Her Delayed War

by R. J. Nicolson

  I stand from the seat I’ve been perched on and wonder to the door there is no gold latch to a peep hole on this door but two large windows either side of the door with no nets covering them. He sees me and I see him.

  I’m stuck here. I need an out. I need Jenson.

  Chapter 18

  Jenson

  Seven weeks then eight weeks pass; I swear my head is screaming at me to forget her. Forget the feelings I have for her but my heart won’t. My heart tells me she will come back. My heart screams at me that she needs me but I have no idea where she is or how to contact her.

  “Cory? For fuck sake Cory, come back to us. I swear he’s losing it.” I hear Emily say to whoever she’s talking to.

  “Still hung up on Jodi?” A male voice asks her.

  “Think so. He zones out all the time, it’s like he’s not here anymore. I mean I understand, we all miss her but she went to get better. But even I thought we would have heard from her by now, it’s been months.”

  “You haven’t heard from her at all?”

  “Nope and her phone doesn’t even go to voicemail anymore. It’s straight to some strange tone and then that damn automated message saying it’s been disconnected.”

  “And she didn’t say she was getting it switched off?”

  “Fuck no, you’re not listening Terry. we haven’t been able to get in touch since she left here that day.”

  “Something fishy about that Ems.” He says stating the obvious. “You want me to check things out, I can normally find just about anyone as long as I have a name?”

  My head snaps up at his words. “You think you can find her for me?”

  “Oh and he’s back.” Emily states sarcastically.

  “Fuck you Emily.”

  “Well I can try if you have some names for me, write them down and I’ll check them out. Any extra info is good too, like where they are from.” When I eventually concentrate on who is actually speaking, I notice its Terry who’s offering his help.

  “You’re a cop?”

  “Shit no, but I found the fucker who took my girl and killed her when the police couldn’t and I’m whiz on a computer. Just need to know the right places to look and what you’re looking for.” I find a pad on the desk and a pen and scribble down the names of the officers who attended the meeting; the man who stood in this room and took away the one person who I’d known needed me just as much as I needed her.

  Just as he started to walk away, I shout him back, “I have some shit here somewhere from the base. Shit, why didn’t I think of going there and dragging her ass back here myself?”

  “Cory is there a number on that information?”

  “Let me find it.”

  I scramble through the piles of neglected paperwork on my desk and come across the right stuff.

  “No number but a base name let me Google it.” I say pulling my mobile from my pocket. “There is no such base, what the fuck?” I look between Emily and Terry both looking as confused as I am.

  “Shit, she’s in trouble isn’t she?” Emily states, the confused expression leaving her face with pure horror taking its place.

  “Let me do what I can Cory I’ll get back to you as soon as I have something. We will find her and bring her home. You know her parents? Someone needs to see if she contacted them.” I didn’t think of that either, fucking hell!

  “I’ll call them.” Emily says.

  “No Emily this is something I must do.” She nods her head and leaves with Terry.

  I pick my phone up and search my contacts for Jodi’s mum’s number. I only have it because I rang them when I was staying with her. She might not have wanted them to come to her house but that didn’t mean they didn’t want to support her.

  It rings once before someone answers.

  “Cory is that you? Where is Jodi we have been trying to get in touch with her for weeks? I know she doesn’t want us there but we have to talk this has been going on far too long she needs help, professional help.”

  “Mrs Emery I haven’t seen her for almost eight weeks I was hoping you knew where she was or had some contact with her.”

  “Eight weeks? Cal, Cory hasn’t seen our baby girl in eight weeks. Where did she go then?”

  “You haven’t heard from her at all?”

  “No what happened to you staying with her?”

  “We had a meeting with two officers from the army at the club and she left with Major Ivy. He told her he would help her, she didn’t give me a chance. She left me to go get better; she said she would come back.” My voice starts to shake as I speak.

  “You just let her go?” I can hear the hate in her voice. “Cal he just let her leave. Where are you Cory? We need to get my girl home.”

  “I’m working on it, I’ll be home in an hour if you want to come over and we can work out where we start while we wait for my friend to try find out Lance’s location.”

  “Send me your address, I can’t fucking believe you let her go off with someone else.” My head drops. It’s my fucking fault; I not only broke my heart I broke her parents also and to make it worse I didn’t even let them know she was gone. I type a message to Diane then slide to the floor hugging my knees to my chest. Remembering how much of an actually screw up I am.

  Jodi

  “Jodi?” He screams when he opens the door. I pretend to be reading on my kindle, trying to steady my breaths when he walks into the room.

  “Have you done fucking anything in this house since I left this morning? It’s like a fucking shit tip.”

  There is nothing on the floor or the surfaces so I don’t know what he means until he’s in my face breathing on me. He’s drunk, very, very drunk.

  “I tidied up Lance; it just needs a quick hoover.” He moves back to look at me.

  “Are you scared of me Jodi? I brought you away from that shit, there is nothing here that can hurt you but you’re still like a frightened little mouse. I give you everything you need, you should be better and you should be more appreciative towards me but you cower away from me like I’m some monster.”

  “You bringing me here didn’t solve the problem Lance. He’s still out there.”

  “There is nobody there Jodi, don’t you fucking get that yet? It’s all in your fucking head, no one is standing there with a gun and no one knows you’re here.”

  “He is there, I’ve seen him. He followed us here.”

  “He’s part of your imagination, he’s someone your subconscious made to make you feel worse than shit, and I was packed off from the army for my shit. Years of service and now I’m just a civvy. He’s not fucking real so get your shit together and start acting like a real person who knows how to look after her man.” My mouth falls open in shock and disbelief.

  “I need to go Lance, I need to go home.”

  “You mean you need that pansy Jenson? You think he’s waiting for you? You think he’s enough for you?” The venom in his words causes goose bumps to prickle my skin from head to toe.

  “I need to go home, I need to get better.”

  “You can’t leave, I won’t let you.”

  “I need to; my parents don’t even know I left.”

  “You’re not fucking going anywhere Jodi. Get it into your head now because I’m not changing my mind.” I sit silently, too scared to argue with him anymore.

  Nine weeks then ten weeks pass.

  “You ok baby?” Lance asks, from the chair across from the one I sit in. This is his new attitude towards me since he blew up on me for a second time.

  “Yeah, I’m ok.” I say even though I can feel the fear causing my body to shake uncontrollably.

  “You cold? I can see you shaking over there.” I shake my head but he gets up from his chair and crosses towards me. A tremor of fear floods my body when he leans into me. He grabs something and drapes it over my shoulders. The throw, I visibly relax.

  “You need to start taking care of yourself, you’re losing weight and your complexion isn’t great.”

/>   “Maybe I need to go see the doctor.”

  “Never gonna happen, sweetheart.”

  “Ok.” It’s pointless arguing with him. I now have a boyfriend I never wanted, yeah I play that role. Wasn’t much I could do when he decided that was who I was, so I’ll just play along until I find an escape.

  Chapter 19

  Jenson

  You know that feeling when you want to hate someone but you know you are falling deeper in love even though they are not around? That’s the way I feel every single day. I wake each morning knowing a little bit of me has fallen for her more than the day before. Absence makes the heart grow stronger but breaks you a little each time.

  When my phone rings for the fifth time I know I better answer before someone is knocking down my door. The reality of my life is that we are no closer to finding her than we were the day we started. Terry has tried every avenue, every nook, every hidden possibility and is nowhere near finding anything to do with them. Jodi’s parents have issued a missing persons with the help of the police and still we are no further forward.

  Nine weeks, ten weeks, eleven weeks, twelve weeks. I swear my heart is breaking a little more each day.

  “Jenson? Do I have to come smash your fucking door in every fucking day?” I hear Emily scream through the letter box.

  I struggle from my blankets and pull on my sweats while hopping down the hall to let her in.

  “Damn Emily, I haven’t fucking slept properly in months and then when I am you’re here screaming at me.”

  “Well pick up your fucking phone then.” She’s amassed a crowd but the attention doesn’t faze her. “You going to invite me in dickhead?”

  I pull the door open and slam it as soon as she crosses the thresh hold.

  “Go put some fucking clothes on, your naked body is going to make me hurl.” When I look down at my chest I notice I’m not as toned as I normally would be but I’m not fucking ugly by any means. “You’re losing weight; it’s not a look you should keep up.” She says after my questioning look meets her gaze.

  “Have you heard from her?”

  “I would have told you Cory.” I nod as I make my way back to my room leaving her standing in the hall way.

  I step in the shower once I pull off my sweats; the red hot water scorches down my body leaving my skin feeling like a million needles have found their resting place deep in my veins. I stand there letting my body take the pain for an eternity before I grab my shower gel and scrub my body raw.

  I take my time getting dried, I can smell the coffee Emily has made from my room and sit on the edge of my bed, everything floating around inside my head hatching plot after plot of how to find her. Find my Corp.

  I jump from the bed and sprint from the room and down to the kitchen where Emily is sitting at the kitchen table.

  “CORY what the fuck is wrong with you?” She slams her hand to her eyes covering them. “I told you to get ready, not fucking come in here more fucking naked.”

  I look down at myself and realise what I’ve done.

  “SHIT, sorry! But I have a plan. I’ll be right back.” I say sprinting back out in the same manner as I ran in; dragging my clothes from the drawers and pulling them on.

  “You better have some damn clothes on this time.”

  “You’re safe; you can drop your hand.” She spreads her fingers and peaks through them before moving her hand away from her face.

  “Don’t ever fucking do that shit again. You might be hot but I’m not into all that right there.” She waves her hand towards my body.

  “Are you telling me my body is gross?”

  “No but I don’t find you attractive especially since I’m pretty sure Jodi would kill my ass if I even thought about it.”

  “Shit, my plan. Ok here’s what we need to do.” She hands me a coffee and I sit across from her. “We only have the bare essentials when it comes to finding her, but what I do have are enough old army friends who would help, as does Jodi.”

  “Why the fuck didn’t you think of this before? It’s been twelve weeks Cory.”

  “I’m slipping.”

  “We got you, you know that. We are all behind you just waiting for you to catch on.”

  “I know but it’s not easy Emily.”

  “Admitting that is the first step, come on Cory you know this better than most.”

  “I know and it’s not always gonna be so hard but right now I feel like I’m sinking and only just holding my head above water.”

  “Well, remember I’m not going to let that happen, neither are any of the rest of them. Even Jodi’s parents are ready for you to let them help with whatever they can.” I nod my head because I know this shit already but it helps my fragile state of mind to have her say so.

  “We need to find my address book, all our squads numbers are in there from the reunion.”

  “Fucking find it? Don’t you know where it is?”

  “Mind was on other things back then.”

  “I can guess, don’t give me details.”

  Jodi

  “Baby?” He says as I go to walk past him. Grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him.

  “No Lance.” I say before he winds his arms around me.

  “Still no, seriously?”

  “You know Lance there is nothing here for me. You promised me help and have held me prisoner for months. I want my phone. I want to speak to my parents they will be going out of their minds. Jen….”

  “Oh, fuck that asshole. He’s an idiot. He fucking worshiped you for years and you never noticed but now it’s all Jenson this and Jenson that.”

  “He’s my friend.”

  “You know he tried to do himself in after you all left right? He’s not all there in the head.”

  “Are you fucking serious right now?” I’m mad, real fucking mad. “He was sick!”

  “Oh he was sick alright.”

  “How can you have changed so fucking much that you can talk about him like this? What happened to you? When did you become this fucking man?”

  “I want you Jodi, we all fucking wanted you but you didn’t see it.”

  “You came to the group promising us help, what has changed so much that you don’t want to help anymore.” I choose to ignore what he’s saying. Knowing I need to figure out his weak spot to get out.

  “I came for you. Don’t you fucking hear me? Jodi, Sergeant Ford is my mate and he deals with all that shit, I was just along for the ride when I found out you were going to be there.”

  The information runs through my head and causes me to slam my eyes shut. “So, you aren’t part of the group who helps PTSD sufferers? Is that what you’re saying to me?” When he nods his head, I sit on the edge of the coffee table bowing my head in my hands. “How?”

  “Ford is my mate. We had a game of poker and were talking about the old days. Your name cropped up and Ford said he was going to work in your area with some people as part of his new case.”

  “So he is really a PTSD counsellor?” He nods. “So what is your plan for me?”

  “I want you to stay with me,” he says sinking into the chair directly in front of me. “I’ve treated you well and I know you have feelings for me.”

  Sorrow spreads through me as I shake my head. “Lance, you’re my friend and you promised to help me, instead your breaking me. I want to go home. I want proper treatment. I want to be able to forget about the man out there, forget about the worry that seeps into me 24/7. I want to become me again, the real me.”

  “I can’t let you go. I need you here.”

  I stand and walk from the room to the bedroom I have locking the door before sliding down it and curling up in to the foetal position tears making their silent descent.

  Chapter 20

  Jenson

  My phone has been on silent, I swear I didn’t turn the volume off. But the missed calls from Emily and Terry and a few of the others from group have me groaning in the unfamiliar bed. After I put the phone back on the smal
l white bedside table I rise slowly trying to figure out how I got in to this bed and where it is I am.

  “Cory?” There’s a tap at the door before it opens, a wooden breakfast tray enters first before my breath releases on a whoosh.

  “Diane? How did I end up here?”

  “Son, you turned up here as drunk as a skunk rambling about Jodi and Lance so we put you to bed. I silenced your phone in case it woke you. It was going crazy for hours.” Shit, I can’t even remember.

  “I’m so sorry. We had a plan figured out I must have started drinking after that but I can’t even remember. I don’t seem to be dealing with this shit as good as I should be.”

  “Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you feel like you can come here. We are still angry you didn’t tell us weeks ago but not directly at you if you get what I mean. You did say last night you would do everything you could to bring her back home.” I smile at her as she places the tray on my lap, picks up the paracetamol and hands it to me.

  “Is this her room?”

  “Yes, not that she stayed here often but it’s always been hers. What are your tattoos about?”

  “Short story?” I ask, after swallowing the pills with a gulp of orange juice.

  “Either or.” I nod but take a long drink on the cup of black coffee.

  “I always had tattoos and have different ones all over. But I presume you’re asking about my sleeves?” she nods so I continue. “I didn’t cope well when everyone left. I mean I stayed in but I didn’t last much longer and tried to kill myself; these cover the scars. Well they hide them. I’m not that person anymore.” I’m trying to convince her I’m not the wrong person for her daughter.

  “I know.” She walks back towards the door swings it open before turning back to me. “Help yourself to a shower then come down. Cal wants to talk about what’s next.” She leaves closing the door behind her.

  I eat the bacon and scrambled eggs on the plate and down the cooling black coffee before climbing from the bed and wondering out to the bathroom. I scrub my body with the shower gel on the side and then quickly dry myself before returning to the room I now know to be Jodi’s. Pulling on my clothes, I’m ready to face Cal and Diane but something makes me swing around when I reach the door.