rob, my dad is the best father he can be. He pays for my education, he gives me spending money, and he loves me as much as he’s capable. But he’s starting tour and that comes first in his life.”

  I nod, remaining silent. From her stabbing and intense eyes, I’m afraid she’s about to go crazy on me.

  “It’s not that my dad doesn’t love me, he does. But I’m not number one in his life. I never have been and never will be. I made peace with that a long time ago.”

  The elevator dings and she steps in without another word. We ride down to the lobby and all I can think of is she should be someone’s number one.
Is this her demon, the fact that she comes second to everyone in her life?

  As bad as my mom was last year, I never doubted her undying love for me. I’m saddened that Paige hasn’t experienced that with anyone.

  “Miss Thompson,” The guy from the front desk raises his hand, but Paige breezes by without even a glance.

  “I got her, sorry to bother you.”

  He nods and then watches Paige the whole time through the circular doors. Lucky for us, the parking garage is right across the street.

  “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

  She doesn’t respond and I run across the street, dodging the morning traffic. I enter the parking garage and ride the elevator up to the fifth floor. Speeding down, I pay the outrageous parking fee for overnight and skid to a stop to pick up Paige.

  “What hospital?” I ask once she’s secure in her seat.

  “Medina County.” I side glance to her. “I know.”

  We should have left my car and cabbed it over there. We’re only a few blocks. Why is she downtown? I’m positive Paige is asking the same thing, and I’m not about to grind salt into the wound.

  After I park the ‘Stang in its second parking garage in two days, we go down to the help desk. Paige is polite, waiting for what room her mom is in. Her emotion has switched to indifference now. I’ve seen sadness, madness and now it’s swung to I don’t give a shit.

  “Thank you.” She stomps steadily to the elevator doors, mumbling to herself. I only catch whore, bitch, shitty, mother, Matty. The rest is rambling.

  I know she’s mad, but I’m not sure how to comfort her. Every time I lay my arm around her shoulders, she circles out of my hold. I went to grab her hand and she releases it after only a minute.

  I’m right back to Carly, in that hospital, after the news. When she fled the room and I chased after her. Her angry eyes shedding tears. She ran into my arms and I knew we could survive this, but then she pushed me back and ran. That’s when Xavier came out and punched me square on the cheek. At that point, I knew I was in this alone and Carly would never come around. Which makes it ridiculous that I kept trying to get her to come back.

  Paige though, why won’t she allow me to be here for her? I can’t deal with another Carly. I need someone who will allow me to be there for them as much as they are for me. We reach the floor and Paige scurries out of the small confines, rushing down the antiseptic-reeking hallway as her face remains pegged to the right on the room numbers.

  I follow her a few steps behind since she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be near me. She stops and spins on her heels, waiting outside the room.

  Fuck it, I don’t give a shit if she wants me or not. I know all too well what it’s like to be alone when tragedy strikes and I’ll be damned if she’s going to feel abandoned like I did.

  I drag her body into mine and slide us to the edge of the door. “I’m here for you.” Her head nods into my chest and her arms tighten around my stomach.

  She picks up her head I only hold her flusher against me. “Thank you. It’s foreign to me.” I kiss the top of her head and she nuzzles deeper.

  Damn, her body fits with mine. The way my lips can kiss her head, her arms don’t strain to wrap around me. The fact that I’m the first person she’s trusting won’t fail her cracks open my heart and allows her to glide right in. For the first time in months, I don’t fight her occupying that space; instead I welcome her into the one part of my body I close everyone out of.

  “I love you, Paige. I’ll always be here,” I whisper and a whimper muffles into my shirt.

  Urging her head up, she follows and I wait to have all of her attention. “I love you, Paige and whatever happens in that room, with Matty, or your dad, doesn’t change that.” I make the promise to her, that I wish someone would have given to me seven years ago.

  Her eyes pour love and adoration, but she remains speechless. I can’t help my heart constricting until I hear her mutual feelings, but I don’t want empty words. When she tells me, I want her heart pledging it, regardless if it’s right now, an hour from now, or a month. I’ll wait for her to be ready because I know how hard it can be to tell someone. Especially when you’ve been let down and in Paige’s case, she’s never expected anything but to be let down by people.

  “Thank you.” Her hand grazes down my back, until she links her fingers with mine. “Please, come in with me.” She begins ushering me toward the door. I realize this is the best promise Paige can give me. To be side by side through her hell right now.

  When we break through the door, and shuffle past the curtain, Linda is lying down on her side, facing the window. Paige stops at the edge of the bed and I hold her hand tightly in mine.

  “Mom?” her voice is a whisper.

  Linda wiggles in her bed, but never looks over to us.

  “Go away, Paige.”

  Paige inhales a deep breath and I grip her hand tighter.

  Don’t shut me out.

  “You know I won’t.”

  “Just go with your daddy,” Linda sneers and the dislike in her voice isn’t missed by either of us.

  “Mom,” Paige sighs. “That’s not true.” She unlinks our hands but then places her hand on my forearm and gives me a small tilt to her head.

  I get the hint she’s giving and I nod, exiting the room.

  Paige

  My heart hurts asking Rob to leave. He’s trying to be there for me, but this is going to be hard enough, let alone have my mom embarrassed by Rob’s presence.

  I roam over to the window and sit down in a chair, facing my mother. She rolls over away from me and I huff. “I’m not leaving.” I cross my legs and lean back, waiting for the standoff.

  “You don’t care about me. If it wasn’t for Matty, you’d be gone.” She talks directly to the wall.

  “True.” I’m not going to sit here and pretend I didn’t wish for a different mother most of my life.

  “See. So, go.” Her finger points to the door. “I’ll give you Matty and you can leave me the hell alone.”

  “And who would they call the next time this happens? Mom?” I move to sit on the edge of her bed. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you, but you need help.”

  She flips around fast, her eyes darting hatred into mine. “No, I don’t.”

  Inhaling another breath to keep myself from losing it. “Yes you do. Think about Matty. What if he would have found you?”

  “He wouldn’t have, I left him at Aunt Kate’s.”

  Knowing she’ll dodge this until she wants to get help, I decide to ask for more information. “Why were you in the city?” I close my eyes, because I already know why. She probably has a tracker device on him like a dog.

  “You know why . . .”

  My fists clench and I smooth them out on my pants. “How did you know?”

  “Please honey, your dad is creature of habit. Him and the guys always go to the same restaurant and stay in the same hotel the night before a tour kicks off.” She presses her palm to her head and I bring the sheet over her body more.

  “What happened?” I’m not even certain why I care. It’s always the same thing.

  “I knocked on his door and he refused me.”

  How can she not figure out, he doesn’t want her? I mean I’m twenty-two and I get that he led her on when I was younger, but lately he’s had no contact with her.

  “He doesn’t care about you, why don’t you see that?”

  Tears trickle down her cheeks and I notice her eyes are bloodshot. How horrible it must be to love a man so hard and never have him reciprocate.

  “What do you know? You’re only following in my footsteps with that guy you live with. You think he cares about you, he doesn’t. You’re a good fuck like me, Paige. Congratulations you got Momma’s genes.” She sits up in bed and I get up, pacing the floor.

  “That’s not true, but this isn’t about me.”

  “Admit it Paige, you have the curse. The curse of loving a man who isn’t cap
able of loving.”

  “You know nothing about Rob, so, let’s concentrate on you.” I’m trying to keep this talk steady and on track. There are enough insecurities of my own let alone her enlightening me on more.

  “I know that you’ll never be number one. Music, other girls or drinking will take priority to you. Face it Paige, you have daddy issues.” She raises her fingers doing air quotes around daddy issues and I gain all the strength I have not to storm out and never speak to her again.

  “Listen,” I place my hands on the edge of her bed. My palms dig into the edge of the footboard. “I’m not going to sit here and argue with you about Rob’s and mine relationship. Either you get help, or I take Matty.”

  She shakes her head and then peers out of the window. “Why can’t you love me?” Here comes the depression.

  “I do love you, but I can’t do this anymore. My whole life has been taking care of you and it’s time for my life to start. You can snarl what you want about Rob, but you know what he just told me? He said he loves me.” I point my finger into my chest.

  My mom blankly stares over to me and turns to look out the window. Rob’s words sink in. He loves me. Oh my God, he really loves me. Never would I have thought he’d be the one to say it first.

  “They say anything to get in your pants.” My mom brings me back from the clouds.

  “He told me because he’s upset that I’m crying over my mother, but I’m not crying because you tried to commit suicide or the fact you face depression. I’m crying because I’m exhausted that my life once again gets placed on hold. You’re probably right though, Rob won’t stick around, but it won’t be because of another woman. It will be because of all the shit you’ve deposited into my head all these years. That the self-doubt in men will make me too insecure for him to deal with.” I stop, because if I don’t, I’ll get meaner and more hurtful to her.

  She breaks down and tears stream from her eyes. A nurse weaves through the curtains and I catch a glimpse of Rob in the hallway, a minute away from stepping in.

  “Miss, you’ll have to leave.” The older nurse looks at me without sympathy, but dislike.