Lost Without You

by Heather Thurmeier

  “I’m sure it did. So what’s the elimination challenge then?”

  Chip’s smile grew. He really did enjoy this power he had, regardless of the reason behind it. “This week they’re going to have to face their fears if they want to stay.”

  “What do you mean? What do they have to do?” She felt nervous for the teams even if she didn’t have to compete with them. She wouldn’t want to face her fears on national television and she couldn’t imagine being forced to. A shiver shot up her spine at the thought of her biggest fear — the world seeing her scars and finding out about her accident.

  “I have this crazy obstacle course set up for them and each member of the team will have to complete a part of the course. They’ll have to swim across the current of the river, climb a fifty-foot tree, eat a bowlful of crickets, and go exploring in a cave of spiders.” He laughed in a way that almost sounded sinister.

  Her heart pounded. Okay, so maybe she had a second big fear — spiders. “Where exactly will they be doing these things? Do I … um … do I have to be near each part of the course as it happens or do I get to stand somewhere safe? Away from the spiders.”

  He rubbed her knee, the smile falling from his face. “I didn’t realize you were afraid of spiders. Don’t worry, you don’t have to follow the contestants through the course, the cameramen are there for that. And I’ll make sure the contestants don’t have to come near you after they’ve been in the cave either.”

  “Good. I have the creeps just thinking about a cave full of spiders out in the woods somewhere. It’s not near base camp, right?”

  “Nope. But if I told you it was, would you let me be the one to keep you safe each night?” His voice dropped low and seductive, sending a spike of heat through her body. “I promise nothing would touch you but my hands … Well, maybe my lips would too.”

  He cupped her jaw in his hand and pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was soft and when he pulled away a second later, it left her wanting more. So much more. She fought the urge to climb into his lap and have her way with him.

  “I’m happy the spiders won’t be an issue.”

  “You didn’t answer my question. There are many other things out in these woods that could wander through camp at night. Maybe you’re tired of being alone. I know I am.” He kissed her neck below her ear and she closed her eyes, unable to resist him.

  “Are you trying to tell me a big strong guy like you is afraid of the dark? I might have a night light you can borrow to chase away the boogieman.” She swallowed hard, trying to keep her emotions under control. Her pulse beat beneath his lips and she wondered if he could feel it too.

  I will not jump his bones again. I will not.

  The mantra didn’t quell her growing desire for him. Especially not when he did that thing with his teeth and his tongue against her skin as if he were barely stopping himself from completely devouring her.

  She wanted to be devoured by him. Damn it.

  “I don’t need a night light to keep me company in the dark. I need you.” He slid his hand down her chest to cup her breast in his palm.

  Zoe needed him too. More than she realized.

  She arched into his hand unable to stop her desire as it boiled to the surface. When he touched her, kissed her — hell, when he looked at her — it felt as if the world tipped on its axis and nothing made sense anymore. Everything she thought she’d wanted … to be alone, to keep her heart safe and secure … all of it flew out the window the second his lips and hands found her quivering body. He made her feel all the things she never thought she’d get to feel.

  He made her want things she never knew she wanted.

  She wanted to be loved by someone. She wanted to feel desired by someone. She wanted to be accepted exactly as she was, flaws and all, by someone.

  But not just anyone.

  Zoe wanted all of that from just one person. Chip.

  Chip pressed into her until she found herself lying on his cot. He kissed her hard on the mouth this time, his need for her shining through. His fingers brushed against her stomach as his hand snuck under the edge of her shirt.

  No matter how hard she tried to force her eyes open so she could refocus her mind, her eyes wouldn’t listen. Instead, she was trapped in the darkness and wrapped in the sensation of Chip’s mouth on hers, his tongue teasing hers with little licks.

  Instead of pushing him away like she should, she grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. She wanted to see him in the dim light from the lantern.

  The other night at the waterfall, she’d been able to feel his perfectly flawless skin, but now she wanted to see it in the light. The urge was too much to ignore. Her eyes popped open and she scanned his sculpted chest. His muscles flexed as he hovered over her, his breathing coming out fast and hard as he watched her examine every inch of him.

  Rolling to the side, he propped himself on one elbow and left his hand resting on her hip while she turned toward him and studied him more. He was so gorgeous. Sleek, tanned, toned. She’d forgotten how beautiful the human body was when it wasn’t tarnished with scars.

  Pressing her fingers to his chest, she traveled the line of his pectorals then down to his belly button and over to the edge of his hip. Every line of muscles was exactly how it should be.

  She brushed her lips against his chest and he took in a deep stuttered breath. The thought she could make him feel something so strongly that it took his breath away made her feel powerful and more beautiful than she’d ever felt before. She gazed up at him through heavy lashes as her tongue darted out for a quick taste of him, flickering across his skin. He moaned and she almost let a matching sound escape her mouth.

  Zoe shrieked as he suddenly flipped her onto her back and his legs straddled her hips. He pulled the bottom two buttons of her shirt open before she realized his intentions.

  “My turn to see you in the light, Zoe,” he said, his voice heavy with desire, lust glazing his eyes.

  Fear instantly cleared the fog settling in her head from his kisses, his touch. No. Stop! It’s too bright. He’ll see too much.

  Tears clouded her vision as she struggled to get her hands on the next button before Chip got to it first. “Stop.” Her voice came out too quiet and strained.

  He bent his head and kissed her belly button, laughing as she squirmed beneath him. He probably thought it tickled. But it didn’t. It hurt like a knife to her gut. A few buttons and Chip would find the scar she never bothered to cover with makeup unless she was in a bikini, which wasn’t very often. Certainly she hadn’t prepared for tonight.

  Her body shook as the feeling of being trapped overtook her. She rolled to the side and pushed against him with all her strength. Chip tumbled off the side of the cot, landing hard on the ground with a grunt.

  “I said stop. I have to go.” Standing from the bed, she pulled her shirt back down into place, fastening the two buttons he’d managed to get undone, and fled from his tent out into the cold dark night air. She didn’t stop running until she was almost to the clearing where she had to meet Alex.

  When the stitch in her side finally forced her to stop running, she collapsed to the ground, her body shaking as tears came. This time she didn’t fight them.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Zoe stood with a forced smile on her lips and clapped as the rowing team — Alex the blackmailer’s team — crossed the finish line first, having successfully completed the obstacle course ahead of Rick’s team in second and the doctors in last place.

  She gritted her teeth together at the thought of having to look at him — be used by him — for one more week before the show would finally culminate at the final challenge. Of course in the meantime, she still had to find out what Chip had in store for them at the finale. Alex would give away her true identity if she didn’t make sure he had enough advance info
rmation to win.

  Just like he had this week.

  While her dinner with Chip had basically destroyed their friendship after she tossed him to the ground and bolted from his tent as if he were a rapist, it had ultimately been successful in gathering the information Alex requested. And with the information, Alex and the rest of the rowing team had been victorious in both the reward and the elimination challenges.

  He was here for another week because of her. And she was held to the fire for another week because of her relationship with Chip.

  Lack of relationship.

  Chip hadn’t said more than a few necessary words to her during the setup for filming since the incident in his tent. Not that she could really blame him.

  She rubbed the pendant on her necklace. She’d hurt Chip by running away that night. Actually by running away two nights — she’d done the same thing to him by the waterfall too.

  She sucked.

  She didn’t deserve someone like Chip to talk to her, want to have dinner with her, or any of the other things he’d wanted to do with her.

  She only deserved people in her life like Alex — people who used her, because that was exactly the same thing she’d done to Chip.

  Alex was going to demand she do it again to find out what the final challenge was. But she’d never be able to get the information out of Chip now. Not the way she had this last week. Hell, she’d be lucky if she could even get him to have a civil conversation about the weather at this point.

  She was royally screwed.

  As if to prove her point, Alex sauntered over to her as his team started down the path that would take them back to their camp. The noise of lights being taken down from trees and production people chatting was all around them, masking their conversation.

  “Chip said the final challenge is in four days. So you officially have three days to find out what it is. Meet me in the usual place and time the night before with the information or the finale will become all about you.”

  She glanced around. “I don’t know if I can get the information from Chip again. I sort of burned that bridge last time.”

  “Trouble in paradise?” he whispered in her ear. “I don’t care who you have to sleep with to get me what I want. Make it happen.”

  Alex walked away. Zoe’s shoulders slumped with the weight of this new task. It wasn’t as easy as spreading her legs to someone on the production crew. And she’d never stoop to that level anyway. She was a lot of things, but a slut wasn’t one of them. Kissing and flirting was one thing, but sleeping with someone was completely different and out of the question.

  Any way she looked at it, she was totally screwed.

  • • •

  Chip stood near one of the production bags, checking to make sure everything that was supposed to be inside actually was. Not like last week’s challenge when one of the production assistants left some mics behind after the challenge. Luckily they’d gotten back to them before the rain had and the mics were fine, but he didn’t want the same to happen this week. Not when they still had the big finale to film in a few days.

  He almost couldn’t wait for filming to be over. Usually he really loved every aspect of production, especially when it got to be around finale time, but this show was different. Zoe made it different. She occupied his every thought, distracting him.

  And he also wouldn’t mind a proper shower one of these days. He’d thought that a show filmed remotely would be a lot of fun, but he was wrong. So, so wrong. Bugs, weather, and the lack of personal hygiene from some of the crew made the experience less desirable than he’d expected.

  The only desirable thing about the situation was Zoe and he wasn’t even speaking to her at the moment. He didn’t have anything to say. It wasn’t as if asking her why she felt the need to get all hot and heavy with him only to ditch him constantly would do any good. He’d been pushing her pretty hard, putting the moves on, hoping she would reciprocate his feelings, but it was obvious now that she didn’t or wouldn’t let herself. Whatever it was she felt for him, it wasn’t the same as what he felt for her.

  He peeked up at her and found her face to face with Alex. He wouldn’t have been surprised if it was Rick talking to her, but Alex was a little unusual. She didn’t look especially happy to be speaking with him either, judging by her body language of crossed arms and pulled back shoulders.

  As he watched, Alex leaned in and said something into her ear before walking away to join the rest of his team who were already celebrating their victory. Zoe’s shoulders rolled forward as she stood there alone and her expression was one of exhaustion and stress. What had Alex said to her? Why the hell was he talking privately with the host of the show anyway? They should know it was against the rules.

  On the other hand, it appeared Rick had finally started playing by the rules. He hadn’t made any inappropriate comments to Zoe during the entire filming today and even now he was already with his team and heading back to their camp.

  Chip relaxed. Finally, he could stop worrying about Rick and Zoe getting together.

  Now he had to figure out what to do about Zoe. It was perfectly obvious in her kisses she had real feelings for him; the question was why did she keep pushing him away instead of giving into what she clearly wanted. And how could he help her overcome whatever the obstacle was so they could finally be together?

  • • •

  Zoe sat on a boulder, staring at the view as the sun set through the trees. The third week of filming was finally done and she’d never felt so exhausted. She really had thought hosting would be easier than being a contestant. Maybe it was easier on a typical show when the host could show up on set after a good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed and eat normal meals and take regular showers. But out here in the wilderness, her experience as host had been anything but easy.

  Of course, that could have something to do with the men on the show too. Rick, Alex, and Chip were not making her life easy. In fact, they were the main cause of her stress.

  The sound of a branch breaking under someone’s foot pulled her from her thoughts and the beautiful view. Rick strode down the trail with purpose. Surely he was lost and not looking for her. Having another discussion with Rick about anything was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

  “Hey, Rick. You’re not following me are you?” she asked. She really could care less where he was headed as long as it didn’t involve her.

  “I need to talk to you, but I didn’t want to do it back there with everyone else around. You alone out here?” he asked, glancing around.

  A private conversation? Just what she didn’t need right now.

  “Just me and the bugs. What’s up?” she asked, trying to sound casual and friendly. She stood from her boulder as he approached.

  Rick stopped directly in front of her, his body brushing up against hers.

  “Personal space, Rick.” She started to take a step back, but he pulled her into his arms. One hand snaked around her waist while the other tangled in her hair. The next second, his mouth was pressed to hers, his tongue on a mission to reach her tonsils. She squirmed against him trying to get free, only to feel his arms wrap tighter around her.

  Without seeing any other choice, she brought her knee up between his legs hard and fast. He instantly let go of her and went down on one knee, sucking in gulps of air.

  “What the hell was that, Rick?” she yelled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as if that would remove the memory of what had just happened.

  “I wanted to show you what you were missing now that you’re fooling around with that little piss-head producer instead of me. I didn’t expect you to go all defensive on me.” He groaned and got to his feet.

  “First of all, Chip is not a ‘piss-head,’ as you so elegantly put it. He’s a good guy and a great producer. And we aren’t fooling a
round, not that it’s any of your business either way. And of course I went defensive on you. You forced yourself on me without so much as saying hello. What did you think I was going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d kiss me back since you flirt with me the way you do.” He shook his head. “You’re not really sending me clear signals here, you know.”

  A wave of guilt washed over her. True, he shouldn’t have assumed anything and kissed her, but she had been flirting with him pretty heavy the first week or two of the show. She was partly to blame for her predicament.

  “I’m sorry. I know I flirted with you a lot at the beginning, but I thought I’d made it clear recently that I wasn’t interested after all. I shouldn’t have flirted with you to begin with, but I really did try to tell you I wanted it to stop and I thought you understood.”

  “I understood that your boyfriend was trying to use his power to persuade me away from you, but I thought you’d still be able to make your own decision if he wasn’t hovering around watching you.”

  “He isn’t hovering, he’s working.”

  “He’s hovering. And marking his territory. Don’t think we haven’t heard what’s going on with you two. I think you’re only with him because you think you can’t be with me because I’m a contestant. But I’m only a contestant for another week. So the way I see it, baby, is that we do whatever we want and by the time anyone figures it out, the show will already be over.”

  He scooped her into his arms again as if he’d already forgotten the pain she’d caused his brain a few minutes ago. She must not have kneed him hard enough the first time. She’d have to be careful not to make the same mistake the second time.

  She pushed back against his chest. “Let me go. I said I’m not interested anymore and I meant it.”

  “You’re playing hard to get. You must need a little more convincing.” He kissed the side of her neck, but instead of it making her weak-kneed like it had when Chip had kissed her there, it made her nauseous.