Don't Let Me Fall

by Briana Pacheco

***

  I was laughing. And it hurt. That means one thing.

  I opened my eyes and found everyone staring at me with a confused look. I’m still laughing and I can’t stop. Alice pointed something out to me that I never gave much thought to after the night she died. Logan will be twenty-four in August. It’s the perfect age. The irony of this is not lost on me. My best friend died because we wanted to fuck twenty-four-year-olds.

  “Becka?” My eyes found Toby and my laughter turned to silent giggles.

  “I saw her,” I said. “Alice.”

  I glanced around me. I’m on a stretcher, outside of the courthouse, with people surrounding me. The EMT’s must think I’m fucking insane. I am.

  Toby glanced around the area then locked eyes on me.

  “What did she say?” he asked. This is why I love him. I just told him I saw his dead sister and he’s not calling me crazy.

  “In August, Logan will be the perfect age,” I said.

  Toby smiled and walked over to the stretcher. “Sounds like her,” he said kissing my forehead. “Now, don’t ever fucking do that shit again. Your heart stopped, Becka. Just now. For like three seconds.” Was it because I didn’t want to leave Alice?

  “And then you come out of nowhere laughing,” Dad said leaning into me and moving hair out of my face. It hurt when he did that. Shit…I remember falling down the stairs. “Jesus, Birdie. I thought you were crazy but I was wrong,” he teased. “You really aren’t scared of dying.”

  “I am,” I said. “I am.”

  Dad pulled me into an awkward hug but when I groaned in pain, he moved away and the EMT’s let me sit up. Apparently, I hit my head on the stairs and I went unconscious so the ambulance was called. I’ll have a bump on the head but aside from that I’m fine. My heart must have given up because I’m weak and it needed a reason to live. I have one. Plenty. But one person is on my mind.

  I found Logan’s eyes and held them, silently telling him what I’ve wanted to say for a while now but couldn’t. He smiled weakly at me as he walked forward. It wasn’t enough.

  “I love you,” I breathed.

  And it feels fucking good saying it.

  Logan’s smile went into mega-watt mode, the dimple making an appearance. He leaned into me then pulled away and glanced at my dad. “Can I kiss her?” he asked. I burst into a laugh with that. He asked for permission. God.

  “Don’t fucking ask permission,” Dad said looking at him like he’s a moron. “Now I’ll feel bad when I toss you into the street to get hit.”

  Logan turned back to me, shaking his head. “Like father like daughter,” he said.

  I really did want to throw him out of my window…

  He leaned into me and kissed me.

  “I love you, too,” he whispered against my lips.

  I closed my eyes for a few seconds as he hovered over me. I asked Ali if she loved me. She never answered me. And I think I know why. I didn’t want to tell Logan that I loved him because I wanted him to find someone better than me. I wanted him to leave without a problem. I think Alice did the same thing. She didn’t tell me that she loved me because she wants me to move on…with someone who is alive. If she did tell me she loved me more than a friend, I’d probably be back in a funk because she’s not here. I do love her and I do think it’s more than a friend love. We have a unique love. Only the two of us get it.

  We don’t need to say it because we just know.

  We will always love each other.

  A clearing of the throat pulled Logan away from me.

  “Ms. Lennox, my clients would still like to speak with you.” Alice’s killers’ lawyer said to me with an unsure look. “Mrs. Williams was put under arrest for attempted assault as well as other things but that’s not important right now. Are you okay to see my clients?”

  No.

  Yes.

  I don’t know.

  “She needs to be taken to the hospital,” An EMT said beside me.

  “No,” I barked. I gulped when I dropped my eyes. “I’m okay. I…I want to talk to them.”

  I have no idea how I was cleared to go but I was. With an ice pack to my head as a precaution. I must look ridiculous.

  My family didn’t want to leave me so they came with.

  We slowly made our way back into the courthouse and walked to a private room in a private wing of the building.

  When I stepped inside the room and saw both guys sitting at a table, looking up at me, I wanted to faint. I wanted to scream. I wanted to jump across the table and kill them.

  They took Alice from me.

  I should take them from this world.

  An officer stepped into the room after everyone stood by the wall, staring at me, making sure I don’t go batshit and pretend to be a lion and maul these assholes.

  “I’ll tell you what really happened that night,” Jared said locking eyes on me. My heart stopped when he did. All the memories of that night came rushing in and it was too much to deal with. The last time we were this close was before we fucked each other. “Kenny and I won’t put up a fight but you have to do something for us.” I started shaking my head because there is no way I’d do something for him. For them. They can eat shit.

  Jared looked at Kenneth then me again.

  “You have to get the other guy.”

  What?! The other guy? There was never any other guy. It was just the two of them. Does he think I’m an idiot?

  “There wasn’t–”

  “Do you want to hear the story?” Jared asked, cutting me off. I nodded. “You have to believe me.” Like I can do that. “Her mom hired us.” WHAT?! Toby stepped forward and Jared glanced at him then his green eyes went back to me. “We met her mom a few days before we met at the restaurant. She told us to get close to you and Alice. Alice spotted us and Kenny and I invited you guys out for a date. It was supposed to be harmless. We grab your friend and you take the blame. But something happened. When you and I…left, Kenny got a call and the plans changed.”

  “Wait,” I said not understanding this. “Melissa hired you guys to kidnap Alice?”

  “Yeah.” Jared nodded. “But then she changed the plans. Rebeckah, she was at the restaurant.” No, she wasn’t. He’s lying. She was home with Dolton. We’ve heard this plenty of times. But…she hired them to kidnap Alice…

  “Why didn’t the police know that?” I asked. “How did she–”

  “She blended in with the crowd,” Jared said standing up. “She was in the bathroom. When Alice and Kenny were there.” My brows furrowed. How could that be possible? Alice didn’t tell me her mom was there. Obviously she would have seen her. “I think the young one should wait outside,” Jared said nodding at Kelsey.

  “Dude, fuck you. I’m not going anywhere,” she said.

  I would have laughed at that. She barely swears at strangers but right now I can’t even look at her. I’m staring at Jared, trying to piece what he’s telling me together.

  “It’ll be graphic,” Jared said.

  “Honey, wait outside,” Dad said. “Please.”

  Kelsey huffed as Remy walked her out.

  When the door closed, Jared started talking again.

  “I blindfolded your friend,” Kenneth said, looking up at me. “That was the orders. After that, everything turned to shit.” He shook his head and stared at the table. “Her mother stabbed her.”

  No. That’s not…

  She pushed you down the stairs.

  Fuck…

  “That’s not possible,” Toby said.

  “Look at the police reports,” Jared spoke. “Your sister wasn’t stabbed with a lot of force. Look at us. We can do some damage. How do you explain the knife wounds not being deep enough? There wasn’t a lot of force put into the attack. It was made to look like a girl did it. And a woman did it.” His eyes went back on me. “She texted you from Alice’s phone to come outside. We were already in deep shit for planning everything so she said she’d get us off because she’s a lawyer but only
if we grab you outside. It was simple. You come out, we drug you and then place the knife in your hands.” His eyes softened a bit. How is that possible? “You never came outside.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry I fucked up your plan,” I said dryly. “I still don’t see how the other guy comes in.”

  “He’s still out there,” Kenneth growled. “He wanted you and he’s still around.”

  “Wanted me?” I asked, horrified. I was left in the motel room… “Did he…did you guys…rape me?”

  “What?” Jared asked, brows furrowing. “No. We didn’t touch you. We went to the motel to tell you everything because the mom fucked us over but you fainted so we had to leave.”

  “Why are you telling me this now? Why couldn’t you tell the police she did it? You could have made everything easier,” I said, shaking.

  “You’re not listening to me when I said there’s another guy.”

  “Yes, I am!” I snapped. “You’re telling me that Alice’s mother killed Alice and tried to frame it on me. I don’t see why there would be another guy!”

  My stomach hurts but I’m too wound up to care. I don’t understand why there would be another guy. Why would Melissa kill Alice? Why did she want me framed? Why couldn’t she just kill me instead? Make everything simple.

  “You know the guy,” Kenneth mumbled.

  “Who is he?” Toby asked before I could.

  “I don’t remember his name. He has dark blue eyes. Tall. Around my age,” Jared said. Who the fuck is that? There are tons of people– “Name starts with an R. Richard or Ronnie.”

  Silence.

  “Roger?” Dad asked dryly. Roger?

  “Who’s Roger?” I asked. Then I remembered. “Oh, right.”

  “Yeah, something like that. He was with us when we went to the motel and he kept talking about you,” Jared said. “He was dating your mom to get close to you. He was also dating Melissa. That’s how he got involved.” What?!

  “That son of a bitch,” Dad said. I glanced at him with a confused look. “Birdie, that guy has been looking at you like you are the last piece of meat on the planet. Anyone can see it.”

  Jacky walked up to Jared and held out her phone.

  “That the guy?” she asked.

  Jared squinted and tilted his head. “Yeah.”

  Jacky showed me the phone. It was a picture of Mom and Roger. Ohmygod. He’s the other person? Or is Jared really good at making shit up.

  “Let me see,” Toby said waving the phone over. He stared at the phone for awhile then he looked up at me. “Jesus Christ, Becka.” What did I do now? “This is the guy from the lake house where you met me and Alice.” Oh, shit. I’m remembering something. “The lake house, Becka.” Fuck.

  I had sex with someone at that party. It was my first college party so I wanted to have fun. I was seventeen. The first college guy to walk up to me got my attention. He had on some stupid old baseball cap and beers in his hand. I avoided him the whole night then got bored so we ended up having sex in the lake. I remember because I lost my bikini top when I jumped off the rope and he was nearby. No one else was around so we just connected and had our time.

  I didn’t get his name. I didn’t really see his face.

  I just had sex with him and prayed he was clean.

  Fuck.

  Roger is one of the reasons why I tried to kill myself. He was a part of Alice’s death. He’s dangerous, Becka. What else is he capable of? I think he cut Mom’s brakes. The police never found out what happened. I think that motherfucker (no pun intended) did something.

  “You’re not keeping this from the police, Becky,” Matty said grabbing my arm. “He’s going to get arrested.”

  “No,” I said. “Not yet.” I wiped my tear filled eyes and turned my back on the two men responsible for my world of pain and loneliness. “I’m done here.” I walked out of the room and leaned against the wall once I got to the hallway.

  “Becka, he’s a part of this,” Matty said breathing down my neck. “He’s going to jail.”

  “No!” I snapped, holding his eyes with mine filled with rage. There’s more to this and I’m going to find out what it is. “I’m planning something. I know what I’m doing. I will get Roger for this but they have to make sure Melissa gets what’s coming.”

  “So…what are you going to do with the other guy?” Aimee asked, doe-eyed.

  Everything in my fucking nature to get him to crack.

  “You’ll see when it happens. Right now, no one gets involved. Robert can’t know we know,” I said. Everyone’s brows furrowed. “Yeah, I kind of forget his name because he’s not important.”

  Kelsey walked back to us with Remy. “You better tell me what he said,” she said. “Just leave out the messy parts.”

  So we caught them up to speed.

  And my plan started forming in my head.

  I just started living. No one is taking me from that.

  To move on into the future, you have to deal with the past.

  I’m going to deal with that problem.

  And he’s going to regret it.

  - 22 -

  It’s been three weeks since the court date and I’m almost ready for my plan to take action. I need to know what I’m going to say and do before I just end up snapping his neck.

  R will get what he deserves.

  ***

  I brought my hand up to the door and knocked three times. I think it’s fucked up how R still lives in my mom’s house. I have no doubt in my mind that he got her killed. He did help kill my best friend. I wouldn’t put anything past him.

  I waited a few seconds but didn’t hear footsteps so I rang the doorbell twice and tapped my foot on the welcome mat. Ten seconds later, I heard footsteps on the other side of the door.

  The door swung open and R did a double take of me. I call him R now because thinking of names to call him bores me. And I really can’t remember his name that much.

  “This is a surprise,” he said, staring at me hard.

  “Are you alone?” I asked with a small smile on my lips.

  He chewed his bottom lip as he studied me.

  “I have a few people over,” he said.

  Okay…

  “Can you get them to leave?” I asked reaching out and touching his arm. “I have to…talk to you.”

  “Uh…what are you doing?” R asked staring at my hand. He dropped his arm and slid his hand into his pocket. That’s exactly what I was hoping for. I need him to not understand my approach.

  “Um…never mind. I’m sorry.” I shook my head and bit my lip. “I thought…I’m sorry. This is so embarrassing. I just thought…you and my mom were really close. I don’t know why I came here.”

  I turned on my heel and started walking down the pathway.

  R reached out and grabbed my arm.

  “Wait,” he said with a look in his eyes. And there it is. That’s what I needed. The want. He has no idea why I’m here but he’s not going to pass it up. “Give me a minute.”

  I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest, exposing more cleavage through my already revealing shirt. R’s eyes didn’t miss that move.

  He walked back into the house and a few seconds later, three guys around his age walked out with raised eyebrows as they saw me. Yeah, okay. I get it. I look like a slut. My shirt is revealing some stomach and a lot of breasts, my skinny jeans are super tight and my heels are sexy and doing what they’re supposed to be doing. My hair is down and over one shoulder and I have eyeliner on. I have more make-up on that my sisters and Aimee suggested I used and I have to say I look good. Sluty and good.

  R came to the door and let me in.

  “If you were busy you didn’t have to kick them out,” I said batting my lashes at him in a sexual way. He hasn’t stopped staring at me so I know I’m getting him right where I want him.

  “It’s fine,” R said shutting the door. “They were leaving soon.” He turned and started walking toward me. “So why did you come by? I thought you hated
me.” I still do.

  “I hated my mother,” I said stepping closer to him. I reached out and let my fingers slide up his chest. My eyes found his. “I’m sorry…should I not say that?”

  His fingers wrapped around my hand and he smiled.

  “Let’s not talk about your mother.”

  I smiled and leaned into him. “You know why I came here, right?” I asked, sliding my hand up until it was at the back of his neck. “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.” I brushed my lips against his softly. I resisted the urge to gag. Logan gave me the all clear. He won’t hate me for what I do.

  “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” R asked pulling back just a little.

  “Didn’t you hear that we had a falling out?” I asked. “Apparently I’m too sluty so he doesn’t want to keep me around. I don’t regret telling him about some guy I had sex with my freshman year of college. He was better than Logan anyways.” I smiled at R and kicked off my heels. “You remind me of him. I think it’s the eyes.” I furrowed my brows and tilted my head to the side. “Did you go to UWash?”

  R laughed and pulled away from me completely, stuffing his hands in his pockets, looking at me with a boy-next-door smile. That shit won’t work on me.

  “Holy shit, I thought this was going to be awkward,” he said. “I did but I dropped out my second year.” His eyes held mine. “I didn’t think you’d remember me.”

  “So it was you,” I said biting my lip like a fucking lovesick school girl. I want to vomit just thinking about this. “I knew it. Ever since I first saw you with my mom I had a feeling but you were with her so I was like, ‘yeah, I don’t think he’s the guy from the lake.’”

  “Are you kidding?” R asked wide-eyed. “Becka, I got close to your mom because I wanted to be closer to you.” My eyes widened a bit. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not some creep or anything…”

  Yes you fucking are.

  He trailed off when he saw my smile.

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked, curiously.

  “Because my mom is out of the way, Roger,” I said. That’s his name, right? “Do you know how many times I wished she’d just go somewhere and never come back? Now she is. And she left you behind.” I leaned into him and slid my fingers up and down his chest. “And I’m single…”