May be! I Love You

by Kuldeep Sarvaiya

  "Well, darling, think twice before you encourage me for all these. Don't tease my inside tiger, because there won't be any going back once it's awake." I replied.

  "Oh my god, for the very first time, you said darling. I must note down the date of this day. I use so many sweet words for you, but you never use any of these. I am not teasing anybody; I am just narrating the truth."

  "Oh, is it so? That is so generous of you. See, I am not asking or doing anything because I don't want you to feel like I am using you for any of that. I am with you because I like you and I love you."

  "I wish you would have used such lines before I proposed to you. All these don't stand in front of the fact that I proposed to you."

  "Okay fine. You are never going to stop flaunting about this, are you?"

  "No, I won't. I always had a dream, and you just ruined it. I didn't want to lose you, and that is why I proposed to you. So I will always flaunt about it, at least for the rest of my life. Do what you can."

  "I don't want to do anything. I want to finish my thesis since the deadline is very near. So Goodbye now and let me focus on my writing."

  Our extra hour dating was going great and I really enjoyed the last part of my college life. On one hand there was pressure from my guide to finish the thesis and on the other hand I had to decide what to do in the future. At the end of every stage of life, the most challenging part is the decision. I always hated making decisions that can affect my life on a large scale, but I have to do it anyways. I managed to complete my thesis before the deadline. I did a 6-month long task in a week and got it verified by my guide. Anamika was writing in advance, but still, she hasn't got it printed, so we decided to go for printing together. Instead of using a single vehicle to protect the environment, we took separate vehicles to go to the shop. I was in favor of using a single vehicle (Since I am environment conscious), but Anamika wasn't. It was Saturday, and thus we had half-day at college. We left at around 12 and finished our defined task of visiting the shop and giving the thesis for printing. It was around two, and we were returning to college since my home was near to the college.

  "Hey, do you want to come to my house? I am all alone today; we will chat and have fun. As such, our date is not going to happen today, since I have to go home." She said while driving (I know; this seems like an excellent chance for buttery things, but you should not fall for it).

  "I don't know. It's around two, and I don't think I should bother you. Apart from that, my parents are visiting me today." I replied (I genuinely denied. I wasn't pretending to deny).

  We argued for around 10 minutes. She wanted me to go to her house, and I wanted to go home. We reached the point where she had to go straight, and it was the right turn for me. She asked for the final time, just come for 1 or 2 hours and then you can go. I will get bored alone there. At this moment, I couldn't resist myself and followed her. By 2:30, we reached her home, and she offered me a glass of water. I opened her laptop and started watching youtube videos since I had no internet at my place. She asked if I want cold coffee or tea, and we settled at cold coffee since it was 38 °C, even in March. She went into the kitchen and within 10 minutes, came up with two glass full of cold coffee. She offered me a drink (water to be precise), started TV, and sat on another corner of the sofa. I closed the laptop and joined her in watching TV. Within 5 minutes, my senses told me to act, since this was now or never moment.

  When a guy visits a girl's home, and no one is around, that means the guy is looking for the opportunity to do something. I was constantly thinking about just one thing, why am I here? Why she forced me to come to her house when she is alone? Should I do something or avoid it? What will she think if I do anything? What will she think if I don't do anything? When she was in the Kitchen, I thought of going slowly and grab her from her waist and hugged her. It could be one of the best romantic starts for anyone. I even dared to stand and go up to halfway kitchen, saw her work, and came back without doing it. I was too afraid to do anything which might affect our relationship or my image. When we were watching TV, I couldn't resist myself and thought of doing at least something that can help me check whether I am on the right track or not.

  I asked her to make room so that I can sleep on her lap. She hesitated a bit, but she allowed me to sleep on her lap comfortably. She started a music channel on TV, and we were having a normal conversation and all of a sudden she started tickling me. I am susceptible to that, and somehow I managed to escape from her grip, and I attacked her with the same. She lost control and started slipping down the sofa. Now she was right under me, and I was tickling her, she was trying to push me away, but I was too strong for her. The next thing I noticed was I was very close to her, my face was right in front of her, I was looking straight into her eye, and she was looking into mine, I was feeling her breath, and she was feeling mine. I didn't think of anything this time, and the next thing I know was I was kissing her. It was all sudden, but it was a fantastic feeling. Honestly, it wasn't the best kiss in the world, nor it was the worst, but it was our first kiss, and it's worth remembering.

  I knew at least a few basics of kissing, but she didn't know any. Instead of kissing, she was biting my lips and almost made me bleed within 2 minutes. Yep, it lasted more than 2 minutes, but hey, who was counting? It was a passionate, thrilling, and fantastic experience. Being a boy, I didn't want to stop just at kissing, I wanted to go through all of it, but she wasn't ready for it. I respected her feelings and restricted myself to just kissing. As such, she needed some training on it, so we spent the rest of the time doing it. Explaining more about the act might help me sell more copies of this book, but that's not the intention of this. Overall the experience was amazing, and we spent some quality time together. I don't know why people forbid sexual activities or consider it as taboo, but if you think deep, every time you do it, you move a step closer to that person. If you want to know your better half, you should "make love" to him. The word "make love" is used instead of sex because making love and having sex is different. Making love can include sex, but having sex doesn't mean you are making love. Emotions and mental bonding is an essential part of "making love," while having sex include physical activity. This difference is very least prevalent nowadays, and society is more interested in moral policing now a day.

  It was around five, and thus I had to go home. Initially I didn't want to go to her house, now I didn't want to leave her house. Like I mentioned in the above para, we came closer to each other and opened up about so many things. Now I know her better than ever and vice versa.

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  The time was ticking, and we knew that soon we would be separated by a distance. We had to make the most out of the time available with us, and thus, we maintained late hour dating. One result was out, and another was about to come. It was about 1 in the night, and WhatsApp was in trend at that time. Anamika and I were exploring other sides of each other. Someone from my class dropped a message in-class group that result is out which was expected to come on the next day morning. All of sudden people started posting their scores in group. The result was poor this time, and many from our batch were disappointed seeing their result except Anamika and me. Anamika was happy because she got 97th rank in India and I was happy because I cleared the exam without reading for even a week. I cleared that doesn't mean I just qualified on average; my AIR was 428, which is quite good when more than 10k people appeared on that exam.

  The next morning, the scenario was different in college. From students to faculty, everyone was discussing the result. Anamika was famous all of a sudden, and I wasn't a reason this time. I was at second rank just after Anamika, but I was getting more attention than her (I am not bragging at all. Ask her if you can find her). The level of happiness for both of us was on cloud nine as we were experiencing the best time of our life. We were happy for ourselves but sad for others. Many in my class were preparing for the exam since the 2nd and 3rd year and were dedicated to studying, but didn't get the result as per
their expectations.

  Now I had two choices left with me. I could choose M.Tech in biotechnology or related field based on my GATE score or can do M.Pharm based on my GPAT score. The problem aroused now was the difference in our GPAT rank. We knew that it would be hard to get admission in the same college due to a significant difference in our ranks, but I had the trump card of caste reservation. I really do not support it, but if you think a bit about it, this can be a great savior for needful. I decided to apply in both areas and make a final decision at the end when I receive the offer letter for both. I was in favor of going for M.tech since I wanted to explore different areas and take new challenges, but if I do that, I might get separated from Anamika, which none of us wanted. If I choose M.Pharm, I had no idea which branch to choose from since I liked and disliked all equally.

  About one week remained in college, and we were bored with just late dates. I, Anamika, and Binal decided to go to Gandhinagar for some fun. For Anamika and me, it was a bigger date outside the college. I knew every street of Gandhinagar (I didn't grow up there, but I know stuff), and thus, that location was chosen. Jaydeep and Jignesh were invited as well, but they refused at the last moment. I really hate that kind of people who ruin plans. There is a special place in hell for all those where demon fries them and make them watch the horrible speech of politicians. We visited Indroda Park, few famous shops to eat and at around four decided to return home. I don't know why, but Anamika had a grudge against my mobile. She literally hated it and wanted me to buy a new one, but I had no plans of buying one in the near future. We were halfway to Ahmedabad, and all of a sudden, it started feeling like night already due to dark clouds.

  Everything was sudden, and before we figure out anything, the rain started. It wasn't rainy season at all, it was the month of March, and no one can expect such sudden heavy rain. We were at a 20-minute distance from home, but since the rain was too heavy, it seems impossible to go. We stopped our vehicles and stood right under a big tree (I know it was really a bad idea, but when rain starts and nothing is around to hide, you might do the same). Since this rain was unexpected, we thought it might stop within 10-15 minutes, and then we can go home smoothly, but as time passed, the intensity increased. I placed my wallet and mobile in the bag, and ladies put it inside a vehicle deck, which is more intelligent than my idea. The massive storm followed the rain, and now it seems impossible to stand under a tree. We abandoned the tree and took shelter of the open sky and Scooty. It was a highway, and nearby hotels were not made from concrete, so roofs of some were floating in the air as we can see them. The tree is next to the one we took shelter under fall on the ground.

  The happiest day soon turned to the worst day ever experienced. It was about half an hour, but still, there was no sign of the end of the rain. Hailstones followed the storm, and they were as big as a glass marble. We were not in enough trouble already, so this started, and we were experiencing a one-way paintball fight with God. The darkness was too high, and so was rain, and thus, it was impossible to see things happening at far. Binal was closer to Scooty, then Anamika and then me. I was trying my best to cover both of them, but sometimes when its man Vs. God, the man, is written in small letters. I was looking down, and Anamika was facing me. I don't know what came up in her mind, but she just kissed me on my cheeks. I was stunned, and all of a sudden, the storm started feeling good. Every curse I gave to God seems exaggerated to me. I just looked up, smiled and tears almost came out of my eyes (Not because I was that happy, but one hailstone just hit my nose with full intensity). I have a problem with water; if I remain inside the water (Coldwater to be specific) for more than half an hour, I start shivering like anything. This is a natural response of my body to regain the heat loss. The same happened to me, and Anamika got worried about me. Till that time, I was covering her; now, she was covering me as much as she can.

  Within 10-15 more minutes, the rain stopped, and the sky got cleared. We departed and reached home. I just opened my bad and started emptying it, but the bottom was wet. My mobile was full of water, but luckily the batter was about to die before the rain started. Much damage was not done as such, but then without letting it dry down, I plugged it in charging to check whether it's working or not. Well, now it was not working anymore, and one more wish of Anamika came true that day.

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  Chapter V: The Separation

  We spent days thinking about which branch to choose for me as Anamika was sure about Medicinal Chemistry. She was always confident about her things, and that is one of the things I like about her. Only the last 12 days of college were left, and on one beautiful evening, we were roaming on the roads of our college. We were going from the canteen to our favorite dating spot, cricket ground where nobody disturbs us. The college spent Hugh money on the ground, but playing on it was restricted, so we used to sit there. We were halfway, and all of a sudden, I saw a tiny cub of squirrel right under my foot. I was about to step on it, but at the last moment, I saw it and changed the landing destination. I lost my balance in doing that, and that grab Anamika’s attention. Before she says anything, I pointed at the tiny squirrel, and she got the whole scene. I lifted it from the road and then put it on the sidewalk to save it from vehicles. We waited a bit to check whether his mother is bringing him home. After about 10 minutes’ even, there were no signs of mama squirrel, and we decided to adopt the baby squirrel. I lifted it again in my palm, and we walked to the ground. Anamika was so happy that she almost gave up on enjoying ice cream and focused on a squirrel. She wanted to give a name to a little squirrel, but she was miserable at thinking things. She gave me the responsibility of naming tiny creatures, and thus I recommended the name “Ester.” For those who don’t know, esters are organic compounds with “fruity smell” and are pleasant to the nose. She agreed to that name, and the name was official already. The whole date of that day went to the trash, and she focussed entirely on the ester. I hate being sidelined, but since it was for the first time, I let her and him enjoy their moment. She forced me to click some photographs of them, and I clicked some of the best pictures of my life.

  It was time to end the date and go home. Anamika was continuously asking me to take ester with her, but I was kind of jealous. Not because I wanted ester to be with me, I thought that she might not give enough attention to me after that. The whole way to parking from the ground, she just chanted the same thing again and again, and I kept on refusing her with different excuses. She asked for last time with a sad but cute face and lots of please, and that made me change my mind. I agreed to give ester to her for a limited period of 1 week. She decided and took him along with her. My assumption was right, she started giving more and more time to ester, and I was sidelined again. She made a little house for Ester, put a self-made comfortable couch inside it, and few cut pieces of clothes for extra comfort and protection from cold. She used to feed him fruit juice 5-8 times a day and click so many pictures of both having fun together.

  Finally, after a week, she gave ester back along with all the accessories and lots of instructions for his care. Now I was getting all the attention I deserve, but most of our chat used to be about him. Now I had to make videos of him roaming around and send it to her. My grandmother used to feed him, bathe him in the morning, and take care of the rest of the day. He became familiar with me soon and used to watch me doing my work. He was smart as he used to defecate and urinate when he is outside his loving home.

  The exams were already over, and I tried to give my best in each paper by not reading a single word. It was the last day of college, and our daily dating was about to get over. Anamika was not at all happy about any of this as the problematic phase was about to start now. On the last day, we planned a small date so that we can have the last few hours together before the long separation phase. In the morning I helped my grandparents pack our things so that we can shift everything to my native place and I decided to go in the evening alone on the bike. Around noon I was done with my things and went to
college where Anamika was already waiting for me. I met classmates first, said goodbye to all, and exchanged contact details with people. Finally, Anamika and I were on our way to date, which was outside the premises of the college. She always liked Domino’s pizza after I recommended her. This time since it was the last date, she sat behind me on my bike. She was calm during the whole journey to the restaurant, and I tried to make her mood as light as possible, but none of my tricks worked. We ordered pizza and started chatting on different topics so that she can be normal, but that inevitable question still came. “You won’t leave me, right? We will be together after this, right?” I said yes with firm eye contact, and the order arrived. It was about time, and we left the restaurant. On the way back to college, she just hugged me from the back. She was crying whole way back to college, and I could feel that by teardrops on my back. When I dropped her at college, she said goodbye quickly and without looking back, went straight to her vehicle and started it, came near me, and gave me a sad look and drive-by immediately.

  I followed her and started my bike since I had to travel a long way home. I was continuously thinking about what will happen in the future? Will our parents agree for marriage or not? Can we maintain this long-distance relationship started just about two months ago? Do we have that level of understanding for each other? Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with this or any girl? (I never wanted to get married in the first place as it requires lots of responsibilities and I hate taking too many responsibilities at a time.) What will happen if we won’t get admission to the same college? Can I trust her in a long-distance relationship? What will happen if I found that she doesn’t want to marry me? How can I hide the whole matter from my parents? What will happen if they find out about this? Do I have any financial backup if my parents don’t want me to live in their house if they find it? And other millions of questions passed through my brain. It was not possible at all to get answers to all questions, but I was able to make a plan for a few.