Dare to Want

by C. J. Welles

  “It’s the one near 2nd Street. I can flick you through the address if you want.”

  I shake my head even though he can’t see it. “I’ll find it.”

  There’s a brief silence before I hear Nathan clear his throat. “Alright, I’ll see you soon.”

  “Okay.”

  Can things feel any more awkward?

  “Call me when you pull into the car park, and I’ll come out and meet you.”

  “Okay.”

  I hang up and slump down in my seat.

  Okay.

  Okay.

  Okay.

  It’s all I seem to say to him today, and I feel like a bloody idiot.

  I feel like I am the same quiet teenager who sat next to Nathan on the way from Midway to New Waverly for the first leg of our trip to Mobile.

  After merging back into traffic, I find the lodge ten minutes down the road. When I pull into the driveway, I don’t need to call Nathan as he’s already standing there looking hot. With his Levi’s riding low on his hips and only a white wife beater on, it’s hard not to notice how good he looks. He’s wearing a baseball cap on backward. It’s unlike him to not be wearing his cowboy hat, but Nathan has the looks that he could wear anything, and it suits him.

  Swallowing around the nervous knot in my throat, I open my door and step out.

  “Hi,” I say with a smile as I look up into his dark brown eyes.

  *

  Nathan

  I CAN’T HELP but notice what Jolene is wearing and how hot she looks. I’ve seen thousands of girls dressed in jeans and cowgirl boots, but none that are as good as Jolene. Her jeans are molded to her, and she has curves in all the right places that make me want to pull her close to me and kiss her until we both need to come up for air. They also make me want to do other things, but I’m trying to hold back there.

  “How was your drive?” I ask as I grab her hand and direct her to my room.

  “Okay,” she replies, and I watch as a frown slides onto her face. Her shaped eyebrows dip down causing a dimple to appear between her eyes. I fight the urge to raise my hand and trace the dimple.

  She clears her throat, and I flick my gaze away from her face and focus on where I’m walking. “It was good. Went quicker than I thought it would. How was yours?”

  “It was … good. Uneventful.” Lie. But I’m not filling her in on the events of our trip and how I wanted to punch Ryan for what I thought had ruined my chance with Jolene.

  I unlock my door and hold it open for Jolene to walk through first. Momma always taught us to be a gentleman when it comes to ladies. It also means I can check out Jolene’s ass once more before she catches me.

  “Are you three only staying for the one night?”

  “We haven’t decided yet. We don’t have to be in Milwaukee until Thursday night, and we only have one more day of travel.”

  While Jolene puts her purse down and sits on the sofa, I grab two cans of soda from the bar fridge. There’s alcohol in there, but in the past drinking has made situations between us worse than they should have been.

  If Ryan were here, he’d be calling me a pussy. But like I told myself earlier, I know what I want, and I’m going to work for it. I don’t care if I have to hand my balls over to Jolene. I’ll do whatever she wants to make things right between us.

  “I was thinking of getting a room here and staying two nights. Then stopping at Waterloo for a night before driving through to Milwaukee.”

  I sit in the armchair opposite where Jolene is seated and hand her one of the sodas before opening my own.

  “We’re lucky with the three of us. We can make the trip in one day and share the driving. It just depends on what we want to do and where we want to go.”

  “Y’all are lucky.”

  “Why?”

  “That you all get along so well and have each other’s backs. I wish Casey and I were still like that. We are close, and I love her like a best friend as well as my sister, but we don’t see each other as often anymore.”

  “I saw Casey when we were in Kansas City. I didn’t know she lived there until then.”

  Jolene lowers her eyes to her lap and picks at an imaginary piece of fluff on her jeans. “She moved there when she left town after she and Bryson broke up.”

  “She said that. I knew she had moved, but I didn’t think it was so far.”

  “I was meant to visit her when I was there, but I didn’t. I left town straight after seeing you.” She pauses, and her voice is quiet now. “I regret not going to see her. It’s been nearly two months since I saw her in person,” she whispers, her voice hoarse from holding back tears.

  Jolene’s upset, and I hate that she is. My fingers are itching to reach out and touch her.

  To comfort her.

  Scooting closer to her, I give in and place both of my palms on her cheeks, lifting her face until she’s looking into my eyes. Holding her face in my hands, I brush my thumbs just under her eyes, wiping away the tears that have escaped. “I know it has been a few years, but the Casey I knew wouldn’t think less of you for not seeing her.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t help how I feel.” She closes her eyes. “I miss my family. I’ve only spent time with mom and Lexi in the past month, and that was for only two days.”

  “How long are you planning on traveling for this time?” I move my hands from her face and place them on her thighs.

  She opens her eyes then shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe just for Milwaukee. I don’t know how much longer I can spend driving by myself and staying in hotels alone.”

  I don’t even think twice before I offer. “I can drive with you. Bry and Ryan are old enough and ugly enough to look after themselves.”

  I can see her thinking about it as her eyes search mine. “I don’t know,” she replies quietly. “I’m not rea-”

  “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Even though I want it to. More than anything else I’ve ever wanted. “It’s just two friends traveling together to keep each other company.”

  She’s silent and frozen as she stares at me. I’m worried she’s going to get up and walk out of here and try to shut me out of her life.

  “Do you think Ryan and Bryson will care?”

  Probably. They’ll most likely try to kill each other on the way, but I can’t be the peacekeeper for the rest of my life. “Nope, they won’t mind.”

  The corner of her lips twitch, and I can tell she knows I’m lying, but she doesn’t correct me. “Okay, only if you don’t mind driving with me.”

  Is she fucking crazy?

  No way do I care about being stuck in a car with her for hours on end.

  *

  Chapter 6

  Jolene

  “REALLY, NATHAN?” I ask as he dumps an arm full of junk food on the counter in front of me. “Didn’t you purchase a ton of chips, chocolate, and shit yesterday? If I correctly remember, you even bought a portable cooler and portable pie warmer for the pies and hotdogs.”

  “Yeah, but I’m hungry for chocolate today,” he replies as he grabs two Hershey bars and drops them on the counter.

  “Anything else, ma’am?” the man behind the counter asks. I shake my head and quietly stand here as he rings up our groceries.

  “These as well,” Nathan says as he tosses a handful of lollipops and a packet of pop tarts on the counter.

  “You are such a little kid,” I say as I see the server trying to hide a smile. I hand my card to him and wait for him to process my sale.

  I feel Nathan lean in close behind me before his breath hits the side of my neck. “Baby, it takes a lot to keep a figure like mine.”

  I try and fail at stopping my body from shivering. I can’t help it. Nathan, calling me baby and his closeness does that to me. Not to mention I’ve seen what his body looks like in just sweats or boxer briefs the past three nights we’ve stayed in the same hotel room.

  I know precisely what his figure looks like and no, I don’t want him to ruin it.


  I clear my throat and step away from him. “Yeah, well it takes a lot to keep this figure,” I gesture to myself. “and sugar isn’t included in that diet. This,” I point to my butt. “doesn’t stay this small from eating pies, Hershey’s or s’mores.”

  I turn to face Nathan and catch him looking at my ass with heat in his eyes. His gaze flicks up to mine, and I see him hide a smile. “Jo, there is nothing wrong with your ass.”

  I nervously swallow as I think of something to say. But nothing comes to mind. My mind is spinning with all things Nathan. The looks he throws my way, the way I see him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking, the way he slips and calls me Jo or baby. Nathan was the only one who used to call me Jo.

  But the most prominent thought that is going around in my mind is that I want him to continue looking at me like that. I want him to whisper my name in my ear.

  Three days.

  It’s only taken three days for things to get like this.

  We have days, weeks, months left until we’ve finished traveling together.

  “Here, Ma’am,” the man says. I spin to face him and see him holding out my card. The bags of groceries are waiting on the counter for us.

  “Thanks,” I mumble as I grab the bags and head for the door. I can hear Nathan’s steps behind me as he follows me.

  I wordlessly put the bags into the trunk of my Ford Focus then climb into the passenger seat. I’ve driven the past four hours, and Nathan offered to drive the rest of the way.

  Nathan takes his time to get in, and when he does, he sits there looking at me. After a long awkward silence, I turn to face him. “Are you going to drive?” He shakes his head and continues to look at me. “Just drive, Nathan,” I huff out.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Don’t lie to me.”

  “I’m not,” I reply as I fold my arms across my chest like a four-year-old does when they don’t get their way. I let out a deep sigh before lowering my arms and looking him in the eyes. “Honest, there is nothing wrong.” But there is.

  I can feel myself beginning to fall for Nathan. If I’m not careful I know, I will fall hard and fast.

  I’ve done it once before. I know how easy it is to love Nathan.

  *

  Nathan

  WHILE TAPPING AWAY on the steering wheel, I sing along to All Summer Long by Kid Rock. The first time I heard the song was at one of the field parties Bryson would organize with his friends, Ethan and Jace.

  I was only sixteen at the time, and it was the first time I noticed Jolene. I remember seeing her step out of Ethan’s car along with Kaylee and Casey. She wasn’t wearing make-up or dressed in anything flashy, but I couldn’t rip my eyes away from her.

  I remember asking Ryan who she was, and he didn’t have a clue. Even back then Ryan only had eyes for Makayla even though he wouldn’t admit it. Mila Kunis could have been standing in front of him, and he’d look straight through her.

  Eventually, I found out that she was Casey’s younger sister and that she was the total opposite of Casey.

  She was and is everything I love in a girl.

  Since that night, every time I hear All Summer Long, I think of Jolene. I think of how young we were. How shy and quiet she was. How innocent she used to be.

  Jolene stirs next to me before sitting up and rubbing her eyes. I glance over at her and see a small smile pulling at her lips. “God, it’s been years since I heard this song.” She smiles harder before it disappears.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, looking back at the road in front of me.

  She sighs loudly, and I want to study her face and her expression, but I can’t. “I was just thinking of when we went to Mobile,” she replies quietly and my body tenses. We haven’t mentioned the past since we were at Austin.

  “What about it?” I answer slowly, worried I might rock the boat and cause another argument. I keep flicking my gaze between her and the road, waiting for her reply.

  “Just this song.” She scrunches her nose up. “You and Bryson played it on repeat for nearly the whole drive.” I laugh at her expression, causing her to face me. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the song, but by the twelfth time I’d heard it within three hours, I was starting to hate it.”

  I sit silently for a moment while I decide whether to say what I’m thinking. “Want to know why I loved it so much?” I ask but continue to talk before she can answer, “It reminded me of you. The first night I saw you, this song was playing.”

  I keep my eyes on the road as I wait for Jolene to reply. To say anything, Good or bad, but she doesn’t. The silence stretches between us.

  I shouldn’t have said anything. Jolene doesn’t like to be pushed. She may come across as quiet and shy, but she isn’t a pushover. And you can’t talk her into anything unless she wants to do it.

  “You know, over the years when I have thought about Mobile, all I have felt was anger and hurt. I haven’t been able to think of the city without thinking of you and how you hurt me.”

  Without thinking, I slow down and pull over on the shoulder in the road. After turning off the car, I turn to face Jolene. “I’m sorry, okay. I fucked up. We’ve already agreed-”

  “Hold up, just listen to me,” Jolene says, cutting me off. “Sitting in this car now, I realize that it was actually a fun trip.” She looks over and smiles at me. “Well if you eliminate all the tension between us and… well, other things that happened. It was fun. That spring break was the most adventurous I’ve been in my life. I’m always planning and calculating my every move in life. But with you, I don’t. I let life be. I let myself flow with others.” She shrugs her shoulders and faces the front of the car while I sit here speechless. “I just… well, thanks. For then and now.”

  After a long drawn out minute, I reply with “Sure.” With a speech like that, I honestly don’t know what to say. I think it’s the most Jolene has said to me without taking a breath. Well apart from when we’ve been arguing.

  “So, we’re nearly there. I bet you’ll be glad to stop driving,” Jolene says as she turns up the radio and Drunk On Your Love by Brett Eldredge fills the silence in the car.

  “Ah, yeah,” I reply while trying to work out how Jolene went from opening up to blasting music within a minute.

  *

  Chapter 7

  Jolene

  “GOD, I’M GLAD to be here,” I say as I toss my bag onto the floor then walk into my room before flopping down onto the bed.

  We’ve spent the past three nights in the same room, and I can’t handle seeing Nathan half naked anymore, so I chose a suite with two bedrooms for tonight.

  Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my cell and click on the four missed calls from Casey. Once it starts ringing I put it on speaker phone and place it on the bed next to my head.

  “Hey, Jo, how are you?”

  “Yeah, good.”

  “You don’t sound good.”

  “I’m just tired from traveling all day.”

  “I hope you’ve been taking it easy. Remember not to drive for too long at a time and take breaks every hour or so.”

  “Yes, I know. You tell me every time we talk.”

  “You know I worry. You’re my little sister.”

  “I know, but I’m not a child. I know how to look after myself.”

  “Okay, Okay. Where are you today? How’s everything going? Anything I’ve missed? I’ve been busy and haven’t been buying any of the magazine’s that you have your articles printed in.”

  “I’m in Milwaukee tonight, and tomorrow night then I don’t know after that. Everything has been good. And no, you haven’t missed anything. I haven’t written an article for two weeks, and you bought that one.”

  “I haven’t been to Milwaukee; you’ll have to let me know what you think of it. Have you… have you seen-” she trails off, but I know what she wants to ask but won’t. “Have you talked to mom and dad lately?”

  “Every other day I c
all mom otherwise she worries about me. What about you?”

  “She called me this morning. Lexi got a part in the school play.”

  “Ooo, yay, what’s the play? What is she doing?”

  “It’s Cinderella, and she’s playing one of the ugly step-sisters.”

  “I don’t think they’re meant to be ugly step-sisters. Aren’t they meant to be evil?”

  “Isn’t it the step-mother who is evil?”

  I laugh as I shake my head. “I wouldn’t have a clue. It’s been years since I watched that movie. Is she excited for her part?”

  “Yep, she didn’t want to be acting the main character.”

  “When is the play? I’ll have to make sure I’m home for it.”

  “In a month or so. Get mom to send you the details.”

  “Yeah, I will do.”

  I see movement at the door and roll to my side to see Nathan standing there. I smile at him, and he returns it before walking into the room and sitting on the end of my bed. “I was going to order room service for tea tonight.”

  “Jo, who is that?” I look from Nathan to my cell and back to Nathan before nodding my head. “Jolene, you never said anything about a guy. Who is there?”

  I snatch my cell from the bed and turn it off speaker before placing it against my ear. “It’s no one, Casey,” I reply and as soon as I say it, I know I’ve said the wrong thing.

  I can tell Nathan is trying to hide it, but he does a shit job. His face falls, and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

  “No one?” Casey questions. “If it’s no one why are they in your room? Or are you in their room?”

  I don’t reply. I keep my eyes on Nathan as he stares back at me. I wait for him to say something or to get up and walk away. But he doesn’t. He only gives me a fake smile.

  “Jolene, are you there? What’s going on?” Casey asks.

  “Ah, I’ll… Just order me anything,” I say to Nathan.

  “It’s fine, I think I’m going to go to the bar down the road,” he says as he stands up.

  “Hello. Yoo-hoo, is anyone there?” I hear Casey say through the cell, but I ignore her again.