Lust & Trust: She thought he was worth the risk... Her friends didn't.

by Amanda Cain

  I picked up Melissa Tuesday morning. Instead of a week, we were only going to get a few days together. Lindsey had made plans to go shopping with her and wanted her back Thursday morning. I had an afternoon appointment with my attorney set for Thursday. I enjoyed my time with Melissa as always and having my daughter with me at least helped take away some of the sting of not being with Em.

  We sat at my kitchen island, chatting leisurely over breakfast before I had to take her back to her mom's.

  “Dad, the end of summer vacation is still a month away. Can we go to Colorado?”

  I hated the thought of being that close to Emma and not being able to be with her. I already missed her.

  “I'm not sure, sweetheart. Let me look over my schedule. I'll try to figure something out.”

  “If you're concerned about Mom, I don't think she would mind. She might even be happy. If I'm away, she can go out with her friends more.”

  “There are some things I need to work around, but if I can, we will.”

  Melissa's eyes lit up.

  “Has your mom been going out while you're at home by yourself?”

  She didn't look me in the eyes, but she shook her head. I knew from experience that pushing my daughter on this subject would not yield a different answer. She was protecting her mother, and I guess I had to respect that.

  “Alright then. Go grab your stuff. Your mom hates it when I'm late.”

  Melissa and I were both a little depressed on the ride to drop her off. I hated not being able to be with my daughter every day. Going back and forth between her mother and me couldn't have been easy for her either. Not wanting to deal with Lindsey, I didn't go in when I dropped Melissa off.

  Back at my apartment, I was alone with my thoughts, which, of course, drifted to Emma. I hadn't called her since I left. I was a little surprised she hadn't called me, but I assumed she was trying to give me some space. I knew I shouldn't have waited this long. In truth, I had thought about calling her every day.

  Any hope I had that these feelings would go away after I spent some time with her didn't pan out. My feelings for her were becoming evident; what wasn't clear was what to do about them.

  I fought the urge to call her, even went to dial her number but put the phone down. Maybe I should work off some anxiety first.

  My building had an extensive exercise facility, but I wanted some fresh air, so I walked to the gym a few blocks away. I had just finished my routine when I saw a familiar face, Jenna, Stacy's mom, heading my way. Jenna was hard not to notice, though Em had her beat hands down. I was still a guy, and Jenna could definitely turn a few heads.

  “Hi. Remember me?”

  “Sure. You're Melissa's friend's mom.” I went to shake her hand then pulled back. “Sorry,” I said, wiping my hands on my shorts. “I'm a little sweaty.”

  "No problem." She smiled. "Are you a member here? I'm sure I would have noticed you." Her eyes flirtatiously drifted over my body.

  "I am, but I usually work out at the gym in my apartment building."

  "Well, I'm glad I ran into you. I'm on the school committee for the summer camp program. I thought maybe Melissa and Stacy could go together. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee to discuss the camp when you're done?" she asked.

  "I am a little pressed for time. Perhaps I can call you and …"

  Before finishing my statement, Jenna grabbed my phone, which was lying on the bench, and typed in her name and number. "In case you lost my number, now you can't lose it. Call me anytime," she said as she turned and walked away.

  I watched her as she exited the building. She was in terrific shape. Not as curvy or luscious as Emma, but Stacy's mom was hot.

  I went home and started to dial Emma. Realizing I still had no clue what I was going to say, I decided to wait. It was almost time to meet with the attorney. I showered and left for his office.

  "Hey, Ryan, great to see you again," Jack, my attorney, held out his hand.

  "Good to see you too, Jack. Hopefully you have some good news for me?"

  The smile disappeared off of Jack’s face. "I’m afraid not." He shook his head. "The firm did an extensive background check on Lindsey, and at least on paper, she looks like a saint. No DUIs, criminal records, neighbor complaints. Nothing that would put her on the radar."

  "So what does this mean?" I asked.

  "Unless you are willing to bring Melissa into this, and she can testify in front of the Judge that her mom is negligent, there isn’t much I can do."

  "I can’t do that to Melissa. I’m not even sure she would be willing. What about joint custody? If I divorce Lindsey, can I at least get joint custody?" I asked.

  "Well, that depends. Yes, if Lindsey doesn’t fight it. If she does, we could be in trouble."

  "Oh, she will fight it," I said. "Lindsey doesn’t want a divorce. Why I don’t fucking know. Sorry, Jack, I am just so frustrated."

  "I understand. Unfortunately for us, in cases of child custody, the courts are usually more sympathetic with the mother, unless gross negligence can be proven. Without Melissa testifying, I don’t think we can prove negligence. You can afford the best attorneys, but so can she. Honestly, despite it being years ago, your record combined with your alleged reputation, including everything that can be found online, puts Lindsey in a better position. Are you sure you can’t persuade Lindsey to agree to joint custody?" Jack asked.

  "Pretty sure," I said, defeated.

  "The only other thing we can try is to put surveillance on her. Maybe something will turn up," Jack offered.

  "You mean like a private detective?"

  "That’s about all we have left. But from the looks of things, it may be a dead end."

  I stood up. "Thanks, Jack. I appreciate you trying. I’ll give the detective idea some thought."

  "Sorry, Ryan, I know this is tough to hear. Worst case scenario, Melissa turns eighteen in four years."

  * * *

  Fuck, now what? There wasn’t any chance that Lindsey would be reasonable. Should I tell Emma the truth? I didn’t want to lose her. The thought of never being able to be with her again sucked, but the possibility of hurting her more than I may have already made my chest tighten. I wasn’t ready to call her.

  I called my sister in Colorado Springs instead.

  Myla and I were close except that first year with Lindsey, my senior year. Myla disliked Lindsey and had warned me about her. But when you were seventeen and horny, and the hottest chick in the school wanted you, you didn't pay much attention to what your kid sister thought.

  "Hey, Sis."

  "Who is this?" She laughed. "Who is this person pretending to be my brother and calling me sis? My brother disappeared several weeks ago on his way to visit me and hasn't called me since!"

  "Yeah, sorry about that. I got a little distracted."

  "I would ask her name, but I'm talking to Mr. Never Date a Woman More Than Twice, so it can't be a woman that distracted you," she said, the sarcasm playfully oozing from her voice.

  "Emma. Her name's Emma."

  For once my sister was quiet. Dead silence on the other end of the phone for at least thirty seconds.

  "For reals? Talk to me. Tell me everything about her. What about Lindsey?" she asked, without stopping to take a breath.

  "That's why I'm calling, I need some advice."

  I told her about Emma, the lies I told, everything.

  "Wow, you are an idiot," she said.

  "Thanks, I can always count on you." I chuckled.

  "Dickhead! By not calling her, you're making things worse! You need to tell her the truth. Either she will accept your situation or she won't, but lying isn't going to improve your chances. Ryan, it was twelve years ago!"

  "There is the whole thing with Lindsey and Melissa," I said. "I met with Jack today. Custody isn’t likely to happen. Not even shared custody unless Lindsey agreed to it. Looks like I remain a married man."

  "That woman is such a bitch! How long is she going to ruin your life?
"

  "Well, our vows said till death do us part," I tried to joke. "But more likely for the next four years until Melissa turns eighteen."

  "I don't know how you deal with her. I will be so happy for you when you don't have to anymore."

  "You and me both."

  "You still need to come clean with Emma. Tell her the truth."

  "And you think she is going to agree to sneak around?" I said, sarcastically.

  "Just tell her. If it's meant to be, something will work out. But she needs the whole truth."

  "Something will work out? Like what, a bus falling on top of Lindsey."

  Myla laughed. "You don't know how many times I wished for that when we lived together. Trust me, Bro, tell Em."

  Myla and I hung up, and I dialed Emma.

  Chapter 18

  Ryan

  I made the decision to tell Em everything—but in person. Whether she decided to end us or not, at least she'd know I cared enough to be honest. I made arrangements to fly to Denver tomorrow.

  "Hi, Emma," I said, eager to hear her voice.

  "No," a man replied.

  Shocked by the male voice on the other end of the line, I checked to make sure I punched in the right speed dial.

  "Emma is in the shower. Can I take a message?"

  "No." I hit the disconnect button.

  What the hell? Had Emma been playing me all along? Monogamous fucking came to my mind. Yeah right. I leave for a few days and she is with some other guy! If she was ready to move on, why didn't she say something before I left? No wonder she hadn't called. At least I don't have to worry about what to do or hurting her! She took care of that problem. She can move on, and I'll leave her alone.

  My cell lit up. Emma's number popped up on the screen. I put the phone on do not disturb. I didn't want to listen to her tell me how it wasn't fun anymore and she was moving on. I met with my attorney and went through all this emotional shit. For what? I thought we might have had something. I guess she didn't. Fuck, I really misread her. Then again, she did go on a date less than a week after we first hooked up, admitted to seeing Michael probably around the same time, and didn't care that I had lied to her. The fucking signs were there, I just wasn't reading them!

  I slammed my fist on the table, grabbed my wallet, and got in the car. Next thing I knew, I was parked in front of Stacy's mom's house. Before I had a chance to drive away, Jenna knocked on my window, dressed in short shorts and a low-cut top.

  "Ryan, why are you sitting out here in your car? Come on in. I'll fix you a drink. My daughter is at her friend's for the night," she added.

  I followed her into the house. She poured us a drink and handed me a shot. I seldom drank whisky, but the burn felt good. Jenna poured me another.

  Jenna was taller and less curvy than Em. I knew I shouldn't compare them. I was looking at Jenna but seeing Emma. "Fuck!" I said, a little too loud.

  "My, you are intense." Jenna's brows furrowed as she curled her lips into a nervous smile.

  She isn't Emma, but maybe she is just what I need to erase Em from my mind. Putting my arms around her, I kissed her and massaged her ass with one hand, letting the other hand squeeze her breast. Jenna cried out in pleasure.

  I couldn’t do it. "Jenna, I'm sorry. You're fantastic, but I can't. I kissed her forehead and left. When I kissed Jenna's forehead, I thought of Emma and how much she hated it. Fuck, I was pissed, and I was hurt.

  I slammed the door of the Escalade. "Fuck!" I pounded on the steering wheel.

  I went straight to Lindsey’s. I decided to see if she would allow Melissa to spend a week with me in Evergreen. Melissa had been asking to go. With Emma out of the picture, the timing would be perfect.

  "What are you doing here?" Lindsey snapped.

  "I'd like to ask a favor. Is Melissa here?" I sat down at the kitchen table.

  "No, she is out with friends. What do you want?"

  "I thought you might need a break, and Melissa hasn't been to Colorado with me in a long time."

  Lindsey squinted her eyes at me. "You’re not offering because I need a break, so don't pretend it is."

  She made everything so difficult! Trying to be civil to her was exhausting.

  "Fine. I want some quality time with my daughter and was hoping you would allow her to spend some time in Evergreen with me."

  "Only you and Melissa?"

  "Of course."

  "No women? I don't want you bringing her around any of your whores."

  "Jesus, Lindsey, give it a rest. It will only be Melissa and me."

  "Well, I wouldn't mind some 'me' time," she said. "For how long?"

  "You tell me. For whatever amount of time you are willing."

  "One week. When did you want to leave?"

  "Tomorrow, the next day … whenever works for you."

  "Tomorrow is good. Come get her in the morning. I will have her packed."

  "Didn't you have plans with Melissa tomorrow?"

  "We did, but Melissa and I can go shopping when you get back."

  I was shocked but grateful she was allowing me to take Melissa.

  “Lindsey, don’t you think it is time you and I talked?”

  “About what?”

  “About us, our marriage, and whatever it is that’s really going on between us.”

  “You mean you want to talk about divorce?” She was fidgeting and starting to get upset.

  “I want to understand why you don’t want a divorce. It’s not about money. You know I’m a good father.”

  “I … I don’t … I can’t. Fuck it. Ryan, I just agreed to let you take Melissa to Colorado for a week. Let that be enough for now.” She looked more distressed than angry.

  Without Emma, divorce didn't matter as much, but it was time for Lindsey and me to move on. At least she wasn’t yelling or being sarcastic. I guess that's some progress.

  “I appreciate you letting me take Melissa to Colorado. Thanks, Lindsey, I’ll be by around 7:00 AM to pick her up.

  I picked up Melissa in the morning, and as promised, she was packed and ready. She was waiting for me on the porch. "Hi, Dad. Ready to go?"

  "Sure, but slow down. Let me tell your mom."

  Melissa seemed anxious. "Oh, Mom knows. She's still in bed, but I left her a note, and she told me last night not to wake her but to wait for you out here."

  "If you're sure your mom's okay …" I put her bags in the back of the Escalade, grateful not to have to deal with Lindsey.

  "What do you think about asking Aunt Myla to come visit us?"

  "Can Melony come too?"

  "I'll ask. Let me give her a call."

  "Twice in one week? This Emma person must be pretty special."

  "It's over," I said, allowing my voice to rise as my anger surfaced.

  "Whoa, Big Brother, calm down."

  "Sorry. Anyway, I thought maybe you, Stan, and Melony might like to come to Evergreen for a visit? Melissa is with me, and I thought it would be fun if we spent some time together."

  "I would love to! Stan's in California meeting with a client, but I'm sure Melony would like to come. As long as you don't mind if it's only Mels and me?"

  "No, that's perfect! You and I can catch up, and the girls can hang out." I looked at Melissa, who was watching me. "Great, I'll see you in the morning."

  "Good news! Myla and Melony are driving up from Colorado Springs."

  "Cool! I haven’t seen Aunt Myla in over a year!" Melissa sounded genuinely excited. "Dad, what's over?"

  "Huh? What do you mean?"

  "When you were talking to Aunt Myla you said, 'It's over.' What's over?"

  "Oh, nothing, sweetheart. Nothing you need to be concerned about."

  I was going to be this close to Emma without seeing or calling her. Didn't matter. We were done. As quickly as it started, it was over.

  Was she back with Michael? Was he kissing her, touching her? Loving her? Fuck it! She was better off. I wasn't in a position to do right by her anyway.

 
At thirty-one I was getting tired of my continual string of noncommittal, one or two-night stands. I smiled to myself. Actually, I wasn't all that sick of it until I met Emma.

  After everything that happened with Lindsey, the idea of living with another woman, any woman, never sounded like something I cared to do again, even without Lindsey’s threats.

  We landed in Denver and were on our way to baggage claim.

  "Ryan!" I heard a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Bob walking toward me.

  "Bob." I nodded, shaking his hand. "You coming or going?"

  "On my way to Chicago. I have a meeting with Ben from your company."

  "Everything alright?"

  "Yeah, everything is fine. Meeting with Ben to work on a contract for a new development."

  "You on your way to Emma's?"

  My jaw tightened as Melissa, who had been standing a few feet away talking to one of her friends on her cell, walked over and stood by us.

  "Bob, this is Melissa, my daughter."

  He shook her hand. "Good to meet you, young lady. You look a lot like your dad, only much prettier. Well, I guess I had better go before I miss my flight." Bob locked eyes with me. "We should talk soon."

  If Melissa overheard him mention Emma, she didn't say anything, and I was grateful.

  On the way up the mountain, my daughter chirped excitedly about school and her friends. I had my housekeeper open up the house and stock it with food.

  Melissa put her bags in her room. "Can we go for a hike before dark?"

  "Sounds fun. Grab your backpack while I pack some snacks."

  We walked the first few trails leading to the waterfall, a favorite spot for both of us. Melissa grabbed an apple from my backpack and sat down on one of the large rocks by the lake. She was so beautiful. I dreaded the day when she started dating. Melissa made everything worth it. Putting up with Lindsey's crap, living in Chicago, and even losing Emma.

  "I love it here, Dad. Wish I could live here."

  "I thought you liked your school and all your friends?"

  "Oh, I do, but it's so peaceful and normal here. It looks like a scene you’d find on a postcard.