The Motherhood Mix-Up

by Taylor, Jennifer

  ‘I realise that. However, you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t feel up to working out the practicalities at the moment.’ He pinned her with a cold-eyed stare. ‘What happened last night is still very much on my mind even if you’ve managed to dismiss it.’

  It was so unfair to accuse her of doing that that she couldn’t speak. He was halfway out of the door before she found her voice. ‘How dare you say that? Just because I’m trying to be sensible, it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten what happened.’

  ‘No? I’m flattered.’ His smile was sardonic. ‘It’s good to know that I’m not instantly forgettable.’

  ‘Why are you saying these things?’ she demanded, bitterly hurt by the way he was behaving. ‘We both agreed that we had to call a halt, Leo. It isn’t what I want, but it’s not my feelings that matter.’

  ‘Are you sure about that? Sure you don’t regret what we did?’ He shrugged. ‘From the length of time you spent in the bathroom last night, I got the distinct impression that you were having serious doubts.’

  ‘Then you were wrong. Yes, I was thinking about what had happened, but I wasn’t regretting it.’ Her voice caught. ‘The only thing I regret is that we can’t risk being together again.’

  ‘I got it wrong, didn’t I?’ His voice echoed with pain. ‘When you took so long to come back I assumed it was because you were having second thoughts and couldn’t face me.’

  ‘And that’s why you left?’

  ‘Yes. I thought it would be less embarrassing for you if I wasn’t there when you came back.’ He sighed. ‘Obviously, I was mistaken.’

  ‘You were. If you want the truth, I wish you’d stayed. I could have done with a hug.’

  ‘Oh, sweetheart!’

  He took a step towards her then stopped when there was a scream from the garden. Mia was hard on his heels as he raced out of the door, her heart turning over when she saw Noah standing on the far side of the fence next to the river. There was no sign of Harry and she could barely contain her fear as she ran across the grass.

  Leo scooped Noah up and swung him back over the fence. ‘Where’s Harry, Noah? Tell me!’

  The little boy pointed to the river and Mia went cold as she turned and stared at the water rushing past the end of the garden. With all the rain they’d had, the water level was extremely high, lapping at the bank as it swirled past.

  ‘He went to fetch the ball and fell into the water,’ Noah choked out through his sobs.

  Leo didn’t hesitate as he vaulted over the fence. Kicking off his shoes, he waded into the water. ‘I can see him! He’s caught up in some bushes.’

  Mia clapped a hand to her mouth as he dived into the river. The current was very strong and within seconds he was swept away. She could just make out his head bobbing above the water, although she couldn’t see Harry from where she was standing. Noah was shivering with cold and fright so she put her arms around him and hugged him. She wanted to jump into the river herself and help but she knew it was the wrong thing to do. If Leo couldn’t reach Harry, she would have to summon help.

  The next few minutes were a nightmare. Leaving Noah safely on the far side of the fence, she made her way to the edge of the bank. She could see Harry’s red jumper snagged on some bushes and just make out the dark shape of Leo’s head as he struggled to reach him. When he finally managed to grab hold of Harry and lifted him out of the water, she felt tears pour down her face. She’d been so terrified that she would lose them both.

  Leo made his way back along the river bank. He was carrying Harry, who was shivering violently. ‘I don’t think he’s hurt, just very cold and scared. Let’s get him inside and see how he is then.’

  Mia hurried on ahead with Noah while he carried Harry back to the house. He took him straight into the sitting room, setting him down in front of the fire and stripping off his sodden clothes. Mia ran upstairs to fetch a towel and wrapped Harry in it. His teeth were chattering and he was crying but he didn’t appear to be injured.

  ‘Are you hurt anywhere, darling?’ she asked, cuddling him close.

  ‘I’ve hurt my hand,’ Harry told her, holding up his hand so she could see the angry red scratch on his palm.

  ‘I’ll put a plaster on it,’ she assured him, giving him a kiss. She gave Noah a kiss as well then stood up. Recriminations could wait till later; for now all that mattered was that Harry was safe thanks to Leo. She turned to him, overcome with gratitude. He had risked his own life to save Harry.

  ‘Thank you. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for what you’ve done.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that Harry is safe. I don’t know what I’d have done if anything had happened to him.’

  His voice grated and Mia felt tears fill her eyes once more. That Leo cared about Harry was obvious. Harry was his son after all, and he must love him just as much as she loved Noah.

  It was the first time that she had admitted how she felt about Noah and it filled her with warmth. Holding out her hand, she drew him to her and hugged him, her heart overflowing with love for this child she and Chris had created. Noah was her son just as Harry was Leo’s, and somehow they had to make this situation work for all of them. No matter how hard it was, or what sacrifices it took, she and Leo would make sure the boys didn’t suffer.

  * * *

  Leo made his way upstairs, aware that what had happened had brought the situation into sharp focus. He shuddered as he recalled his fear as he had tried to get to Harry. He’d been terrified that the child would be swept away before he could reach him. Harry’s life had been hanging, quite literally, by a thread and those endless minutes he had spent struggling to reach him were imprinted on his mind. He didn’t know how he would have been able to bear it if he had lost Harry.

  He sank down onto the bed, uncaring that his wet clothes were soaking the quilt. Finding out that Noah wasn’t his child had been the worst thing that had ever happened to him but if he had lost Harry today, it would have been equally as bad. He loved the boy, loved him not only because Harry was his biological son but because of Mia. She had given birth to Harry, brought him up, loved and cared for him, and it was thanks to her that Harry had turned out the way he had. He loved Harry and he loved Mia. They were both unassailable facts.

  ‘Are you all right?’

  He looked up, his heart racing when he saw Mia standing in the doorway. Her face was very pale thanks to the shock she’d had but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever known. If he could be granted just one wish, it would be the chance to spend his life with her but he couldn’t see it happening. Mia may have enjoyed making love with him but she didn’t see him as a permanent part of her future.

  ‘Fine. Just a bit shocked, I suppose.’ He summoned a smile, refusing to let her see how devastated the thought made him feel. ‘Kids certainly know how to put you through the mill, don’t they?’

  ‘They do indeed.’

  She returned his smile but he could see the sadness in her eyes and realised that she found the situation as difficult as he did. Maybe she was waiting for him to make the first move, he mused, needed his assurances that it could work, as indeed it could. After all, Harry and Noah got on extremely well; surely they would be thrilled at the idea of them all living together as a family?

  Leo’s head reeled as the full impact of that thought hit him. He didn’t just want to have an affair with Mia. He wanted to spend his life with her. But was he sure it was what he wanted? Or was it merely the result of all the emotional turmoil he’d been through that day? Although he loved her, he had no idea if his feelings would last.

  How long did love last? A lifetime? A couple of years? He had never been in love before and had nothing to measure it by, so what if it was like desire and faded with time? How would it affect Noah and Harry if he discovered that he no longer loved her? He co
uld end up doing the very thing he had wanted to avoid and ruin the boys’ lives.

  Mia could see a range of emotions racing across Leo’s face and she frowned. She had no idea what he was thinking but it was clear that there was something troubling him. She was on the point of asking him when she heard Harry shouting for her.

  ‘I’d better go and see what he wants,’ she said, turning away. ‘I’ve put the kettle on so come down once you’ve changed and have a hot drink. You must need it after the soaking you’ve had.’

  ‘Thanks. I won’t be long.’ Leo smiled but there was a reserve about it that made her heart ache. She had a feeling that he was deliberately distancing himself and it hurt after their closeness of the previous night.

  She didn’t say anything, however. She merely returned his smile and went downstairs. Harry wanted to know if he and Noah could watch a DVD and she immediately agreed. It was good to know that Harry seemed to have got over his fright, she thought as she went into the kitchen to make them a drink. He was a resilient little boy and seemed to cope with most things. It made her wonder if she was being too cautious. Maybe Harry would cope better than she feared if she told him the truth about Leo being his father?

  Mia sighed as she poured milk into a pan. It was far too soon to tell Harry the truth, especially when it would mean them having to tell Noah as well. She had to wait until she and Leo had worked out all the details and what it would entail. There would need to be a lot of changes made if they were to amalgamate the two families, always assuming that was what Leo wanted, of course. Just for a second the thought of them all living together as a proper family filled her head before she dismissed it. Maybe she and Leo were sexually compatible but he had given no indication that he wanted anything more from her than that.

  * * *

  The boys were fast asleep by seven o’clock that night. Maybe it was all the excitement they’d had but neither of them objected when Leo suggested they go to bed. He gave them a bath and read them a story, thinking how much he enjoyed doing it. He made a point of being home in time to put Noah to bed and having Harry there simply doubled his pleasure. As he made his way downstairs, he found himself imagining how it would be if it became a permanent part of his nightly routine. Tucking the boys up in bed each night would be a joy, especially when Mia would be waiting for him afterwards.

  He sighed as he made his way to the kitchen, where Mia was cooking dinner for them. He needed to take off the rose-tinted spectacles and see the situation in its true light. Family life wasn’t all baths and stories—it was so much more. It might be fine for a while but how long would it last? When would the daily routine become a chore? When would the thought of Mia waiting for him become boring rather than exciting? Although he couldn’t imagine it happening at this moment, it could do. It happened to lots of people and there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t happen to them too.

  ‘All settled?’

  Mia looked round when he went in and Leo did his best to respond in a fitting manner. He didn’t want to upset her, especially not after last night. The thought of what had happened the previous night made him go hot and cold and he shook his head to clear it of the images that had invaded it. Mia frowned in concern.

  ‘Why? What’s wrong? Is Harry upset about falling into the river?’ She put down the spoon she’d been using to stir the gravy and hurried to the door. ‘I’d better go up and see him.’

  ‘There’s no need. He’s fine.’

  Leo laid his hand on her arm, flinching when he felt every cell in his body fire off a veritable volley of signals. He could feel his skin tingling where his hand rested on her arm and quickly removed it. Last night had been a one-off and there wasn’t going to be a repeat tonight despite what his libido hoped.

  ‘Oh. I thought something had happened,’ she said, sounding confused, which was understandable.

  ‘No. Everything’s fine. They’re both fast asleep.’ Leo treated her to another smile because it was impossible to explain. Admitting that he’d been trying to clear his head, and of what, wouldn’t help. ‘Something smells good,’ he said, changing the subject to a less stressful topic.

  ‘Lamb chops and new potatoes,’ she said briskly, going back to the stove.

  ‘Lovely. How about a glass of wine? I’ve a rather good red that I’ve been saving. Let’s open it tonight, shall we?’

  Leo gritted his teeth when he realised that he had adopted his ‘social’ tone, the one he used when dealing with a particularly difficult guest. That Mia had noticed it too was obvious from her clipped reply.

  ‘Don’t open it for me. Save it for something special.’

  ‘I can’t think of anything more special than having you and Harry here,’ he said quietly as he went to fetch the bottle.

  He sighed as he lifted it off the rack. He was out of his depth and it was worrying to know that he had no idea what to do. He was used to making difficult decisions but he couldn’t decide what to do in this instance.

  He loved Mia and he wanted to be with her with all that it entailed, but would it work? Or would it turn out to be a disaster? He had sworn he wouldn’t get involved again after Amanda yet here he was, thinking about doing that very thing. If it were only him who might suffer, he wouldn’t hesitate; he would tell Mia how he felt and be done with it. However, it wasn’t only him, it was the boys too. How could he do what he so desperately wanted when it could impact badly on Harry and Noah?

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  DINNER WAS A stilted affair. Although they talked, Mia sensed that Leo was merely going through the motions for the sake of politeness. She wasn’t sure what was wrong and didn’t want to ask him either. However, the thought that he was no longer interested in her now that they had made love refused to go away. It was a relief when they finished. She shook her head when he offered to do the washing up.

  ‘I’ll do it. You go and relax. You deserve a rest after what you did this morning.’

  He didn’t argue, simply turned and left, and that in itself seemed to prove her suspicions were correct. Leo had got what he wanted and now he had no more use for her. Tears filled her eyes and she dashed them away. She wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t embarrass herself or him. Within the circles Leo frequented affairs must be commonplace and she refused to make a fool of herself by letting him see how upset she felt.

  Once the dishes were done, she went up to bed, unable to face making any more stilted conversation. She checked on the boys, who were fast asleep, then went to her room. She heard Leo come upstairs a short time later and held her breath but he passed by her door without pausing. One night had obviously been enough for him, she thought bitterly.

  She must have drifted off to sleep only to be woken by the sound of screaming. Leaping out of bed, she ran along the landing, fully expecting it to be Harry after what had happened that morning. However, when she went into the boys’ room she discovered it was Noah screaming. Rushing over to the bed, she gathered him into her arms.

  ‘It’s all right, darling. You’re quite safe. You’ve had a bad dream, that’s all,’ she said, rocking him to and fro. She looked up when Leo appeared at her side, feeling her heart turn over when she was presented by the sight of his naked torso. Her mind swooped back to the previous night before she brought it back to the present. There was no point thinking about that, no point at all.

  ‘Is he all right?’ Leo crouched down beside her and stroked Noah’s hair. ‘Hey, what’s wrong, tiger? Did you have a bad dream?’

  ‘Go ’way!’ Noah pushed Leo’s hand away and buried his face in Mia’s shoulder.

  Leo drew back, an expression of pain crossing his face. ‘He obviously doesn’t want me so will you try and find out what’s wrong with him?’

  ‘Of course.’ Mia felt a wave of sympathy rise up inside her. She knew how she would have felt if Harry had reacted that way when she’d trie
d to comfort him. ‘He doesn’t really know what he’s saying right now. Give him a few minutes to calm down.’

  ‘Of course.’ Leo stood up and glanced over at Harry’s bed, forcing a smile when he saw that the little boy was watching them. ‘Noah’s had a bad dream and your mummy’s going to give him a cuddle. Shall we go downstairs and have a drink until Noah feels better?’

  Harry shot out of bed, obviously excited at the thought of getting up in the middle of the night. Leo took hold of his hand and led him to the door, pausing briefly to glance back.

  ‘Noah will be fine,’ Mia said, knowing how hard it must be for him to leave the child with her.

  ‘I know he will. He couldn’t be in better hands,’ he replied roughly.

  Mia bit her lip as he and Harry left the room. Had she been wrong to assume that he had tired of her so quickly? There had been something in his voice just now that seemed to disprove that idea.

  Noah gave a little moan and she cuddled him close. What Leo did or didn’t feel wasn’t the issue. It was Noah who mattered. She needed to find out what had upset him.

  She stroked his hair and gradually the tension started to leave him. A wave of motherly love washed over her as she felt the thinness of his little body pressing against her. She loved him so much even though she had never expected to feel this way. He was her son and no matter what happened between her and Leo, she intended to play a role in his life. Once his sobs had abated, she gently set him away from her.

  ‘Can you tell me what frightened you, sweetheart? Was it a bad dream?’

  ‘Yes,’ he whispered. He looked so solemn that she was tempted to tell him that it didn’t matter, only she knew that she had to get to the bottom of this.

  ‘Do you remember what you dreamt about?’ she asked softly, and felt him stiffen. ‘If you tell me then it might make it less scary.’

  ‘I was dreaming about Harry falling into the water,’ he muttered.