I'm with the Band
Page 25
In a small voice, I said, “Thanks.”
“Yes, thank you Mr. Winters,” Mom said. “I can already sense the relief in my daughter at her decision. I know this is the right thing for her.”
Mr. Winters smiled and said, “Good. I’ll make all the arrangements.”
* * *
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, Tommy,” I said into the phone. “I’m okay.”
“Well, I just read about the change in the band. Did you want to leave?” Tommy asked.
I hesitated a second. I was both shocked and thrilled that Tommy had called. It was the first time I’d heard from him since he found out about me. I finally said, “No. It was a total surprise to me. I begged John not to replace me, but his mind is pretty made up.”
“I’m really sorry, Michelle,”Tommy said sincerely. “You must be devastated!”
“Yeah, the first few days after the change I was pretty depressed.”
“You should have called me.”
Just a hint of acid bubbled up in my voice as I said, “I thought you weren’t talking to me anymore.“
There was an awkward silence for a few moments. “Look, I was angry. I mean, honestly, can you blame me? It’s quite a shock to find out that the girl you’re in love with is actually… uh... a... uh… guy.”
I hesitated a second and then said, “Look, it’s not my fault I was born that way, okay? Thanks for calling and asking about me, Tommy.”
“Don’t hang up! I know that tone. I’m sorry I brought that up.”
“Was there anything else?”I asked.
For several seconds there was silence on the other end of the phone.
“Good-bye Tommy.” I hung up the phone. It rang a few seconds later, but I didn’t answer it.
* * *
“What’s that big envelope, Mom?”
Mom walked into the living room after retrieving the mail. “I don’t know. Let me open it first. It’s from Mr. Winters.”
Mom sat on the couch next to me and opened the large manila envelope. She pulled out a several sheets of paper held together with a paper clip. She studied the first page a minute, and then glanced at each of the other sheets before handing the bundle to me.
“It’s the band’s and your appearance schedule.”As I glanced through it, Mom continued, “The band has one more local engagement before starting the summer tour.”
I said, “Geez. There are a lot of small venues here.”
“We’re a new band. What do you expect?”
I frowned and said, “We’re not a ‘we’ any more, Mom.”
“Don’t you want to go on the tour though?”
“Not really. I have some appearances scheduled for the same time period.” I said.
“But not on the same days as the concerts.”
“What are you saying, Mom? That you want me to go along and be tortured every day, knowing I can’t sing with the band?” I folded my arms and glared at the floor.
“You have your solo songs, Honey. April can’t take those. Those are entirely yours. It’s even in her contract.”
I just sat there silently for a minute or two. Ignoring her comment, I grunted a laugh and picked up one of several tabloid newspapers I had been looking at. “Look at this Mom. Look at the problems John continues to cause me! Look at what this crap says!”I waved the newspaper in front of Mom.
I ran my finger under the text as I said, “‘According to sources close to the band, Michelle was dumped because she wouldn’t have sex with band leader John.’ Sex?! He’s my brother! And… and… our cover story says we’re cousins, for cryin’ out loud!”
Mom shook her head as she scanned the article. Frowning she said, “Well, Honey, nobody believes these tabloids. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re going to make me go, aren’t you?”
Mom just stared at me for a moment before saying, “I think you should. You have to promote yourself, too.”
* * *
John was furious. But then, John had been furious since the last concert before the tour started where the crowd chanted “Michelle… Michelle…”John had been fit to be tied. The reviews weren’t that good, and ticket sales for the tour have been slow.
We just got back to our hotel in Phoenix, and we all gathered in John’s and Fritz’ room. April, at Mom’s insistence was staying in our room. Exhausted, we all plopped down in either a chair or a bed.
No one said a word for several minutes. Finally April, with a faraway look in her eyes said quietly, “I should just go home. They don’t want me.”
John sat up straighter and said, “That’s bullshit! Sorry Mom. But that’s crap April. They’re just not used to you yet. Just give it time.”
April shook her head and said, “John, are you not paying any attention? Didn’t you notice the reaction when Michelle came out for her songs?”
“Well, next tour we leave Michelle behind. She’s just dragging us down.”
Knitting her brow, April said, “John, she’s right here in the room with us. You shouldn’t talk like that.”
John scowled at me and said, “Well, it’s true.”
I stood up and started towards the door. “It’s okay, April. I’m used to it. John is still pissed that his band would never have made it if it wasn’t for me.”
Mom stood up and said in a stern voice, “John, will you please stop it? She worked hard for your benefit and this is how you reward her?” She turned to follow me to the door.
John looked sheepish for a moment. He then looked frustrated as he said, “She was temporary. We all agreed from the start she was temporary.”
Mom and I left without saying another word.
* * *
“Aren’t you coming?” John asked as I just stood outside the tour bus and waved
“Mr. Winters has sent his private jet to take me back to Los Angeles.” I said.
“Oh, that’s right. Little Miss Popular yet again has some other little award show to go to. You can’t ride in the bus with us,” John said with heavy sarcasm.
“You don’t want me along anyway!”I exclaimed, frustrated. “Yes, I’m a presenter and a nominee at the Kid’s Choice Awards this afternoon, and tonight I’m in that charity benefit concert. I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow in Denver.”
“Well, I think you should have to ride in that stinky, crowded bus with us, and you also get to miss out – again — with helping getting everything set up.”John scowled. “All you have to do is arrive on time to walk out in front of all your adoring fans.”
“I didn’t set the schedule John.” I said, feeling anger well up inside me.
“Just go. Go get your award. You know you’re going to win one. You always do. Just as you do, remember all of us crammed into that bus.” John spun around and entered the bus. Mom waved from one of the windows. In fact, only Mom, Sammy and Juan waved at me as the bus pulled slowly away.
I turned around and walked back to the hotel to call a cab to go take me to the airport.
* * *
The music ended for my final song at the benefit concert. With the spotlight shining on me, I couldn’t see the audience, but I could sure hear them! The applause and cheering was tremendous. I felt exhilarated, humbled and undeserving all at the same time. How had I gotten here? How had I gone from being a nobody boy with virtually no future to standing here before this wild applause?
As I bowed, I saw my very short skirt, hose, and high heels. I smiled at myself as I reflected on just a few months ago; I wouldn’t have been caught dead dressed like this. Now it was second nature and dressing any way else felt alien.
I waved and blew some kisses out to the audience, and then I turned and hurried off the stage. I felt really happy.
As soon as I went behind the curtains, I stopped in surprise. There was Tommy with a weak, hesitant smile on his face
. He seemed agitated about something. I thought, “God, I don’t need this right now!”
“Great show,” said Tommy as I approached him.
“Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.” I said as I continued to walk past him.
“Michelle wait,” said Tommy as he reached out a hand for my arm.
I moved my arm out of his reach and said, “I don’t have a lot of time, Tommy. I need to go.”I turned my back to him and continued walking.
“Your mother called.”
I stopped and turned back towards him. “My mother?”
Tommy walked slowly up to me. He started to say something, looked away, swallowed hard and said, “There’s been a terrible accident.”
* * *
Chapter 19
I just stood there for a second and stared at Tommy. Uncertain, I said softly, “What?”
Tommy took a step forward and taking both my hands said, “There’s been an accident.” An icy bolt shot down my spine as an utter feeling of dread washed over me.
“A… an accident? What are you talking about? What kind of accident?” I started to feel weak in the knees.
Before answering, Tommy led me a few paces over to a chair. He indicated I should sit. My legs surrendered as I collapsed onto the chair. Tommy swallowed audibly and then said, “Your mother said… yes I do know she’s your mother… said there was some kind of accident involving the band’s bus. I didn’t get any details, but she wants you to come up to Denver right after your concert.”
Tears welled up as I cried, “You don’t know if anyone is hurt? My God! Why did you let me finish the concert? Why wasn’t I told right away? Oh my God! My God!”I started to blubber into incoherency. My stomach started to tie up in knots, and I felt like I was about to be sick.
“I got the news just a few minutes ago from a text message from Mr. Winters. You’d just started your last song. I thought it best to let you finish it.” He knelt down beside me. “Mr. Winters has his private jet fueling up. I had my car brought around to the stage entrance. I’ll drive you to the airport.”When I didn’t move, he said, “You need to come with me now!”
I just sat there and said, “Is Mom okay? Is John? Anybody else?”
Tommy shook his head and said, “I didn’t talk to her. Hal did. He said that she had a broken arm, and at the time she called, there was no information on anyone else. She wasn’t able to talk for very long, but since she called, I’d say that was a good sign. Come on! We need to go!”
* * *
I was only dimly aware of my surroundings. I just sat there in my seat on the private jet, staring, but my eyes not focusing on anything. Tommy sat beside me holding my hand. Somewhere, he’d found a blanket and had placed it over my shoulders.
Staring blankly ahead I asked, “I saw you talking on the phone earlier. Any word yet? I can’t stand not knowing anything!”
Tommy put his arm around me in a comforting hug and said, “No. No other news. We’ll be in Denver in another hour.”
Finally, I turned my eyes towards Tommy. I said, “Thanks. Thanks for coming with me, Tommy.” I held his hand tighter. “I’m really glad you’re here. I couldn’t handle being alone. Not now.”
He smiled weakly and said, “Hey, I’m glad I could help.”
I stared at the floor for a minute before turning back to face him. I asked, “I’m curious though. Why would Hal send you? He could have come himself, or sent Brooklyn. I’m not complaining, but why you?”
It was Tommy’s turn to look at the floor for a few seconds. Looking a little sheepish and avoiding my eyes, he said, “Because I was there at the concert… in the audience.”
I sat up a little straighter and said, “You came to the charity concert?” I know I wasn’t the only person performing at the concert, but I was still surprised. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.”
Tommy hung his head a little more and said, “You say a lot of stupid things when you’re hurt. It really pissed me off that you led me to believe that you were a girl. It pissed me off even more when I learned that it was Hal who arranged our first meeting at my birthday party and he didn’t bother to tell me.”
Before I could say anything, he abruptly turned to face me, his eyes boring straight through mine. “Michelle, you’re playing a dangerous game. You know that, don’t you? What if I hadn’t shown up at Julia’s party? You would have been found out. Julia would have made sure that everyone knew you weren’t a girl. She would have destroyed you just so she could destroy me. The truth that I’d been dating a boy would have ended my career, your career and your brother’s career. She would have taken great delight in that. If I’d known who you were from the start, I probably would have gone along with publicity photos and I could have maintained deniability.”
“I’m sorry Tommy,” I said starting to tear up again. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but don’t forget that I didn’t want to date you at first. I certainly didn’t want you to kiss me.”
“You could have told me.”
“How? How could I have told you and expected it to remain a secret? No one on Mr. Winters’ staff knows the truth. Not even Brooklyn.”
Sounding irritated, Tommy said, “I’ve kept it secret.”
Frowning, I said, “Yeah. You have a vested interest in keeping it secret now. If you feel this way, why did you come to my concert?”
“You weren’t the only act, and…”said Tommy hastily. He paused a moment and looked away. “You can’t help who you fall in love with…”
* * *
Holding my hand and actually leading me, Tommy accompanied me to the hospital. Thankfully, the police forced back the reporters who were lining the walkway to the entrance. Not that there was a teeming crowd of reporters, but there were enough, and they were annoying.
The only thing on my mind was the question of how Mom and John were. And these jerks were shouting inane questions at me, some even asking about my relationships with Tommy and Chad! How could they be so insensitive?
As we entered the hospital, a staff member directed us to the elevator and told us which floor to select to go to the ICU. Mom would be waiting for us there. Apparently, she’d already been released from the hospital.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped out into a hallway. Tommy pointed to a sign on the wall that indicated which direction we needed to go to find the ICU. We hurried down the hallway; my stomach filling with dread.
We quickly came to a large open area with seats running along the walls. In one of the seats towards the back of the room sat a woman staring at the floor with her head cradled in one hand. I knew it had to be Mom.
I started to call out to Mom, but Tommy, aware that there were potential fans within earshot covered for me by speaking first. “Mrs. Gray! Mrs. Gray! Thank God you’re okay! I’ve brought Michelle.”
Wincing a little, Mom stood up. Her left arm hung in a sling and there was a gash on her forehead that had been stitched up. Her face and arms were bruised and scratched. She only managed one step towards us before I was trying to hug her, but not hurt her injured arm. “Michelle!” she cried. She put her good arm around me and began to cry. “Oh my Michelle! My sweet, darling Michelle, you’re finally here!”
We stood there for a moment, crying in each other’s arms. I finally managed to say through the sobbing, “What happened? Where’s John? Everybody?”
Pulling away from me, Mom indicated I should sit. Then, she sat down herself. She looked so tired. And so old. “It was horrible. Just horrible!” She took a deep breath and then continued, “John is in ICU. He comes in and out of consciousness. He’s stable at the moment.”
Mom paused a moment, staring blankly ahead. Finally, she said, “We were on a two lane highway. We’d just started to get into the mountains. A truck… a big truck, going the other way apparently had a blowout and veered into us. We had
nowhere to go. It was awful.”Mom started to cry again. I held her hand and stroked her hair until she could compose herself again.
Mom caught her breath again and said, “It’s hard to remember exactly what happened after the truck hit us and forced us into the rocks on our right side. After that, the bus rolled. I don’t know how many times. It finally stopped upside down on top of the guard rail.”
She paused for a moment, and as tears welled up again in her eyes, she turned to look at me. “Honey, Fritz… Fritz is dead.”
While Fritz and I weren’t exactly buds, it seemed as if I’d known him forever. “What? He… he’s dead?” I gasped. Mom nodded, her face contorted with anguish.
“He’s gone.” Mom took another deep breath and continued, “April, by some miracle only got minor injuries. She’s been released from the hospital. I think she’s at the hotel. Sammy and Juan got banged up pretty bad; Sammy has a broken leg, and I think Juan has a fractured pelvis.” Mom’s eyes glazed over again and she fell silent.
After a moment, I said, “I want to see John.”
Mom glanced at the clock on the wall and said, “The ICU is open for visitors again. See that phone on the wall over there? Pick it up and say who you’re here to see.”
* * *
My heart leapt into my throat as I saw John lying on the bed in his small ICU room. The ICU was divided into twenty smaller rooms. A few were empty. John was in the third room on the far wall. There were tubes and hoses and his head was wrapped, but his face and eyes were still exposed. Thank God he wasn’t on a respirator.
I stood outside his room for a few minutes just looking at him and crying. I felt so small and helpless. Finally, I built up the nerve to enter the small room.
John was staring at the ceiling. He didn’t look like John at all. John is always moving, so full of life and so confident. To see him lying there, with tubes, hoses and bandages brought an even higher level of sadness to my already strained emotions. I just stood there, tears running down my cheeks as I cried silently.