by God
in intervention with God, 296
management style of, 53
ministry of, 185–87
Mother’s Day gesture of, 340
possibly related to Martin Luther King, 136
Protestants’ acceptance of, 281
reform of Christianity desired by, 275, 284
resurrection of, 202
sayings of, 191–92
sign of Armageddon chosen by, 349
as tempted by devil, 183–85
weeping by, 167–68, 172, 178
Jesus Christ Superstar, 339
Jews:
“cultural,” 99
in flight from Egypt, 67–82, 97, 131, 264
Marrano, 271
PPB among, 221
as slaves, 69, 71
wandering in desert, 82–94, 97
wanderings of, 101
Jews and Their Lives, The (Luther), 279
Joan of Arc, 268–70
Job, 129–37, 201, 295
Joel, Billy, 299
John (apostle), 195, 196
John (evangelist), 163, 185, 209, 329–30
John the Baptist, 26, 181–82
Jolie, Angelina, treatment of orphans by, 112
Jolson, Al, hajj interrupted by, 353
Jonah, 126
Jonathan, 122
as sodomizer, 123
Joseph, 67
Joseph, Tribe of, 46
Joseph (Jesus’s father), 174
Jesus taught carpentry by, 179
Mary’s pregnancy and, 176
qualifications of, 175
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (musical), 46, 124, 181
Joshua, 92, 117
Jericho’s walls toppled by, 118–19
J. R., shooting of, 143
Judaism, 205
first convert to, 165
as similar to Blockbuster, 244
judges, 120
Judith, Book of, 117
Junior’s Fishwich Miracle, 312
K, Coach, 157
Kabbalah, 25
Kansas, tornado hits, 340
Kardashian, Kim, surgical procedure of, 110
karma, 250
kashrut, 86
Kate, Dutchess, 154
Kathy, 166, 168, 203, 268, 303
in awe of Jesus, 269
God’s overindulgence with, 167
in intervention with God, 296
as Joan of Arc, 268–70
personality of, 168
Keith, Toby, surprising song of, 344
Kenaz, 117
Kennedy, John F., assassination of, 146
Kentucky Derby, Four Horsemen at, 340
Keturah, 40
Kidman, Nicole, Botox used by, 110
“Kids in the Halo,” 26, 102
Killing Fields, 271
Kim Jong Il, 337
Kindle, 56
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 136
King James Version, 5
Knight, Christopher, death of, 348
knights, 267
kõans, God’s impatience with, 251–52
Koran, 89, 209, 235–46, 291
errors in, 61–62
Godlib on, 214
reading of, 241–42
revelation of, 26
style of, 240–41
Krakatoa, 292
Krapp’s Last Tape (Beckett), 146
Laban, 41, 43–44, 45, 89
Lady Gaga, clothing choice of, 345
Lamentations, 117
land, 6
languages, confounding of, 22–23
Larry the Cable Guy Beer ‘n’ Fart-Joke Variety Hour, The, 343
Last Supper, The (painting), 231
Lautner, Taylor, as Good Samaritan, 190
Lazarus, 194
Leaning Tower of Pisa, straightening of, 350
Lee, Tommy, American flag affixed to, 112
Lee Roth (handmaiden before Hagar), 37
Leonardo da Vinci, 231
leprosy, 61
lepton, 230
Leviathan, 295, 330, 358
Leviticus, 31–32, 85, 86, 323
libraries, coolness of, 338
lice, 357
life, meaning of, 149
light, creation of, 5
Limbaugh, Rush:
endorsement of, 352
ominous weight of, 340
policies debated by, 352
racist remark of, 348
Lincoln, Abraham, 136
Lincoln, Mary, trouble caused by, 136
Lindbergh, Charles, 146
Lindbergh baby, 146
LinkedIn, 304
“literal,” misuse of word, 332
Loch Ness Monster, existence of, 146
locusts, 75, 357
Lohan, Dina, in jail switch with daughter, 109
Lohan, Lindsay, in jail switch with mother, 109
Lookinland, Mike, 348
Los Angeles Marathon, 336
Lot, 30, 34–35
lottery, ominous numbers in, 344
love, 321–24
Love, Courtney, palindromic remark of, 109
Low-Class Ethnic Scum, 340, 341
Lucas, George, 332
Lucifer, 26, 184
Luke, 163, 209
Luther, Martin, 276–83
McConaughey, Matthew, vision seen by, 109
McCormick, Maureen, death of, 347
McLean, Don, 84
Madai, 61
Madison, James, 137–38
Madoff, Bernie, 197
Madonna, 25, 113, 123
Magdelene, Mary, 204
magic, 185
Magog, 61
Maldives, 346
Mandela, Nelson, 111
manna, 81–82
Manna Non-Surprise, 312
Manning, Archie, desire of both sons to be defeated, 264
Manning, Eli, 264
Manning, Peyton, 264
March Madness, 336
Marco Polo, 268
Mardi Gras, Queen Elizabeth II’s surprise appearance at, 334
marijuana, 253
Mark, 163, 185, 209
marketing, 274
marriage, 322–23
Martha, 194
Marx, Karl, 290, 303
Mary, 178, 179
appearance after birth of Jesus, 272
Jesus’s Mother’s Day gesture towards, 340
pregnancy of, 175–77
qualifications of, 175
Mary (Jesus’s friend), 194
Masters, 338
masturbation, 28, 180, 219, 319
Mather, Cotton, 282
Matthew, 163, 185, 196, 209
Matthew (apostle), 195
Mayan Long Count Calendar, 327
Mayans, 63, 90, 169, 327–29, 357
Mayflower, 137
Meat Is Murder Act, 335
Mecca, 238, 240, 242, 244
Mediate, Rocco, 158
Medicis, 288
Medina, 242
Merck, 357
Meshek, 61
meteor clusters, following thee, 334, 341, 344, 345, 347, 348, 349, 350, 351–52, 356
Methodism, 221, 332
Mexico, border closed by, 351
Michael, 26, 39, 75–76, 80, 296
Job afflicted by, 129
Mary’s pregnancy and, 176
on Sistine Chapel ceiling, 273
Microsoft, 344
Middle Ages, 263–70, 271, 285
middlepope, 279
Midian, 61
Midianites, 29
Mike, 272, 273
Mike and the Mad Dog, 158
Milne, A. A., 255
Minnesota Twins, 157
Miracle of Extinguishing the Wildfire, 195
Miracles, 185, 186, 195
Mississippi, flooding of, 339
Montag, Heidi, order of, 110
Monty Python, 271
moon, 6, 7
Moon, Keith, 293
moon landing, as missed by God, 303
<
br /> Moore, Demi, professorship of, 344
Mormon Tabernacle Choir, 331
Morrison, Jim, death of, 147
Mosaic law, 84
Moses, 31, 87, 92, 93, 169
Bible dictated to, 19–20, 87, 88, 89
birth of, 69
as doer, 251
God’s restraint urged by, 287
at God’s wedding, 166
Holocaust and, 102, 103
“It” possessed by, 72
Jews led from Egyptians by, 294
as more Manson than Heston, 71
Old Testament dictated to, 6
as prophet, 126
Ten Commandments dictated to, 83
Ten Plagues sent by, 76–78, 79
upbringing of, 70
Moss, Kate, small lunch ordered by, 110
Mothman, 146
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, quick writing of, 291
MSNBC, 341
Mt. Rushmore, transformation of, 334
Muhammad, 91, 324
cartoons of, 236
as doer, 251
Gabriel’s visit to, 238, 239–40
God’ restraint urged by, 287
Koran revealed to, 26
marriages of, 243
as prophet, 126, 238
sign of Armageddon chosen by, 347
Mussolini, Benito, 63
Mutai, Geoffrey, 336
mysteries, 143–48
Nabokov, Vladimir, 231
Nadal, Rafael, ominous defeat of, 346
Nameless, 18
Naomi, 165
Napoleon I, Emperor of the French, height of, 291
National Buttermilk Biscuit Day, 341
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 346
National Hurricane Center, name of hurricane chosen poorly by, 351
natural disasters, 51
Nazis, 230
Nehemiah, 117
Nelson, Willie, 343
Netherlands, crime legalized in, 343
New Orleans, La., 55
New Testament, 186, 291
Godlib on, 213
New York Giants, 156–57
Nicene creed, 289
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 254, 255, 290
95 Theses, The, 277–83
Ninurta, 28
Nirvana, 251
Nivian Brandallaxes, 287
Noah, 18, 19–21, 23, 51, 87, 229, 294
Norris, Chuck, political appointment of, 354
North Korea, 337
Norway, monsoon in, 350
Nostradamus, 330–31
“Nukalyptus,” 352
Numa Numa Guy, 304
Numbers, 85
Oakland Raiders, 156, 157
Oasis, reunion concert of, 346
Obama, Barack Hussein:
lead in polls by, 344
Martians noticed by, 353
as Messiah, 136
mischievous smile of, 349
Ohio crowd insulted by, 351
Palin insulted by, 351
poll numbers of, 351
surprise campaign move by, 352
Odyssey, The (Homer), 231
Old Testament, 291
as dictated to Moses, 6
as eclectic goulash, 117
Godlib on, 212
Olsen, Susan, death of, 348
Osteen, Joel, possible sexual orientation of, 33
Olympics, 154
Operation Enduring Salvation, 173
oral sex, 320
O’Reilly, Bill, no-spin zone desired by, 342
Osama bin Laden Hideout Family Funhouse, 333
Oswald, Lee Harvey, as acting alone, 146
Othniel, 117
overpopulation, 57
ozone layer, 56, 62
Palin, Sarah:
election of, 354
endorsement of, 353
God’s dislike of, 114
interesting menstruation of, 352
Jesus plagiarized by, 351
new slogan of, 349
political appointments of, 354, 355
poll numbers of, 351
as pro-afterlife, 350
speaking in tongues by, 353
waving and smiling by, 348
Paltrow, Gwyneth, bathroom habits of, 112
Panama Canal, disappearance of, 351
Panturkham, 355
Parables, 185, 186–87
Paran, 89
Parasites, 29
Parton, Dolly, dissipating face of, 110
Passion of The Christ, The (film), 163
Passover, 76, 97
Patrick, Saint, 268
Patterson, James, 254
P. Diddy, Diddy name disgraced by, 113
Pentateuch, 169
People, 108
Perry, Tyler, new show of, 113
Peter, Saint, 195, 196, 275, 358
Pharaoh, 69, 70, 73, 76, 78
Pharisees, 169, 181–82, 197
Phelps, Michael, 346
Philip, 195, 196
Philistines, 122
Phreculea, 287
pi, ominous value of, 338
Pillars of Islam, 61
Pinsky, Drew, prayers of, 110
Piper, “Rowdy” Roddy, fight scene of, 45
Pitt, Brad, Fight Club rules used on orphans by, 112
Pixar, 343
planets, 6
plants, 6
Plato, 117
Plumb, Eve, death of, 348
Plymouth Rock, 288
Pollock, Jackson, 232
pollution, 57
Pompeii, 53, 54
Pontius Pilate, 199
Pope:
corruption of, 278
indulgences sold by, 274
pornography, 304
prayer, 217–26, 244
God’s answering of, 222–26
God’s favorite, 220
God’s least favorite, 220
prayer caloric expenditure (PCE), 221, 223
prayer-per-believer rate (PPB), 221, 223
pre-misinterpretations, 360–61
Presly, Elvis, vision of, 347
Prodigal Son, 187–88
Project Runway (TV show), 307
prophets, 126–28
Protestantionalism, 278
Protestantism, 278–82
Islam vs., 279
spread of, 284
Proverbs, 125
Psalms, 111, 123–24, 125
Psuedo-Dionysius, 25
Puck, Wolfgang, Paltrow’s revenge on, 112
Punxsutawney Phil, 333
Puritans, 135, 137
Ramadan, 244
Raphael, 26, 80, 173, 267, 296
Catholicism/Protestantism joke of, 284
Mary’s pregnancy and, 176
on Sistine Chapel ceiling, 273
Ten Plagues and, 74, 75
Rastafarianism, 253
Real Housewives (TV show), 306
reality TV, 306–7, 332
Rebekah, 40, 43
recognition of own insignificance (ROOI), 223
Red Sea, 89, 294, 296
Reformation, 284
Reid, Tara, alcohol and math problems of, 109
reincarnation, 249–50
Rembrandt, 45
Renaissance, 271, 286
Republican National Convention, singers at, 348
Revelation, Book of, 100, 196, 324, 329–30
Revere, Paul, 288
Reynolds, Burt, face lift of, 110
Rhode Island, in dispute with icebergs, 334
Rice, Tim, 47
Richie, Nicole, as abusive, 109
Robertson, Pat, 44
Robitussin, prestigious award won by, 351
Rodriguez, Alex, 345
Rogers, Kenny, dissipating face of, 110
Roman Coliseum, renaming of, 335
Roman Empire, 53, 202
Roman Society of Aqueduct Salesman, 177
Rome, 265
Rose, Axl, 112
Rosetta Stone, new languages of, 347
>
Rosh Hashanah, 242
Rove, Karl, 342
Russell, Bertrand, 254–55
Ruth, 182, 201, 203, 268, 303
God’s courtship of, 165–66
in intervention with God, 296–97
mothering skills of, 166–67
Ruth, Book of, 117, 165
Ryan, Meg, collagen sucked by, 110
Saban, Nick, 157
Sage from Hannibal, The, 146
St. Patrick’s Day, 336
Salem Witch Trials, 288
Samson, 120–22
Samuel, 117
San Francisco earthquake, 54
Sarah, 30, 37, 260
death of, 40
Sassanid Empire, 239
SAT, 336
Saul, 117, 122, 123
Schlierenzauer, Gregor, 158
Schwarzenegger, Arnold, second love child of, 352
Scientology, 253
Scrabble, ominous score in, 342
Seacrest, Ryan, as threatened by other hosts, 113
seafood, 86–87
SeaWorld, Seven Seals opened by, 340
Second Book of Esdras, The, 25
Second Coming, 159
Second Temple, 358
Secret Service, 224
Sedaris, David, 51
September 11, 2001, terrorist attack of, 245, 249
Serenity Prayer, 220
alternate version of, 302
Sermon on the Mount, 192, 219
Sesame Street, serious subject matter on, 350
72 Virgins Colada, 314
Seville, 271
sex, 319–20, 322
see also fornication
Shakespeare, William, as author of Shakespeare’s plays, 146
Shamsiel, 173
Sheen, Charlie, sexual boast of, 354