Asylum

by Lily White

  His hand slid up my arm until it rested on my shoulder. Our faces were so close that, out of instinct or rather, out of a driving need to touch him, I closed the distance, lightly placing my lips on his and melting at the feel of how soft they were.

  He pulled away, releasing his hold on my shoulder and staring back at me with wide eyes swirling with heat and resistance.

  “Alex, I can’t…”

  It was my turn to shush him. Placing my finger over his mouth like he’d done to me that morning, I closed my eyes at the feel of his skin against mine. “Please…”

  “I’m your doctor, Alex. There are rules…”

  Opening my eyes, I locked my stare to his, chuckling at the irony of his ‘rules.’ “You were just about to tell me how the staff can get away with acts of abuse in this place, and now you’re concerned about rules?”

  It looked like he was in pain, struggling over acting on what he obviously felt towards me, or stepping away and keeping his professional distance. I didn’t know how, in only a few days, I could feel as strongly as I did for him, especially in that moment. Maybe it was the safety net he provided me, or maybe it was because I believed that he was the only person in this place who was truly attempting to help me.

  “Were you lying when you told me that you weren’t afraid?” Peeking up at him from beneath my heavy lashes, I silently pled for him to close the distance between doctor and patient. My breath was held captive in my lungs as I waited. I was too afraid to move or make even the slightest sound.

  “No, I wasn’t lying.” Reaching up, he brushed his hand against my face, pushing away the stray hair that had stuck to my skin. I leaned into his touch, relishing the heat of his skin and the rough edges of his masculine hands. The pad of his thumb pressed against my lips and I opened for him, allowing him to sweep it along my mouth. My tongue flicked out, barely tasting him before he pulled away.

  He rested his forehead against mine and I released my held breath, feeling the air shaking out from my lungs carrying with it my fear of rejection. He wanted me. Despite everything, he cared. I wasn’t alone in this nightmare, not entirely, and my heart beat harder at the thought of the one person who stood by my side.

  Only heavy breathing could be heard between us. It was as if both of us were desperate to catch our breath because we were drowning in the desire we felt. I tried to reach for him slowly, flinching when the chains rattled from my movement. His hands were on mine in an instant, silently begging me to stay in place.

  Every nerve in my body buzzed with anticipation, yet my muscles were painfully taut as I waited to see what he would say.

  Pulling away just enough so that he could look at me, he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, locking his eyes to mine when he confessed on a whisper, “I’m not afraid of you, Alex. I’m just afraid of becoming another man who’s abused you.”

  Tears welled in my eyes, the salt inside them burning at the red and swollen skin. But for once, they weren’t tears of sadness or pain, horror or humiliation; they were something different entirely. I felt relief in those tears, happiness and a stirring of emotion that I wasn’t sure I’d been able to feel in a long time. My mind awoke, my body responded and I smiled, unable to hide how I felt about what he’d said.

  He would never hurt me, not even when I offered myself to him and begged him to touch me. He worried about how I would feel. There was something inside me that told me this was different. It wasn’t a memory or conscious thought. It was simply an emotion.

  I spoke two small words, before leaning forward again. “You’re not.”

  With a quick movement, his mouth was on mine, the warm heat moving slowly against me, making promises of pleasure without uttering a word. His hand gripped my neck tighter and his body quivered with the control he was attempting to exert over his own needs and desires. I knew this was wrong, knew it was something that could threaten everything he was, but I didn’t care. I was lost to it, no longer thinking about the horrors I’d faced.

  The only thing I cared about in that moment was him.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Is it not better to fall into the hands of a murderer, than into the dreams of a lustful woman?

  - Friedrich Nietzsche

  “We shouldn’t … be doing this.”

  Every time he started to speak, I kissed him again, breaking apart his words until they sounded meaningless. Just stupid syllables, letters put together to form sounds that meant nothing to me at that moment. He didn’t mean them and that made them worthless and insignificant. He could say what he wanted the entire time, but his body and his heart didn’t agree.

  I wouldn’t stop kissing him. Parting my lips, I allowed his tongue to enter and brush across mine. He tasted like vanilla coffee and salt, sweet yet bitter. I leaned into him more and the chains rattled creating a flame of embarrassment across my cheeks.

  The sound was enough to stall him, to remind him of my status as a patient. He didn’t pull away, allowing his lips to still touch mine, but he didn’t move against me. We breathed in unison, our chests moving in and out with barely contained longing. When I moved to touch him, he fisted my chains, holding my hands in place and staring at me with blue eyes shadowed by the storm of his desire. Pulling my hands down, he refused to release the chains.

  “If we do this, I won’t stop. I want you, Alex. I want you in ways a doctor should never want a patient. I’d be abusing your trust in me. I’d be breaking every damned promise I’ve made as a physician. I’d…”

  His voice trailed off and I smiled. I knew he was fighting with himself and I watched him intently, studying each expression that flashed across his face with a changed decision.

  Yes and no.

  No and then yes.

  He couldn’t decide…so I decided for him.

  “I don’t care.”

  Pushing forward, I kissed him again, no longer giving him the chance to come up with another excuse. His indecision was cut short by my need and his mouth responded to my kiss. Tugging the chains forward he pressed his fist against my chest and tightened his other hand over my neck. I moaned when he deepened the kiss and I could feel my desire pool between my legs.

  Heat radiated between us, passion blooming amidst the chaos of the past few days. His mouth suckled my tongue and his teeth bit down gently to add a touch of pain to the growing pleasure inside me. Releasing the chains, he flattened his hand in the center of my chest, his fingers barely brushing against my breasts. I moved forward, begging him to touch me in ways that I both wanted and needed. He moved his hand to the right, cupping the weight of my breast, rolling the tip between his thumb and finger. I lost the kiss when my body arched into him, pleading for a firm touch.

  His movements followed mine and as I moaned in response to his hands, his mouth trailed down my neck. The smell of his cologne washed over me, stoking the flames that were already searing me from the inside out. His teeth nipped at my skin and his hand moved over my breasts, squeezing and then rubbing away the soreness left by his grip.

  I wanted this man and it was a sensation I couldn’t remember ever having felt. My entire body was taken over, my thoughts no longer my own. He could own me and possess me forever. As long as it felt like this, I wouldn’t care.

  My knees spread apart as he moved from the table to his knees on the floor in front of me. His hands slid beneath the hem of my shirt, slowly weaving their way up and over my abdomen until his fingers brushed the bottom of my bare breasts and claimed the weight in his palms. My body arched into him and I felt frustrated by the restraint of the chains. I almost asked him to remove them, but thought twice about it, realizing that it would be enough to stop him from giving into our shared desire. I wouldn’t give him the chance to rethink what he was doing because it would tear me apart if he stopped.

  His mouth found my ear, his breath the only sound I could hear as his tongue lazily moved over my earlobe. Tremors coursed through me, wanton anticipation erupting as shivers across my
skin. The chains rattled between us, a chorus of restraint mirroring the control he still fought to maintain over his body.

  “You are so fucking sexy.”

  Whispers across my skin and I melted against him. My lungs fought to hold a steady rhythm, but I became breathless and lightheaded regardless of my pathetic attempts. Letting go, I allowed him to lead this dance, to show me what it meant to be touched by a good man.

  My body wasn’t new to the light stroking of a hand or the wet heat of another person’s mouth. But my mind…that was another matter entirely and I felt like I’d been set free yet caged by the oppressive tension between us.

  His hands released my breasts only to grip and pull apart my legs, but the chains impeded his movement and kept him from climbing closer to where I needed him to be.

  Softly, I laughed, delighting in the technical difficulties of the chains and watching him pat his pockets in search of a key. Finally giving up his quest, he said, “Fuck it.”

  After standing in front of me, he pulled me to my feet, not giving me time to balance myself. My knees were so weak he had to wrap a strong arm around my abdomen as he moved behind me. Taking my seat, he pulled me down on top of his lap. His hands were beneath my shirt within seconds, his fingers trailing blazing paths to my breasts. I fell back against his chest giving him full access and pleading for more.

  His excitement pressed up against my ass, his cock hard against the split in my cheeks and I pushed down over him, grinding my hips until I forced moans from his lungs. His fingers released my breasts to move down and place a death grip on my hips, stopping my movement and holding me in place over his cock.

  “I knew from the minute I first saw you that you were going to be trouble.” He made his confession on a growl and guided my hips over him, smooth and slow. I cried out at the sensation, desperate for him to touch me between my legs, to take control of my body while forcing the breath from my lungs.

  Teeth sank into my shoulder and I cried out, not able to keep the slow and frustrating rhythm he demanded from me. He chuckled, his chest vibrating against my back as he slowed me down on top of him. My thoughts swam, my mind trying to comprehend the way my body responded to him.

  His mouth moved to my head and he laughed, deep and dark. “Stop trying to control this, Alex. Pressing your ass tighter against me won’t do anything but make me slow down more. I’m the type who likes to take my time. I prefer to savor the things I want and I intend to savor you.”

  I gasped, my muscles clenching tight, urgently seeking to be filled by the evidence of his lust. His mouth trailed down my neck, nipping at the soft and sensitive skin where my neck met my shoulder. I jumped and he pulled me back down, pushing my hips back and forth over his cock.

  I was a ball of nerves, wound so tight that I felt like my body would snap from the driving need inside me. Releasing my hips, he trailed his hands along the inside of my thighs, tickling the skin from over my clothes while forcing my legs apart. It was odd how I fought to keep them closed, only to let them swing open, exposing every part of myself for his pleasure and amusement. Slowly trailing the pads of his fingers, he would grip at my legs every so often, mostly when I attempted to grind myself against him, desperate to ride him long and hard.

  “Slow down, little girl. We have all the time in the world to enjoy each other.” His voice was a whisper of indulgence, smooth and sultry. In this moment, he’d lost every part of the clinical persona. He was seduction in this instant, wild and wanton, but controlled and masterful.

  The world didn’t exist in this room. People and the nightmares, they were all in the past, so distant in my mind that just a light sweep of his heated breath across my skin would make them disappear entirely…as if they’d never been there at all.

  Tears pricked at my eyes, frustration mounting as he gripped the back of my knees and used the leverage to guide me back and forth over his lap. With nothing more than the material of our clothes between us, I cried out, choking on sinful anticipation and drowning in the decadence of his control.

  Shaking my head, I thought my heart would explode. His slow speed was a taste of the fire that existed inside him. Turning my head, I peeked back at him from behind a curtain of hair and his eyes were closed as he licked and nipped at my skin, tasting me and enjoying me at the pace he had established.

  I was at his mercy; my body, my mind and my heart lost to a man that held me captive to his desires.

  Slowly, his hands moved away from my knees, his fingers gripping and pinching along the inside of my thighs until he was just near the soaked skin between my legs. Teasing his fingers along the sides, he refused to touch me and I groaned as those fingers played along the hem of my pants, pushing the material down until he was brushing across the mound, but never slipping down where I needed him.

  “Oh god! This is torture. Please, Jeremy…”

  “Shhhh…” The sound was said on a sadistic chuckle. He knew exactly what he was doing to me and he enjoyed the torment he was committing against my body. “So eager, beautiful. There is something to be said about letting a man take his time.”

  His tongue licked the skin of my shoulder that wasn’t covered by my shirt and I thrust my hips forward, hopeful that it would force his hand where I needed it to be. If my vocal chords weren’t frozen by the teeming anticipation coursing through my body, I would have begged for him to speed up, promising him whatever he wanted if he would just free me of this bitter anguish.

  His teeth grazed the skin of my neck and he kissed lightly along my jaw. Slipping one hand beneath the material of my pants he pushed lower, teasing at the skin while his other hand explored back up beneath my shirt. In one swift move, he pressed the tip of one finger against my clit, circling the nerve as his other hand found the weight of my breast and teased the nipple into a painfully hard tip.

  My breath left me on a tremulous wave, all at once I was broken over the sensation, my hips moving against the tip of his finger, begging him to slip farther down until he was pushing inside.

  Every time I tried to force his hand, he pulled away, my want and will in this game he played completely stripped when I pushed him faster than he was willing to go. Only when I’d stopped moving, when I’d submitted to his will and caved to his every desire, did he move farther down, sucking in a breath at the same time he pushed his finger inside.

  “Ahhh, fuck. You are so hot and wet. You have no idea how much I need you riding my cock.” Pushing his finger inside and out, he circled his thumb on my clit, using his other hand to continue playing with my breasts. Something inside me fell apart and I was filled with a driving desire, waves of pleasure forcing my body to take over my mind until thought was no longer possible.

  I made a noise of complaint when he pulled his hands away and he laughed in response. From behind I could hear him stripping off his jacket and shirt. Turning my head to the side, I watched the material fall to the ground and I jumped when he lifted my shirt just enough to push the heat of his skin against mine. I couldn’t move because of the chains and I was left helpless and panting, listening as he unbuckled his pants. His hands were on my hips and he lifted me just enough to slide his pants down his legs and push mine down as far as they would go. Bringing me back down, he blew out heavily to feel me against his cock.

  He moved beneath me, sliding himself within the slickened skin, but never positioning me where he could push himself inside. His mouth found my neck and he licked at the point where my pulse pounded beneath the skin. Trailing kisses up to my ear, he rested his lips against the rim when he demanded, “Stay quiet, Alex, or I’ll be forced to shut you up myself.”

  With one swift move, he lifted my hips, positioning himself at the opening to my body before slowly and fully sheathing himself inside. I couldn’t help the cry of pleasure that escaped my lungs. Covering my mouth with his hand, he waited for me to quiet and become still before he let go to grip my hips once again.

  The muscles of my core contracted around his gi
rth, bits of pain coursing along the waves of pleasure from his size. Slowly, he began to move me up and down his length, always in control of the speed that he fucked me. What was once a warm heat inside me was now a blazing inferno. I felt twisted and torn inside as wave after wave of euphoria assaulted my body and my mind.

  I couldn’t remember experiencing pleasure like this before in my life, but what my mind couldn’t recall, my body gladly remembered. An orgasm built inside me. Soft at first, it teased me until growing in strength and urgency. It was a tumultuous storm of want and need crashing together until I was swept away by the sensation of his body moving inside mine. His hands cupped my breasts, his fingers creeping along my skin until the slow pace he’d built turned into a frantic rhythm.

  My breath was coming on short bursts and I gasped when his hands fell between my thighs. He teased at my clit while pushing two fingers down to feel his cock as it moved in and out.

  “I’m…oh god…I’m…”

  I couldn’t form a coherent thought, but he knew what I needed without it having to be said. Finally overtaken by the storm of lust inside me, I broke apart above him, falling back against his chest and my legs falling apart as he teased and stroked, licked and kissed, pushing the wave of orgasm that I was caught inside longer and higher than I ever thought it could go.

  I felt sated and spent, my body continuing to move above him as he found his own release with one final push inside me. His hands moved to gripped my legs and he held me in place, shoving in that final time as his teeth sank into my shoulder.

  I was owned, possessed and used so wonderfully in that moment. Our bodies breathed in time with one another and my head fell back against his shoulder. Trailing kisses along my cheek, he chuckled as sweat slid between our bodies. Minutes or hours could have passed as we sat there.

  After his body calmed, he slipped out of me, moving me just enough that he was free. His arms wrapped around my abdomen and he held me close, nuzzling my neck as his breath whispered down to cool my skin.