Fallen Desire

by N. L. Echeverria

  I must not have heard him right. “What?”

  He laughs, “Call on your element and let’s light a fire.”

  Without stopping to think about it I begin with my calling on the element of fire.

  “Fire that burns and lights our way and keeps me warm on those cold days, please come to me and lend me your gift.”

  From my fingers to my toes my body heats up. I can feel the element travel through me. “Now face your hands palm open toward the wood and concentrate on setting it to flame,” he guides me.

  With a deep breath and my hands facing palm out toward the wood and my arms outstretched, I put all my thought into the wood and I will it to burn. In an instant, the wood burst into huge flames. I jump back in surprise.

  “Wow! It wasn’t even that hard. All I did was will the wood to be on fire and then it was. Is it supposed to be this easy?” I’m smiling like a small child filled with excitement.

  “You will be surprised at how much this is taking out of you once you release the elements, even if you ask it to leave some of its gift with you until you heal. Using the elements in this way takes a lot out of a witch let alone a human teenage girl. Do not overestimate the power of the elements. It will take time for you to become use to using the elements around you and not being exhausted afterwards. Your body has to be trained.” I can sense he’s pleased with himself.

  “Thank you for the reminder and also for your concern. I do appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

  A smile flashes across his face and then in an instant he’s back to business. “Now that we have the fire going, I need you to call on the other elements including Spirit.” Without giving myself time to think about it, I call on the elements one by one.

  “Earth below me that brings life to that around us, I call upon you.”

  Rapidly a yellow-green mist comes up from the ground below me circling around and finally seeping into me. I can tell by Derrick’s expression, he can’t see what I’m seeing.

  “Water that cleanses and purifies and is also a part of creation, I call upon you.”

  My hands begin to get a strong sensation of being submerged in water and then my entire body feels wet and the smell of the fresh ocean surrounds me.

  “Air, I call upon you with the ability you have to give me strength and fill me with your power to give life.”

  A gush of wind whirls around me blowing my hair in circles and straight up. Now Derrick notices and his face lights up with enlightenment. With a breath and a little more focus I move on to invoke Spirit.

  “Spirit that lies within us all, come to me and lend me your strength and closeness to life and death.”

  An odd sensation comes over me, a feeling of protection and security. Spirit! With a long exhale of satisfaction, I look up to see Derrick, his wings now expanded and surrounding him with silky white feathers expanding out on either side of him. It is empowering and overwhelming seeing him like this, like a dream that instantly comes to life in front of your eyes. It takes my breath away every time. My body begins to heat up and not just because I’m standing next to the fire I so recently created but because no matter how much I tell myself I don’t want Derrick my body continues to tell me the opposite. With the use of Air and Water, I cool myself and then use Earth’s powers to ground myself in order to concentrate on the purpose at hand. I need to focus and not allow myself to become distracted.

  “Sorry if I startled you changing like this but I had to let my wings out, I much prefer to be in my true form if I’m given the opportunity.” Without giving him any impression that he got me flustered, I smile and stick to why we’re here. “Whatever makes you comfortable. So, now what do we do?”

  He pauses for a moment before answering, “I brought you here because I want you to get into contact with the Spirit world. I believe you have the capability of communicating between both worlds and the book of the redeemer shares some spells that will help you in the process.”

  I need more answers than that. “The Spirits? What do you mean? Like bringing the dead back to life?”

  His expression becomes very serious as he replies, “No. Lindsay, we are not going to bring the dead back to life, although that is something that you will have the ability to do someday. For now, all I want you to accomplish is to communicate with the dead. There’s power and energy all around you living or not because Spirit is with us even in the afterlife.”

  “So to just make it clear I’m going to talk to the dead and use the energy that’s lingering to give me strength? I don’t know that this sounds very angelic.” A look of frustration washes over his face, maybe I shouldn’t ask so many questions.

  “For now, Lindsay, you’re going to communicate through your body. Meaning you aren’t going to actually talk to the Spirits but you’re going to bring them to you and feel them. You’ll feel their pain, happiness and all their emotions. Eventually you will be able to communicate through your mind but for now I just want you to call on the Spirits that still linger in this graveyard. At this point you don’t need to use their energy.” I nod not wanting to ask any more questions about this situation. He pulls out the small dark book and flips through the pages furiously. “Here it is! Okay, Lindsay, I want you to repeat this chant as many times as you need to until you feel the Spirits within you.”

  I’m nervous and feeling a little unsure. “Wait, how will I know that I feel them?”

  “Your ability to feel others emotions allows you to also feel the emotions of the dead. Trust me, you will know.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes opening my ears to his words.

  “Spirits of the dead lingering on this Earth open up the door to our worlds and let me feel your presence. I ask of you to reveal yourself to me so that one day I may use your abilities to help with my destiny. So mote it be!”

  I repeated this chant several times out loud. I’m not sure how many times and each time I concentrate even harder on the image of a gray door opening and releasing ghostly white Spirits of energy. Then without any warning I feel them. I can feel anger, aggression, and loneliness all at the same time flowing through my body. I can distinguish that it isn’t my emotions but theirs. It’s the emotions of the dead. They’ve come to me and just like that, I can feel them the way I feel Ethan and others that get close to me. It’s like they’re a part of me. None of the feelings are good and I’m filled with anger and hate. I keep my eyes shut afraid that if I open them I might see something frightening.

  “Derrick! I can feel them inside me. It’s scaring me. I don’t like this at all. Help me get rid of them.” With my eyes still closed, I clench my jaw and tighten my fist doing all I can to keep myself stable. They are uncontrollable and angrier than anything I’ve ever felt. They don’t like it here, and they have been trapped for a very long time and over time their hatred has grown.

  “Lindsay, remember that you’re in control and not them. All you have to do is tell them to leave you and enter back into their own domain, and they have to obey as you’re the one that brought them here. Do not fear them, as they cannot cause you any harm. Send them back and shut the door between the worlds. Use this as an opportunity to keep control over those around you and also remain in control of your gift.”

  Closing my eyes tighter, still not wanting to see what is surrounding me and afraid that if I do, I’ll lose myself in the hate and it will consume me. With a deep breath and full focus I use the power of the elements and will the Spirits back to where they came from, and in one second they’re gone. I feel like myself again although still a little frightened to open my eyes.

  “Lindsay, you can open your eyes. I sense that the Spirits have left you,” he whispers to me.

  Without responding, I shake my hands as if to rid myself of any lingering fear and then slowly open my eyes. Derrick is less than a foot away facing me with a look of concern. His wings spread out behind him as if ready for flight or battle maybe. His appearance is calming, though and instantly I feel secure and
safe again. “I don’t ever want to do that again! Those Spirits of the dead are hateful.”

  “Calling on the dead will help you to learn to control your powers as well as have the ability to control the living and the dead Spirits that surround you. You did very well, Lindsay, for being unprepared. I should have warned you of the angry Spirits. I guess I didn’t even expect for them to come to you with your first try. You have to understand that if you can control Spirits and their emotions you’re a step closer to creating and destroying life. I want us to go over some practicing of destroying trees and other living organisms and then giving them life again. The more you practice the better you will become and you will be able to use it on humans or fallen angels.”

  I’m listening but still shaken, “That is fine with me as long as I don’t have to call on those horrible Spirits again. I think I might have nightmares for a week. Not that I could see them because I refused to open my eyes but their feelings and emotions are so strong that I don’t need to see them to know how hateful they are. It’s evil in a whole other form. Nothing like what I’ve seen of Ethan. I wish to stay away from that which is already dead, for now at least.” Dealing with this level of energy that is filled with anger is not something I want to deal with.

  “I understand Lindsay. I know there are other ways for us to practice, and again I’m sorry, but it was necessary. You may not know it yet, but this opened up a whole other world for you and will allow you to gain control of those around you living or not.”

  The rest of the day consisted of practice after practice of destroying trees, bushes and then giving them life again. The best part is creating new life in the earth. The elements are unbelievably powerful in their ability to help me create and destroy. I destroyed trees with bright green light that flowed from my body to the tree bursting it into nothing and then when giving the tree life again my body gave off a bright blue light that surged from the palms of my hands to the spot where the tree was and then it amazingly reappeared out of nothing. The graveyard is full of trees and bushes surrounding the outskirts of it, which gave us plenty to work with. Exhausted once we’re finished even with the elements still with me, I’m very reluctant to release them, afraid of how I might feel afterwards. Knowing that it’s not right to keep the elements with me and will only drain my own energy more, I sit down next to the fire that still burns. Derrick stands across from me and I close my eyes and thank all the elements.

  “Air, Water, Fire, Earth and Spirit, thank you for lending me your energy today and hope that when you part you leave me with a peace of it. I release you.”

  As soon as I feel them leave my body I slowly open my eyes and see Derrick through the flashes of the flame and then nothing. I faint.

  “Lindsay! Lindsay! Wake up!” I can hear him but still unable to come to consciousness to respond. My stomach is queasy and I’m not sure if opening my eyes is a good idea. Slowly I open my eyes to Derrick hovering over me knelt down on his knees with both hands on my shoulders.

  As soon as I look into his eyes, I get the urge to vomit and lean to the side releasing it onto the ground. “I am so sorry.” Now sitting up I still don’t feel like I can walk. I still feel the elements in me from the energy they left but it isn’t enough. “I don’t think I can stand up. My whole body hurts.”

  “I’ll get you home.” He sweeps me into his arms and expands his wings to their full extension and then takes flight. I keep my eyes closed the whole time afraid of becoming nauseous if I open them. Before I know it we’re at my front door. Even though I’m standing on my two feet, Derrick is still holding me up. “Let me get you up stairs so you can rest. I’ll get you something to eat as well.”

  I do want to go to bed but the last thing I want is for him to have a reason to stay. “Thank you but the food won’t be necessary. My parents will be home soon and my mom will make dinner. I’m sure she plans to make something before her and my dad leave in the morning.” He nods, hides his wings, and then lifts me back up and carries me up to my room.

  “I’m sorry that it took so much out of you today. Over time you will build up a tolerance and become stronger. Get your rest because you will need it for tomorrow.”

  I don’t even want to move let alone invoke any more power. “Thank you, Derrick.” With a kiss on my forehead he’s gone. I can’t help but take a deep breath thinking I hope this agonizing pain goes away. I just wish that Ethan was here by my side comforting me and letting me know I’ll be okay. I need to see him to reassure myself I’m doing the right thing. I close my eyes and call on him letting him know I need him.

  “Lindsay. Are you okay?” With a breath of relief, I open my eyes to see Ethan at the side of my bed leaning over to look at me. His dark eyes filled with worry as he examines my weak body.

  “Thank you so much Ethan for coming.” Not moving an inch, I smile at him. “I’m okay, I guess, but my body is really sore from the training I did today with Derrick.” He’s standing here staring at me not even smiling back just running his eyes up and down my body examining every inch of me.

  “He’s pushing you too hard, Lindsay. It isn’t good for you. I know how bad you want to learn as much as you can as fast as you can, but this isn’t the way. You need to slow down or you won’t be able to function at all. Just because you have this power doesn’t make you invincible. You’re still human, and I’m not sure if Derrick sees that.”

  I can see that he’s angry that I’m in so much pain but he still leans over and kisses my forehead. He’s presence is withered, with dark circles under his eyes, and his cheeks look sucked in with his sharp cheek bones sticking out. He’s starting to look more like death every time I see him. “You’re sick!” It hurts me to see him like this. I can feel his hunger and the ache he feels from not feeding. He’s losing his strength every day that passes.

  “Not sick, this is just my punishment. I can’t die, Lindsay, from not feeding on souls. It only weakens me and makes me appear sick, but you will be able to help me soon enough. Please know that there’s no rush. I’ll be fine.”

  “Ethan, I can feel your hunger. This is hurting you. This is why there’s no time to spare and why I have to push myself.”

  “With how much your body was able to endure today I know you have enough power to free me but you need the book. I’m not confident that Derrick will provide you with the spell needed to cure me. I know that he has other intentions.” His look of worry never leaves his face. I don’t know what is worse though, seeing the demon inside of him or watching and feeling him wither away right in front of my eyes and feeling the sorrow and fear that he has inside.

  “How can I take something from an Angel that he doesn’t want me to have? He’s going to have to be willing to give it to me.” I definitely can’t see Derrick just handing over the book willingly. If he wanted me to have it he would have given it to me already and today in the forest, he seemed pretty protective of it. He seems to keep it with him all the time and hasn’t even let me really get a look at it.

  “Not necessarily. You have the elements on your side, which can bring the book to you. You and the elements are all connected to that book. It belongs to you Lindsay and if you want it, it will come to you. Just like I do. You only need to put out the request.” Finally a little smile appears from his lips but then is quickly diminished with an expression filled with pain again. “Not now though. If you can save up your energy over the next few days without interruption from Derrick then you will gain enough strength to call upon the book and will it to come to you.”

  “This seems a little too easy, Ethan.” I can’t help but be a little unsure that the book is just going to fly right to me, and all I have to do is ask it.

  “Trust me, once you have the strength, you will see that it is just that easy when the item belongs to you.” Again a little smile fills his face and this time it doesn’t leave. He leans down and kisses my forehead again. “For now you need to sleep.” Without even questioning him, I close my eyes a
nd fall asleep, without a meal, and unbelievably exhausted from the day.

  TWENTY SEVEN

  After lying in bed for more than 24 hours straight, I’m finally feeling better. Since my parents left, I didn’t have anyone other than Ethan to take care of me. I felt bad not getting out of bed when my parents told me goodbye yesterday. I just used the excuse that I wasn’t feeling well and that it was extremely early in the morning. We said our goodbyes and they were on their way. It was nice having Ethan by my side the whole time even as I dozed in and out of sleep. He kept me fed and hydrated the whole day. All I can think about now is how I really need to get that book. He keeps telling me how I need to give it a few more days to work up my strength that way when I call on the book it’ll be quick and hopefully Derrick won’t even notice. Ethan says that when I do it Derrick might even feel my presence, he has called me several times checking on me and he apologized for putting me through all this although I reminded him it wasn’t anything he did. It makes it hard not to feel bad about taking the book from Derrick even if Ethan say’s it belongs to me. It still feels wrong. Even though I don’t agree with the plans that Derrick has made, I know that he only wants the best and his intentions are good. I care for him and even love him but my love for Ethan is stronger, I will do whatever it takes to free him of the evil consuming his body. Since I’m too weak to train and too weak to steal “The Book of The Redeemer” from Derrick, maybe I just need a day with a friend. Ethan took off this morning saying he had to take care of some things at his place. I guess even though he’s a Fallen Angel he still has plants to water in his home and things to do. Kim is always there for me when I need her and I’ve still been preoccupied with the dream I had of her and Derrick and Ethan all out in the woods having an argument. Maybe I can discuss it with her and she can give me some insight into its meaning. At least the weird dreams have stopped.